10 things you don't know about me...#8

On one side of my family, the Bivens side, i am the youngest great grandchild.  My mom was the youngest grandchild.  My grandmother was the youngest child.

My Grandmother, Dorothy Louise Bivens Laney, was born July 5th, 1909.  She was the youngest of 8 children born to JW and Anna Bivens.  Only 6 of the children made it to adulthood.  There were 23 years separating Grandmother and her oldest sibling, Mary Lee.  In fact, Aunt Mary Lee was married only a little over 3 weeks after Grandmother was born.

My Mom, Mary Bivens Laney Fornes, was born June 3rd, 1944.  She was the youngest of two children, her older brother Bill being born in 1939.  Mom's oldest cousin on the Bivens side was Margaret Carroll, who i believe was about 30 years older than Mom.  But don't quote me on that LOL

i, myself, was born December 5th, 1974.  i am the youngest of two, my older brother Bill being born in 1971.  And i'm the youngest of my Grandmother's 5 grandchildren and the youngest of my Great Grandmother's 15 great grandchildren.

So, there ya go!

10 things you don't know about me...#7

i've never been baptized

When i was growing up, church was an essential part of my life.  i wish it still was and i know it needs to be...something to work on this year.  However, in all of those years going to church multiple times every week, i was never baptized.

When i was very young, i didn't join the church because i was afraid of water.  Baptists are dunkers and i was scared to death of going under water.  i still don't particularly enjoy it and avoid it when i can.  i let that fear keep me from professing my faith and joining the church.

When i got to be a teenager, i decided that i needed to let go of my fear of going underwater and become a member of the church.  Of course, going through puberty, i was dealing with a lot of confusing issues at the time and in the privacy of my own room, i turned to God for many conversations and prayers.  i knew i needed Him in my life and wanted to share that with the world.

i was on the cusp of joining the church when i let something get in my way.  Our minister at the time, who i really don't need to name, told me a bold faced lie.  It was the summer after my Freshman year of high school and our youth group went on a mission trip out in our county to work on some repairs of elderly people's homes.  i was having a rough time of it during the trip. We were staying in some college dorms and i had a room to myself.  Not by choice, but by the fact that no one wanted to share a room with me.  In hindsight that's ok, but when there were 3 and 4 guys in each of the other rooms, i did feel left out.

Since i was already feeling badly about myself, might as well throw myself into the work we were there to do.  One of the afternoons our minister came by to check on us.  i was at the back of the house, scraping some paint around the windows, when he came and started helping me, striking up a conversation.  He talked to me about joining the church and i told him that i had been thinking about it a lot.  Then he told me that both my Mom and my Grandmother had come to him in his office and expressed their concern that i had not yet joined the church.  On the outside, i was polite but on the inside, i was furious.  Why hadn't they talked to me about it?

Of course, after the weekend was over, i confronted both of them separately and they both assured me that those conversations never took place.  My mom was absolutely furious.  i don't know if she ever talked to the minister about his lie, but she told me my relationship with God was my business and to take it at my own pace.

Anyway, that one lie from the leader of our congregation kept me from joining the church i grew up in.  i just couldn't be a part of that facade.  The next year i learned that the church i'd grown up in and loved my entire life loved you back unless you were a sinner.  That was rough, so i never did profess my faith there.

Maybe one day i will find a church that i can do that in.

thought of the day

Not really sure what i'm thinking about today.  It seems like my mind is going in 100 different directions.  At least it's a beautiful day outside today, even though i'm inside at the moment.  On this Easter Sunday, i still have a lot of thinking to do.  i need to figure out the keys to a positive and productive existence for myself.  It's the only thing that's going to save me.  Wish me luck.

thought for the day

Yes, i realize that i'm the only one that can make my life change.  i do know that, so kudos to me LOL  i just can't have unrealistic expectations that my life will change overnight...unless i win the lottery which would be just fine by me.

So, i'm going to start making some changes at home.  And by that, i mean, the way our house looks.  i love our house and it'd be great if we could buy it one day as i do not plan on moving anytime soon.  However, the way we keep house is not satisfactory.  i'd like to totally blame Michael for it, but we both play equal parts in the blame.  

i came home today and even though the house isn't a total wreck, it's seen better days.  My problem is keeping up with it.  i'll do something once then not do it again for another month or so. i have to stop doing that and stay on top of things. i know, from experience, my life, my work, my sanity is all much better if i'm in a clean space, everything put in its place.  And i cannot do it all by myself, so i'm going to have to push Michael into some things, but that'll be good for him.

Having said that, i realize that i also have too much stuff and it is really weighing down on my spirit.  So, it's really time for me to start cleaning and cleaning out.  It will be good for me in the long run.  Say a prayer LOL