It's not enough

 Do you ever have those moments when you just stop and look around and think to yourself "This is no longer enough"?  And I don't mean enough like enough stuff.  I have enough stuff.  I'm talking more about the quality of what you have going on in your life.  Or is it just me?  I seem to be having those moments more and more lately.  While there are portions of my life that are being built up to a level that I am grateful for, there are many things that I have become disillusioned with.  I hate to say that, but it's true. 

Some days, getting up and getting ready for work is very hard.  Today is one of those days.  It's not because I don't enjoy my job.  It's because I believe I can do so much more.  Anyone can do what I do at work and at the end of the day if I was not there, it would not make a huge difference.  Now, I'm sure some of the people that I work with may disagree with that, but that's the feeling I keep getting.  And that's not a good way to spend the majority of my day.  

Today, I know that I am feeling this way because of the loss of a great icon who was one of the best humanitarians to grace this planet.  I think about the difference she made in so many lives.  Not that I could ever be on that level, but it would be nice to feel like I had a purpose. Not that I don't have a purpose, really, but I am ready to make more of a difference in life than I do.  I am not sure where these feelings will take me today, if anywhere.  What I do know is that if I do not do anything about these feelings, I will let them overtake my existence and that's not good.  I will begin to overcompensate and from experience I know that will end badly for me.  

I will figure it out.  I'm not sure what is in store, but I plan on taking these feelings and making something productive and constructive out of them.  I want to make a difference.  Not only for others but for myself.  That is all. 

Dolly

Yesterday, we lost one of the greatest artists and humanitarians that the world has ever known.  Dolly Parton passes away at the age of 80, leaving behind an incredible legacy of music, movies, and good deeds. I think that many of us will remember where we were when we heard the news.  She was just that important.  She was that constant of good in life that so many aspired to. 

Dolly has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember.  In the very early 80s, I remember watching her London concert on HBO. That's what got me hooked.  And I remember getting so upset that I could not go see 9 to 5 in the movie theater.  I was like 6 after all, so it was not appropriate, but I still threw a tantrum about it.  Years later, when I finally saw it, I understood why I should not have gone to the theater.  Still, it has become a favorite.  And the music.  Islands in the Stream, I Will Always Love You, Hard Candy Christmas and my favorite, Coat of Many Colors.  Her Christmas specials, especially the one with Kenny Rogers.  Steel Magnolias and Straight Talk.  Dollywood.  Her books for children program.  Everything she did touched so many lives.

I am glad that I lived during a time when Dolly was on earth.  She will be missed by many.  Irreplaceable and unforgettable.  Thank you, Dolly. 

Some days you just have to run the red light

 

I am a very cautious driver.  I always have been.  I have not gotten a speeding ticket yet in my life even though I do drive over the limit sometimes.  I have only been in one accident and that was not my fault.  I was driving a company car when someone pulled out and rammed into me.  That was fun years ago! I am also a huge stickler when it comes to traffic laws.  There are few things that irritate me more than when people just do not obey the traffic laws simply because they don't think the laws pertain to them.  I will lay on my horn whenever I see someone turning right at a "no right on red" stop.  Drives me crazy.  If I am on a two-lane road, I will make sure that I am over just far enough so that cars behind me cannot use the bike lane as a turning lane. If I am making a right turn off of a three-lane road, I will make it a wide right turn if I can tell that the car behind me is going to use the center lane to pass me on the left.  I have gotten the finger more than once from that one.  I just smile and keep going.

However, yesterday I did something I never dreamt I would ever do. I ran a red light.  I got so irritated at this light that would not turn I could not take it anymore.  I looked at the cross traffic, and no one was coming so I floored it through the intersection.  I was on my way to work and not about to be late because the light trigger was not working.  I was at an intersection that, during the day, is very busy.  At 6:45 on a Sunday morning, not so much. I was waiting at the red light.  There was no one coming in my opposite direction but there were cars on the intersecting street. I have sat at this light in the early morning before when the trigger does not work on my side, but the light will turn green if someone approaches the intersection coming towards me.  So, I sat and sat. Both left turn lights on the intersecting street went green twice while my light stayed red.  There were cars behind me, but our light would not turn at all.  

Finally, I said to myself "screw this" and I just went for it.  I made sure no one was coming and I blew across the intersection.  With my luck, there would have been a cop nearby but thank goodness there was not one.  And I made it to work with time to spare.  I don't do things like this in traffic, but I got so angry knowing that I was going to sit there for a long time.  I just couldn't take it anymore and I went for it.  I'm not ashamed and I would do it again if I needed to.  I do wonder, though, how long the cars behind me waited at that light.  Oh well. 

Breakfast and healthier snacking

 Sometimes because of my work schedule, I am not able to eat a big breakfast.  And that is ok.  I don't have to eat a big breakfast every day.  However, I still make sure that I have something every day because it does make a difference and I don't eat as much.  This past week I have had to work earlier than normal. When I am 9 to 5 (cue Dolly Parton song), it is much easier to make a big breakfast.  When I work 7 to 3, cooking breakfast is not a priority in the mornings.  I had to work at 7 several days last week, so I would pack a small something to take with me that I could eat at the desk.  

I got a lot of fruit in this week.  Fruit is an easy and healthy option for me.  One thing that I did do, though, is make sure that I had a snack with me as well.  While the fruit was good, it does not fill me up the way a large breakfast does.  I did not expect it to so I wanted to be prepared for that.  I had bought some carrots at the grocery store last week, so I peeled them and sliced them for a week's worth of snacks.  And it did the trick.  Sometime between 10 and 11 each morning, my stomach would begin to growl, and I knew that the fruit was gone by then.  Having the carrots there, only a handful, helped me until lunch. 

Making sure that I am eating something every morning has had a good effect on me.  It's a pattern that I hope I can continue.  And like I said in my last post about breakfast, I am looking for new things to have for breakfast so that I do not burn out on anything.  As for now, it's time for me to fix myself some breakfast before I take my car in for an oil change.  Good times!

5 careers I wanted at one time in my life

 As I have embarked on a career working with the elderly, albeit late in life, I am very excited about what is ahead for me on this journey.  But I do sometimes wonder what it would have been like if I had taken my career down a different path.  There were things that I wanted to be when I was growing up that, obviously, did not come to fruition. It just is where my life took me.  But it's fun to look back and remember when I had these aspirations.  I do not regret where my career has gone so I can look at these memories and smile.  

1. Estate attorney

After I read a will for the first time, I was hooked on it.  Strange, I know, but I was fascinated by the thought of an estate being divided up.  Who got what was really fun to me.  I think it's partially because the first will I ever read, my Aunt Sara's, I was a beneficiary of.  She left things to every member of her family. I thought that was awesome.  I would then read a will any time I could.  I just found it very fun. I learned a lot really and it was a great lesson in what was fair and what was not fair. I learned the legal terms associated with wills and have a good knowledge base because of that. 

2. Antiques business owner

Once I became enthralled with antiques, I wanted to own my own antiques business.  As much as I loved and still love buying antiques, I wanted to be the one to sell them.  I wanted to have a shop where people could experience the same kind of magic that I experienced when I've been to places and found those very special items that have become a part of my life.

3. Minister of music

I don't think that I have ever actually expressed this before, but for a time I wanted to become a minister of music.  My upbringing in the FBC of Monroe was filled with music.  Under the leadership of Jim Reich, Gerald Hamilton and Doug Vancil, I was able to participate in amazing musical experiences.  And it was a way that I could contribute to the church and take part in worship.  My struggles with my faith and dealing with my life, that dream was tucked away only to remain a memory.

4. 1st grade teacher

Playing school was a huge part of my childhood.  All through elementary school, one of our favorite afternoon activities was playing school.  And because my year in 1st grade was such an important part of my school experience, I wanted to be a 1st grade teacher.  I adored my 1st grade teacher, Mrs. Richmond.  She made our year so much fun and she cared about all of her students.  I have never forgotten her and because of her, I wanted to be a 1st grade teacher.

5. Architect 

One of the things that came along with my love of antiques was my love of old houses.  In my early teen years, I spent hours drawing floor plans.  I would study the old houses that I had the privilege of spending time in. I paid attention to the details and how things were laid out.  I absolutely loved it.  So much that I got a drafting table for Christmas one year.  And I still enjoy looking over floor plans, especially of old homes.

Obviously, none of these career paths came true.  That's ok because I'm doing what I am supposed to be doing.  Still, it's nice to think back on the dreams that I once had.  They make me smile and they still play a part of my life...just not as a career.  What were some of your career dreams?

Somewhere Out There - Linda Ronstadt & James Ingram

 I've never seen An American Tail but this song gets me every time!

Matthew 18:3

 

This past week's sermon was based on this verse and it really got me thinking about life and what living like a child means.  Be more inclusive.  Be more inquisitive. Be dependent. Live more simply.  Be more inclusive.  These were all talking points mentioned and have given me a lot to ponder.  I like it.