You're a nice guy but...taking control of how I spend my time

 

One of the nice things about being single is that I am in control of my time.  I am in control of my schedule and how I spend my time.  Honestly, that was never the case when I was with someone.  Part of that was due to social obligations and part of it was due to my expectations of myself withing the boundaries of that relationship.  And those are not bad things to have be a part of one's life.  Being in a relationship comes with certain expectations that need to be met in order to thrive as a couple. But I am no longer a part of a couple and so I need to remind myself that my time is my own.

That may sound like such an obvious statement.  In some ways, it is.  But you need to remember that I spent almost 15 years with a time schedule that relied on another person.  And when you are definitely the caregiver in the relationship, how you spend your time becomes less and less about you and more about the other person and the two of you as a couple.  Again, there's nothing inherently wrong with that and honestly, I enjoyed that aspect of my relationships over the years. Now that I am not in a relationship, I am discovering that being in control of how I spend my time is a wonderful form of self-care.

It has taken me several years to get to the point that I can do what I want when I want.  As you have heard me talk about before, I have been a list person for most of my adult life.  It works for me.  But within the confines of a relationship, those lists became the guiding factor of every day of my life.  If I drifted away from the list, I felt lost because I feared it would negatively affect my relationship. So, I never did that.  I stuck to the routine. I stuck to the lists that defined my contributions to my relationship.  And I have since realized that this was not the healthiest thing to do.  

Now I am in a relationship with myself and learning to take back control of my own time has been pretty eye opening.  Relearning that I can spend my time exactly as I want to have made me much more relaxed in many ways.  Yes, there are times that I do make a list these days because there are things that I need to get done and putting them in list form is now a reminder of those things and not a rigid schedule.  I can appreciate that much more now. This past week, I have come home from work and asked myself each day what I wanted to do.  Some nights I cooked, some nights I just sat and watched tv.  I did not feel like I needed to constantly be doing something productive to show my worth to myself.  My worth is coming from doing what I want to, when I want to.

It's a good feeling. 

It's Never That Easy/I've Been Here Before - Closer Than Ever

 I have not thought about this duet for a long time but it popped into my brain earlier today.  Closer Than Ever is a great revue with a lot of fantastic music in it.  I used this song as the finale in the first revue I directed in college. Oh, those were the days!

The Outer Banks, 1776 and handbells

 In some ways, life has been pretty quiet around here.  No surprises there, I am sure!  But that is fine.  I like the quiet most days.  Still, I am trying to get out and do things for fun and last week was a good one for me.  I went to the Outer Banks for a few days, I got to see a friend in a show, and I joined a handbell choir.  All in all, not bad!

Every year at work, Gina, our Life Enrichment director, will take some residents to the beach for a few days.  This year, they went to the Outer Banks.  She asked me to go this year to help out in the kitchen and do some cooking.  No one on our kitchen staff at work was able to go because staff is tight right now with several people out.  I was more than happy to go on a paid vacation for a few days.  I had wanted to get to the beach this year anyway and this was the perfect opportunity.  

We had an absolutely wonderful time.  The residents that were on the trip were so incredibly relaxed and chilled out.  They were not demanding at all and very much went with the flow.  We all enjoyed being in each other's company and doing some good sightseeing.  Being at the coast is so relaxing for me.  I could just sit and look at the water for hours.  We were on the sound side of the Outer Banks and it was just beautiful.  And at night, the stars were amazing.  I am so glad that I went and cannot wait to do it again next year.

On Sunday, Marcia and I met in Sanford to see our friend Steve in Temple Theatre's production of 1776.  That was just delightful.  I had not seen the show on stage before, only the movie which I also enjoyed.  I did not remember the movie being that funny, but the stage show was.  And the music was great.  There was one cast member I did not care for.  Her acting was great, but her vocals were not right for the part she cast herself in.  Steve played Ben Franklin and did an awesome job. It was so good to see him onstage again.  We were able to go out after the show and visit some and have a good meal together.  A fun afternoon. 

Monday evening, I started handbell rehearsal.  I joined one of the choirs at church. I was nervous at first because I had not played in several years and the choir I joined is the more advanced of the two choirs.  But the group was very welcoming, and I had a good time.  I did pretty good overall and no one seemed to notice when I messed up.  I wasn't the only one so that was good.  We rang through four different pieces, and it was so much fun for me.  This group is going to be a lot of fun.  They very much remind me of the group I rang with at FBC in Monroe when I was in high school.  I can tell I am really going to enjoy this group.

It's fun to get out and do things.  Let's hope that continues.  Just let me know if you want to join in!

Recipe of the Week - Loaded Corn Casserole

Loaded corn casserole with baked beans and pork ribs

 I was on vacation with work last week, so I did not write on my blog at all.  Sorry about that for those of you that actually follow the blog!  So, I thought I would start this week off with a recipe that I tried recently and absolutely loved.  It's from Allrecipes.com.  I saw it on one of their YouTube videos and wanted to try it.  I think it's delicious and so did everyone who I shared it with.  I hope you will enjoy it as well!  If you like corn, I definitely think you will enjoy this.

Loaded Corn Casserole

6 strips of bacon, diced

1 stick of butter

1 can of creamed corn

1 can of corn, drained

1 box of cornbread mix

1 cup of sour cream

2 cups shredded cheddar

3 green onions, sliced

1 tsp Cajun seasoning

1 egg

Fry diced bacon.  Melt the stick of butter and pour into a mixing bowl.  Drain bacon and add 1 Tbsp of bacon grease to the butter.  Stir in all other ingredients then add bacon to the mixture.  Stir to combine.  Pour into a 9x13 casserole dish.  Cook at 350 for 40 minutes. 

Enjoy!

Quote of the Week

 

This says it all 💚

It's time to do some packing....but not necessarily the packing you think I'm talking about.

 When I was a theatre major way back when, one of the tools we used for character development was called packing.  One of my professors, John Gulley, was huge into packing.  This is where you take the character that you are given in a script and create a whole person from that.  Yes, you know the basics of who the character is but in order to connect more personally with the character, you create his history.  You create the story from where the character came from.  What made him who he is today.  You give the character qualities based on the history that you create.  And this all has to be supported by the text.  For instance, I could not say that Romeo was an alien life form coming to earth to discover the secrets of teenage love because that is not what Shakespeare has written.  But I could create past experiences Romeo has had because of the Capulet/Montague feud that have affected his life and help him to become the young man that he is at the start of the play. That's packing.  When I had my first big role in theatre at UNCG, I knew every aspect of the character.  I had created a backstory that made sense and fit who Doug was.  It was fun and added layers to my performance.

That is what I want to do with my life in a way.  Not completely though because I will not be making up my history because it is already there.  But I do need to use my personal history to lay the foundations of my future self.  It's not like that is not already in progress every day.  Our pasts shape our lives.  I just want to recognize it more.  I think about the events in my life that have truly shaped who I am today and I want to use those experiences in a positive way to create a better version of myself.  I think about the kind of person I am striving to be, the qualities I want to see in myself that I have not really attained yet and use the packing tool to give me goals to fill in those gaps.  Of course I would love for others to see those qualities too, but my main goal is for me.  It may sound silly to think of oneself as a character in a play, but it makes sense in my mind.  

This is all about becoming a better version of myself.  It is not that I believe I am currently a bad version of myself.  Not at all.  I am liking myself more and more every day.  I am enjoying spending time with myself.  I just want to live my best life possible.  When changes happen, both good and bad, I will be in a more complete place to roll with the punches and use those changes to be the person I want to be.  We shall see how it goes. 

Still in the bedroom

 

I will admit that I have gotten away from my one drawer at a time project this summer.  I simply had other things I needed to get done but I also decided to slow some things down in my life.  As much as I love checking items off of lists, it got to the point that it was weighing me down some.  I was not taking time after work to just relax and let myself chill.  I had to come home and keep going so that I would be productive.  Some days that worked, but other days it did not. And this project is one of the things that got put on the back burner once I realized that I needed to take better care of myself each day. So this month, my goal is to pick up where I left off and keep going one drawer at a time.

The last thing I worked on was in my bedroom.  I lumped my clothes together because they are in different spaces throughout my bedroom and I got rid of everything that I could no longer wear.  It was more than I anticipated it would be but it gave me some good new space.  And I have not filled up those spaces with more new clothes.  I'm happy with what I have and will wear it until it's either worn out or I cannot wear it anymore. Hopefully the latter will be because the clothes are too big and not too small LOL So I will continue to work in my bedroom for the moment.  

I recently rearranged the furniture in there because I needed a change. I absolutely love how it turned out and it has definitely given me more floor space.  The room feels bigger. When I moved the bed, I found several containers of items that belonged to Michael.  I put them out in the garage with a few of his other things.  And I saw that there are still several containers under the bed that need to be gone through.  That will be my next few things to do with this project.  Hopefully I will find some fun things I had forgotten about and also things to let go of.  We shall see!!