Going to find a positive in today

 I did not sleep well last night....at all.  It was a very restless sleep.  I just could not get settled down.  My brain seemed to take off into a bizarre world of dreams every time I actually fell asleep.  Not nightmares, just weird dreams. Enough to wake me up and make me go "what was that?".  I finally got myself up about 5:15. I got the coffee brewing and started the dishwasher.  At least I got something productive done so far today, if nothing else LOL Anyway, once I get my coffee and sit down at the computer, things don't necessarily get any more restful.

When you wake up to more reminders of all the bad in the world, it is hard to motivate oneself to anything.  It is hard to try and maintain a smile on one's face.  But I am determined to find something positive in the global abominations that are thrown at me this morning.  I have absolutely no idea what that is going to be, but dammit I am going to find it.  It is the only...and I mean only...way I will be able to get through my day with some semblance of sanity.

There is a part of me that just wants to crawl back into bed and pull the covers up over me.  As much as I would like that, it's not going to happen.  I'm going to have to get dressed, go to work and deal with many people who need care beyond my capabilities...but that's for another blog.  I will smile through it all in an attempt to make their day somewhat better, and hopefully mine.  But I will find at least one thing that will truly make me better.  That one thing that will make me smile at the core of my spirit and really show on my face.  No clue what that's going to be, but I am going to find it today.  For everyone's sake LOL

That is all

Rearranging

 When you have a  lot of furniture and stuff like I do, rearranging things is not something that I do very often.  Usually, once something has found its place in our home, it will stay there for a long time.  Furniture, especially.  Now, knick knacks are different because they are small and can be changed out easily.  We just rarely switch up where the furniture is.  Back in December, I did move our dining room table and chairs over about a foot and a half towards the wall.  It gave us much more walking space between the living room and the kitchen.  That wasn't really rearranging, but it did provide a good sense of change.

Anyway, I moved a side table yesterday to balance out my living room area.  Two reasons I did this.  One is because where it was located blocked the bookcase and you couldn't really see into the bookcase.  In addition to books, obviously, I keep other collectibles there and I'd like to be able to look at them.  Also, it was a lighting issue.  There was not much light in the middle of the room and having that table moved to the other side of the sofa will provide more centralized light, which I like.  I had also planned on putting a floor lamp where the table had been but that didn't pan out.  The lamp is broken, which I didn't realize.  So, now I've got that on my shopping list for later on....no rush LOL

I really like having the table over there now.  It's interesting to me how such a small change can make all the difference in how I feel about a room.  I doubt that there will be many more changes simply because of spacing constraints.  But, for now, I am enjoying the small change.

That is all

Josh Groban - Your'e Still You

 I am a Josh Groban fanatic.  I love everything he does.  The music that comes from him is golden.  I never really watched Ally McBeal, but this was pretty much his first exposure to the public and it's awesome.  I hope you enjoy!

Laundry, my weekend pastime

 I think that I'm one of the few people I know that enjoys doing laundry but I do.  I have no idea where that came from, but it's the truth.  I remember helping out with it as an older child and teenager, but mostly Mom did it.  So I'm not sure when I started to enjoy doing it but I, unlike most people, find it relaxing.

I think that one of the reasons I do enjoy it is because it gives me a great sense of accomplishment.  This is something that I can get done every week and that makes me feel better about trying to run a household.  And the thing I love about this chore is that I don't have to sit around staring at the washer and dryer.  I can put a load in a walk away and do something else.  I know I have a certain amount of time before the cycle is done, so that challenges me to get something done in between loads.

I also enjoy the folding process.  That's not to say that I'm very good at it but I enjoy it.  I have always loved geometry and to me, this is a form of that.  Creating angles and lines.  Repeating that pattern.  I can't help it.  I enjoy it.  Strange, I know.  But I really do enjoy trying to recreate the fold over and over again, perfecting it.  It doesn't always turn out that way, but I do try!

I do Michael's laundry as well.  He does not like doing it and since I don't mind, I am happy to get his done.  I love being able to do something useful for him, not that I'm not useful every day but still I like that feeling.  Michael doesn't like the artificial scents that come with most laundry detergents, so I let him buy what he wants and likes and use it for both of us.  Works out well that way.

I'm sure that I would not like laundry as much if I had to do it like my great grandmother had to.  A washing board is not my idea of fun.  But I wouldn't mind hanging clothes out to dry if I had a decent line to put them on.  I remember Mom used to do that.  We had a few lines hanging between trees in the back yard.  I don't know if this was before we had a dryer, but I do remember it.  As a small kid there was almost nothing quite as fun as running through the sheets that were blowing in the breeze.  Ah, well.

I've gotten on load done so far this morning and there are at least 6 maybe 7 more to go before my task is done.  Until then, time for more coffee!

That is all.

Sometimes it's hard to get everything done

 For the life of me, I do not think I will ever fully understand how my parents were able to do all of the things that they did on a daily basis.  As much as I try to get things done, both practically and socially, I never seem to manage it.  I have my daily list, which inevitably never gets completed each day though I do manage to get a few things accomplished.   But Mom and Dad seemed to be able to balance work, home and social aspects of life with ease.  And in all honesty, it probably was not as easy as it looked to me, but it sure did seem that way.

It's a never ending goal for me to get to that point and feel like I've got it all under control.  Or at least give the appearance of having it all under control LOL  I know that part of it simply finding the tools and the outlets for that.  And my list does help me.  I spend too much time at the computer, for one thing, and that takes away precious time from things that I could be doing that would make me feel better.  There's one solution right there, just have to really work on that (as I write this on the computer LOL)

I will always regret that, in school, if you were in band or chorus, you usually missed out on the life classes.  Things like shop or home economics weren't available to those of us that were in the arts.  There simply weren't enough classes in the day to squeeze that in. I think that should be a requirement for graduation.  We need classes in how to get through life.  And that's not because people are idiots...well at least not all people.  It's just simply because while we are doing all of this other stuff in our youth, one day we blink and we are adults with no idea how to get things done.  I'm talking about things like meal planning, paying bills, doing taxes, etc.  I would add writing checks but hardly anyone does that anymore.  I know that I would have benefitted from having had taken a class like that.  As much as I enjoyed band, that stopped upon graduation and a life class would have stayed with me.  Ah, well.

This is something I need to work on.  I know that I would enjoy life much more if I did not always feel like I was behind in everything, still working to catch up.  Don't get me wrong.  Life's not bad at all.  It can be better though.  It would be nice to have more time to enjoy things that I enjoy without the baggage of not having gotten done the things I need to.  I don't necessarily want to plan out every moment of every day, but maybe that is what I need to do for awhile so that I can get it all under control.  I don't know, but we shall see.  

That is all

Daily Challenge - letter writing

 If you read my blog or are friends with me on FB, you know that I love letter writing.  I went through periods growing up where I would write lots of letters and cards.  Then it would fall by the wayside for awhile normally because life was happening around me, but then I would pick it back up and begin again.  As an adult, at least in these years as an adult, I really love writing letters again. 

Yes, I realize that I am old fashioned.  There's no news in that statement LOL  But I, personally, enjoy getting things in the mail that aren't bills and I write letters in the hopes that others feel that same way.  And if they don't, so be it.  At least it will be something different for them to look at.  And I find it much more personal than simply sending an email.  While that is convenient, letter writing takes some thought and some effort.  It shows how someone took the time to think of you and wanted to let you know that.  I think that is wonderful and I love it.

My new challenge for myself is to write a letter every day.  I realize that I may not be able to do one each day, but I can try.  As with being a kid, life happens around me as an adult so I have to make adjustments.  No shame in that.  But I keep track of the letters that I write and I need to step up my game.  Here we are in the middle of February and I've only gotten 3 letters out so far.  Not a good rate!  And I have lots of stationary to use up.  I do love buying stationary and cards, but that's for another blog.

So, we shall see how this goes.  I enjoy the peace of sitting down and putting pen to paper.  I find it relaxing and who couldn't use more relaxation in their lives? I love surprising people who would never expect to get a letter in this age of technology.  It makes me happy so why not try to do that every day?  Ah, well.  Time for me to refill my coffee and sit down and jot a note to someone.  Who knows.  It may be to you!

That is all.

The Continuing Adventures of Just a Waiter - listening to our residents

 If you are going to work with older populations, it is my belief that one of the key elements to a successful working relationship with senior citizens is listening.  Plain and simple listening.  From the time we are born we want to be heard.  We want to be listened to.  That is human nature.  Our society, though, tends to stop listening to people once they've reached a certain age.  It is almost as if what they have to say, what they want, what they need is no longer of any importance.  And if you are going to work with this age group, the ability to listen is absolutely imperative.

In every senior living community, you will find the same types of people.  I hesitate to use the word stereotype simply because that has such negative connotations in our society, but basically that's what I mean.  There's the complainer who almost never has anything positive to say and will go out of his/her way to find something to complain about.  There's the quiet one who hardly ever speaks but will talk your ears off if you instigate the conversation.  There's the person with memory issues who will come to you with the same issues over and over again, sometimes only after a few minutes have lapsed.  There's the gossip who doesn't realize the things they say about other people could be applied to them as well.  And the one thing these people all have in common is that they just want someone to listen to them.  That's it.

There is an art to listening.  It is not only being quiet like some people think.  You have to pay attention.  When a resident comes to me to tell me the same thing for the one hundredth time, I need to listen to them as if I have never heard what they are telling me.  Pay attention to the details of what is being said and give them confirmation that it is understood.  It's not hard to do but it's not as easy as some may think.  And when residents have complaints, one really, truly needs to listen because more often than not their claim is legitimate.  Give the residents some acknowledgement that you have heard what is being said.  You don't have to give them a solution because some times that is not your area of expertise, but you can listen.  It makes people feel better to get something off of their chest and that applies to all ages.  If a resident is simply brushed off or condescended to, that will not end well.

And simply because a person is older does not mean that cannot tell when someone is on autopilot.  They know if you're not actually paying attention to them or not.  Really hearing them is key.  I have seen too many times someone already formulating an answer or an excuse in their minds before a resident has finished stating his/her case.  That's just going to aggravate the situation.  Especially if that type of response becomes commonplace with whoever they are talking to.

So, when a resident approaches you, give them your full attention.  Make eye contact with them while they are speaking.  Do something to acknowledge that you are listening, whether it is nodding in agreement or repeating back to them what's been said.  Remember, you may be the only person they talk to that day and the few moments that you allow them could be the difference between a good day for them and a bad one.  That's just one way we make a difference.

That is all.

I remember

This song is from a different service, of course, but sounds like what I remember hearing

I remember standing outside of the sanctuary in the hallway before the service.  I remember thinking that if I just walked out that side door that none of this would be true.  That I would wake up and this nightmare would be over.  I didn't do it, but I seriously considered it.

I remember walking into the sanctuary.  The order felt strange to me.  Dad, Bill, Heidi, Me then Grandmother.  This was her daughter.  Why wasn't she first?  I don't know.

I remember entering the sanctuary.  I had never seen it so full.  I'd been a member since birth and in 21 years I had never seen it packed like that.  I felt like everyone I knew was there.  I remember looking up into the balcony and seeing my friends from UNCG:  Nee, Liz, Courtney, Marcia and Stephanie.  That meant so much.

I remember talking back to Grandmother.  She told me not to cry but to stay strong.  I appreciated her concern because that is how her generation dealt with things.  But, thanks to Be Boyd and my theater classmates, I knew that I had to let go or it would have been the end of me.  I told Grandmother to let me do this.  And to her acclaim, she did.

I remember the congregation singing "In The Garden".  Heidi, my sister in law, took my hand during that hymn while I was weeping and she held it very tight.  That moment meant more to me than she may every know.

I remember the choir sang.  Mom was a member of that choir since she was a teenager.  They sang "My Eternal King".  After the service was over, Ellen, Heidi's mother, said that it was like the choir was singing to raise the roof off of the church. And they were. For Mary B.

I remember having to walk up that aisle after the service.  The casket had the most incredible spray of roses on it.  I was weeping.  Not just crying, but weeping.  I don't know how I made it down that aisle and out of the church.

There are lots more memories I have of that week that are very precious to me.  These are just a few and I cherish them.  That is all. 

Cleaning the bathroom shelves

 It is interesting to me to see how much better I feel, in general, when I look at an area of the house that is exactly like I want it to be.  Well, maybe not %100 exactly as I want it, but close enough to be satisfying.  There is quite a sense of accomplishment about that kind of thing with me.  I enjoy the process of going through and organizing stuff so that I know what all is there and where I can easily find it later when I need it.

Yesterday, I cleaned and organized my bathroom shelves.  On Facebook, I posted that I reorganized them but honestly, that's not true. They were not organized to begin with.  The shelves had become a catch all for so many different things that there was no organization whatsoever.  It was just a mess. And that bothered me simply because I look at these shelves every day.  It's one of the first things I see every morning.  And having it in a state of chaos and sloppiness drove me crazy.  It often set my mood for the day.  It definitely could take a chunk out of my sense of motivation, that's for sure!

The task of cleaning the shelves has been on my list for a few weeks now and I finally decided it was time to tackle that project.  It was a good thing to do while waiting on laundry in the dryer!  I took everything off the the shelves and sorted it all into groups on the bed.  I used the bed on purpose because that's where I fold clothes.  So, I was forcing myself to get this task done so that I could get that task done.  And that idea worked.  At first it seemed overwhelming because it was a lot of stuff and like things were not together on the shelves.  Surprisingly, there were not many outdated products that had to be tossed.  A few, but not many.

Once I got everything sorted, then came the huge decision making process of what would go where on the shelves.  A delicate task that need not be taken lightly. Things needed to be easily accessible yet still stay with similar items.  And it must be aesthetically pleasing...that's one of the points of this project anyway! And I managed to do that.  I put almost everything back onto the shelves in a way that I could find it easily and I liked its appearance.  There were only two items that did not make it back onto the shelf but that's ok.  They are really more items for the linen closet.  I don't have a linen closet, but that's where they need to go.  I will find a home for them eventually.  But overall, I am pleased with the finished product.

Now comes the hard task of maintaining that organization.  That is never been one of my strong suits.  But I do hope that the feeling of relief I get from just looking at how nicely everything is placed will encourage me to keep it that way. And I hope that feeling will motivate me to other areas of the house.  It would be nice not to simply look around the house and feel stressed because it's a chaotic mess.  One can only hope!

That is all

Nearer My God To Thee - BYU Men's Chorus

 This video popped up on my Youtube recommendations.  To be honest, my reference point for this hymn is the Titanic legend of the band playing it as the ship sank.  I'd never truly listened to it before.  I found this version to be beautiful and very haunting.  The vocals are spectacular.  It's a beautiful hymn and filled me with hope.  Enjoy!

Valentine's Day

 I don't really celebrate Valentine's Day anymore.  Sure, Michael and I do cards most years and maybe a little something, but it really hasn't been my thing.  If you didn't already know, Mom died on February 13th, 1996.  That put a pretty good damper on wanting to celebrate it.  It does not bother me in any way, it's simply that time of year brings back other memories that take precedence over St. Valentine.  Now, catch me on February 15th when all of the candy is 50% off, if not more, then you'll see some celebrating!  Normally.  But not this year simply because we are still satiated with candy from Christmas.  That's one of the downsides of hiding things.  I open up a cabinet and there's more candy staring at me.  Ah, well.  First world problems.

But I was thinking the other day how much I miss the Valentine's Day of elementary school.  Every one gave every one else a valentine.  We would make holders for cards with our names on them that went up on the bulletin board.  I specifically remember making one out of two red construction paper hearts.  We'd draw the hearts and cut them out.  We'd fold the hearts in half then either staple or glue (or sometimes both) the edges together to make one large heart shaped card holder.  Ah, arts and crafts.  I need more of that in my life, but I'll save that for another blog.

I'm sure some kind of note went home to our parents because no kid in class was left out.  We all got cards from all of the kids in our class.  I remember in 1st grade, a girl in my class gave me about 20 cards.  Apparently she had a crush on me LOL  And there was always Valentine candy.  I don't remember if we brought candy or if the teacher's had it for us but it was always there.  Mostly, we'd take the cards home at the end of the school day and open them all up at home.  It was a treat to take with us.  

I miss those boxes of cards you use to buy for Valentine's Day.  Always an assortment in the box.  Sometimes with a specific theme like Garfield or Charlie Brown.  But they were corny, as those cards tend to be.  And there were the cheap very thin envelopes where the glue on the back always tasted old and musty even if the box was brand new.  You had to be careful, even at that young age, to pick just the right card for the right person.  Otherwise, it could have been social disaster.  Still, it was a good time and it is an even better memory.  Happy Valentine's day!

That is all

Recipe of the day - Easy Sausage and Cheese Muffins

 

My manager at work, Melissa, told me about these muffins last year.  She texted me the recipe and I tried it that weekend.  They are super easy and very tasty.  And since it makes a dozen, you can either freeze the leftovers or just eat them throughout the week.  Either way, this recipe is a keeper!  Enjoy!

Sausage and Cheese Muffins

1 lb pork sausage*

1 cup Bisquick

1 cup shredded cheddar cheese

4 eggs, lightly beaten

Preheat your oven to 350.  Spray your muffin tin and set it aside.  Brown the sausage, making sure that it crumbles.  Drain on a paper towel.  Mix together the Bisquick, eggs and cheese.  Fold the sausage into that mixture.  Evenly divide the mixture between the 12 muffin tin cups.  Bake for 20 minutes.  Let them cool down a few minutes before removing them from the pan.

Enjoy!

* I also made them using diced ham instead of sausage and they turned out great.  If you do that, you probably only need about 1/2 pound of diced ham.

Quote of the Day