Got a good night's sleep and woke up too early, per usual LOL But, the rest did me good and now i can return to devising a strategy for the next few weeks of life. i have so many projects to do for classes that i really need to sit down and map things out. Even though i have waited to get started on things, i should not wait any longer. i know that i will do much better without waiting until the last second to get them done. Oh, procrastination, thou art a close friend and a closer enemy!
Also, today, i need to advocate for myself on campus. It is time to make some appointments with various people and get their help and advice on what i should do next. Yes, there may be some more and different hurdles to jump, but that is life. i simply need to channel my energies into that and not wallow in anger and bitterness over the situation. Several years ago, that would have been the automatic response to anything life threw at me but that is no longer the case. Yes, i will have the initial moments of anger but the time i take to dwell on that is so much shorter these days and that is a good thing. One thing i have learned in life is that when i react too quickly on my anger, i tend to burn bridges and that is not really something that interests me any longer. Life is too short for that.
So, that is just where my mind is this morning. Now, time for more coffee and to get myself moving.
Cheers
Thursday, March 31, 2016
Wednesday, March 30, 2016
Thought for the day
Tonight, i am frustrated. Not as frustrated as i was about 6 hours ago, but frustrated none the less. i have had a few hours, one being in therapy, where i have been able to let my frustrations out and vent then reflect on things and start developing a plan.
If you follow me at all on Facebook, i stated yesterday that i was having trouble registering for certain social work classes that i need for next semester. Well, today, i know why i cannot get into them. It is my GPA. Overall, it is too low for me to be not only allowed in these classes but too low for me to continue being a BSW student. i knew that this was a possibility since i received my cold, sterile worded acceptance letter. i was accepted "conditionally" into the program because of my GPA and i had exactly one semester to fix that. i think that in the back of my mind, that knowing my past school experiences and the fact that my social work GPA is a 3.98 might weigh in my favor with the faculty, but that was never an absolute.
Anyway, i know that this is not unfixable, but there are certain things that i may not be able to handle financially. As of right now, i have everything squared away with financial aid as far as my academic plan is concerned. They are aware of the number of hours that i have and how many semesters it is going to take to get my degree. The fact that i have to go through the same ropes with financial aid every semester until i graduate is a small price to pay. Having said that, not being allowed into those classes will put me one year behind....which i cannot afford to do. i have 9....count them....9 classes left to take before this degree is done. i can't flip a switch and fix my GPA from 20 years ago. i do not qualify for academic renewal which would get rid of all of the failing grades on my transcript because my GPA has never been below a 2.0. Last semester i got straight A's and that only raised my GPA 4 1/100th's of a point. This semester, i would have had to have taken at least 7 classes and made straight A's again simply to get my GPA to the 2.5 in compliance with the BSW program. Wasn't going to happen. i do have to work as well as go to school.
However, my frustration today is how much longer am i going to be punished for my past? Yes, i made mistakes. Yes, i have learned from them. At what point will the black sheep turn white? At what point are the past debts paid off? At what point is the prodigal son no longer prodigal? i have no effing clue. But it's about time that i find out. That is all.
Cheers
If you follow me at all on Facebook, i stated yesterday that i was having trouble registering for certain social work classes that i need for next semester. Well, today, i know why i cannot get into them. It is my GPA. Overall, it is too low for me to be not only allowed in these classes but too low for me to continue being a BSW student. i knew that this was a possibility since i received my cold, sterile worded acceptance letter. i was accepted "conditionally" into the program because of my GPA and i had exactly one semester to fix that. i think that in the back of my mind, that knowing my past school experiences and the fact that my social work GPA is a 3.98 might weigh in my favor with the faculty, but that was never an absolute.
Anyway, i know that this is not unfixable, but there are certain things that i may not be able to handle financially. As of right now, i have everything squared away with financial aid as far as my academic plan is concerned. They are aware of the number of hours that i have and how many semesters it is going to take to get my degree. The fact that i have to go through the same ropes with financial aid every semester until i graduate is a small price to pay. Having said that, not being allowed into those classes will put me one year behind....which i cannot afford to do. i have 9....count them....9 classes left to take before this degree is done. i can't flip a switch and fix my GPA from 20 years ago. i do not qualify for academic renewal which would get rid of all of the failing grades on my transcript because my GPA has never been below a 2.0. Last semester i got straight A's and that only raised my GPA 4 1/100th's of a point. This semester, i would have had to have taken at least 7 classes and made straight A's again simply to get my GPA to the 2.5 in compliance with the BSW program. Wasn't going to happen. i do have to work as well as go to school.
However, my frustration today is how much longer am i going to be punished for my past? Yes, i made mistakes. Yes, i have learned from them. At what point will the black sheep turn white? At what point are the past debts paid off? At what point is the prodigal son no longer prodigal? i have no effing clue. But it's about time that i find out. That is all.
Cheers
Friday, March 25, 2016
Dear North Carolina
Dear North Carolina,
Today, my initial urge was to tell you to go f**k yourself. I have lived in this state my entire life. Both sides of my family have resided in this state for generations. And, up until recently, I have been proud to call North Carolina my home. I am very angry at you and with those feelings came the need to lash out at you with a vengeance. However, I knew that going that route would do me no good. It may make me feel temporarily better, but it would not be constructive. I stepped back and looked at the entirety of my North Carolina experience. I recalled my upbringing. I was raised to have good manners. And good manners not only includes being polite, but also making others comfortable and at ease. In other words, good manners is one of the very core values of being Southern. You, North Carolina, have lost your manners. And what's more important is that you do not care.
If you think that this legislation, which will eventually be overturned, is going to keep us down or make us disappear, then you truly have another thing coming. Your simple act of hatred will not bring about the permanent outcomes you desire. Look around you. We are everywhere. The teacher that educates your child. The chef who cooks your food. The EMT who gives you CPR. The social worker who advocates for your basic human rights which you take for granted. We cut your hair. We design most of the clothes you wear. That piece of your mother's hard to find china you broke and had to replace you bought from one of the largest independent companies in the south, which is gay owned. We sell your houses. We defend you in court. We are everywhere. And we are going to stay that way whether you like it or not.
Now, I totally understand that change is hard. It takes some adjustment from everyone. But, if we do not strive towards change for the betterment of all humanity, what is the point of our existence? I know there are people in this state who still have a difficult time using restrooms with people of different colors, which is sad in and of itself. Sharing a bathroom facility with someone transgendered may be scary at first. I get that. But running from those fears will not fix anything. It will only perpetuate stereotypes based on lack of education. Times have changed. Situations have changed. The types of people we all encounter on a daily basis have changed. We will push through and continue to move forward so that all of us come out better people. And by all of us, I do mean ALL of us. Growth is a group effort.
And, please, do not start spouting Bible verses at me. It is ignorant and shameful to single out several passages that apply a group of people while ignoring all of the passages that apply to you. And if you do not understand why that is wrong, I suggest you pick up the Good Book and read it again, or possibly for the first time.
Your actions on Wednesday angered and upset me but I cannot say that I was all that surprised at it. Today, you are just another bully on the playground and I've been fighting bullies my entire life. And guess what? I stood up for myself and I'm still here. I will stand up to you, too, and I know that I will not be alone in that. I live here and have no intentions of leaving anytime soon. North Carolina is my home. It is in my blood. But living here is no longer a privilege. It is simply where I live right now and nothing more. That makes me sad.
North Carolina, you have potential. Do not let ignorance and greed take control of your emotions. If you do, one day you will look around and everyone will have left you in the dust. We are already one of the worst states for education. Let's not be that way for humanity. You can do better than that. You deserve better than that. We all deserve better than that. Good manners go a long way. Find that again and let's progress forward.
That is all.
Very concerned,
Bob
Today, my initial urge was to tell you to go f**k yourself. I have lived in this state my entire life. Both sides of my family have resided in this state for generations. And, up until recently, I have been proud to call North Carolina my home. I am very angry at you and with those feelings came the need to lash out at you with a vengeance. However, I knew that going that route would do me no good. It may make me feel temporarily better, but it would not be constructive. I stepped back and looked at the entirety of my North Carolina experience. I recalled my upbringing. I was raised to have good manners. And good manners not only includes being polite, but also making others comfortable and at ease. In other words, good manners is one of the very core values of being Southern. You, North Carolina, have lost your manners. And what's more important is that you do not care.
If you think that this legislation, which will eventually be overturned, is going to keep us down or make us disappear, then you truly have another thing coming. Your simple act of hatred will not bring about the permanent outcomes you desire. Look around you. We are everywhere. The teacher that educates your child. The chef who cooks your food. The EMT who gives you CPR. The social worker who advocates for your basic human rights which you take for granted. We cut your hair. We design most of the clothes you wear. That piece of your mother's hard to find china you broke and had to replace you bought from one of the largest independent companies in the south, which is gay owned. We sell your houses. We defend you in court. We are everywhere. And we are going to stay that way whether you like it or not.
Now, I totally understand that change is hard. It takes some adjustment from everyone. But, if we do not strive towards change for the betterment of all humanity, what is the point of our existence? I know there are people in this state who still have a difficult time using restrooms with people of different colors, which is sad in and of itself. Sharing a bathroom facility with someone transgendered may be scary at first. I get that. But running from those fears will not fix anything. It will only perpetuate stereotypes based on lack of education. Times have changed. Situations have changed. The types of people we all encounter on a daily basis have changed. We will push through and continue to move forward so that all of us come out better people. And by all of us, I do mean ALL of us. Growth is a group effort.
And, please, do not start spouting Bible verses at me. It is ignorant and shameful to single out several passages that apply a group of people while ignoring all of the passages that apply to you. And if you do not understand why that is wrong, I suggest you pick up the Good Book and read it again, or possibly for the first time.
Your actions on Wednesday angered and upset me but I cannot say that I was all that surprised at it. Today, you are just another bully on the playground and I've been fighting bullies my entire life. And guess what? I stood up for myself and I'm still here. I will stand up to you, too, and I know that I will not be alone in that. I live here and have no intentions of leaving anytime soon. North Carolina is my home. It is in my blood. But living here is no longer a privilege. It is simply where I live right now and nothing more. That makes me sad.
North Carolina, you have potential. Do not let ignorance and greed take control of your emotions. If you do, one day you will look around and everyone will have left you in the dust. We are already one of the worst states for education. Let's not be that way for humanity. You can do better than that. You deserve better than that. We all deserve better than that. Good manners go a long way. Find that again and let's progress forward.
That is all.
Very concerned,
Bob
Thursday, March 24, 2016
Yesterday, I walked home from campus around 6:30 pm. It had been a very long day of class and dealing with my emotions from our state legislature. Luckily, I had just come from a counseling session, so I did feel somewhat better than I had earlier. Anyhow, the sun had just started to set as I began my walk home. The temperature was still in the 70's and there was a nice breeze blowing. As I normally do when I walk to and from class, I had my ipod on. I have such random music on there, that I never know what to expect. This started playing about halfway through my walk and ended just as I reached home. With the beauty of the afternoon, it was just what I needed.
Saturday, March 12, 2016
Thought for the day
As spring break comes to an end, i realize that i have not gotten accomplished what i wanted to. Ah, well. That will definitely give me a lot to do this week, but that's how it goes. One thing that i'm always constantly aware of is my lack of time management. i really do need to figure out a better system for myself because this shit gets ridiculous. And then i get stressed out and everything simply snowballs. It is these times that i really doubt myself and my abilities. And that is not good for me or my school work.
Another thing that i find myself doing is over use of the phrases such as "i can't...." or "i'm not good at..." Then, i simply give in to the "fact" that i can't or i'm not good at and am defeated without even trying to change things. If you've ever suffered from depression, you know this can go. So, i really need to stop using these phrases because they are so negative to me. Of course, there are things that i cannot do and things i am not good at, but i need to find a better way of expressing these things because i find myself limiting myself and i give up too easily.
i'm not sure what the phrases will be to replace the negative ones, but i will try to find something. Hopefully, i will get to a place where even if i can't or am not good at, i can end the statement with "at least i tried" We shall see how that goes.
Cheers!
Another thing that i find myself doing is over use of the phrases such as "i can't...." or "i'm not good at..." Then, i simply give in to the "fact" that i can't or i'm not good at and am defeated without even trying to change things. If you've ever suffered from depression, you know this can go. So, i really need to stop using these phrases because they are so negative to me. Of course, there are things that i cannot do and things i am not good at, but i need to find a better way of expressing these things because i find myself limiting myself and i give up too easily.
i'm not sure what the phrases will be to replace the negative ones, but i will try to find something. Hopefully, i will get to a place where even if i can't or am not good at, i can end the statement with "at least i tried" We shall see how that goes.
Cheers!
Tuesday, March 8, 2016
Thought for the day - harm reduction day one
Harm Reduction Therapy can be a useful tool when trying to conquer something. i have chosen to go this route, along with the nicotine patch, in order to quit smoking. Honestly, i am tired of it but need help to quit. And, HRT will give me the opportunity to slow down and find alternative positive behaviors to help me deal with life in general.
Basically, what i am doing is reducing the number of cigarettes that i smoke each day. i am giving myself a certain amount of time that must pass between each cigarette before i can have one. Now, this may not sound substantial, but it is. As someone who can sit and chain smoke for hours, this is a big deal. Anyway, halfway through my day around 2pm, i increase the amount of time that must pass in order to challenge myself.
Having said that, i survived my first day. That was a big hurdle for me, but i did it and i will do it again today. i can tell a small difference in how i feel. i'm not breathing much better yet, but i did not sound like a pipe organ when i woke up this morning and that's an improvement. It will only get better from here on out because i am determined to do this. i have to many things i need and want to do to let smoking control my life anymore.
If i need help, i will be reaching out so be prepared!
Cheers
Basically, what i am doing is reducing the number of cigarettes that i smoke each day. i am giving myself a certain amount of time that must pass between each cigarette before i can have one. Now, this may not sound substantial, but it is. As someone who can sit and chain smoke for hours, this is a big deal. Anyway, halfway through my day around 2pm, i increase the amount of time that must pass in order to challenge myself.
Having said that, i survived my first day. That was a big hurdle for me, but i did it and i will do it again today. i can tell a small difference in how i feel. i'm not breathing much better yet, but i did not sound like a pipe organ when i woke up this morning and that's an improvement. It will only get better from here on out because i am determined to do this. i have to many things i need and want to do to let smoking control my life anymore.
If i need help, i will be reaching out so be prepared!
Cheers
Sunday, March 6, 2016
Recipe of the week - instant Russian Tea
Yes, it's instant, but i love it! It was a staple in our house around the holidays. And, i've learned, it is also good cold :) Enjoy!
Ingredients:
1 Large jar Tang
1.5 cup sugar
2 tsp. cinnamon
1/2 cup lemon drink mix
1/2 cup instant tea
1 tsp. ground cloves
Mix all ingredients. Store in glass jar. To serve, boil water and add instant tea mix to taste.
i usually do 1-2 teaspoons of mix to each cup of water.
i also found that you can use instant tea with lemon and kill 2 birds with one stone :)
Enjoy! Cheers!
Ingredients:
1 Large jar Tang
1.5 cup sugar
2 tsp. cinnamon
1/2 cup lemon drink mix
1/2 cup instant tea
1 tsp. ground cloves
Mix all ingredients. Store in glass jar. To serve, boil water and add instant tea mix to taste.
i usually do 1-2 teaspoons of mix to each cup of water.
i also found that you can use instant tea with lemon and kill 2 birds with one stone :)
Enjoy! Cheers!
thought for the day - the smells of Saturday
Yesterday was a beautiful day. Spring is definitely on its way here and i am looking forward to that. As Michael had to work yesterday, i spent my Saturday at home with Squirt just relaxing and doing some things around the house. And i began to think about Saturdays growing up in Monroe and what i remember most are the smells that went along with our Saturdays.
Of course, Saturday mornings almost always started out with breakfast and cartoons. Since i didn't, and still don't, like milk, i always ate my cereal dry. That was fine with me and on the chance i eat cereal these days, that's how i like it. And the cartoons were on so i was plunked down in front of the tv. Usually, i watched things like Peanuts, The Smurfs or The Snorks. i also enjoyed Shirt Tails and Scooby Doo. But, we were not usually allowed to sit around all morning and watch television. There was work to be done around the house!
In the spring, we almost always had the windows and screen doors open, so there was typically an inviting breeze inside the house. i loved the smells from outside that would waft through our house. The freshly mowed lawn, the flowers and the fruit trees. Inside the house one could fine the aroma of furniture polish...usually Lemon Pledge....and the smell of laundry detergent and freshly folded clothes...yes they do have a distinct smell :) The hot dust smell of the old Electrolux cannister vacuum cleaner.
Later in the day, there would be something either in the oven or on the grill for dinner. Mom's spaghetti sauce or Dad's hamburgers on the grill....these would permeate the house at dinner time. The perfume of freshly brewed sweet tea. The late afternoon rise of the honeysuckle in the nearby woods. At the time, i did not appreciate these smells because they were a routine part of weekly life. Today, i cherish their memory.
Time to create my own Saturday smells :)
Cheers!
Of course, Saturday mornings almost always started out with breakfast and cartoons. Since i didn't, and still don't, like milk, i always ate my cereal dry. That was fine with me and on the chance i eat cereal these days, that's how i like it. And the cartoons were on so i was plunked down in front of the tv. Usually, i watched things like Peanuts, The Smurfs or The Snorks. i also enjoyed Shirt Tails and Scooby Doo. But, we were not usually allowed to sit around all morning and watch television. There was work to be done around the house!
In the spring, we almost always had the windows and screen doors open, so there was typically an inviting breeze inside the house. i loved the smells from outside that would waft through our house. The freshly mowed lawn, the flowers and the fruit trees. Inside the house one could fine the aroma of furniture polish...usually Lemon Pledge....and the smell of laundry detergent and freshly folded clothes...yes they do have a distinct smell :) The hot dust smell of the old Electrolux cannister vacuum cleaner.
Later in the day, there would be something either in the oven or on the grill for dinner. Mom's spaghetti sauce or Dad's hamburgers on the grill....these would permeate the house at dinner time. The perfume of freshly brewed sweet tea. The late afternoon rise of the honeysuckle in the nearby woods. At the time, i did not appreciate these smells because they were a routine part of weekly life. Today, i cherish their memory.
Time to create my own Saturday smells :)
Cheers!
Saturday, March 5, 2016
thought for the day
Spring break is here! i do not really have many plans going on other than getting homework done and hanging around the house and working on some projects. And i'm ok with that. After going to Disney last spring break, anything else would be hard to top!
Anyway, I started my break by attending the UNCG Theatre Dept Alumni Party at SETC last evening. I had waffled throughout the day as to whether or not I would go. I knew that a few people I knew would be going, but wasn't sure if I would know anyone else. Turns out, I knew a lot of people there and had a blast. It really was good to see so many people from the past. Most had not really changed one bit. And it's fun to play that cat and mouse game of "You look so familiar but I can't remember your name or exactly how I know you!" I played that one several times last night LOL And it was also great to see people that live here locally that I never get to see. It definitely makes me want to be more of a social creature.
Of course, i did spend some time asking myself why i chose not to continue pursuing theatre. And for a few moments, i thought i should just chuck it all and get back to it. But no, it's not what i want right now for my life. i do want theatre to enhance my life, but not control it. i have my goals and am going to continue to work on them. Definitely. i would, however, like to do some theatre again at some point. And i will, no doubt. But, for right now, i'm happy with where i am.
Still, it was great to see people and take a few strolls down memory lane. i need to do that more often. That is all!
Cheers!
Anyway, I started my break by attending the UNCG Theatre Dept Alumni Party at SETC last evening. I had waffled throughout the day as to whether or not I would go. I knew that a few people I knew would be going, but wasn't sure if I would know anyone else. Turns out, I knew a lot of people there and had a blast. It really was good to see so many people from the past. Most had not really changed one bit. And it's fun to play that cat and mouse game of "You look so familiar but I can't remember your name or exactly how I know you!" I played that one several times last night LOL And it was also great to see people that live here locally that I never get to see. It definitely makes me want to be more of a social creature.
Of course, i did spend some time asking myself why i chose not to continue pursuing theatre. And for a few moments, i thought i should just chuck it all and get back to it. But no, it's not what i want right now for my life. i do want theatre to enhance my life, but not control it. i have my goals and am going to continue to work on them. Definitely. i would, however, like to do some theatre again at some point. And i will, no doubt. But, for right now, i'm happy with where i am.
Still, it was great to see people and take a few strolls down memory lane. i need to do that more often. That is all!
Cheers!
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