i am far from a computer savvy person, but this week i have finally figured out how to scan pictures onto the computer. Finally LOL If you have seen me on Facebook, you already know that i have been posting pictures. i really am enjoying it and it is truly fun to share these pictures and memories with people. But, in some ways, it has made me sad. i look at myself in these pictures and i wonder what happened to that person, to that life. Things that were once important to me are not as much anymore and i miss that. So many of the pictures, so far, are of family gatherings. i really do miss having that connection with my family, both immediate and distant relatives. Getting together to share a meal or celebrate a birthday. Those were wonderful occasions and Mom was so good about coordinating them. And i never really realized exactly how many of those kinds of things we did. So far, most of the pictures i have scanned have been from 1988 and it seems like almost every month there was some kind of get together. Today, i am lucky to get together with the family once, maybe twice a year. i want to figure out a way to recapture that. There are so many people that i just do not see anymore. And, of course, as one grows older, family and friends change. The definition of family changes. It's not simply blood relations anymore. i long for that sense of family again. As i continue to scan and post pictures, i will also start finding a way to make those things happen again in my life. i am my mother's child, after all. It is possible. Now, just have to find some other willing participants.
Cheers
Sunday, July 26, 2015
Wednesday, July 22, 2015
thought for the day - a short reflection on life's lessons
Whenever i take Squirt out for a walk, which is 4 or 5 times a day, i have noticed that is one time when my brain seems to go into memory overdrive. i don't know what it is about the act of walking outside that just takes me down memory lane, but it does...every time. Sometimes good memories, sometimes bad...but you can't always pick and choose which memories pop into your head! That would be way too convenient.
Today on our morning walk, as my mind was invaded with thoughts of days past, i stopped to think about when people say "if i had it to all over again, i wouldn't change a thing" i know sometimes i have said that, because of the things in my life today....Michael, college, Squirt. i am suppose to be where i am today and saying that makes me feel better about the poor choices i have made along the way. And then i started wondering that if i am where i am destined to be today, who is to say that i would not have ended up here had i chosen a different path?
i am a full believer that things happen for a reason....mainly to teach us lessons in life. Whether or not we learn from them is our own individual problem. i can honestly say that i have learned from some of mine more than others. But, if i am where i am destined to be at this point in my life and nothing would change that, then hell yes i would definitely do some things differently! i am not about to go into a long laundry list of all of the things i would do differently because that would take way too long LOL But i would certainly take more care not to make the same mistakes, at least not all of them.
So, i know i need to go back and look at what has gotten me here, the good and the bad, and take a good long look at them. Keep track of the things i took away from each situation and keep them constant in my life today so that i am the person i want to be. That is the only way i will learn from them. Can i change the past? no. Would i change the past? yes!
Today on our morning walk, as my mind was invaded with thoughts of days past, i stopped to think about when people say "if i had it to all over again, i wouldn't change a thing" i know sometimes i have said that, because of the things in my life today....Michael, college, Squirt. i am suppose to be where i am today and saying that makes me feel better about the poor choices i have made along the way. And then i started wondering that if i am where i am destined to be today, who is to say that i would not have ended up here had i chosen a different path?
i am a full believer that things happen for a reason....mainly to teach us lessons in life. Whether or not we learn from them is our own individual problem. i can honestly say that i have learned from some of mine more than others. But, if i am where i am destined to be at this point in my life and nothing would change that, then hell yes i would definitely do some things differently! i am not about to go into a long laundry list of all of the things i would do differently because that would take way too long LOL But i would certainly take more care not to make the same mistakes, at least not all of them.
So, i know i need to go back and look at what has gotten me here, the good and the bad, and take a good long look at them. Keep track of the things i took away from each situation and keep them constant in my life today so that i am the person i want to be. That is the only way i will learn from them. Can i change the past? no. Would i change the past? yes!
Saturday, July 18, 2015
why i need a job...beside the obvious reason
Money is always a good reason to have a job. We all spend it. We all need it. Lord knows, I can use as much as I can get! This whole being an adult thing and paying bills is so over rated! But, I cannot exactly turn back the clock and be a kid again, so sometimes one must just suck it up and deal with the demands of life.
But, one of the things I really do miss about working is the people. Having that contact daily with a group of coworkers is such a good thing to me. Despite whatever headaches my job brought me, it was always nice to see the same group of people on a daily basis. They do become like family. And like any other family, they have there ups and downs. Not everyone gets along all of the time. But, there is always someone who has your back. And I miss that. Having that sense of family and community day to day. It was nice and I think I could definitely use that again in my life.
Another thing that I miss is that sense of accomplishment once a job is completed. There is just something satisfying about doing your job well and having it appreciated by others. And, for me, even if my accomplishments were not always recognized verbally or financially, I still took away a sense of pride from it. Even lately, when I have been filling in at the bakery around the corner doing deliveries, I enjoy that feeling of knowing I did everything that was asked of me in the time frame that I was given. I just love feeling that way.
I have tried to transfer these qualities into my every day life and it doesn't always work. During the semester, it was easier because I got to know people in class and had homework and such to do. Now that the summer is here, it's a lot more difficult. Since I don't have work yet, getting out of the house and around people has been hard for me to do. And I have tried to get things done around here, sometimes being successful, sometimes not. I do enjoy my lists, as most of you know. Crossing things off of my list because I have gotten them done makes me feel good. However, I'm realizing that sometimes my lists are too vague and when that happens, I tend to not get things done like I'd like to. So, I'm making my lists a lot more specific these days. It's working, slowly but surely.
Anyway, back to my original point, I need a job because I want to be around new people and I want to accomplish things, no matter how menial. It will be good for me. So far, I have not had much luck, but I am still plugging away.
"No job is beneath you." Maria Shriver
But, one of the things I really do miss about working is the people. Having that contact daily with a group of coworkers is such a good thing to me. Despite whatever headaches my job brought me, it was always nice to see the same group of people on a daily basis. They do become like family. And like any other family, they have there ups and downs. Not everyone gets along all of the time. But, there is always someone who has your back. And I miss that. Having that sense of family and community day to day. It was nice and I think I could definitely use that again in my life.
Another thing that I miss is that sense of accomplishment once a job is completed. There is just something satisfying about doing your job well and having it appreciated by others. And, for me, even if my accomplishments were not always recognized verbally or financially, I still took away a sense of pride from it. Even lately, when I have been filling in at the bakery around the corner doing deliveries, I enjoy that feeling of knowing I did everything that was asked of me in the time frame that I was given. I just love feeling that way.
I have tried to transfer these qualities into my every day life and it doesn't always work. During the semester, it was easier because I got to know people in class and had homework and such to do. Now that the summer is here, it's a lot more difficult. Since I don't have work yet, getting out of the house and around people has been hard for me to do. And I have tried to get things done around here, sometimes being successful, sometimes not. I do enjoy my lists, as most of you know. Crossing things off of my list because I have gotten them done makes me feel good. However, I'm realizing that sometimes my lists are too vague and when that happens, I tend to not get things done like I'd like to. So, I'm making my lists a lot more specific these days. It's working, slowly but surely.
Anyway, back to my original point, I need a job because I want to be around new people and I want to accomplish things, no matter how menial. It will be good for me. So far, I have not had much luck, but I am still plugging away.
"No job is beneath you." Maria Shriver
Sunday, July 12, 2015
thought for the day
Today, i have decided to start with a blank canvas. i am not putting any expectations on myself today. i am just going to go with the flow and see what happens. When i woke up this morning, my first thought was not "Time to get up" or "i need coffee". It was "i feel depressed again." i decided right there that i was not going to let that feeling dominate me today. i am going to fight it with all of my being. That will be tough, but i am determined to work through it and beat it.
There are certain things i know i need to try and get done today, if for no other reason than they will make me feel better. i have to do some cleaning....it's amazing how things build up quickly, especially in an older home. i have to list more items on Ebay and different places. i need to do something to enjoy this beautiful, albeit hot, Sunday.
i keep looking back at my parents and my Grandmother and i try to figure out how they were all able to make it work. Every life seems to have its ups and downs, but i do not remember them ever suffereing from any kind of depression. Sadness, yes, but depression, no. If they did, they managed to hide it from us very well. Even when Mom was sick, i cannot recall her getting depressed. Maybe that's because she still had the job of being a mom to do and that helped to get her through. When it comes down to it, that is what i need right now. Not to be a mom lol, but to have a purpose. i do not feel like i have one really.
Earlier this week, i filled in for the delivery driver at the bakery early one morning. i was so happy to do it because it got me out of the house and around people. Sure, my check will be incredibly small, but money is money. And it was just good to have something to do and feel like i was being productive. Same with my volunteer work this week. It was nice to be needed, and to do a good job. That's always such a great sense of accomplishment for me.
So, needless to say, my job search continues. i have actually gotten one response back and i hope that it comes through, even though that is also a temporary position. It will be nice to get that experience. i will keep applying to places and see what happens. Sometimes it gets very frustrating to think that i spent 16 years with a company that, while the experience and the people were wonderful, it left me with almost no marketable skills. So, i need to build that back up.
Anyway, today i am starting with a blank canvas. i will see what happens.
Blessings to you all
There are certain things i know i need to try and get done today, if for no other reason than they will make me feel better. i have to do some cleaning....it's amazing how things build up quickly, especially in an older home. i have to list more items on Ebay and different places. i need to do something to enjoy this beautiful, albeit hot, Sunday.
i keep looking back at my parents and my Grandmother and i try to figure out how they were all able to make it work. Every life seems to have its ups and downs, but i do not remember them ever suffereing from any kind of depression. Sadness, yes, but depression, no. If they did, they managed to hide it from us very well. Even when Mom was sick, i cannot recall her getting depressed. Maybe that's because she still had the job of being a mom to do and that helped to get her through. When it comes down to it, that is what i need right now. Not to be a mom lol, but to have a purpose. i do not feel like i have one really.
Earlier this week, i filled in for the delivery driver at the bakery early one morning. i was so happy to do it because it got me out of the house and around people. Sure, my check will be incredibly small, but money is money. And it was just good to have something to do and feel like i was being productive. Same with my volunteer work this week. It was nice to be needed, and to do a good job. That's always such a great sense of accomplishment for me.
So, needless to say, my job search continues. i have actually gotten one response back and i hope that it comes through, even though that is also a temporary position. It will be nice to get that experience. i will keep applying to places and see what happens. Sometimes it gets very frustrating to think that i spent 16 years with a company that, while the experience and the people were wonderful, it left me with almost no marketable skills. So, i need to build that back up.
Anyway, today i am starting with a blank canvas. i will see what happens.
Blessings to you all
Friday, July 10, 2015
note to self
What upset you yesterday does not matter today. It is fine to get upset at something trivial. That happens, it is called being human. Even better is the ability to get upset, let it go and move on. Today you have achieved that, so enjoy the rest of your day, Bob :)
Thursday, July 9, 2015
thought for the day - social media drama
We all do things wrong sometimes. We all fuck up situations or friendships unintentionally, and sometimes subconsciously. Sometimes i do speak without thinking. Sometimes plans don't work out as they should. That is life. You learn from it and you move on. But, if no one tells you the problem, how can you know there is one? i, personally, do a lot better when someone confronts me with something. That way, i can learn from my mistakes. Yes, i make mistakes and i repeat mistakes. Many times i do not realize that i do it. The reasons behind that kind of behavior, depending on the circumstances, can go very deep with me. Oh well.
So, on that note, it really was bizarre to log onto Facebook this morning and read a message from a longtime online friend. Several weeks ago, we had a conversation about one of my Youtube pages. i have several for different kinds of interests. This one was about boxing, as there are many great vids on Youtube. He had told me he enjoyed and had subscribed to it. Great! This morning, his message to me was "I take back what I said about your Youtube. I don't like some of the vids you have on there so I unsubscribed." My response was "whatever" because, honestly, i don't care who subscribes or not, it's vids that i enjoy watching. And then, realizing how out of the blue this message was, i checked his Facebook page to see that he had unfriended me. I apologized for whatever I had done to offend him and wished him luck. He told me what I could do with that. Oh well. I'm more upset over it because I don't know why this happened. We have been online friends on various sites for at least 15 years. If he had needed to call my attention to something I had done, I would have listened. Whether or not the end result would have been different. And i have kept my feelings to myself about some of the things he does, because it is not my place. But, I suppose I will never know. It's sad to lose an online presence that i have enjoyed for so long, but i can do, and will do, no more about it.
Which also leads me to something else about my online life. It is time for me to let go of most of it. The different profile websites, etc. It is a fantasy world that is becoming too much of my social reality. Having said that, there's nothing wrong with fantasy, i just need to step away from it for awhile. So far, i have deleted almost half of those pages out there and will hopefully get most of them done later today. It has given me quite the sense of relief not to be a slave to them. This is all in an attempt to get myself back into the real world and be an actual human being again. We shall see.
So, on that note, it really was bizarre to log onto Facebook this morning and read a message from a longtime online friend. Several weeks ago, we had a conversation about one of my Youtube pages. i have several for different kinds of interests. This one was about boxing, as there are many great vids on Youtube. He had told me he enjoyed and had subscribed to it. Great! This morning, his message to me was "I take back what I said about your Youtube. I don't like some of the vids you have on there so I unsubscribed." My response was "whatever" because, honestly, i don't care who subscribes or not, it's vids that i enjoy watching. And then, realizing how out of the blue this message was, i checked his Facebook page to see that he had unfriended me. I apologized for whatever I had done to offend him and wished him luck. He told me what I could do with that. Oh well. I'm more upset over it because I don't know why this happened. We have been online friends on various sites for at least 15 years. If he had needed to call my attention to something I had done, I would have listened. Whether or not the end result would have been different. And i have kept my feelings to myself about some of the things he does, because it is not my place. But, I suppose I will never know. It's sad to lose an online presence that i have enjoyed for so long, but i can do, and will do, no more about it.
Which also leads me to something else about my online life. It is time for me to let go of most of it. The different profile websites, etc. It is a fantasy world that is becoming too much of my social reality. Having said that, there's nothing wrong with fantasy, i just need to step away from it for awhile. So far, i have deleted almost half of those pages out there and will hopefully get most of them done later today. It has given me quite the sense of relief not to be a slave to them. This is all in an attempt to get myself back into the real world and be an actual human being again. We shall see.
Friday, July 3, 2015
Note to self
You've had two pretty good days of working towards your goals. Keep going in that direction. It is ok to look back and learn, just don't turn around and start walking back that way. You got this! That is all :)
Thursday, July 2, 2015
Note to self
The only way you can begin to conquer your addictions is to change your environment. Stop giving yourself access to that which you do not need. In your mind and heart, you know it isn't healthy. You are in control of this and you are the only one who can change it. That does not mean you have to do it alone as there is nothing wrong in asking for help. Now, finding someone you feel comfortable enough to ask for help is a different story. If someone has never been addicted to anything, and addiction comes in all kinds of forms, they will not understand. That's ok too. Sometimes just lending an ear is a help. You got this.
My top 10 favorite moments from Disney animation
It seems like ever since our trip to Disney World, not a day goes by that Disney is not on my brain in one way or another. i need to live there LOL Here are my top 10 favorite moments from Disney animated movies. Of course, there are many wonderful moments, so it was hard to pick. Enjoy!
10. Lady and the Tramp - Bella Notte
Just a sweet scene from this movie. And a beautiful song, culminating in one of the most romantic moments in film history.
9. The Little Mermaid - Under The Sea
This number is so fun for me. Catchy, Oscar winning tune, and great animation.
8. Prince Ali - Aladdin
Honestly, the 2 lines by the parade commentators make me laugh out loud every time!
7. Sleeping Beauty - The Curse
Ah, the first real entrance of Maleficent. She's stunningly beautiful and evil at the same time. Captivating!
6. The Sword In The Stone - Wizard's Duel
I think this is such an underrated movie that didn't really get its due. This is some Disney animation at its finest!
5. Cinderella - Transformation
Of course, this was my favorite fairy tale growing up, and in many ways, still is. My favorite moment from this classic.
4. Fantasia - Dance of the Hours, Hippos
I love the entire Dance of the Hours portion of Fantasia, but the dancing hippos are by far my favorites!
3. Lion King - Circle of Life
As a whole, i did not care for The Lion King. But, i do think that the opening sequence is one of the best pieces of Disney animation ever!
2. Be Our Guest - Beauty and the Beast
i remember seeing this on the big screen and being floored by this number. So much fun!
1. Baby Mine - Dumbo 1941
This one kills me every time. Kleenex, anyone?
10. Lady and the Tramp - Bella Notte
Just a sweet scene from this movie. And a beautiful song, culminating in one of the most romantic moments in film history.
9. The Little Mermaid - Under The Sea
This number is so fun for me. Catchy, Oscar winning tune, and great animation.
8. Prince Ali - Aladdin
Honestly, the 2 lines by the parade commentators make me laugh out loud every time!
7. Sleeping Beauty - The Curse
Ah, the first real entrance of Maleficent. She's stunningly beautiful and evil at the same time. Captivating!
6. The Sword In The Stone - Wizard's Duel
I think this is such an underrated movie that didn't really get its due. This is some Disney animation at its finest!
5. Cinderella - Transformation
Of course, this was my favorite fairy tale growing up, and in many ways, still is. My favorite moment from this classic.
4. Fantasia - Dance of the Hours, Hippos
I love the entire Dance of the Hours portion of Fantasia, but the dancing hippos are by far my favorites!
3. Lion King - Circle of Life
As a whole, i did not care for The Lion King. But, i do think that the opening sequence is one of the best pieces of Disney animation ever!
2. Be Our Guest - Beauty and the Beast
i remember seeing this on the big screen and being floored by this number. So much fun!
1. Baby Mine - Dumbo 1941
This one kills me every time. Kleenex, anyone?
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