Thought for the day

Bleh.  I have been in a funk all week.  I'm not really sure why, but there you have it.  I just feel completely unmotivated right now.  I don't know if I'm scared of what the future holds or doesn't hold for me.  I just don't know.  I do know that I'm worried that something will happen before graduation that could totally screw things up.  This is a normal feeling for people getting ready to graduate I think, but it totally sucks.

This will pass, I'm just ready for it to pass sooner than later.  I have to find some things that will get me out of these feelings and I just do not know what they are yet.  I know some things like getting projects done at the house.  As strange as that may sound, I just exist better when the house is in order and I am so far behind on that.  But it's hard sometimes doing things when I'm home alone.  I get sucked into the computer or Netflix or what have you and then get nothing done.  Then, I feel guilty for not having done anything.  It's a vicious cycle.

I also have one class that is kicking my butt, in a good way though.  Grant writing.  The professor is tough because he knows what he's talking about.  It's good because we'll be coming away with a valuable skill.  It's also a lot of work and sometimes I just can't seem to get focused.  I will get the work done, it's just a matter of making myself focus and doing it.  When graduation is only a few weeks away, it can be hard to focus.  But I know that I have to.

Oh well...onward and upward...eventually.  Let's see if motivation and focus will be my friends today.

That is all

Showtune of the day

Not the best version,  but the sentiment is the same. It's just what I'm feeling today.  Wish me luck!

Quote of the Day

The earth has music for those who listen.

                                                                            George Santayana

Quote of the day

There comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular, but he must take it because conscience tells him it is right.

                                                                            Martin Luther King, Jr.

Quote of the day

You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.  I hope someday you'll join us.  And the world will live as one.

                                                                            John Lennon

Thought for the day

Well, here it is...almost the end of spring break.  I'm sitting here having my morning coffee, surfing the net and looking out the window at the gray morning.  It's overcast and rainy so far today.  Luckily it's not that cold and the wind is at a minimum....so far.  Actually, there are times when I really enjoy these kinds of days.  I am determined that today is going to be one of them!

It's not like I have anything in particular planned for today, but today I am actually going to enjoy just seeing where the day takes me.  It may take me somewhere.  It may take me nowhere.  Only time will tell.  I am determined to just be in the moment today.  That is all I ask of myself.

Hopefully I can get some things organized around the house.  Sometimes it really is emotionally draining to see all of this crap just piled up all over the place.  I might as well try to be productive.  Of course, some of that depends on whenever Michael gets up because I don't like to make a lot of noise while he's still in bed.  Of course, it doesn't usually stir him at all if I'm doing something, but I still don't want to take that chance.

Anyway, I'm just going to go with the flow today.  Maybe do some letter writing, pay some bills, work in the garage.  We shall see.  I have no agenda today other than self care.  Wish me luck!

Thought for the day

I'm so ready for this week to be over with.  If you read my earlier post, you'll know that spring break has been disappointing.  But, such is life.  I have come to the realization that I am just not good when I have nothing to do.  And by nothing to do, I mean homework that's due tomorrow or classes to attend or my internship or work.  I have things that I could do and should be doing, but my motivation is just not meeting this challenge.  Yes, I know spring break is a time to relax and do nothing to many people.  In that respect, I have succeeded.  I just don't feel very successful.

I am not good when left to my own devices.  I really have not left my house this week except to walk around the corner to the Bestway and that doesn't take very long.  I sit here and get depressed because I don't really want to do anything.  And if you've ever been depressed...not sad, but depressed, you know the toll it takes on a person both emotionally and physically.  Oh well, this shall pass too.  At least, I hope it will.  At least the sun has finally started coming out again, even if it's still cold and windy.  Squirt can sit for hours on the porch in the sun and enjoy himself.  There's that, anyhow.

So, once again, I have to do some self reflecting on my life and what I do and how I do it.  I have come to the conclusion that it is something I can change but not necessarily fix.  Saying something needs fixing implies that it is broken.  I know I'm not broken, even though at times I feel that way but I recognize it is just a feeling and will pass.  No, what I'm talking about is looking to my role models and how they handled day to day life.  My parents, my Grandmother and other family members set wonderful examples for me and I want to incorporate more of that into my daily existence.  I don't want to be them because I'm me, but I do want their influence more.

I'm not really sure what any of this means, but it makes sense in my brain so there you have it.  I woke up depressed this morning but I decided to give myself some time and space to clear my head before putting this jumble of feelings into words.

Now, time for laundry.

Cheers