the hardest days of my life - part two

I didn't sleep too much that night.  I mean, I know I slept, but it was restless and only a few hours.  I woke up somewhere around 8:30 am.  And the first thing that came to my mind was that I had to tell Be Boyd.  Be had been one of my acting professors for the last three years and we'd become close.  Her own mother had passed away just the year before, and Be and I bonded over our moms and had become pretty close friends.  And, because of that, I wanted to be the one to tell her.  I didn't want her to hear it from someone else.

I got dressed and wandered out of the dorm.  I stopped by the Elliot University Center because I knew I needed to get something to eat.  I wasn't particularly hungry, but I knew well enough that I had to have something on my stomach if I was going to have any energy at all.  I bought a Coke and a 100 Grand candy bar and sat down at a table and quietly ate it.  After I was done, I made my way towards the Curry building, where Be's office was.  The closer I got to the building, I could feel my body start to tremble.  Since there were classes going on in the acting studios, I had to walk around the side of the building by the professors' windows.  I knew Be would be there because she was doing an independent study with Kelly Keaton and Sarah McKinney.  As I was walking by the windows I just kept telling myself to hold it together for 30 more seconds.  Don't lose it outside.  Wait until I at least get into the building.  And i did...i held it together.

I could hear Be, Kelly and Sarah in her office when i knocked on the door.  Be opened it and i asked her if i could talk to her.  I realize i must have looked like hell because I was fully expecting Be to tell me that she needed to finish up with Sarah and Kelly and would I mind waiting.  But, she didn't.  She looked at me and knew something was wrong.  "Yes, of course" she told me and then asked the girls if they would wait out in the hall.  I went into Be's office and she closed the door behind us.  I managed to just say "My Mom died" before i began wailing.  Be held onto me and guided me to a chair and gave me some kleenex.  She stepped outside and told Kelly and Sarah what had happened and they came in to console me for a moment.  I think we were all crying.

I sat in Be's office for the rest of that hour and told her all I knew that Dad had told me on the phone the night before.  I don't really remember much about the conversation, just that Be was very comforting to me.  But, at the end of the hour, she did have an acting class to teach, which was fine because I really needed to get going anyway.  Not before she went to Lorraine's office next door and told her what had happened.  Lorraine, too, came in, with great comfort for me.

I left and headed over to Taylor Theater.  I'm not really sure why I went there...I think I just needed to be where I felt comfortable and loved...where everybody knows your name (cue Cheers theme lol)  I sat out in the courtyard, chain smoking and trying to keep myself together as best as possible and not really deal with the reality of the last 12 hours.  As I sat on a bench, Jim Wren and his TA's from Drama Appreciation walked through the courtyard....one of them being the fabulous Jill Womack.  Jill looked at me and I think she could tell something was wrong.

Jill sat down beside me and put her arm around me.  She asked me if everything was ok.  I could only shake my head "no".  "Is it your Mom?" she asked.  I shook my head "yes"  "What happened?"  All i could get out was "She died" before i started bawling right there.  Jill took hold of me and held me tight.  Jill probably sat there with me for almost an hour...telling anyone who came by and asked so that I wouldn't have to talk.  I remember that Katie came by and gave me some candy...it was Valentine's Day after all!

Jill had to leave to go to her acting class.  It was just as well, because I needed to get myself in gear to head home and I was totally procrastinating.  I stood up to leave after Jill went inside.  She hadn't been in there 2 minutes when Jennifer Avery came bolting out of the theater door and grabbed me...almost knocking me down.  I don't remember what we said, just that she also held me as I cried.

It felt good to be loved so much and I needed it then.