We all do things wrong sometimes. We all fuck up situations or friendships unintentionally, and sometimes subconsciously. Sometimes i do speak without thinking. Sometimes plans don't work out as they should. That is life. You learn from it and you move on. But, if no one tells you the problem, how can you know there is one? i, personally, do a lot better when someone confronts me with something. That way, i can learn from my mistakes. Yes, i make mistakes and i repeat mistakes. Many times i do not realize that i do it. The reasons behind that kind of behavior, depending on the circumstances, can go very deep with me. Oh well.
So, on that note, it really was bizarre to log onto Facebook this morning and read a message from a longtime online friend. Several weeks ago, we had a conversation about one of my Youtube pages. i have several for different kinds of interests. This one was about boxing, as there are many great vids on Youtube. He had told me he enjoyed and had subscribed to it. Great! This morning, his message to me was "I take back what I said about your Youtube. I don't like some of the vids you have on there so I unsubscribed." My response was "whatever" because, honestly, i don't care who subscribes or not, it's vids that i enjoy watching. And then, realizing how out of the blue this message was, i checked his Facebook page to see that he had unfriended me. I apologized for whatever I had done to offend him and wished him luck. He told me what I could do with that. Oh well. I'm more upset over it because I don't know why this happened. We have been online friends on various sites for at least 15 years. If he had needed to call my attention to something I had done, I would have listened. Whether or not the end result would have been different. And i have kept my feelings to myself about some of the things he does, because it is not my place. But, I suppose I will never know. It's sad to lose an online presence that i have enjoyed for so long, but i can do, and will do, no more about it.
Which also leads me to something else about my online life. It is time for me to let go of most of it. The different profile websites, etc. It is a fantasy world that is becoming too much of my social reality. Having said that, there's nothing wrong with fantasy, i just need to step away from it for awhile. So far, i have deleted almost half of those pages out there and will hopefully get most of them done later today. It has given me quite the sense of relief not to be a slave to them. This is all in an attempt to get myself back into the real world and be an actual human being again. We shall see.
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