it's been awhile

I keep forgetting that one of the reasons of blogging was to get into the routine of doing it every day. I'm not good at that. One more thing I need to work on!

Let's see, where to begin. I've fallen off the non smoking wagon, but am going to get back on it tonight. Work is work, it's a job and they haven't fired me yet. Just spent a week with my family and that was good once I settled into it.

Smoking. I have to quit. It's very hard, especially if you have an addictive personality like I do. Vices such as this can be fatal. I just have to make up my mind to do it before it's too late. Of course, there's a part of me that fears that it's already too late. Sometimes I wish I could be visited by 3 ghosts during the night ala scrooge and wake up in the morning and all would be right with the world. I know that's not the way it works, but I'm going to keep my fingers crossed. I've been having some physical issues which I know are smoking related. I'm going to the dr's this week to have everything checked out. I'd like to be able to say I'm confident it's nothing and everything will be fine, but facts are facts. I may have waited too late. Hell, you look your symptoms up on WebMD and you pretty much have a death sentence. Oh, well. Whatever happens, happens. I will face it and work thru it. Luckily that's one aspect of both my parents that surfaces from time to time.

Publish Post

Oh well. Not much else here to report. I promise that I'll come up with something more interesting soon!

Bob

Quitting smoking Day 1

This is going to be the hardest thing I've ever done. Things have been ok so far, but what worries me most is dealing with my stress level. I've managed to make it thru the day not smoking at the points when I normally smoke. I very much have a routine down pat at work when I go out and light up. And so far it's not been an issue. Of course, I've been listening to alot of music today, which helps get me through.

Stress is my major worry. I'm not exactly sure how to handle stress yet. Usually I just step outside and have a cigarette and that calms me down. Now what? Any ideas? I'm drawing a blank. At home, I can at least go outside and walk or something. But at work, it's a different story. I can't just leave whenever, although there are times I wish I could LOL And if you've ever worked in catering or any kind of hospitality, you know it can get very stressful! Oh, well. I"ll figure something out.

it's good to have a goal

Chatting with some friends last night that are moving out of state soon, the prospect arose of renting their house. I'm so excited thinking about that and the possibility that it might actually happen! It's been a long time since I've lived in an actual house, not that the apartment is bad at all :)

It will help me in so many ways. It might be more expensive, but it will really give me focus when it comes to money, something I desperately need help with! And the thought of having people over and entertaining is very exciting to me! and I get to have all of my stuff LOL that's ALOT of stuff! And maybe a dog too!

It's just nice to have something to dream about and look forward to. It makes the day much nicer.

The perfume bottle

Every Christmas, and it never failed, my Dad would always give my Mom the same gift. Mind you, he wasn't in a rut or uncreative, it was just a sweet tradition between the two of them. It was a bottle of her favorite perfume, Estee Lauder's "Youth Dew" As far as I know, the bottle design never changed. It's a sweet bottle with an hourglass shape to it. There's a gold bow around the waist of the bottle and a tall gold cap. It was the only perfume I ever remember her wearing. And she always had it timed right, using the perfume in such amounts that she ran out just in time to get the next bottle at Christmas.

The summer after my Mom died, I was at home from school. It had been a difficult few months for me but I was glad to be home with Dad. We did alot of cleaning out of her personal effects. When we cleaned out her side of the bathroom sink, we got rid of lots of make up and other toiletries. And then I noticed the perfume bottle. It was the last one my Dad would ever get to give his wife of almost 28 years. Without being too tearful, I took the bottle of Youth Dew and kept it on my dresser at home. Everytime I came home, having that bottle there in my room was somewhat of a comfort.

Time moves on and situations change. Dad has since remarried, to the most remarkable woman I might add. The house in Monroe is no longer in the family which is sad since it's the house I grew up in. But, after all, it's just a house and the memories will always be there for me.

Today is the 14th anniversary of the day Mom died. It was the day that changed my life forever, in good ways and bad. Today I'm not sad for our loss, but am just thankful that I got to know her. She was an amazing woman. And now, everytime I sit down at my desk to pay bills or get on my computer, I look over and there it is...my Mom's perfume bottle.

This has to be the year

Like everyone else, I do the traditional resolutions as the new year begins. This year, I've decided to call them goals instead of resolutions. Calling them goals I think will help me to actually do some of them this year. It gives me something to work towards and I think that will help. Here are a few of my goals for this year.

1. QUIT SMOKING - the reasons for this are obvious. I've just got to buckle down and do it. I've been a slave to my addictions for too long!
2. WORK ON MY BODY - I started working out last year. I really did enjoy it, but have fallen off the wagon LOL I need to find a new gym that's close by and cheap. I do enjoy my boxing training tho, and I need to really dig into that more. it's a great stress relief, needless to say.
3. BE A BETTER FAMILY MEMBER - I have a wonderful family and I'm not good to them like I should be. I need to make a conscious effort to be a better son, brother and uncle.
4. BE A BETTER FRIEND - as much as I love the internet, it's really let me slack off on my friendships. I always come up with excuses like, I'll email them later, or something like that. I need to get off my ass and talk to people in real time, go back to the old fashioned letter writing, and go see people face to face.
5. SAVE MONEY - duh

More to come later!

My first blog (not really)

This is my first blog on blogspot. I have to admit that I'm glad I've found a place to blog that works on my computer! I use to blog all the time on myspace, but that site stopped working on my old computer, so here I am Yay!

I just need a place to vent my frustrations and express my joy, talk about the things I love and the things I hate. I know that this is what everyone does on blogs, so now it's my turn. woohoo!

Let's hope I can come up with some interesting things to say! Maybe. Maybe not!