Just tired this week.

Yesterday, I was incredibly tired of everything in life.  Today is not much better, really.  But I did allow myself to sleep in until my body was ready to get out of bed. That felt good.  Now, I need to take these feelings of frustration and use them as a foundation on which to build upon.  I need to really look at the things that are causing this negative energy to envelop me and figure out ways to turn them into positives.

This weekend, I will be home alone as usual.  I don't mind staying at home, but there's a big difference in staying at home because you choose to and staying at home because you have no other choice.  I talked to a friend of mine about that this week and how frustrating it can be.  Having friends and doing things costs money, which I do not have any extra of right now.  I get to occasionally go out, especially when someone else is offering to treat, but it's a rarity like this week's outings have been. Very few people want to come over to the house and just visit or play cards or listen to music, etc.  Especially not new friends.  And, as much as I hate to say it, with gay men an invitation to come hang out is usually assumed to mean hook up and I have no interest in that. At least, not at this point in my life. 

I have also struggled with my work identity this week.  I don't have much of a purpose in my job right now other than handling long term care insurance for my residents.  And that only takes up a fraction of my time while the rest is spent with busy work that either I create or gets handed to me.  And I don't have my own space at work and that truly makes me feel like I'm not a valued member of the team.  I realize that is a first world problem, but I want a job that will let me have my own space one day. I honestly don't even know what to call my job.  Technically, I'm a customer service representative but I'm not needed as there are always three other people on the front line whenever I work.  Oh well.

Everything will get sorted out eventually.  In the meantime, I've just got to find a way to thrive in my mediocre existence.  

That is all.