Social anxiety is something that I deal with every day. As much as I want to be more active and social, sometimes the thought of going out to some place where I don't know many people is crippling. Once I get out of the house and get to a destination, I'm usually fine. It's the anticipation of it that stinks. Often, I don't go anywhere at all just so I don't have to deal with those kinds of feelings. I really don't know where this comes from. It probably dates back to my childhood but who knows. Sometimes I really do not want to explore the origins of it but then there are other times when I want to pinpoint the exact moment it began. Ah, well.
As much as I want to meet new people, the fear of rejection really does prevent that most times. As you know, I love to cook. I would love to invite new people over to share a meal with, but I get so afraid of no one wanting to show up that I never do. And then I figure out that I wouldn't be entertaining enough to sustain a conversation, etc. It just snowballs and so I don't do it. I know in my heart that this won't last, but these kinds of feelings do creep up every now and then. I guess that I'm just going to have to face my fears and put myself out there. I need to take up some space in this journey we call life. And the best way not to do it alone is to put myself in situations where I can build a tribe. Then, maybe, these feelings of inadequacy will be alleviated.
That is all.
No comments:
Post a Comment