The Lord Bless You and Keep You

This song has been playing in my mind a lot lately.  Partly, it is because the choir at First Baptist in Monroe sang this often and the choir was such an important part of our church life.  I cherish those memories.  Also, I have been thinking a lot about church itself and how I really need to get back into it.  I haven't been in a long time and I do get the irony that I'm sitting here writing this while the 11:00 service is about to begin.  But here I sit with my music and coffee...my usual morning routine.  Ah, well.

I do enjoy church.  I enjoy the ritual of it.  It's not for everyone and that's fine.  But there was a time in my life where going to church was central to my existence and I miss that.  Of course, that was 30 years ago, but still the memory is there.  It may never be the same as how I remember it, but I can go into it knowing it will be a different experience and yet, still satisfying to me.

The church I started going to a few years ago is great but I somehow still feel like an outsider every time I go.  What it boils down to is 2 different things.  One, I don't have any family or close friends that go there and it gets lonely sitting on a pew by myself.  Sure, I know people there, but that's different.  It would be nice to have someone to share this experience with.  I use to sit in the same pew every Sunday and I started to notice that I was always by myself there.  There were times that the group of people that sat on the pew behind me would cram 12 people in that pew and here I sat all alone.  It kind of sucked.  The other things is that I don't know how to give back to the church here.  I'm not talking about tithing, which I can't really afford right now.  But I want to be involved and I just don't know how...nothing has panned out that I have tried.  I joined a committee that faltered after a few months because we didn't know exactly what we were supposed to be.  I joined the handbell choir and that became a point of contention with me...not because of the ability of the choir, but of the lack of commitment from its members.  I eventually gave that up as well and if you know how much I love handbells, you can understand how disappointing that was.

Anyway, I need to figure this out.  I will probably go back in the near future to see if I can find some level of comfort there.  Until then, I'll keep it between God and myself.

That is all