You're a nice guy but...changing how I deal with rejection

 

Taking rejection personally is a natural emotion.  I hate it when people say, "don't take it personally".  How else is one supposed to take rejection?  Of course it's personal.  But it does not have to control how you handle rejection unless you let it.  That has been one of my biggest problems in any kind of relationship, be it a partner or a friend.  I have spent years believing that I was not good enough for something or someone.  Years of rejection will do that to a person.  And in the past, I have always let those feelings dictate whatever followed in my life.  Eventually life would even out, but until then I was fueled by the feelings of not being good enough.

I have been working on that very hard over the past few years.  I have not always been successful, but it is getting better. One of the reasons that I am single now and will be for the foreseeable future is because I do not want to put myself in realm of rejection right now.  Yes, I know that if I don't get out there and take a chance, I could be missing something.  You have to risk being hurt to find happiness.  Blah, blah, blah.  I have told myself that over and over and yet here I sit alone in my house.  

I read this quote today online and it struck a chord in me.  I realized that I have been giving others control of my self-perception.  I believed that no one would want me because one person didn't want me.  I know in my heart that is not true but it's something that is going to take a while to process and work through.  There isn't an overnight solution to these feelings.  But I know now that the person I am working on becoming will eventually be able to get back out there and see what or who I find. It is just not time for that yet. 

I am enjoying getting to know myself again.  I am enjoying the growth that has occurred over the last few years.  Well, not the growth as far as my stomach goes, but oh well.  The relationship that I am building with myself is going to be the foundation of any relationship, partner or friendship, going forward.  It is exciting to want to improve my life for myself and not because I think someone else is going to like me more because of it.  Yes, rejection sucks but it is a part of life and the bottom line for me is that I am learning to cope with it in a healthier, more productive way.