I had some tough things to deal with at work this week. This quote helps me put things in perspective as I move forward. I need to pay more attention because it's easy to get wrapped up in things that don't really matter while pushing aside the things that do!
Someone posted on FB the other day about fictional places they would like to live. Of course it got my mind thinking about the houses I've seen on TV and in the movies and which ones I would love to live in some day. Some are actual real houses while some are merely sets. Even though there's very little chance of my living in these places, if I ever build a home I can at least look back on these as inspiration. Here are a few of my favorites:
Aunt Polly's House in Disney's Pollyanna
As a lover of Victorian style, this house would be a dream.
Andy Taylor's House in The Andy Griffith Show
I love this house, mostly for the front porch!
Green Gables from Anne of Green Gables (1985)
Miss Daisy's House in Driving Miss Daisy
I love everything about this house! It has a very familial feeling to it for me, as if I can see any of my great aunts living there. Love the vintage kitchen and sun room!
Growing up, I only took medicine when I was sick. And other than my yearly bout of bronchitis, which was apparently limited to my childhood, I didn't really get sick that often. And even then it was mainly cough medicine, which I always enjoyed the taste of even when it burned a little LOL. But now that I have started going to a doctor on a routine basis, it seems like every time I leave her office I walk away with another prescription for something. I began going initially because my blood pressure was very high. High enough that she wouldn't tell me the numbers because she didn't want to frighten me. So, I walked out there with a prescription for bp meds and also something to help quit smoking. Both to be taken daily. Ok, I can do that. I got myself a weekly pill box to feel more organized by the whole thing. I got my pills placed in each section and took them each day.
When I go back the doctor a few months later, she's pleased with how my bp is coming down but not pleased enough. Solution? Another prescription in addition to what I'm already taking...not in place of, mind you, in addition to. And, when I tell her about my legs and feet cramping, mainly when I'm trying to sleep at night, she strongly urges my taking a vitamin supplement for that. I'd taken one before but not as consistently as I should. That's 2 more daily pills in the box. Things are getting tight in there.
I went again earlier this month. Only one new prescription this time. My vitamin D was pretty low according to my blood work, so guess what I'm taking now? That's right! This one, though, is just once a week. It's a large dose of vitamin D, but I only have to take up space in one compartment. Whew! This is also when I began my B12 shots. The fun just never ends!! Luckily I don't have to keep those in the pill box and they are also only once a week.
I don't remember, growing up, when and if my family members took pills on a regular basis. I'm sure they must have, I just never witnessed it. Nor did I really need to. One doesn't exactly entertain children by downing meds in front of them. At least not in my family. But it must have been done during some point in their daily routine. And now it's part of my daily routine. Every morning. Taking my pills out of their daily resting place and sending them into my system accompanied by a tall glass of water. Oh, I feel more and more grown up each day.
I have another doctor's appointment in a few months, to redo my blood work and see if all of the meds are having their desired effect. I hope that will be the case. Either way, I may just invest in a larger pill box....just as a precaution.
That is all :)
Plain and simple, I just needed this song this morning. Part of my job is dealing with death, that is inevitable. But when I do, I feel the need to be comforted by my spiritual side....and I do have one, believe it or not. And no matter what your spiritual life is like, this is a beautiful hymn. That is all.
One of the things in life that gives me great pleasure is Christmas. It always has as long as I can remember. The music, especially, is something that I absolutely love. And yes, I am one of those people that listen to Christmas music all year long. I do make an effort not to subject anyone else, mainly Michael, to that when it's out of season. Sometimes I can't help it though, if he comes into the office and it's playing, I'm not going to rush to stop it, but I do turn it down while he's in there. Ironically, I'm one of those people, also, who gets really annoyed when I go into a store before Halloween and it's blasting Christmas music. One, it's not even Halloween yet, much less Thanksgiving! And two, it's usually horrible music. Ah, well.
Anyway, it was always a big deal when the holidays came around and we could finally pull out my parents' Christmas records. I know I've listened to them hundreds of times. And I still have them! Of course there was always excellent music at church during Christmas. Jim Reich, Gerald Hamilton and Doug and Terri Vancil made sure of that! Mom and I had a tradition of each year going to the Hallmark store in the mall to get that year's Christmas album. They weren't all great, but most of them are wonderful and I've managed to find a few on vinyl....the cassette tapes didn't last as long as I'd hoped.
Out of that tradition came my search for Christmas records to fill out the collections that Mom had started. Mainly the Firestone series and the Goodyear series. I have about half the records in each collection and am always on the lookout for the others whenever we go to the used record store. Even if I don't find one of those, I always will walk away with a few "new to me" holiday albums. And I've managed to get some really good ones....The Robert Shaw Chorale, The Living Strings, Barbra Streisand, etc. Once I bought the Burl Ives Christmas record for a quarter and saw it selling for over $100 on ebay. Not that I'm going to sell it if at all possible, just nice to know I made a good investment.
I only bring up Christmas music because it's one of my passions. The fun hunt for new Christmas recordings is something I really enjoy and need to get back into more. Sure, I don't really have the room for more records....btw, I'll also buy cd's if they're cheap LOL...but I enjoy it too much not to. It's my happy music. It relaxes me like no other genre of music....until I hear some atrocious version of a classic, then I get get tense haha. Still, it's something I love doing, among so many other things, and I want to get back into that more.
That is all
One of the things I have been focusing on this week is loosening the reins on the things that I have let be in control of my life over the past year. I don't want to say I'm taking back control necessarily, because something about that phrase sounds a little too Lifetime Movie for me. But, in essence, that's exactly what I'm am trying to do. In that process, I have looked back in life to things that I, at one time, enjoyed doing on a regular basis that I don't really do anymore. I did not try to stop and analyze why I stopped doing these things because I get so tired of that kind of self examination at times. It can be quite exhausting and, honestly, can be very defeating. And I am trying to focus on a more positive path moving forward.
I made a list....because I enjoy lists....of some of these things and incorporated those into my evenings. The old normal was that we have dinner and then I come into the office and sit at the computer for 2-3 hours. And I know now that was not good for my mental or physical health. Sitting in a desk chair does for an extended period does not always do a body good! I didn't do that this week. I made time to do other things....things that I enjoyed doing again. And I have to admit that was wonderful. I feel like I've had one of the most balanced weeks I have had in years. It's been pretty euphoric....in a quiet way LOL
One night I sat and watched a movie. Now, this doesn't exactly sound revolutionary but it was. I actually watched it, focused on it. I didn't have my phone in hand playing games or checking FB. I just sat and watched. And I'm glad I did because it was confusing as hell LOL It was a classic black and white mystery called The Mystery of the 13th Guest. It was not really that good and genuinely terribly confusing with plot twists that made absolutely no sense. Still, it was a nice way to pass the time and just be in the moment.
I colored one night. A while back I'd bought some crayons and some coloring books with the intention of coloring on a regular basis. Well, let me tell you that coloring books for adults are pretty freaking hard. Crayons don't work with those. I had also gotten some colored pencils when I realized the crayons were too fat to fill in those teeny spaces. Then I realized that I wasn't good at it and got frustrated. Anyway, going through stuff in the garage, I found a nice stack of my childhood coloring books. There were plenty of unmarked pages in them because I never finished anything as a child on a regular basis. So I pulled those out with my crayons, sat down at the dining room table, put on some music and colored for about an hour and a half. The feelings I got from that were just incredible. Of course it took me back to a simpler time in my life, but those feelings enveloped me this time and weren't just something I was viewing on the movie screen in my head. I took great comfort from doing that and I look forward to spending more evenings that way.
One night I played solitaire. Another wild thing to do, I know. But I have about 50 sets of vintage playing cards....most of them older than myself, that came from Grandmother. And I don't use them. I have solitaire on my phone but I decided to take out a deck and play. And, yes, it took me back to Grandmother's house. She kept her cards in a built in cabinet in her den. The cards smelled like that cabinet...a very comforting fragrance to me as we played cards so many times. I only won one out of six games of solitaire, but I enjoyed it none the less.
Last night, I stitched. I haven't picked up a needle and thread in over 30 years. Several Christmases ago, Michael got me a Golden Girls cross stitch kit and it's been living on a bookshelf in the office ever since. I got it out and went to work on a new project. I tend to listen to music when I do these things and last night was no different....Nancy Wilson, Amici Forever, The Chieftains....all good background music. It took awhile to get my rhythm back with stitching, but I managed to do it. I even managed to play a movie game with Michael while I was stitching. I always enjoyed this kind of needlework because I don't draw or paint. I can create something beautiful on a canvas and it actually comes out looking like it's suppose to. I'd forgotten how mathematical needlework is. I love math and numbers so this is right up my alley. Now, I just have to decide what to do with the piece once it's finished.
Anyway, these are a few ways that I enjoyed spending my evenings this week. We even managed, one night, to get down to the arboretum for a nice evening walk....starting to check exercise off my list! I am slowly adding things to my activities list that I think I will enjoy. And if I don't, then I will simply remove them and not worry about it. Trying to open myself up with the assistance of good memories. Not reliving them, but repurposing them. I look forward to the new old things I will do next week. I will keep you posted!
That is all
Last night, for the first time in a long time, I had a major anxiety attack. If you've ever had one before, you know how crippling it can be. If you haven't had one...feel blessed. For me, this one was both physical and mental. I felt like everything was closing in on me, emotionally. And I started panicking and lashing out. My pulse started racing and I had a hard time catching my breath. This had not happened in a long time. And, honestly, there was not anything that brought this on specifically.
Yesterday, I started to get very frightened. Even though the pandemic is ongoing, things are beginning to open back up. I have social anxiety and don't always handle it well when I am placed outside the confines of my routine. And it's a catch 22 because I want to get out and do things and meet people and yet, in some ways, it scares me to death. In that way, the pandemic was a welcome relief because I didn't have to deal with that. I had no choice. Now that I'm beginning to have a choice, it is causing me anxiety. I have spent so much time on things like FB that I hide behind it. I was going to take some time off of those places but I realized later on that's not the solution. I'm not sure what the solution exactly is yet, but it's not that. I don't need to isolate myself any more than normal. And I do have a few ideas on opening myself up more.
I started to feel like the world was closing in on me....literally. My body got very tense and it was difficult to breathe. I almost got myself a paper bag to breathe into cause that does work when needed. This time, though, I let it out through tears. I just gushed for awhile because that's what I needed to do. I learned a long time ago that I hold back my emotions way too much and I need to let them out more or they can put me in a dangerous place. Honestly, it felt good. Amazing, actually. And once I was done and rehydrated myself, I was able to start putting things into perspective.
I do feel much better today. And I will feel even better tomorrow. It is time to face my demons and begin working on the person I want to be. Anxiety will always be a part of life, I have to accept that. But I know ways that I can lessen those feelings. I have to make some changes....doctor's orders...and I know that it can happen. Sometimes just having a good cry can really help.
