Dear Mom,

I hope that this finds you doing well up in Heaven.  18 years is such a long time.  In some ways, it seems like only yesterday that you were here...the memories are still that fresh.  So much has happened to me since you've been gone that i want to update you on a few things.  And even though you already know all of this, since you are watching over me, i want to tell you anyway.

I'll start out with the biggest one.  I'm gay.  Shockers, I know, Mom.  I finally started coming out of the closet before you died actually.  My friend, Renee Church, was the first person to get the information out of me, Mom, and it was like the weight of the world had been lifted off of my shoulders.  I realize that you had probably figured this out years before I did, but thank you so much for letting me take my own journey to self discovery.  After you died, I asked Janet if you had ever had any concerns that I might be gay.  She told me that you thought I might be, but you didn't want to pressure me.  You just wanted me to be happy and not to get hurt by society's prejudices.  Thank you for that, Mom.

On that note, Mom, i want you to know about the 3 relationships i've had since you've been gone.  All 3 very different men, but all 3 you would've loved!  John, my first bf, is just the sweetest man ever.  He has the most beautiful singing voice and he's got a wicked sense of humor.  Jason, my 2nd, you would've just loved.  He's an amazing cook and just a good spirit.  He was part of the family for the births of both of your granddaughters.  For whatever reason, these didn't work out and they've both ended up with the men they're suppose to be with.  And the nice thing is, Mom, we still stay in touch.  Jason is one of my best friends and he'd be one of yours too!

Which brings me to Michael, Mom.  Michael opened up a whole different world to me.  i can't really explain it, but we just connected....it's so real.  We have our ups and downs, just like you and Dad did, but we work through it (i learned by your example)  We're as different as night and day, but compliment each other so well.  This is the real deal and i wish you were here to enjoy it.  i have the most AMAZING set of in laws now.  And the Forneses have all met the Abernethys and it made me so happy!

Btw, sadly you won't be getting any grandchildren from me, but you've got a great granddog that you would just adore!  His name is Squirt.  We rescued him and just absolutely love him!

well, what next!  haha  i suppose you know that by know Dad has remarried.  She's a wonderful woman and i know if you were here you'd love other (except for the fact she's married to Dad haha)  But, really, we could not have asked for a better person to be in our lives.  They left Monroe several years ago and moved to Angier.  i have to admit that i haven't been back since they left and i should go.  From all i've heard, our neighborhood just isn't the same...but boy, it was amazing growing up!

Mom, there have been some difficult times as well.  i never finished college. i meant to, but haven't yet.  i got so lost after you died.  i stayed in a few years but just could not focus enough to justify wasting Dad's money.  i will get back one day, i promise.

i also have to admit, and this is hard, that i was not good to Grandmother or Janet when they got sick.  In both cases, i emotionally shut off from it.  i'm so sorry.  it's not the way i was raised and i knew better than that.  The fear of losing them took over and i just didn't deal with it.  i hope you can forgive me.  i hope they can forgive me.  i know in my heart that if i had done what i should've done when Grandmother got ill, she would have lived for a few more years.  i'm working hard on dealing with all of this, so please be patient with me and i will get there.

You have two beautiful and amazing granddaughters, Mom.  Margaret and Jane.  We don't get to see them as often as we'd like, but that's life.  They're both so smart and creative and artistic.  Margaret is the epitome of Heidi and Jane has Fornes written all over her!  I wish you could be here to watch them grow up.  Bill and Heidi are the best parents ever.  It's very obvious that they were raised by you and Dad and Jay and Ellen.  You'd be so proud of all of them.  Did you ever tell Bill that if you'd had a girl you wanted to name her Margaret?  i can't remember but thought it interesting when they named her Margaret.

Well, i will let you go for this year.  i know there is a lot more to say, but i will save some of it till next year.  i remember a dream i had over 10 years ago....i was hosting a party and you were there.  i remember there were a lot of people there that had come into my life.  You were standing and talking with Jennifer Avery, John Ramsey and Lee Strickland.  You were talking to them as if you'd known them forever. i pulled you aside and asked you "Mom, how do you know these people"  And you looked me square in the eye and said "Bob, how do you think you know all of these people"  And i knew right then that you brought them into my life from up above.  Thank you for that, Mom.  And for the ouija board...but i'll talk about that another time.

i love you, Mom and miss you.  Talk to you again soon!