Thought for the day

As much as i enjoy having a day off every now and then, i also hate it sometimes.  No matter what, i almost can never get motivated to do the things that i need to do when i'm off.  Now, i realize that yes, it's my day off so i shouldn't force myself to do anything.  i should relax.  But somehow, i always feel like i have wasted my day and yet i cannot seem to find the motivation that i want.

i did, though, come to the decision that i am tired of living in regret.  That has actually been a good conclusion for me to come to because that will, i'm hoping, motivate me.  And even though i am very regretful for things i have done in the past, i am more regretful of the things that never happened.  It's hard for me to articulate it, but it makes sense in my mind.

Today is a gray day.  The temperatures are in the mid 70's and it has been cloudy all day.  Rain has occurred off and on throughout the day.  Days like this make me think of old houses.  Luckily, i happen to live in an oldish house...something from the 40's.  But i tend to think about the family homes and wishing they were still in the family.  i have spent many hours throughout my life fantasizing about living in these houses and wishing i did.  Of course, the obvious one is Aunt Sara's house in Wingate.  It's falling in on itself now and i wish Dad had wanted to take a chance and buy it.  i think he regrets that decision at times as well.  And Grandmother's house in Monroe.  Sometimes i wish i had bought that house.  It was such an important part of my life for so long that i wish that i lived there.  And then there was Aunt Billie's house in Wilmington.  Such a beautiful home and it still is.  Sadly, Billie had intended on making changes to her will but never got around to it, so that one bit the dust as well.

i don't know.  it's just the way my mind works.  While it's nice to fantasize, there's almost nothing to be done about it now.  As i said, it's in the past.  But, i do get tired of thinking about that kind of thing too much.  So i am going to make an effort to make more out of each day.  Big things, little things, either way...just living to my best capacity and getting the most out of the time i have.  That is all.

Cheers