Thought for the day

This whole being an adult thing can be frustrating at times.  I finally have a weekend off after a couple of weeks and have done almost nothing productive.  Ah, well.  In some ways, I am just fine being lazy but there's that nagging voice in the back of my head saying "You're an adult, don't waste your time away....pay those bills, clean that living room, give the dog a bath, etc."  Obviously, I have not really been listening to that voice this weekend.

How does one be an adult when one still feels like a child in many ways?  I don't know, but I need to find out.  I have some changes I want/need to make and recognizing that I am, in fact, an adult, is the only way I will be able to accomplish them.  It is hard to explain when I say that I feel like a child.  I am, and always will be, someone's child, but that's not it.  And I don't necessarily mean being childish either, though that ugly trait will pop its head up from time to time.  I know that a lot of it comes from memories of my younger self.  I am at a place in my life where I long for the freedom of being a child. Can I have that kind of freedom as an adult?  I don't know yet.

My job was eliminated at Heritage Greens and I was transferred back to the dining room.  I don't mind because I love my time in there and I really get to connect with the residents that way.  But I am realizing that I am not in a place where I can really advance and is this something I want to do for the rest of my life?  Hardly.  I can't afford it.  But the child in me that was so close to his Grandmother and wanted to please her comes out every day that I am there.  It is a part of my spirit and even though I do cherish it, can I translate that into my adulthood.  Being surrounded by coworkers who are 20+ years younger than myself doesn't help that either.  It was the same way when I went back to school.  You are surrounded by kids, basically, and you tend to forget that you are not their age.  At least I did, until I would pass a mirror LOL

Anyway, I think it is time to explore this being an adult thing.  I need to take more responsibility for the changes and goals in my life that I want.  I can say them out loud and I can write them here or somewhere else all day long, but the bottom line is that unless I act upon them they won't happen.  It's not too late to make this transition, but it is scary territory for me.  But I have to remember that this does not mean getting rid of those childhood feelings, just incorporating them into the adult I want to be.  It's time for Peter Pan to grow up.

That is all