Thought for the day

Well, it's been a week.  Not extremely exciting, but a week none the less.  i haven't felt too much like writing anything this week.  Inspiration has not been my friend.  Sometimes i find it difficult to get inspired with all that is going on in the world.  i do realize that i need to stop doing that and keep moving forward, but some days it's just so damn hard.  i have gotten to the point where i bypass any news website because i don't really feel like reading about today's crime of the hour.  It's just too much sometimes.

Anyway, i have worked pretty much all week since we got back from our trip and today is my day off.  It's hard to believe it has only been a week since we were in Tennessee.  We had such a great time and it was incredibly relaxing.  Made some new friends, which is always a plus!  And even though there is nothing like coming home, i am finding it easy to slip back into old routines.  This can be good and bad.  Right now, the worst part of it is the isolation.  At work i am surrounded by people and i love it.  Then, when i get home, for about 4 hours, i do not see or speak to anyone.  i think that it's different this time because last week we were around people all day.  There was no getting away from it.  So, i either need to figure out how to be alone for a few hours and feel good about it or get out and see people.  Or both...both is probably the best solution.  Oh well.

i have been struggling this week with being poor.  There is no shame in it, but it can be hard to get through.  When you work hard and then your entire check goes to pay bills that can really suck.  i feel, at times, like a bad person because i cannot do some of the things i want to do because of lack of funds.  And i'm not talking about taking myself on a shopping spree or anything like that.  i'm talking about things like filling up my gas tank and driving to see my Dad for Father's Day or giving my nieces birthday presents.  Right now, these are luxuries that i cannot afford.  And the bottom line is that i tend to be afraid that just being me is not enough for people.  i realize that this is all in my head but that is my perception.  Part of it stems from my genetics.....always wanting to do for other people....and when you don't have the resources it can be emotionally draining.

Anyway, i know that this will pass and i will not always be in this position....one year left of school and then i will start getting back on my feet.  Until then, i need to just learn how to be...simply, plainly...and how to like that.  It's definitely an achievable goal...it's just a matter of doing it.

Cheers