Changing a few things for my mental health

 I am just back this afternoon from a weekend at Lake Royale, NC for Jason's birthday.  It was a wonderful weekend and I really enjoyed myself.  Peaceful, relaxing and still full of celebration.  What this past weekend has made me realize is that getting out of my routine from time to time is good for my mental health. It was great to be in nature.  To be around friends.  And it was great to be disconnected.  I spent little time on my phone and even less time on my computer.  No television at all. Not that it was not available, I just chose not to watch.  I would go to sleep each night listening to music.  It was easy for my brain to shut down each night and that is a good thing.

I have also been slowly moving away from most of the social media sites that I am on.  That has done wonders for me.  While I understand the purpose they serve, I was on way too many of them.  It was causing me to become mentally and emotionally drained because of relying on the computer for any kind of social life. And yes, FOMO played a huge part in that.  Constantly being reminded of what I cannot do financially does wear a person down.  It really started to get to me so I have left many of those sites behind.  It's as if a huge weight has been lifted from my brain!

I am going to incorporate that and not relying on routine as ways to spend my days.  I feel so much better about myself even in the short time I have been away from Greensboro.  Change is a good thing!

Eating at my dining room table

 

There is no question that I have a lot of things, and I enjoy my things very much. One of the things that I try to do is use my things.  My home is filled with both family pieces and pieces that I have acquired over the years.  While most people are minimalists these days, I am on the other side of that spectrum, and I have absolutely no issue with that.  That is one of the reasons that you will often see me post my table settings and my Sunday meals online.  I enjoy using what I have and I enjoy sharing that with other people.

It reminds me of meals when I was growing up.  Almost all of the meals we ate were at the table.  We did not sit on the couch and eat very often.  Now, if someone was sick, they could eat somewhere other than the dinner table but that was about the only excuse for not eating at the table.  As most of you know, I was very close to Grandmother and spent much of my time with her.  Oh, what I would not give to go back and do that again.  But when I sit at my dining room table, I am almost immediately transported back to my childhood.  

First of all, my dining room table and chairs belonged to Grandmother and hold a special place in my heart.  So many holiday meals and Sunday lunches were eaten at this table during my formative years.  But I got to thinking the other day that I don't remember not eating at this table any time I was having a meal at her house.  When it was just the two of us, be it breakfast, lunch, or dinner, we would sit at the table and eat.  She sat in her place at the end of the table, and I sat to her left.  I always sat to her left no matter the occasion.  When I would spend the night, we would have dinner at the table and breakfast there the next morning.  It was never in her breakfast room but in the dining room. If we had a snack like ice cream or some of her homemade cookies, then we would have that in front of the television in the den.  But meals were always at the table.

So as I sit at my table and have my meals, even when I am alone, I think of her and those glorious times we had when I was a child.  I try to eat at my table several times a week.  Of course, I do enjoy having others over for the holidays but it's the everyday usage that is special to me. I find comfort in that.  Now it is time to share that comfort with others.  So, let's share a meal together at Grandmother's table.  Shall we?

Too many plastic containers

 

I admit that I have been slightly on the lax side of my "one drawer at a time" purging of the house as I am still working in the kitchen.  One on hand, I am disappointed at my progress but on the other hand, I have had other things to fill my time and so I needn't feel badly about where I am. So, my next cabinet to work on is where I keep all of my plastic food containers.  You just don't know the joy I am experiencing in my anticipation of working on this LOL

Mind you, there are other things in this cabinet.  I keep all of my mixing bowls here and most of my every day serving bowls.  I keep kitchen gadgets like my mandolin, my sifter and my cookie press.  But somehow, the plastic containers have just taken over.  While they were once well stocked on one shelf, now they are on all three shelves in the cabinet.  How does that happen?  It's like they multiply when I'm not paying attention.  

Not mine but you get the idea!

I am partly to blame because I will look at something like the container that my sandwich meat came in or the container that the soup came in, and I will be like "this is a great size, and I can definitely use it." And then it becomes like doing a puzzle or playing a game of Tetris trying to find room in the cabinet for yet one more plastic container. I almost always manage to wedge it in somewhere but then it becomes a very dangerous adventure when I try to pull something else out to use.  One false move and everything falls out of the cabinet. 

So, with this cabinet, it really is time to purge.  Thank goodness for recycling.  I can always get rid of some that way. There is just too much, and I do not enjoy getting stressed out simply by opening a cabinet door.  Of course, I could always just leave it and let whoever is in charge of my estate sale (years down the road) deal with it.  But that would be unkind LOL  I'll let you know how this goes!

Going to the lake

 One of the things that I want to do this year and that I wanted to do last year but never quite did is go out of town on weekend trips.  An entire weeks' vacation is financially not going to happen right now, but I have accepted that. So, I am looking to do more day trips and weekend trips. A lot of that will depend on money, of course, but also who I know that will invite me into their home for a few days.  The thing about that is I hate to ask because I don't feel that comfortable.  It is not that I do not think that my friends would not enjoy my company, I just do not feel like I can say to anyone right now "Hey, let me stay with on your couch for a few days" Ah, well. That just shows me that I need to be more involved in life outside of my own house.  

Having said that, this coming weekend I will be going out of town for a few days, and I am looking forward to it.  Jason, my roommate, and his husband Marc have their home at Lake Royale, NC.  It's near the Raleigh/Wake Forest area.  I have not been there since their wedding several years ago and I am quite looking forward to it.  We will be celebrating Jason's birthday. And this will be one of those trips where I just relax.  We have little on the agenda besides eating and that is fine with me.  I will take a book to read and just relax.  I know we could all use a little more relaxation in our lives.

My goal is to try and do this at least once a month.  Not go to their lake house but get out of town for at least one day.  Even though I have lofty travel goals of places like Charleston, Savannah, NYC, etc., there are many places here in NC that are just a few hours' drive away.  I think I can do that, but time will tell.  And budget.  That budget is always ever present, but it is what it is. We shall see how that goes. Want to join me?  Just let me know. 

Recipe of the week - Cucumber Salad

This cucumber salad is one of those dishes that I grew up with but did not enjoy as a child.  This is a congealed salad and in my kid's mind, Jello should be sweet not savory.  Mom really loved it and made it quite often. As an adult I have grown to love this.  I have made it for several get-togethers, and it always goes over well. While I recognize that this kind of dish is not to everyone's liking, it is still a good side dish.  This past Easter, I decided to make this salad and this time I tried it in a Jello mold.  I have never used a Jello mold before, but I was very proud of how it turned out. This is a great dish for warmer weather so I hope you enjoy it!

Cucumber Salad

1 medium cucumber

1 3oz package lime gelatin

1 tsp salt

1/2 cup boiling water

1 cup mayonnaise

1 cup 4% cottage cheese

1 small onion, finely chopped*

Peel and seed cucumber.  Shred and pat it dry then set it aside. Combine salt, gelatin and boiling water in a bowl.  Stir until dissolved. Add mayonnaise and cottage cheese and mix until well blended.  Stir in onion and cucumber. Pour into your mold or Pyrex or whatever dish you are using.  Refrigerate until set. 

*the original recipe called for 1 small onion, grated.  I find that to be too messy, and I never do it correctly, so I basically just mince mine and it works just fine. 

Open a New Window - Angela Lansbury

 I have had an interesting introspective 24 hours, and this song just feels right today.  

Fun things update - mostly food LOL

 Going back and reviewing my list of things to do for fun, I have not been able to cross anything off since last I updated.  That is not to say I have not enjoyed the past month, it has just been on the quiet side.  I have been cooking a lot, which is always fun for me.  I came up with a salmon dip recipe that I really enjoyed and so did Lois, who I like to share my cooking with.  I had found a recipe on the back of a box of crackers that sounded really good. But, not paying attention, I forgot to cut the recipe out before I recycled the box.  So, what I did was look up recipes for salmon dip and pulled from different ones to create one that I thought sounded good.   This is not my normal way of approaching a recipe, but I was determined to trust my instincts.  The dip turned out really well and I will share with you all at a later date.  I also tried a new green bean recipe.  It's actually a casserole, which I always enjoy, but it's simply called creamy green beans.  This is another keeper that I will share with you soon.

I hosted our traditional Easter dinner last Sunday.  We had a great meal and a great time.  I do love setting my table and getting everything ready.  I love using my things, which you know.  My goal is to create a table that is both inviting and comfortable.  I believe I achieve that. It was me, Lois, her sister Ruth, our friend Kathy and my roommate Jason.  The food was good and we had a great conversation throughout the meal.  I loved the company and it's always good to see my friends. And no one was sitting at the table staring down at their phone which was even better.  The only time a phone came out was after dinner when Jason was showing pics of his home renovation.  It was a good time.

I went to see Dad and June back in March.  We always have a good visit, and I hope to go back soon. I try to take them some food each time I go.  Some for the fridge and some for the freezer.  June does not cook like she used to, which is just fine.  They have groceries and get Meals on Wheels several times a week.  While they appreciate that, those meals are pretty devoid of flavor.  Working with many people on special diets, I totally get why that is.  So, I want them to have some good homemade meals ready whenever they want some.  I know they appreciate it and it makes me feel good to contribute somehow to their lives.  They are very special people.

This will be a weekend of domestic bliss.  Grocery shopping is done.  Laundry is going.  It's my version of fun LOL 

Recipe of the Week - Ina Garten's Meatloaf

 I have only watched a handful of Ina Garten's cooking shows.  I don't know why I haven't watched more because I did enjoy them.  Maybe one day.  Anyway, I was watching a cooking video on YouTube where they made Ina's meatloaf recipe.  I wanted to try it because it did not seem to be too complicated like some meatloaf recipes.  And I have never had much luck with meatloaf.  I have tried several different recipes, but none really hit the spot.  This one, however, did. It was magnificent.  Absolutely delicious and not hard at all. I am definitely going to make this one again.  If you like meatloaf and have not tried this before, I highly recommend it!

Ina Garten's Meatloaf

1 Tbsp olive oil

3 cups chopped yellow onions

1 tsp chopped fresh thyme*

2 tsps kosher salt

1 tsp fresh ground pepper

3 Tbsp Worcestershire

1/3 cup canned chicken stock

1 Tbsp tomato paste

2.5 lbs ground beef**

1/2 cup plain bread crumbs

2 XL eggs, beaten

1/2 cup ketchup.

Preheat oven to 325.  Heat olive oil in a sauté pan.  Add onions, thyme, salt and pepper.  Cook until onions are translucent but not brown.  Remove from heat.  Add Worcestershire, chicken stock and tomato paste.  Allow to cool slightly.  In a large bowl, combine all ingredients except ketchup.  Shape into a loaf on a sheet pan covered with parchment paper.  Spread ketchup evenly over top.  Bake for 1  hour and 15 minutes until meat thermometer reads 165.  Place a pan of hot water under meatloaf while cooking. 

* I could not find fresh thyme at my grocery store so I used 1/2 tsp dried instead

** I used 70/30 ground beef and it was fantastic

Paying Bills

 As I am working on building some savings, the bills are not helping at all.  I wrote a few days ago about how some days I feel like I am playing house.  Well, one thing that never was included when I played house as a child was paying bills.  It never crossed my mind back then.  I have no idea if my parents ever struggled to pay bills.  If they did, they sure did not make it known to me and Bill.  While they did not spend frivolously, we never went without, so I really have no clue about such things. 

Now this is not to say that I cannot pay my bills.  The purse strings are just a little tighter these days.  Hell, they are a lot tighter.  But I do pay them.  I pay them on time, usually before they are due.  And I try to make more than the minimum payments on things like credit cards.  Several of my utilities are on an equal payment plan. While this is good for the monthly budget, it can come back to bite you in the ass at the end of the year.  With those, I pay way more than I need to each month so that I do not have to worry about that.

Still, bills are just a part of life.  It is part of being an adult.  It is a vicious monthly cycle that rears its head every four weeks.  But if I am able to pay the bills, it means that I am alive, I am working, and I have the resources to do it.  There is something to be said about that.  Now, if only my salary raised at the same rate as the bills do.  Our energy provider, Duke Power, is proposing raising our rates here by 18%.  That is a might ridiculous to me.  If that does happen, I will be decreasing my power usage out of necessity.  It will be time to put all of those oil lamps to work LOL

In retrospect, it is a part of adulthood that I am glad I didn't really know about as a child.  I remember when I learned how to write a check when I was young.  That was so exciting.  I had no idea at the time how unexciting that would become later on.  Another exciting escapade in adulting LOL Ah, well. 

Getting started writing

 I have started keeping a notebook of ideas for stories to write.  I have these ideas at very different times so I like to have my notebook with me as much as possible so that I can jot them down before I forget them.  This is especially helpful at work. That will come in handy because I think that the first thing I want to write about is my experiences working in a retirement community.  Now, I don't know the format yet.  I don't want to write something autobiographical.  At least I think I don't.  But I would like to write about some of the things I've witnessed and the people that I know. 

I cannot decide if a throughline works best for this kind of thing or just a simple set of stories that all take place in the same location. I'm thinking that one main story throughout might be the way to go.  I have been developing a character to base the writing on.  I have also been working on other stories set in a similar location that have nothing to do with that character.  I am wondering if I can somehow combine the two.  I'm pretty sure that I can do that. 

I just need to really start putting pen to paper....or fingers to keyboard....and see what happens.  I know it will not be something immediate that will happen, but I am looking forward to trying.  Whether or not anyone would ever read it does not matter to me.  It will be a nice escape into a world that I already love. I have a friend on FB that is writing a book, and he has given himself a definite time limit. He's locked himself away in a hotel room until he completes his last 10 chapters.  That might be a little extreme for me but whatever works for you!

Getting started is always the hardest part.  Staring at the blank page, waiting for those first words to appear.  But I've got to start somewhere I suppose.  Otherwise, it will all just stay in my imagination.  That's not a bad thing necessarily but that is not the purpose of this exercise.  I used to love creative writing, and I miss it not being a part of my life.  We shall see how that goes. 

 Yesterday I was watching a Nancy Wilson concert on YouTube.  She was such a great performer and watching the concert reiterated my love for her as an amazing song stylist. "You Can Have Him" is from the 1949 Irving Berlin musical Miss Liberty.  I do not know anything about that show except that I love this song.  I need to seek that out and listen to cast album.  Still, this is a great version and I hope you enjoy it!

Were you there - an Easter hymn

 

Dyeing Easter eggs

 One of the things about Easter when I was growing up that I love to think about is dyeing Easter eggs.  It was something I looked forward to every year. It was always so exciting when I knew that Mom had bought home a Paas Easter Egg Coloring packet.  We would set aside a night to dye our eggs.  The pack had somewhere around 8 different colors in it.  They were tablets that we would put into separate bowls and add hot water and vinegar.  Watching the tablets dissolve was always so much fun because the tablets were not too revealing as to their true colors but once they dissolved, a rainbow of bright colors would evolve.

Lowering the hard-boiled eggs into the bowls and watching the dye take over and do its job.  How vibrant the egg would be depended on how long you left it in the dye. Once you were satisfied, then the egg had to be placed on a towel to dry. It always felt like it took forever for them to dry.  We always wanted to hide them immediately but no, we had to wait.  That felt like agony LOL But once they would dry, they would get hidden around the house and then Bill and I would search all over for them.  One year, Mom hid one in her hand.  We could not find that one, the last Easter egg, to save our lives.  But when she revealed that she had it in her palm I guess the egg had not dried as much as she thought because her hand was bright blue.  I remember it was a Wednesday night, and she then had to go to choir practice with a blue hand!

It was always a time of fun during the Easter season.  Our dyeing was basic. In those days there were not swirls or tie dyes or decals for the eggs.  If you wanted something two toned, you had to hold half of the egg in the dye with half of it out for what seemed like hours.  Then you had to put the hold the bare half down in another color.  It almost never worked well but it was fun to try.  Still, it was always fun.  And anytime I smell vinegar, it does not matter if I'm cooking with it or cleaning something with it, I always think of dyeing eggs.  It's one of those Easter memories that I cherish. 

Getting my weight down

 Now that warmer weather is upon us, I know that many of us are working on our diets and exercise.  Wearing shorts and t-shirts is becoming the norm this time of year and we all want to look good.  I will never have a beach body, unless you count a beached whale LOL  Just kidding.  But I am looking forward to taking this time of year and really concentrating on my physical goals. 

Getting my weight down and maintaining that is my priority right now.  One, it will be much better for my overall health.  I am classified by my doctor as morbidly obese.  Honestly, I'd much rather they just call me fat.  Morbidly obese is so clinical and yet terrifying at the same time.  Maybe that's the point? Maybe it's supposed to scare me into losing weight?  I don't do well with scare tactics LOL

Anyway, I am working on changing my eating habits.  I won't say that I am going to change my diet because let's be real, I love comfort food.  What I need to do is change the way that I eat.  I have been telling myself to not go back for seconds. I don't really need seconds even though I may want them.  Well, my brain thinks I want them but my body is actually ok without the seconds.  I am incorporating more things like salads and fish into my weekly diet.  I have learned the olive oil is my flavorful friend. And when I remind myself to actually chew my food, I am less likely to eat as much.  I know that may sound a might ridiculous, but I will often just inhale my food. 

About six months ago, I topped out at 265.  And that's not the heaviest I've ever been in my life either.  Still, I do not like that number.  I carry most of the extra weight in my belly.  Big shock.  So many of the t-shirts that I have worn for years have now become belly shirts.  I won't dare wear them out in public but around the house is ok....if my roommate isn't home LOL  Well, I have been incorporating some life changes and am starting to see some improvements.

I am trying to walk as much as I can.  i am not successful in making that an everyday thing yet but I will get there. As I eat less and move more, I am hoping to get myself into better shape. I have been able to stay under 250 lbs for a month now and I don't want that trend to change.  Keep your fingers crossed for me!