Karma's a bitch, plain and simple. I know that I have done many rotten, selfish things in my life. I recognize that. I own it. Why? Because there's no need in denying things that happened. They have made me who I am today. Would I go back and change things? Yes, I probably would in many cases. Can I? No because it's in the past. So I must acknowledge these things in life and move forward. Yet, it seems that almost every time I feel like I am moving forward, life likes to kick me in the balls.
I really want to be a good person, but I'm no longer sure that characteristic is in the cards for me. I grew up with great examples of people who were and still are basically good human beings. I try, but I never succeed to their level. Not that I have to be like someone else, it's just a goal to strive for. I have lately been feeling good about things in my life...changes made to benefit my health, advancing at work, trying to be productive, etc. Maybe I was more proud than feeling good. And then all it takes is one thing to bring me back to the reality that I can be a lousy human being. And that one little thing snowballs in memories and feelings of things past and I become pretty useless to the human race.
So, today I will be content in my own mediocrity because I don't feel like fighting it anymore. This is a pretty opposite feeling of how I was a few days ago, but that's how it goes. It just takes one thing for all of my work to be erased from my heart. Ah, well.
That is all.
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