Thought for the day - asking for help

Asking for help is not an easy thing, especially for people who are "givers".  I have always considered myself to be a giver.  It's how I was raised.  You only have to look at my parents and Grandmother to see where that trait comes from.  So, for me, asking for help is one of the hardest things to do.  One reason is that I think I should be able to take care of it all myself.  Yes, that's an unrealistic goal, but one that has been part of my make up for as long as I can remember.  Another reason is the fact that I'm 42 and should be self sufficient.  One would think it might be easier to take care of oneself the older one gets, but alas that is not always the case.

It's hard for me to ask for help when it comes to money.  I will admit that in the past, I have not been good with money.  There's a LONG explanation for that, maybe I'll explain it in another blog but not today.  I am much better, much better than I use to be.  The simple truth is that I just don't make that much right now with my part time job.  Sometimes you need help to tide you over until things begin to turn around and that is where I am.  It's ok to be here, but it's also frustrating.  I do not have any kind of credit card, nor do I want one again.  Been down that road before and it sucked, thoroughly.  Two words:  retail therapy.  Enough said.  I know my credit is better because I have started, in the past year, getting applications for cards.  Up until then, it'd been over 10 years since I had a card and since I received any kind of application.  I just don't make enough money to qualify for one.

Today, I had to ask for some financial help from Dad.  Whether or not he can help is not what truly matters.  I asked.  And that's what is important to me.  I sat here staring at my computer for a good while as I composed the email.  Even though we talked on the phone yesterday, I couldn't bring myself to do it in conversation. (once again, my history plays a role there.)  Anyway, I had my panic attack at the computer and my few minutes of self induced shame and finally sent the email.  That's all I could do, but I survived it so there is at least some sense of accomplishment with that.

And isn't it ironic that by the time I come up with a financial plan for myself, I have no money with which to enact it?  Where's that winning lottery ticket?  hmmmmmmm

There are, of course, other areas in which I need help and I am slowly getting my foundation set about asking for it.  The job search arena is one.  It's so frustrating getting rejections and no one seems to want to give you a chance.  But, I do have a friend/life coach, that is helping me with all of that when he can.  Again, I don't want to burden him with my constant barrage of questions, but this is all new to me.  I've never had to really look for a job or write a resume before.  All of the jobs I have had up to this point I got through friends.  That's kind of amazing, when I stop to think about it.  That's not always going to work in the professional world though.  Yes, I believe that it will play a big part of it, but it won't be 100% security.

Also, asking for help as a person can sometimes be hard.  After graduation, the people that I had the most in common with are the ones I do not see weekly anymore.  We catch up with each other on Facebook, but that's not the same thing.  I miss that emotional support and guidance I got from my fellow classmates.  Some days I just need someone to listen to me.  Thankfully, I do have several outlets for that with Michael and Lois and Doug.  I can always use more, it's just uncomfortable sometimes asking someone for advice or to simply lend me their ear.  The ironic thing about that is my forte is being that person who lends the ear.  I love being the guy people turn to when they need someone to help them out.  Being on the other side of the fence can be scary at times.

Bottom line, for me, is that the ability to stand on one's own two feet is a community effort.  No one does it alone and those who say they do are either lying or have forgotten some key people in their lives.  Sometimes in order to give you have to receive.  Asking for help is not a bad thing.  We may not get the answer that we want, but at least we will have asked.

That is all.