"What if?"

 There is a difference between simply looking back on life and spending way too much time wondering "what if?". I fluctuate between those two. I need to spend more time simply looking back and growing from what has been, using those things to move forward. I need to let my history be part of who I am now yet remain history.  I cannot change it, so why dwell on it? 

I tend to spend a lot of time in the land of "what if?" when things are not going well.  I know that I am not the only one who does this.  It's a natural thing to do. It just does not help me. Yesterday was a hard day for me.  Not bad, but hard because I had a lot of what I call "adulting" going on. I went to get an oil change and came out with a new tire. While I was at the garage, I got a text about my Dad's health. I talked to him later that evening. He was doing ok, but I can tell it was weighing heavily on his mind. 

In the time after I got off of work and until I went to bed, I was in the land of "what if?" off and on throughout the night. It made it hard for me to concentrate on what I needed to be doing, ie homework. I finally just stopped and tried my best to clear my mind. Thinking about all of the things I could have and should have done was not helping me.  It is time to start thinking about what I can do and will do. That will be better for me.  Easier said than done, but at least I will give it a try.