This week I have made some changes to my approach to the cyber world. One is that I have significantly decreased my online presence through various social media platforms. In other words, I have deactivated most of my social media accounts. I've done this because, basically, they do not bring me pleasure anymore. While they filled a very large void during the pandemic and they served their purpose well, I have found them to be more stressful than pleasurable. When I was using them, I kept falling into the pattern of making other people happy. The profiles no longer became about me specifically but about how I could use that to please others.
Now, you know me, there is nothing wrong with pleasing others. But these profiles were created at a time when I was trying to please others at the expense of myself. I am not going to do that anymore. I have spent most of my adult life gradually losing myself because of that lifestyle pattern and it is unhealthy. I am immensely enjoying my rediscovery right now and those profiles no longer fit in with the person I am building. It's not a win/lose type of situation and I don't feel as if I've failed because those profiles no longer serve a productive service in my life. They were there when I needed them and now, I don't feel like I do need them. It also goes back to me trying to have more "real" in my life and less "fantasy". And there is nothing wrong with fantasy, it's simply not what I need in my life right now.
And making that decision has felt good. While it is an adjustment because I have had to change how I spend some of my free time, it has been worth it. I have been better at communicating with people this week outside of work. I have actually made some concrete plans for the summer as far as getting together with people. That is what I need. I may choose to go back to those social media sites and begin again, but only if I know for absolute sure that I can balance that with a real time existence. I don't know if that's possible for me, but for the time being I am keeping that door cracked.
Another thing that I have been working on this week is being happy for others. While this may seem like something that is obviously easy to do, in the cyber world it can be very difficult. Seeing constant posts about people's vacations, going out to dinner, being in love, celebrating anniversaries, etc., can be emotionally overwhelming. I'm at a point in my life where I'm single and can't afford to do anything really. I am NOT complaining, just stating the facts. Especially on a holiday weekend, seeing everyone's posts about their Memorial Day plans and such, one week ago would have really depressed me. But I am choosing to be happy for people that they have things to do. I was invited to a pool party this weekend and besides having to work some this weekend, I simply couldn't afford to go. I have to think about the money spent on gas to get there (it was a few hours away btw) and it simply is not feasible for me to attend. So, instead of getting upset over the reasons I cannot go, I am choosing to be happy for those that do get to attend. I will be there one day, it's just not in the cards right now. And that is OK!
Anyway, I am having a good time working on real life right now. Even if it means sitting at home and listening to music or watching a movie, it makes me feel better than being tied down to internet profiles that stress me out. I am choosing myself over other things right now and that is good. At least it is for me.
That is all.
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