Today's Moment of Mindfulness

 

Bring a sense of friendliness to your mistakes.  Be gentle and kind to yourself. 

Romans 12:18

 Easier said than done but if we all at least tried, things would be so much better for mankind.

Keeping an ideas notebook

 I am thinking that I want to start keeping a notebook of ideas for writing.  An actual notebook that I keep on hand with me at all times so that I can jot down story ideas.  I get ideas in my head all of the time and having a notebook with me to jot those ideas down will be helpful.  When I don't actually write it down, it gets stored in my brain and will pop back up in my memories from time to time but I believe that writing it down will motivated me to actually flesh out the story ideas. 

I have three different ideas that I am constantly thinking about for writings.  One is a cookbook.  People have been encouraging me to do that so that is a definite idea I want to explore.  I'm working on pieces based on where I work and the experiences that I have had in senior living.  And I'm working on creating a place of goodness. I think about the kind of place that I would ideally like to live in and have been figuring out the details of that.  Having a notebook to write down notes about each of those ideas would be helpful.

I don't want to keep notes on my phone.  While in some ways that would be helpful...the ease of technology and all that blah blah, I would rather go through the physical act of writing it down.  For one, my phone is old and doesn't really have the kind of room on it I would need for extensive note taking.  But also, if I write it down, I am more likely to build upon it.  I only say this because I know how I work and taking the time to write it out will be more beneficial.

So, I will find myself a notebook to keep near me all the time.  It may not turn out anything, but it can't hurt!

You're a nice guy but...taking control of how I spend my time

 

One of the nice things about being single is that I am in control of my time.  I am in control of my schedule and how I spend my time.  Honestly, that was never the case when I was with someone.  Part of that was due to social obligations and part of it was due to my expectations of myself withing the boundaries of that relationship.  And those are not bad things to have be a part of one's life.  Being in a relationship comes with certain expectations that need to be met in order to thrive as a couple. But I am no longer a part of a couple and so I need to remind myself that my time is my own.

That may sound like such an obvious statement.  In some ways, it is.  But you need to remember that I spent almost 15 years with a time schedule that relied on another person.  And when you are definitely the caregiver in the relationship, how you spend your time becomes less and less about you and more about the other person and the two of you as a couple.  Again, there's nothing inherently wrong with that and honestly, I enjoyed that aspect of my relationships over the years. Now that I am not in a relationship, I am discovering that being in control of how I spend my time is a wonderful form of self-care.

It has taken me several years to get to the point that I can do what I want when I want.  As you have heard me talk about before, I have been a list person for most of my adult life.  It works for me.  But within the confines of a relationship, those lists became the guiding factor of every day of my life.  If I drifted away from the list, I felt lost because I feared it would negatively affect my relationship. So, I never did that.  I stuck to the routine. I stuck to the lists that defined my contributions to my relationship.  And I have since realized that this was not the healthiest thing to do.  

Now I am in a relationship with myself and learning to take back control of my own time has been pretty eye opening.  Relearning that I can spend my time exactly as I want to have made me much more relaxed in many ways.  Yes, there are times that I do make a list these days because there are things that I need to get done and putting them in list form is now a reminder of those things and not a rigid schedule.  I can appreciate that much more now. This past week, I have come home from work and asked myself each day what I wanted to do.  Some nights I cooked, some nights I just sat and watched tv.  I did not feel like I needed to constantly be doing something productive to show my worth to myself.  My worth is coming from doing what I want to, when I want to.

It's a good feeling. 

It's Never That Easy/I've Been Here Before - Closer Than Ever

 I have not thought about this duet for a long time but it popped into my brain earlier today.  Closer Than Ever is a great revue with a lot of fantastic music in it.  I used this song as the finale in the first revue I directed in college. Oh, those were the days!

The Outer Banks, 1776 and handbells

 In some ways, life has been pretty quiet around here.  No surprises there, I am sure!  But that is fine.  I like the quiet most days.  Still, I am trying to get out and do things for fun and last week was a good one for me.  I went to the Outer Banks for a few days, I got to see a friend in a show, and I joined a handbell choir.  All in all, not bad!

Every year at work, Gina, our Life Enrichment director, will take some residents to the beach for a few days.  This year, they went to the Outer Banks.  She asked me to go this year to help out in the kitchen and do some cooking.  No one on our kitchen staff at work was able to go because staff is tight right now with several people out.  I was more than happy to go on a paid vacation for a few days.  I had wanted to get to the beach this year anyway and this was the perfect opportunity.  

We had an absolutely wonderful time.  The residents that were on the trip were so incredibly relaxed and chilled out.  They were not demanding at all and very much went with the flow.  We all enjoyed being in each other's company and doing some good sightseeing.  Being at the coast is so relaxing for me.  I could just sit and look at the water for hours.  We were on the sound side of the Outer Banks and it was just beautiful.  And at night, the stars were amazing.  I am so glad that I went and cannot wait to do it again next year.

On Sunday, Marcia and I met in Sanford to see our friend Steve in Temple Theatre's production of 1776.  That was just delightful.  I had not seen the show on stage before, only the movie which I also enjoyed.  I did not remember the movie being that funny, but the stage show was.  And the music was great.  There was one cast member I did not care for.  Her acting was great, but her vocals were not right for the part she cast herself in.  Steve played Ben Franklin and did an awesome job. It was so good to see him onstage again.  We were able to go out after the show and visit some and have a good meal together.  A fun afternoon. 

Monday evening, I started handbell rehearsal.  I joined one of the choirs at church. I was nervous at first because I had not played in several years and the choir I joined is the more advanced of the two choirs.  But the group was very welcoming, and I had a good time.  I did pretty good overall and no one seemed to notice when I messed up.  I wasn't the only one so that was good.  We rang through four different pieces, and it was so much fun for me.  This group is going to be a lot of fun.  They very much remind me of the group I rang with at FBC in Monroe when I was in high school.  I can tell I am really going to enjoy this group.

It's fun to get out and do things.  Let's hope that continues.  Just let me know if you want to join in!

Recipe of the Week - Loaded Corn Casserole

Loaded corn casserole with baked beans and pork ribs

 I was on vacation with work last week, so I did not write on my blog at all.  Sorry about that for those of you that actually follow the blog!  So, I thought I would start this week off with a recipe that I tried recently and absolutely loved.  It's from Allrecipes.com.  I saw it on one of their YouTube videos and wanted to try it.  I think it's delicious and so did everyone who I shared it with.  I hope you will enjoy it as well!  If you like corn, I definitely think you will enjoy this.

Loaded Corn Casserole

6 strips of bacon, diced

1 stick of butter

1 can of creamed corn

1 can of corn, drained

1 box of cornbread mix

1 cup of sour cream

2 cups shredded cheddar

3 green onions, sliced

1 tsp Cajun seasoning

1 egg

Fry diced bacon.  Melt the stick of butter and pour into a mixing bowl.  Drain bacon and add 1 Tbsp of bacon grease to the butter.  Stir in all other ingredients then add bacon to the mixture.  Stir to combine.  Pour into a 9x13 casserole dish.  Cook at 350 for 40 minutes. 

Enjoy!

Quote of the Week

 

This says it all 💚

It's time to do some packing....but not necessarily the packing you think I'm talking about.

 When I was a theatre major way back when, one of the tools we used for character development was called packing.  One of my professors, John Gulley, was huge into packing.  This is where you take the character that you are given in a script and create a whole person from that.  Yes, you know the basics of who the character is but in order to connect more personally with the character, you create his history.  You create the story from where the character came from.  What made him who he is today.  You give the character qualities based on the history that you create.  And this all has to be supported by the text.  For instance, I could not say that Romeo was an alien life form coming to earth to discover the secrets of teenage love because that is not what Shakespeare has written.  But I could create past experiences Romeo has had because of the Capulet/Montague feud that have affected his life and help him to become the young man that he is at the start of the play. That's packing.  When I had my first big role in theatre at UNCG, I knew every aspect of the character.  I had created a backstory that made sense and fit who Doug was.  It was fun and added layers to my performance.

That is what I want to do with my life in a way.  Not completely though because I will not be making up my history because it is already there.  But I do need to use my personal history to lay the foundations of my future self.  It's not like that is not already in progress every day.  Our pasts shape our lives.  I just want to recognize it more.  I think about the events in my life that have truly shaped who I am today and I want to use those experiences in a positive way to create a better version of myself.  I think about the kind of person I am striving to be, the qualities I want to see in myself that I have not really attained yet and use the packing tool to give me goals to fill in those gaps.  Of course I would love for others to see those qualities too, but my main goal is for me.  It may sound silly to think of oneself as a character in a play, but it makes sense in my mind.  

This is all about becoming a better version of myself.  It is not that I believe I am currently a bad version of myself.  Not at all.  I am liking myself more and more every day.  I am enjoying spending time with myself.  I just want to live my best life possible.  When changes happen, both good and bad, I will be in a more complete place to roll with the punches and use those changes to be the person I want to be.  We shall see how it goes. 

Still in the bedroom

 

I will admit that I have gotten away from my one drawer at a time project this summer.  I simply had other things I needed to get done but I also decided to slow some things down in my life.  As much as I love checking items off of lists, it got to the point that it was weighing me down some.  I was not taking time after work to just relax and let myself chill.  I had to come home and keep going so that I would be productive.  Some days that worked, but other days it did not. And this project is one of the things that got put on the back burner once I realized that I needed to take better care of myself each day. So this month, my goal is to pick up where I left off and keep going one drawer at a time.

The last thing I worked on was in my bedroom.  I lumped my clothes together because they are in different spaces throughout my bedroom and I got rid of everything that I could no longer wear.  It was more than I anticipated it would be but it gave me some good new space.  And I have not filled up those spaces with more new clothes.  I'm happy with what I have and will wear it until it's either worn out or I cannot wear it anymore. Hopefully the latter will be because the clothes are too big and not too small LOL So I will continue to work in my bedroom for the moment.  

I recently rearranged the furniture in there because I needed a change. I absolutely love how it turned out and it has definitely given me more floor space.  The room feels bigger. When I moved the bed, I found several containers of items that belonged to Michael.  I put them out in the garage with a few of his other things.  And I saw that there are still several containers under the bed that need to be gone through.  That will be my next few things to do with this project.  Hopefully I will find some fun things I had forgotten about and also things to let go of.  We shall see!!

Today's Moment of Mindfulness

 

Allow the telephone to ring three times before you reply, so that you can become aware of your breath and speak form a centered and calm space. 

Movies of Tim and Dolly

 The entire world felt the loss of Dolly Parton earlier this week.  While these things are inevitable, there was still no preparing for it.  She was an amazing artist and an even greater person.  And then the next day we lost Tim Curry.  He's a personal favorite of mine simply because of my obsession with Clue.  There have been many lists posted this week about Dolly and Tim, and it got me to thinking of the films that they made that I have not seen yet.  I will have to add these to my Friday Night Movie nights!

1. Passed Away 

2. Legend 

3. Three Men in a Boat

4. The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas 

5. Ferngully; The Last Rainforest 

6. Unlikely Angel 

7. The Hunt for Red October 

8. Smoky Mountain Christmas 

9. Straight Talk 

10. Christmas On the Square

Today's Moment of Mindfulness

 

True meditation is constant awareness, constant pliability, and clear discernment. 

Recipe of the Week - Meatball Sub Casserole

 This is a recipe from Allrecipes.com. I was watching one of their YouTube videos on easy casseroles because you know I love a good casserole. This was one of them and so I thought I would try it.  And let me tell you it is good!!!  I have made it twice in the past few months and have thoroughly enjoyed it.  Those that I have shared it with also liked it so it's not just me LOL  It's easy and delicious.  I hope you will give it a try because I really think you'll like it!

Meatball Sub Casserole

1 loaf of frozen garlic bread, cooked and cubed

1 bag frozen Meatballs

2 jars marinara

1 chopped onion

Shredded Mozzarella

Grated Parmesan

Sauté onions.  Add meatballs and marinara and heat through.  Layer casserole dish with garlic bread.  Sprinkle both cheeses on top.  Distribute meatballs and sauce over bread.  Top with rest of cheese.  Bake at 350 for 20-25 minutes.

*I also like to add cooked mushrooms to mine.

** I have also used Texas toast in place of garlic bread and it works well, too.  I prefer the garlic bread but it's still good!

It's not enough

 Do you ever have those moments when you just stop and look around and think to yourself "This is no longer enough"?  And I don't mean enough like enough stuff.  I have enough stuff.  I'm talking more about the quality of what you have going on in your life.  Or is it just me?  I seem to be having those moments more and more lately.  While there are portions of my life that are being built up to a level that I am grateful for, there are many things that I have become disillusioned with.  I hate to say that, but it's true. 

Some days, getting up and getting ready for work is very hard.  Today is one of those days.  It's not because I don't enjoy my job.  It's because I believe I can do so much more.  Anyone can do what I do at work and at the end of the day if I was not there, it would not make a huge difference.  Now, I'm sure some of the people that I work with may disagree with that, but that's the feeling I keep getting.  And that's not a good way to spend the majority of my day.  

Today, I know that I am feeling this way because of the loss of a great icon who was one of the best humanitarians to grace this planet.  I think about the difference she made in so many lives.  Not that I could ever be on that level, but it would be nice to feel like I had a purpose. Not that I don't have a purpose, really, but I am ready to make more of a difference in life than I do.  I am not sure where these feelings will take me today, if anywhere.  What I do know is that if I do not do anything about these feelings, I will let them overtake my existence and that's not good.  I will begin to overcompensate and from experience I know that will end badly for me.  

I will figure it out.  I'm not sure what is in store, but I plan on taking these feelings and making something productive and constructive out of them.  I want to make a difference.  Not only for others but for myself.  That is all. 

Dolly

Yesterday, we lost one of the greatest artists and humanitarians that the world has ever known.  Dolly Parton passes away at the age of 80, leaving behind an incredible legacy of music, movies, and good deeds. I think that many of us will remember where we were when we heard the news.  She was just that important.  She was that constant of good in life that so many aspired to. 

Dolly has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember.  In the very early 80s, I remember watching her London concert on HBO. That's what got me hooked.  And I remember getting so upset that I could not go see 9 to 5 in the movie theater.  I was like 6 after all, so it was not appropriate, but I still threw a tantrum about it.  Years later, when I finally saw it, I understood why I should not have gone to the theater.  Still, it has become a favorite.  And the music.  Islands in the Stream, I Will Always Love You, Hard Candy Christmas and my favorite, Coat of Many Colors.  Her Christmas specials, especially the one with Kenny Rogers.  Steel Magnolias and Straight Talk.  Dollywood.  Her books for children program.  Everything she did touched so many lives.

I am glad that I lived during a time when Dolly was on earth.  She will be missed by many.  Irreplaceable and unforgettable.  Thank you, Dolly. 

Some days you just have to run the red light

 

I am a very cautious driver.  I always have been.  I have not gotten a speeding ticket yet in my life even though I do drive over the limit sometimes.  I have only been in one accident and that was not my fault.  I was driving a company car when someone pulled out and rammed into me.  That was fun years ago! I am also a huge stickler when it comes to traffic laws.  There are few things that irritate me more than when people just do not obey the traffic laws simply because they don't think the laws pertain to them.  I will lay on my horn whenever I see someone turning right at a "no right on red" stop.  Drives me crazy.  If I am on a two-lane road, I will make sure that I am over just far enough so that cars behind me cannot use the bike lane as a turning lane. If I am making a right turn off of a three-lane road, I will make it a wide right turn if I can tell that the car behind me is going to use the center lane to pass me on the left.  I have gotten the finger more than once from that one.  I just smile and keep going.

However, yesterday I did something I never dreamt I would ever do. I ran a red light.  I got so irritated at this light that would not turn I could not take it anymore.  I looked at the cross traffic, and no one was coming so I floored it through the intersection.  I was on my way to work and not about to be late because the light trigger was not working.  I was at an intersection that, during the day, is very busy.  At 6:45 on a Sunday morning, not so much. I was waiting at the red light.  There was no one coming in my opposite direction but there were cars on the intersecting street. I have sat at this light in the early morning before when the trigger does not work on my side, but the light will turn green if someone approaches the intersection coming towards me.  So, I sat and sat. Both left turn lights on the intersecting street went green twice while my light stayed red.  There were cars behind me, but our light would not turn at all.  

Finally, I said to myself "screw this" and I just went for it.  I made sure no one was coming and I blew across the intersection.  With my luck, there would have been a cop nearby but thank goodness there was not one.  And I made it to work with time to spare.  I don't do things like this in traffic, but I got so angry knowing that I was going to sit there for a long time.  I just couldn't take it anymore and I went for it.  I'm not ashamed and I would do it again if I needed to.  I do wonder, though, how long the cars behind me waited at that light.  Oh well. 

Breakfast and healthier snacking

 Sometimes because of my work schedule, I am not able to eat a big breakfast.  And that is ok.  I don't have to eat a big breakfast every day.  However, I still make sure that I have something every day because it does make a difference and I don't eat as much.  This past week I have had to work earlier than normal. When I am 9 to 5 (cue Dolly Parton song), it is much easier to make a big breakfast.  When I work 7 to 3, cooking breakfast is not a priority in the mornings.  I had to work at 7 several days last week, so I would pack a small something to take with me that I could eat at the desk.  

I got a lot of fruit in this week.  Fruit is an easy and healthy option for me.  One thing that I did do, though, is make sure that I had a snack with me as well.  While the fruit was good, it does not fill me up the way a large breakfast does.  I did not expect it to so I wanted to be prepared for that.  I had bought some carrots at the grocery store last week, so I peeled them and sliced them for a week's worth of snacks.  And it did the trick.  Sometime between 10 and 11 each morning, my stomach would begin to growl, and I knew that the fruit was gone by then.  Having the carrots there, only a handful, helped me until lunch. 

Making sure that I am eating something every morning has had a good effect on me.  It's a pattern that I hope I can continue.  And like I said in my last post about breakfast, I am looking for new things to have for breakfast so that I do not burn out on anything.  As for now, it's time for me to fix myself some breakfast before I take my car in for an oil change.  Good times!

5 careers I wanted at one time in my life

 As I have embarked on a career working with the elderly, albeit late in life, I am very excited about what is ahead for me on this journey.  But I do sometimes wonder what it would have been like if I had taken my career down a different path.  There were things that I wanted to be when I was growing up that, obviously, did not come to fruition. It just is where my life took me.  But it's fun to look back and remember when I had these aspirations.  I do not regret where my career has gone so I can look at these memories and smile.  

1. Estate attorney

After I read a will for the first time, I was hooked on it.  Strange, I know, but I was fascinated by the thought of an estate being divided up.  Who got what was really fun to me.  I think it's partially because the first will I ever read, my Aunt Sara's, I was a beneficiary of.  She left things to every member of her family. I thought that was awesome.  I would then read a will any time I could.  I just found it very fun. I learned a lot really and it was a great lesson in what was fair and what was not fair. I learned the legal terms associated with wills and have a good knowledge base because of that. 

2. Antiques business owner

Once I became enthralled with antiques, I wanted to own my own antiques business.  As much as I loved and still love buying antiques, I wanted to be the one to sell them.  I wanted to have a shop where people could experience the same kind of magic that I experienced when I've been to places and found those very special items that have become a part of my life.

3. Minister of music

I don't think that I have ever actually expressed this before, but for a time I wanted to become a minister of music.  My upbringing in the FBC of Monroe was filled with music.  Under the leadership of Jim Reich, Gerald Hamilton and Doug Vancil, I was able to participate in amazing musical experiences.  And it was a way that I could contribute to the church and take part in worship.  My struggles with my faith and dealing with my life, that dream was tucked away only to remain a memory.

4. 1st grade teacher

Playing school was a huge part of my childhood.  All through elementary school, one of our favorite afternoon activities was playing school.  And because my year in 1st grade was such an important part of my school experience, I wanted to be a 1st grade teacher.  I adored my 1st grade teacher, Mrs. Richmond.  She made our year so much fun and she cared about all of her students.  I have never forgotten her and because of her, I wanted to be a 1st grade teacher.

5. Architect 

One of the things that came along with my love of antiques was my love of old houses.  In my early teen years, I spent hours drawing floor plans.  I would study the old houses that I had the privilege of spending time in. I paid attention to the details and how things were laid out.  I absolutely loved it.  So much that I got a drafting table for Christmas one year.  And I still enjoy looking over floor plans, especially of old homes.

Obviously, none of these career paths came true.  That's ok because I'm doing what I am supposed to be doing.  Still, it's nice to think back on the dreams that I once had.  They make me smile and they still play a part of my life...just not as a career.  What were some of your career dreams?

Somewhere Out There - Linda Ronstadt & James Ingram

 I've never seen An American Tail but this song gets me every time!

Matthew 18:3

 

This past week's sermon was based on this verse and it really got me thinking about life and what living like a child means.  Be more inclusive.  Be more inquisitive. Be dependent. Live more simply.  Be more inclusive.  These were all talking points mentioned and have given me a lot to ponder.  I like it. 

You're a nice guy but...it's time to find myself again

 

I learned late in life that there is a fine line between making compromises and losing one's sense of self.  Unfortunately, I lost my sense of self a lot more than I made compromises.  I have always been a pleaser, a person who likes to make others happy and comfortable.  And there is NOTHING wrong with that.  I come by it naturally.  For any of you who knew Mom or Grandmother can attest to that fact.  And it is a good feeling to make other people happy when it makes me happy.  To me, there's almost no better feeling in the world.

The problem for me I stopped thinking of myself in order to think of others first.  That is simply not healthy.  It definitely can mess with a person's mind.  I know it did mine.  I cannot blame anyone for that other than myself.  No one forced me to push my desires and wants to the back burner.  I did that all by myself.  But I thought I was doing it out of love.  To a degree, I was. But the cost ended up not being worth the price.  After years of never expressing what I wanted or needed, my sense of self-worth and confidence went down the tubes. 

That was where I was emotionally when I became single again in my late 40's.  And it's not necessarily a bad place to be when one is starting over.  I have spent the last few years rediscovering the things that make me happy.  Rediscovering the things that I enjoy.  And yes, that still includes doing for other people, but I no longer do it at the price of my own happiness.  It now enhances my life instead of controlling my life.  I discovered things that I had forgotten that I enjoyed doing.  And that's a great thing.

I have talked before on here and with friends that I am learning to enjoy my own company again.  If I do not like spending time with myself, I cannot expect others to enjoy time together.  And I can tell it has made a difference.  I am able to carry on conversations now whereas before I did not think I was interesting enough to. I can sit and watch a movie of my choosing now because I don't have to give in to someone else.  I can go out and do things that I never suggested previously because I was all about someone else. 

It's a very entertaining journey of self-discovery.  Or self-rediscovery depending on how you look at it.  While I will never get back the time I spent ignoring my own needs and wants, I feel better about Bob than I have in a long time.  At least emotionally.  The physical side still needs a lot of work!  But more about that later.

Quote of the Week

 

A great thought to start the day with!

Today's Moment of Mindfulness

 

When you choose to watch a film or listen to some music, notice how powerful the experience can be, when you bring your complete focus and attention to it. 

The library, a history museum, restaurants and antiques shopping.

 Since I last talked about getting out of the house and doing things, either by myself or with others, I have actually made some progress on that point.  And I've tried some new recipes at home as well, which is always fun. I finally made it to the Greensboro Public Library and got my library card.  I can check that one off of my list, now.  And I actually checked out several books.  I have not finished them yet but I will.  I think I was too excited to be there and just should have checked out one book but oh well.  Since they don't charge late fees, I'm not that worried about it LOL  I also went to the Greensboro History Museum that day as well.  That was absolutely fascinating and I cannot wait to go back.  For a museum like that to be free is pretty awesome.  If you have never been, I highly recommend it.  And since LeBauer Park is right down there as well, I spent an hour exploring that.  Some really beautiful gardens there and it's a nice place to walk around.

I have frequented several locally owned restaurants over the past month as well.  I met my friend Shelby out for lunch one day at Fishbones, one of my favorites. Luckily, it's right around the corner from the house.  We hadn't had lunch together since the fall, so it was very good to catch up.  I went to Saffron, an Indian restaurant, and had the lunch buffet one day when I was off.  I actually ran into a friend and former classmate in the next booth!  I have also been treating myself to breakfast out several times a month.  If you're in Greensboro and looking for a good, well-priced breakfast, I suggest Breakfast, Brunk and Dinner and Miam's.  Both were fantastic.

I treated myself to a showing of Hadestown at the movie theater.  I knew nothing of the show except what I'd seen on the Tony Awards years ago.  It totally blew me away.  And it was fun to go to a movie theater.  I had not been in one since the pandemic. And my life would not be complete without visiting antiques shops.  I made several visits to Antiques Market Place here in town.  I left empty handed each time but that is alright.  I have to really love something to bring it home with me now.  And I went to Freedom House Thrift.  They often have some great collectibles but this time I left there with some new clothes and stationery.  I'd call that a win.

That's what I've been up to really.  I can't wait to see what the next few weeks holds in store for me!

You're a nice guy but...dating

 I never really dated in high school.  I did go out a few times with different girls and had a very nice time but obviously it never went anywhere.  I did not date because I knew, but had not dealt with, that I was gay.  I just did not want to put myself through the emotional roller coaster of more pretending to be something that I was not or to lead anyone on.  I'm afraid I did lead some people on but that was not my intention, and I am very sorry that it happened.

After I finally came out in college, I wanted to try dating.  Alas, I found myself in the straightest theatre department in the state and other gay men were few and far between.  LOL And I did not have much of an outlet at the time to meet others like me. I am pretty sure there were groups on campus but back in the days before the internet (remember those?), learning about these groups could be quite difficult.  So, in my college years I did not date much either.

Actually, now that I think about it, I am just not good at dating period. I don't want to say that I blame my parents for that, but I blame my parents for that LOL. My parents had a very loving relationship that had its ups and downs like all relationships do.  But they set the standard for me.  You fell in love with someone and you worked hard at making that relationship work.  They were in it for the long haul and that's what I was looking for.  And, because of that, dating never worked out for me.  I would either scare someone because I was too much too fast or I would become obsessed with someone and make it my sole purpose to prove that I was good enough to build a relationship with.  Sorry about that, DH.  I know now that those feelings I had were more to do with not liking myself than with liking someone else.  

Because of the inner turmoil I was experiencing, I never just went out on dates for the fun of it.  And, for me, dating and hooking up are two very different things!  I have dated several times since I've been single, and it is really difficult for me not to get too far ahead of myself.  Because of that, three dates is my magic number.  After three dates I either get completely ghosted or I get the "You're a nice guy but..." speech which I mentioned in an earlier post.  

I believe that I have missed out on an important part of life by not simply dating.  And, sadly, it does not interest me anymore.  At least not where I am right now.  The ideals of planning fun evenings out and having that kind of social existence have gone by the wayside.  I mourned that loss for a long time, especially when I thought I had it all and discovered I had nothing.  If you're out in the dating scene, I wish you well and hope all the best for you.  The best for me is where I am right now and I am amazingly optimistic about my future.  I just wanted to express how I felt about my dating life....or lack thereof LOL

The budget's going well

 

For the past six weeks, I have been giving myself a biweekly budget.  Several days before I get paid, I gather up all of the financial obligations that I will have come out of that paycheck:  bills, groceries, gas, etc. and I create my budget around that. It helps me not only to see where my money will be going but also is helpful to look back at previous budgets and see where I am spending my money.  Overall, it's been working pretty well.

Each budget period, I have managed to stay within my budget.  I do take into account surprise expenses that either I have forgotten about or that just come up unexpectedly.  Only then can I take money out of my savings as I am trying to accrue my savings into something not quite so sad.  When that has happened and it's only been once so far, the next budget will include a "savings" line item and I will return that money to where I borrowed it from.  It works for me.

My biggest issue is dividing up my money within the budget.  Having a few budgets under my belt will help me with that.  Some weeks I give myself $150 for gas and I only spend $50.  Or I will give myself $75 for entertainment and I spend $120.  Overspending in one of my line items does not really bother me as long as I am staying under the grand total and so far that has been the case. For my next budget, which I will work on this coming week, I will look back at the previous ones and get a better sense of how to disburse my money this time. I think that will work.  

Either way, it's going well so far and I am proud of myself for finally sticking to some kind of financial goal!  I'm not saving for retirement because, let's face it, I will never be in a position to retire but it's nice to really focus in building something for when I need it. 

Recipe of the Week - Thai Shrimp Pasta

 I am always looking for new ways to make shrimp as it's one of my favorite foods.  I found this recipe in one of my Taste of Home cookbooks and decided to give it a try.  Mainly, I had all of the ingredients except for cilantro on hand at the time, so it was very budget friendly for me.  I had not cooked a Thai style dish before this and so that was another challenge for me.  I know it's not authentically Thai, but it was easy and I enjoyed it.  Definitely will make this one again.

Thai Shrimp Pasta

8 ounces thin flat rice noodles.  

1 Tbsp curry powder

1 lb uncooked shrimp

1 can light coconut milk

1/2 tsp salt

1/4 tsp pepper

1/2 cup minced fresh cilantro

Soak noodles according to package directions.  In a large skillet, toast curry powder until it's fragrant, 1-2 minutes.  Stir in shrimp, coconut milk, salt and pepper.  Bring to a boil.  Reduce heat and simmer 5-6 minutes or until the shrimp turn pink.  Drain noodles.  Add noodles and cilantro to the pan and heat through. Serve immediately.

Enjoy!

Other breakfast options

 So far so good with eating breakfast every day.  And it's not always a huge, cooked breakfast.  Many days it is yogurt or toast with coffee.  I have cooked some good eggs, though.  I do love eggs!  But what I am trying to do is eat enough so that, during the week, I am full until lunchtime and don't snack during the morning.  It does not always work but it is getting better.  Speaking of, I need to incorporate healthier snacks to have on hand in case the urge strikes me!

I am trying to vary what I eat for breakfast each day so that I do not burn out on any one item.  The reminds me, I need to pull the mini bagels out of the freezer LOL I have several boxes of cereal that I got on sale awhile back that I need to start using....and not just for casserole toppings haha! I still do not like milk though, so it is always dry cereal.  And I am also trying to make myself eat more oatmeal.  I don't love it but I don't hate it.  I think I just prefer it in cookie form.  Still, I have it and so I need to eat it. 

I have enjoyed taking myself out to breakfast too.  But my rule of thumb there is that I have to be hungry to justify the expense.  Not that it's terribly expensive to eat breakfast out.  Money is money though and if I am going to spend it, I really want there to be a hunger.....literally.  

What are some things you like for breakfast?  I want to have more fresh fruit at breakfast.  A few weeks ago, I had the best cantaloupe that I have had in years.  I need to buy from farms for things like that I believe instead of just picking it up in the grocery store. I also would like to try my hand at cooking eggs different ways.  I do love my scrambled eggs, and they can be fixed up so many different ways.  BTW, toppings for scrambled eggs were not really something I grew up with but am loving it as an adult. Still, I would like to learn how to cook them other ways.  I do fry them, but that's still easy haha!

But, so far so good for this month's challenge! 

Going to the beach....hopefully

I am looking at planning a trip to the beach this fall.  Just a few days, mind you.  And by myself.  I have been looking at places to stay and trying to find something that is economical.  It's out there, I just have not found it yet. I have not been to the beach in about 4 years.  Going to the beach was such a part of my life when I was young.  Even though I do not swim, I do enjoy being near the water.  There is something so relaxing about hearing the waves crash on the shore.  I just love it.

When I was young, like pre-kindergarten, we would spend a week each summer at Kure Beach.  Someone from Monroe had a house there that we rented.  It was a great old house.  And it was old.  I remember that there were no closets, but each room had a wardrobe in it.  There weren't light fixtures but a bulb hanging from the ceiling.  Front and back screened in porches with swings.  I spent a lot of time on those swings.  There were two bedrooms downstairs and several bedrooms and the living areas upstairs.  I caught my first fish at Kure beach.  Mom and Dad loved to surf fish.  I actually caught two flounders at once with my plastic fishing pole made for kids.  That was pretty awesome.

That house eventually got sold and we tried other beaches.  Topsail, Ocean Isle, Holden Beach, the Outer Banks.  Each summer we would go.  I remember Mom planning meals weeks before and doing lots of grocery shopping for the trip.  We might have gone out one night for dinner, but Mom and Grandmother did most of the cooking.  That was also, especially in our younger days, one of the few times Bill and I got to have sodas daily.  They were the old Check Sodas that Mom would buy at Food Lion. But we went every year for so many years.  

I've been a few times as an adult and it has been fun.  I made several trips with Michael's family and made trips with friends.  It's just a place that I love to go to.  So, I hope to make it this year, even if it is by myself.  We shall see!