rambling

for me, trying to figure out who i am is  a tough one.  And sometimes, trying to figure out who i am in the settings of my relationship is even tougher.  Don't get me wrong, i love Michael and i love being in this relationship.  We're going on 6 years now...woohoo!  But sometimes i feel forced to examine aspects of my character because of us and that can be a difficult thing.  i just get jealous of him sometimes because he's the fun one and i'm not.  And by fun, since there are so many definitions of it, i mean he's the popular one.  People are drawn to him.  i don't blame them, i was and still am.

i just don't know if i need to change myself to fit into the mold of what i think a popular person is.  Like my dad, i can be very much a loner at times and usually you'll find me at home.  I use to think that this was ok, but now i'm not sure.  i'm just not the kind of person that people think of to call or get ahold of when they wanna do something fun.  Or if they're coming thru town, i'm last on the list.  And that's all ok because someone has to be last.  I've been last before and sure I will be again.  But all the time?  damn lol

i do have one friend that i see a few times a week, and several that check in with me via text everyday, but that's the extent of my social life LOL  Maybe i need to join a club, or go slumming somewhere.   Who knows!

Or do i just need to accept my role of not being the fun one and go with it? I guess someone's got to be dark horse, or gift with purchase, as i sometimes call myself lol  Michael hates that one.  I don't know.  I just don't know.  And it's not Michael's fault everyone's drawn to him and wants to see him.  Lucky LOL

Maybe i should just take up needlepoint again and suck it up.  Oh well.