After 5ish years of being single again, I am finally starting to embrace what I call my spinster status. And I am not saying that as a dig on myself. Granted, this word has such negative connotations in our society, and I used to be someone who agreed with that stereotype. But not anymore. I look at it as something to aspire to. What being a spinster means to me is someone who is completely comfortable in his/her own skin. Someone who enjoys their own company. Someone who does not rely on anyone else for happiness. That is not to say that I believe it should be someone who lives life without others. Quite the contrary. It's someone who's relationships with others are enhanced by that person being feeling whole and not dependent on others to feel complete. That's what I want to be like as a spinster.
I think back to some of the people in my life that would be considered spinsters and realize now how much I look up to them even though they are no longer with us. They lived their own lives and did what they wanted to on their own terms. They had successful lives that were filled with people and rich experiences. They made and followed their own paths from an early age. Of course, this is where I differ from them in that I am coming into this late in life. But I think it's never too late to start something new LOL I only wish that I had soaked up more from them while they were still here.
I never thought that at this age I would be single but after two failed relationships in the last 25 years, that seems to be the hand that I have been dealt. I have been thinking about that a lot lately and I found myself to be surprisingly fine with it. That's a very freeing feeling to have. I have started taking myself out on dates and going out and doing things on my own. I have absolutely loved that! It's not that I would not enjoy someone's company for dinner or for seeing a show or for going antiquing. It's that I can do these things alone and be perfectly fine. I'm doing the things that I want to do. I have learned that the key to my success is learning to enjoy my own company and that's not as hard as I expected it to be. I'm a nice guy so why not have a good time by myself and not wait on others to join in?
You're a nice guy but...that phrase comes from the speech that I have heard over and over throughout my life. If I had a dollar for every time some guy has said it to me, I could not retire but I could treat myself to a fancy dinner LOL And I know that the words were not said with malicious intentions over the years. I'm not everyone's cup of tea as far as dating goes and that is ok. So, I am taking those words and turning them into a positive in my life. Basically, I am looking to enjoy myself on my own terms after years of making sure others were happy first. While that is not necessarily a bad thing and I still love doing things for others, it no longer defines who I am.
That is all.
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