Recipe of the day - Easy Corn Salad

I found this recipe online the other day and decided to try it.  I was just in the mood for corn salad :)  Michael's mom makes one that I love.  She had given me the recipe but I cannot find it...shocking, I know.  So, I googled and found this one.  It's so easy, especially if you don't have a whole lot of time.  It ended up being spicier than I thought, but I still enjoyed it!

2 cans of corn, drained
2 cans of diced tomatoes with green chilies, drained
4 green onions, diced
Mayo
2 Tbs vinegar
salt
pepper

Mix the first 3 ingredients together.  Add vinegar, salt and pepper.  Add enough mayo to bind the salad.  Chill for at least 30 minutes.

*The original recipe called for red wine vinegar, but I used apple cider vinegar and it was fine.
*Of course, you can substitute fresh corn and tomatoes for canned if you have the time!

Goals for September

As silly as it may seem, I find that I do better with things if I make a list.  So, I have made a list of things I want to achieve in September.  Some are easier than others.  And I have chosen not to really explain these as I think they speak for themselves.  But I do think that starting each one with "I will" makes it more personal for me and holds me more accountable.  So, here is my list.  I will update as I am working on them.  Thanks!

1.  I will take at least one day trip
2.  I will drink more water
3.  I will be more social
4.  I will not let addictions control my life
5.  I will try at least 2 new recipes
6.  I will purge and downsize my household
7.  I will read at least one book
8.  I will write more on my blog
9.  I will do something creative
10.  I will honor my commitments

That moment when I started...

hating myself.

I realize that sounds harsh, but it's the truth.  And it's time I started dealing with it.  It has been building up for over 30 years now and if I don't face my feelings, I will not survive.

March 23, 1987.  It was a Monday and I woke up, as usual, ready for another day in 6th grade.  When I walked down the hall into our den, Mom told us the news.  Aunt Sara, our great aunt, had passed away early that morning.  I was devastated.  I cried and cried and did not want to go to school that day.  I did tho, because I had no other choice.

The reason that I was so upset is because of the night before.  Mom picked me up from Sunday night youth handbell practice.  We drove to Union Memorial Hospital after.  As we pulled into the parking lot, Mom asked me if I wanted to come up and see Aunt Sara.  I told her no, that I'd wait in the car and I would see Aunt Sara the next day.  Obviously, that never happened.

Thus began my road to self hatred.  I have never forgiven myself for not going into the hospital that night.  I don't know why I didn't go...probably something selfish as just being lazy.  Never the less, I was over come with guilt when Mom told me she died.  I have never been able to forgive myself for that.  I know that I was only 12 years old, but still...I could have been a better person.  And this one event set my life on a course, that I didn't know then, that would include many regretful experiences.

Of course, I don't blame Sara.  It was all me.  It became a situation that has snowballed over the past 30 years.  I will write more about the other experiences, I just needed to get this first one out on paper...saying it out loud for the first time really, so to speak.

If you need to go see someone, do it.  Don't let something else get in the way.

That is all.

Thought for the day

This whole being an adult thing can be frustrating at times.  I finally have a weekend off after a couple of weeks and have done almost nothing productive.  Ah, well.  In some ways, I am just fine being lazy but there's that nagging voice in the back of my head saying "You're an adult, don't waste your time away....pay those bills, clean that living room, give the dog a bath, etc."  Obviously, I have not really been listening to that voice this weekend.

How does one be an adult when one still feels like a child in many ways?  I don't know, but I need to find out.  I have some changes I want/need to make and recognizing that I am, in fact, an adult, is the only way I will be able to accomplish them.  It is hard to explain when I say that I feel like a child.  I am, and always will be, someone's child, but that's not it.  And I don't necessarily mean being childish either, though that ugly trait will pop its head up from time to time.  I know that a lot of it comes from memories of my younger self.  I am at a place in my life where I long for the freedom of being a child. Can I have that kind of freedom as an adult?  I don't know yet.

My job was eliminated at Heritage Greens and I was transferred back to the dining room.  I don't mind because I love my time in there and I really get to connect with the residents that way.  But I am realizing that I am not in a place where I can really advance and is this something I want to do for the rest of my life?  Hardly.  I can't afford it.  But the child in me that was so close to his Grandmother and wanted to please her comes out every day that I am there.  It is a part of my spirit and even though I do cherish it, can I translate that into my adulthood.  Being surrounded by coworkers who are 20+ years younger than myself doesn't help that either.  It was the same way when I went back to school.  You are surrounded by kids, basically, and you tend to forget that you are not their age.  At least I did, until I would pass a mirror LOL

Anyway, I think it is time to explore this being an adult thing.  I need to take more responsibility for the changes and goals in my life that I want.  I can say them out loud and I can write them here or somewhere else all day long, but the bottom line is that unless I act upon them they won't happen.  It's not too late to make this transition, but it is scary territory for me.  But I have to remember that this does not mean getting rid of those childhood feelings, just incorporating them into the adult I want to be.  It's time for Peter Pan to grow up.

That is all

Recipe of the day - Easy Blackberry Chicken

I made this today for Sunday lunch and was quite pleased with how it turned out!

1 bottle of Russian dressing
1 jar of seedless blackberry jam
1 envelope of onion soup mix
4-8 boneless chicken breasts

Preheat oven to 350.  Mix first 3 ingredients.  Place chicken breasts in a 9x13 pyrex or baking dish.  Pour sauce over chicken.  Bake 45 min to an hour till chicken is cooked through, internal temp 165.  Serve over rice.

If you can't find Russian dressing, Catalina dressing works well too!

Thought of the day - MHS Class of 1993

It truly is amazing how times flies and how, in some ways, it stands still.  Next month will be the 25th anniversary of the graduation of the Monroe High School Class of 1993.  I can't believe it has been that long.  It seems like only yesterday we were young kids filled with hopes and dreams.  The whole world was set before us to journey through life in.  The world was our oyster.  We could do anything we set our minds to.  Our journeys, so far, have taken us to such far, different places...but in my mind I still see those faces of friends frozen in time, as if I could close my eyes and I would be there again, getting ready to take on the world.

It's no secret that many of our lives have not turned out exactly as we had planned, mine included.  And it's not a question of "if I only knew then...." because that's a cop out, in my opinion.  Our journeys have made us into the people we are today.  That may not always be a shining example of perfection, but life's not suppose to be.  I know that not one of us, when filing into Austin Auditorium at Wingate College, was thinking "Gee, in 25 years, I'll be divorced or suffer from depression or drop out of college."  We didn't think that way then and I don't believe we think that way now.  We just happen to deal with what life has thrown our way.  We are all successful because we have survived to tell our tales.

We've each gone on to find our niche in the world.  Some of us are teachers, some entrepreneurs, some are housekeepers.  Some of us are married, some of us are gay, some have large families.  Some are already grandparents while some of us are simply aunts and uncles.  Some travel the world, some never leave home.  Each of us is as unique today as we were 25 years ago.   And, thanks to the internet, many of us can keep up with each other easier than we'd ever dreamed.  Still, I find it amazing that we made all of these plans to keep in touch and there are so many people that I have not seen since that day in June 1993.  I suppose that if I'm meant to see them, then it will be so one day. 

25 years is a long time.  Many of us have lost loved ones during those years.  Some of our favorite teachers have passed on as well.  The school doesn't really even look the same.  I drove around it the last time I was home and couldn't figure out where I was going LOL  But you can still see the foundations of the buildings that we spent 4 years in....kind of like us.  Our high school years really set the foundations for our lives.  Some things may have been unexpected, but our foundations never faltered. 

I can still see our younger selves in each one of us.  Yes, life has changed us.  But we are strong, stronger than some us give ourselves credit for.  We all have known both immense sorrow and intense joy.  We roll with the punches.  We wake up knowing that whatever life throws at us, there are people we have known for over 30 years who will have our backs if we need it.  Even if we haven't seen those people in a long, long time.  It's who we were, who we are and who we will always be.  We are the Monroe High School Class of 1993.

Thought for the day

I haven't written on my blog in a long, long time.  I don't really know why.  I could blame work, which is, definitely a factor but not entirely.  I could blame the fact that I want to spend less time on my computer, but we all know that hasn't really happened.  I guess I will just have to blame the fact that I have been lazy and neglectful....sadly, 2 things I tend to excel at.  Ah, well.

I believe I have finally started my midlife crisis.  In all honesty, I believe my actual mid life was probably 10 to 20 years ago at the rate I am going, but none the less, it has hit and hit hard.  My pot started boiling over this week when I saw a picture of myself as a child.  It's a great picture, a picture I love.  A picture that I remember hanging in a small brass colored oval frame in our house in Monroe.  But when I look at that picture now, I see a child filled with hope and potential.  A child who was, thanks to the most incredible family, happy in almost every way.  And I wonder what happened to that child?  Was there one distinct moment when everything went south for him?  Or was it a culmination of things?  I don't really know the answer to that and will probably drive myself crazy if i try to find that answer.

There are so many things right now that I need to turn around in my life.  It's overwhelming and I cannot seem to find a starting point to it.  I could make a list because, you know, I love lists, but then the list would just sit there unfulfilled.  And I don't want to say all of the things that are missing/lacking because I don't want people to contradict me.  This isn't about fishing for compliments.  This is about figuring out how to handle how I feel about my life and how to change it. 

I have a job and a degree, even though one has nothing to do with the other.  I am happy to have both but it doesn't feel like it's enough right now.  I have a wonderful partner of 11 years.  But, if you've ever been in a long term relationship, you know there are ups and downs, good times and bad times.  And it's very frustrating when you're both going through similar things and cannot really help each other.  I have a roof over my head and a house full of stuff.  I love my stuff.  I always have.  But at times it does not give me the joy that it once did.  It suffocates me at times.  I would love to share it with friends and family, but I don't feel like I have an outlet for that.

I blew up at Michael last night because I could not deal with the state of our world.  And by our world I mean the actual planet and our country's role in it.  My hatred for many things associated with our political climate and the people, both people I know and don't, who put us in this situation, has gotten me to a point where I cannot function in reality.  Plain and simple.

I will figure something out, I know.  Either with professional help or on my own, I will figure it out.  I just know that I don't want to go on with myself as is. 

If I want to keep my head above water, I guess I finally need to learn how to swim.

That is all.