The Continuing Adventures of Just a Waiter - listening to our residents

 If you are going to work with older populations, it is my belief that one of the key elements to a successful working relationship with senior citizens is listening.  Plain and simple listening.  From the time we are born we want to be heard.  We want to be listened to.  That is human nature.  Our society, though, tends to stop listening to people once they've reached a certain age.  It is almost as if what they have to say, what they want, what they need is no longer of any importance.  And if you are going to work with this age group, the ability to listen is absolutely imperative.

In every senior living community, you will find the same types of people.  I hesitate to use the word stereotype simply because that has such negative connotations in our society, but basically that's what I mean.  There's the complainer who almost never has anything positive to say and will go out of his/her way to find something to complain about.  There's the quiet one who hardly ever speaks but will talk your ears off if you instigate the conversation.  There's the person with memory issues who will come to you with the same issues over and over again, sometimes only after a few minutes have lapsed.  There's the gossip who doesn't realize the things they say about other people could be applied to them as well.  And the one thing these people all have in common is that they just want someone to listen to them.  That's it.

There is an art to listening.  It is not only being quiet like some people think.  You have to pay attention.  When a resident comes to me to tell me the same thing for the one hundredth time, I need to listen to them as if I have never heard what they are telling me.  Pay attention to the details of what is being said and give them confirmation that it is understood.  It's not hard to do but it's not as easy as some may think.  And when residents have complaints, one really, truly needs to listen because more often than not their claim is legitimate.  Give the residents some acknowledgement that you have heard what is being said.  You don't have to give them a solution because some times that is not your area of expertise, but you can listen.  It makes people feel better to get something off of their chest and that applies to all ages.  If a resident is simply brushed off or condescended to, that will not end well.

And simply because a person is older does not mean that cannot tell when someone is on autopilot.  They know if you're not actually paying attention to them or not.  Really hearing them is key.  I have seen too many times someone already formulating an answer or an excuse in their minds before a resident has finished stating his/her case.  That's just going to aggravate the situation.  Especially if that type of response becomes commonplace with whoever they are talking to.

So, when a resident approaches you, give them your full attention.  Make eye contact with them while they are speaking.  Do something to acknowledge that you are listening, whether it is nodding in agreement or repeating back to them what's been said.  Remember, you may be the only person they talk to that day and the few moments that you allow them could be the difference between a good day for them and a bad one.  That's just one way we make a difference.

That is all.

I remember

This song is from a different service, of course, but sounds like what I remember hearing

I remember standing outside of the sanctuary in the hallway before the service.  I remember thinking that if I just walked out that side door that none of this would be true.  That I would wake up and this nightmare would be over.  I didn't do it, but I seriously considered it.

I remember walking into the sanctuary.  The order felt strange to me.  Dad, Bill, Heidi, Me then Grandmother.  This was her daughter.  Why wasn't she first?  I don't know.

I remember entering the sanctuary.  I had never seen it so full.  I'd been a member since birth and in 21 years I had never seen it packed like that.  I felt like everyone I knew was there.  I remember looking up into the balcony and seeing my friends from UNCG:  Nee, Liz, Courtney, Marcia and Stephanie.  That meant so much.

I remember talking back to Grandmother.  She told me not to cry but to stay strong.  I appreciated her concern because that is how her generation dealt with things.  But, thanks to Be Boyd and my theater classmates, I knew that I had to let go or it would have been the end of me.  I told Grandmother to let me do this.  And to her acclaim, she did.

I remember the congregation singing "In The Garden".  Heidi, my sister in law, took my hand during that hymn while I was weeping and she held it very tight.  That moment meant more to me than she may every know.

I remember the choir sang.  Mom was a member of that choir since she was a teenager.  They sang "My Eternal King".  After the service was over, Ellen, Heidi's mother, said that it was like the choir was singing to raise the roof off of the church. And they were. For Mary B.

I remember having to walk up that aisle after the service.  The casket had the most incredible spray of roses on it.  I was weeping.  Not just crying, but weeping.  I don't know how I made it down that aisle and out of the church.

There are lots more memories I have of that week that are very precious to me.  These are just a few and I cherish them.  That is all. 

Cleaning the bathroom shelves

 It is interesting to me to see how much better I feel, in general, when I look at an area of the house that is exactly like I want it to be.  Well, maybe not %100 exactly as I want it, but close enough to be satisfying.  There is quite a sense of accomplishment about that kind of thing with me.  I enjoy the process of going through and organizing stuff so that I know what all is there and where I can easily find it later when I need it.

Yesterday, I cleaned and organized my bathroom shelves.  On Facebook, I posted that I reorganized them but honestly, that's not true. They were not organized to begin with.  The shelves had become a catch all for so many different things that there was no organization whatsoever.  It was just a mess. And that bothered me simply because I look at these shelves every day.  It's one of the first things I see every morning.  And having it in a state of chaos and sloppiness drove me crazy.  It often set my mood for the day.  It definitely could take a chunk out of my sense of motivation, that's for sure!

The task of cleaning the shelves has been on my list for a few weeks now and I finally decided it was time to tackle that project.  It was a good thing to do while waiting on laundry in the dryer!  I took everything off the the shelves and sorted it all into groups on the bed.  I used the bed on purpose because that's where I fold clothes.  So, I was forcing myself to get this task done so that I could get that task done.  And that idea worked.  At first it seemed overwhelming because it was a lot of stuff and like things were not together on the shelves.  Surprisingly, there were not many outdated products that had to be tossed.  A few, but not many.

Once I got everything sorted, then came the huge decision making process of what would go where on the shelves.  A delicate task that need not be taken lightly. Things needed to be easily accessible yet still stay with similar items.  And it must be aesthetically pleasing...that's one of the points of this project anyway! And I managed to do that.  I put almost everything back onto the shelves in a way that I could find it easily and I liked its appearance.  There were only two items that did not make it back onto the shelf but that's ok.  They are really more items for the linen closet.  I don't have a linen closet, but that's where they need to go.  I will find a home for them eventually.  But overall, I am pleased with the finished product.

Now comes the hard task of maintaining that organization.  That is never been one of my strong suits.  But I do hope that the feeling of relief I get from just looking at how nicely everything is placed will encourage me to keep it that way. And I hope that feeling will motivate me to other areas of the house.  It would be nice not to simply look around the house and feel stressed because it's a chaotic mess.  One can only hope!

That is all

Nearer My God To Thee - BYU Men's Chorus

 This video popped up on my Youtube recommendations.  To be honest, my reference point for this hymn is the Titanic legend of the band playing it as the ship sank.  I'd never truly listened to it before.  I found this version to be beautiful and very haunting.  The vocals are spectacular.  It's a beautiful hymn and filled me with hope.  Enjoy!

Valentine's Day

 I don't really celebrate Valentine's Day anymore.  Sure, Michael and I do cards most years and maybe a little something, but it really hasn't been my thing.  If you didn't already know, Mom died on February 13th, 1996.  That put a pretty good damper on wanting to celebrate it.  It does not bother me in any way, it's simply that time of year brings back other memories that take precedence over St. Valentine.  Now, catch me on February 15th when all of the candy is 50% off, if not more, then you'll see some celebrating!  Normally.  But not this year simply because we are still satiated with candy from Christmas.  That's one of the downsides of hiding things.  I open up a cabinet and there's more candy staring at me.  Ah, well.  First world problems.

But I was thinking the other day how much I miss the Valentine's Day of elementary school.  Every one gave every one else a valentine.  We would make holders for cards with our names on them that went up on the bulletin board.  I specifically remember making one out of two red construction paper hearts.  We'd draw the hearts and cut them out.  We'd fold the hearts in half then either staple or glue (or sometimes both) the edges together to make one large heart shaped card holder.  Ah, arts and crafts.  I need more of that in my life, but I'll save that for another blog.

I'm sure some kind of note went home to our parents because no kid in class was left out.  We all got cards from all of the kids in our class.  I remember in 1st grade, a girl in my class gave me about 20 cards.  Apparently she had a crush on me LOL  And there was always Valentine candy.  I don't remember if we brought candy or if the teacher's had it for us but it was always there.  Mostly, we'd take the cards home at the end of the school day and open them all up at home.  It was a treat to take with us.  

I miss those boxes of cards you use to buy for Valentine's Day.  Always an assortment in the box.  Sometimes with a specific theme like Garfield or Charlie Brown.  But they were corny, as those cards tend to be.  And there were the cheap very thin envelopes where the glue on the back always tasted old and musty even if the box was brand new.  You had to be careful, even at that young age, to pick just the right card for the right person.  Otherwise, it could have been social disaster.  Still, it was a good time and it is an even better memory.  Happy Valentine's day!

That is all

Recipe of the day - Easy Sausage and Cheese Muffins

 

My manager at work, Melissa, told me about these muffins last year.  She texted me the recipe and I tried it that weekend.  They are super easy and very tasty.  And since it makes a dozen, you can either freeze the leftovers or just eat them throughout the week.  Either way, this recipe is a keeper!  Enjoy!

Sausage and Cheese Muffins

1 lb pork sausage*

1 cup Bisquick

1 cup shredded cheddar cheese

4 eggs, lightly beaten

Preheat your oven to 350.  Spray your muffin tin and set it aside.  Brown the sausage, making sure that it crumbles.  Drain on a paper towel.  Mix together the Bisquick, eggs and cheese.  Fold the sausage into that mixture.  Evenly divide the mixture between the 12 muffin tin cups.  Bake for 20 minutes.  Let them cool down a few minutes before removing them from the pan.

Enjoy!

* I also made them using diced ham instead of sausage and they turned out great.  If you do that, you probably only need about 1/2 pound of diced ham.

Quote of the Day