i'm just not a good friend

i spent alot of time today dreading coming home from work.  Michael works late once a week and tonight is his night to work.  i hate coming home to no one but the dog.  Don't get me wrong, i love Squirt, but it's not the same as having another person in the house.  Not that Michael and i would do anything tonight.  It'd be the same thing every night.  We'd have dinner, i'd take the dog out, then i'd end up on the computer and he'd sit and play some game on his phone or read.  That's just what we do.

anyway, i kept thinking that i should find something to do tonight, someone to hang out with.  And that's when i came up empty.  i got no one LOL  i have lots and lots of social acquaintances but very few actual friends.  So, i end up spending alot of time alone with the dog.

i just don't know how to be a friend anymore and that makes me sad. i use to be a great friend.  No, i have never been the first person people would call when they wanted to do something, but i was usually on the list somewhere.  That doesn't happen anymore.  And i guess i'm too afraid anymore to make the first move because i truly don't think anyone would want to just hang out with me.  That's sad.  Oh well.  it's not like anyone will read this anyway haha so, like usual, i'm just talking to myself :)