I don't like living in fear. Who does? Well, I'm sure there are some people that thrive on it, but not me. And, looking back, I have always lived being afraid of one thing or another. Fear of not being accepted has been something I have lived with since day one. And I have never fully gotten over that fear, despite many different things I have done to work on that. And since the pandemic, my social anxiety has reared its ugly head again, but I'll get through it eventually. But that's not exactly what I'm talking about this morning.
Doom scrolling is something that anyone who uses the internet does, whether or not they admit it. Everyone does it. And it creates in me a fear of the outside world. It is getting harder and harder to want to do anything outside of my comfortable daily routine because of the risk that something bad could happen...either to me personally or to the world. But on the flip side, I'm asking myself that if it all comes crashing down tomorrow...literally or figuratively...then why am I not doing more things today to live life to its fullest? The answer? I have absolutely no clue.
I feel like, lately, everywhere I turn I find something to be afraid of. That can be very crippling. Not only mentally and emotionally, but physically as well. I keep telling myself to just suck it up and keep going and push my boundaries of safety and happiness, but I rarely do that. I'm afraid of giving up that feeling of security. There's a safety in being afraid but it also tends to keep things on the dull side. And I wonder why I let these outside forces control me when I have no control over them? I wish I knew. Human nature, maybe? Hmmmmm
Anyway, I want to start working through my fears and getting more out of life. Tomorrows are never a given and I worry that my todays are not what they could be. I have no clue as to how I will do this, but I will try.
That is all.
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