Their night

Growing up, my parents weren't the most touchy, feely sort of couple.  I don't mean that they were cold towards each other, by any means.  They just did not express themselves physically very often in front of us. Or at least in front of me.  They were tender when it counted and when it was needed.  I remember being five or six and going to the funeral of my cousin Margaret.  She and my mom were very close and mom took her death very hard.  As she stood  at the grave after the service, my dad held her close as she cried.  Someone took a photograph of that moment, from behind them.  Now that picture is imprinted on my mind and it's one of the first images I see whenever I think about my parents together.  Their intimate moments like that bound them together and, in a sense, bound us all together.

As Mom's illness progressed rapidly towards the end of her life, their physical interactions became more frequent.  Not necessarily in a romantic way, but much more powerfully.  It was in a way that came straight from their hearts and their devotion to each other.  Dad would have to help Mom in getting dressed and undressed.   Especially with her shoes as she could no longer comfortably bend down to get them on.  I don't think Mom would've let just anyone do that for her, but this was her soul mate.

Dad even had to help bathe Mom from time to time as sometimes it was too difficult for her to do alone.  I remember that one time Dad told me that he joked with Mom, telling her that he'd wanted to help bathe her when they first got married, but she wouldn't let him.  That always makes me smile.

That night, they sat in the den watching the video of Bill and Heidi's wedding.  This was something that they had done almost every night since they'd received the video.  Mom was very proud of that wedding.  One, it was a beautiful wedding.  And two, she was determined to be there and to be an active part in it, which she was.  That wedding, honestly, I believe prolonged her life.  After the video was over, she told Dad that she needed to use the bathroom.  He lifted her up and helped her onto the toilet.  She sat there for a long time, he told me.  Once she let him know that she was finished, he cleaned her up, got her dressed again and set her back down in her recliner.  If nothing else, that right there is what true love between two people is.  Mom  expressed her relief and told Dad that she really must have had to use the bathroom badly.  Upon returning to flush and clean the toilet, he realized that Mom had not actually done anything, she'd only thought she had.
Coming back to her, Mom asked Dad if he would scratch her back.  He leaned her forward a little in her recliner and scratched her back, which she always loved.  I don't know how long he did this, but I imagine it made both of them happy to be touching and connecting in some way.  When he was done, she sat back in the chair and thanked him.  And by the time it took Dad to walk only a few feet to his own recliner, not even 30 seconds, that was it.  She was gone.

She was ready to go.  And my Dad's love for her never wavered.  He made have had to let her go physically, but not from his soul.

The depth of my parents love for each other has always amazed me and set an extraordinary example for me.  It is one of those things that I didn't realize how strong it was at the time, but looking back on it I see it in so many memories.

antiques

i treated myself to a shopping trip to the Greensboro Antiques Mall yesterday.  Our weekend travel plans had to be cancelled because Michael has been sick.  That's really not a big deal in the long run as it's just something that happens in life.  So, i decided that i'd spend the money i was going to spend in Asheville on myself at the antiques mall.  Had a blast there by myself and found some things i'd been wanting.  i didn't find some of the things i'd hoped i'd find, but none the less it was a nice outing for me.

i've loved antiques for as long as i can remember.  i grew up around them.  i love them because they have a history to them.  Almost everything i own is an antique or vintage in one way or another.  And because many things i have are family pieces, i know the history behind them.  It just makes me happy.

my passion for them started when i was about 12.  My Great Aunt Sara passed away that year and we had to clean out the family home in Wingate.  i'd been in that house many times as a child, but that experience of dealing with all of those pieces with their family history really got me motivated and passionate about them.  There was an antiques store in Wingate.  It was actually located in another family home of ours, my Great Uncle Bruce's boyhood home, which is now the Jesse Helms Museum, but we'll save that for another time.  Anyway, the proprietor of that shop came and did an appraisal on the pieces at Aunt Sara's and that's how i got to know her.  Now, all i can remember is her first name is Bonnie  lol

Everytime we'd go to Wingate to work on the house, i'd beg to stop by the store.  Usually, Mom would relent and we'd kill an hour or so there.  i remember that the first time i went into the shop, i fell in love with a green and white checkered tea set.  i just thought it was beautiful but at $50, it was out of my price range as a 12 year old.  Everytime we went there i would go back and stare at the set.  i wanted it badly lol  i was saving every penny i could get my hands on, even though i knew it would take months for me to save enough.  This was a risk because someone could've bought it before i'd saved enough, but i was willing to take that chance.

Finally, in October, Bonnie relented and reduced the price to $20, just for me.  And i had saved more than that but gladly handed it over to her and packed up my tea set.  i was beyond thrilled.  We took it home and Mom found a silver tray that we put it on and set it out in the living room.  i was so proud of my purchase.  It stayed in our living room for years and years until Dad remarried.  i still have it, i don't ever plan on getting rid of it as it was the first purchase of my love for antiques.  i still display it from time to time.  Maybe i need to pull it back out and show it off.