It seems like only yesterday that the images of 9/11 became permanently etched into my memory. At the time, it really was more than i could emotionally handle, though i didn't realize it at the time. When i was growing up, Mom would tell me stories of the Kennedy assassination and she remembered exactly where she was when she found out....in college, on the way to a history class. In the back of my mind, i always feared that i would have one of those moments that was so nationally traumatic that i would remember every detail about it. When i was in 5th grade, the Challenger blew up right after take off. i was standing outside the cafeteria at Walter Bickett Elementary School when we found out. i really thought that was going to be my moment that i'd always remember. Little did i know what was to come.
Tuesday, September 11th, 2001 started out as another typical day at work. i was in a particularly good mood that day, having just returned from the South Eastern Theatre Conference the weekend before. i always enjoyed going to that and had actually talked to several companies in the northeast about potential jobs. i was helping to get the day's deliveries ready....making tea in the wait station...the stereo in the kitchen at work was blasting 97.1, the Tom Joyner show. Then the EBS alarm came across the radio. Having heard it many times, i really didn't think much of it....it was only a test. Then the news of the first plane hitting the tower came on. At first, i thought it was a joke....like Welles's War Of The Worlds. i didn't think anything like that could ever or would ever happen in my lifetime. Soon after, i realized it was no joke and thought what a horrible accident that was. Meredith came down from the office upstairs to see if we'd heard what had happened. That's when the 2nd plane struck and we all knew this was no accident. Then the reports from Washington and Pennsylvania started pouring in.
Needless to say, i just stood there...dazed...in shock. i really could not believe what i was hearing. This wasn't true. Soon, i would wake up and this would not be true. But, it was. And i started to think about my college friends up in NYC, particularly Marcia and Jennifer. Marcia worked near the towers. Was she ok? Who else did i know up there that might be affected by this? My mind was racing. And, of course, by that point trying to make a phone call to NYC was fruitless. Almost no one could get through.
Work went on that day...what choice did we have. Leslie went home and brought a small tv that she put up in the office so that we could watch what was going on. Lunch deliveries came and went. Everywhere i turned, there it was...the horrible reality of what was taking place. Every tv channel, every radio station, every inch of my mind was consumed with it...i could not escape it. After everything started to sink in for me, i pretty much put myself on autopilot...something that ended up lasting a lot longer than i expected it to.
i spent most of the next 14 months in a total haze. my concept of reality had been thrown out the window. i could hide it in social and family settings, but most of the time, i just was not focused, mentally or emotionally. i truly thought this was the beginning of the end. i no longer knew what to think. My behavior spun out of control for awhile, simply because i did not know how to deal with what i was feeling. Hell, i didn't really know what i was feeling to be honest....i had shut everything off and out. i had no idea what i was doing half the time.
My snap back into reality came very suddenly and i'm glad it did, but that is a story for another time. Now, years later, i can look back on myself and learn a lot from this tragic day. i hope to God i never see anything like it again.
Other than the obvious things....all those innocent lives lost, the destruction, the fear....what makes me the saddest about that day is that it takes a national tragedy such as the 9/11 attacks for us to truly be the UNITED States of America. And even that's short lived.
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