Thought for the day

It seems like that the older I get, the more of a funk I get into going into the Christmas season.  I'm not exactly sure why because I have always loved Christmas.  It's one of my favorite times of the year, if not my all time favorite.  I love the decorations, the music, the food, etc.  But each year, the feeling of blah gets more and more intense.  Maybe it's because my birthday is on the 5th and I have to recognize getting another year older.  Of course, that always makes me look back at what I have and have not accomplished and frankly, sometimes that can get very depressing lol  Or maybe it's because Christmas was such a glorious time for my family and they are all either spread out across the country or have passed away now.  Or maybe it's because church was such a centerpiece of the Christmas season and I haven't been able to get to church much because of my work schedule.  I just don't know.  It could be a multitude of things.

Anyway, this weekend....the weekend before my birthday...I am going to try my best to lift myself out of this funk.  It's totally possible, I just have to focus on achieving the goal.  Since I enjoy Christmas so much, that is what this weekend will be about.  I am going to clean the house and then drag all of my Christmas decor out of the garage and get to work putting it up.  There's so much out there that I don't have room for it all, but it will look like Christmas exploded once I'm done.  Of course, judging by some of my friends' Facebook pages, I will not be alone in this category.  And I already feel better putting this plan together.

I intend to listen to as many of my vintage Christmas records as I can this weekend.  I have many that belonged to my parents and have supplemented my collection over the years.  Luckily, Christmas albums are usually not that expensive at the used records stores in the area.  And, to me, that music is so far superior to much of the Christmas music put out today that I rarely bother ever listening to the new stuff anymore.  Sorry to offend anyone, but if never...and I mean NEVER...hear that insipid Christmas Shoes song again, I will be perfectly fine with that. 

I'm planning on venturing out some as well today.  I want to find candles for the windows.  We always had them when I was growing up and I love the look of them.  It's a classic Christmas decoration and I want to add that to my decor.  As much as I love the outdoor lights that people put up, that's not really my style and the candles will look nice.  I also have a few other pieces of decoration I want to pick up, so we shall see how I do.

And since my birthday is Tuesday, I am planning on cooking some hamburgers tomorrow on the grill.  That was also a tradition growing up.  We always got to choose what we wanted for our birthday dinner.  Mine was almost always hamburgers.  I have loved a good burger for as long as I can remember, so Dad was always out on the patio on my birthday cooking up the burgers.  I'm not really planning on a party, but I might find a few close friends to join in the burger dinner LOL

Oh well, I am rambling now.  I need to finish up my coffee and begin my day.  Let's hope it's a success.

Cheers!

Quote of the day

Thought for the day

I have been sick for the past few days.  I don't think it's the flu (knock on wood) but it's definitely more than a cold.  The weekend was pretty rough, but overall I am feeling much better but still have a ways to go.  That being said, I am thinking that sometimes when I am sick I am more sensitive and moody than normal...big surprise, right?  Of course, I believe that everyone can get that way when they're sick...it's just how we are. 

So, with not feeling well, I have still been working mostly.  I did leave early on Saturday because I was not feeling well.  If you know me, that's not something I normally do.  I have to really be sick if I do that.  Anyway, being sick has highlighted the issue that I am tired of leaving work angry.  It has been happening more and more lately.  It is not because I do not like my job.  Quite the contrary, I love it.  I love my residents and they love me and frankly, I work my ass off for them.  Even this morning at breakfast one of the residents told me he did not know how they would get along without me if I ever left dining services.  Little does he know that's going to happen soon, but that's a story for another time.

I get angry with some of my coworkers.  For many of them, it's just a job.  I get that.  But that does not excuse laziness.  One coworker in particular gets away with whatever he wants.  He's been there for 5 years at least and is treated like a prince.  Today, he was our runner during lunch service.  The runner spends the first half hour down at our assisted living facility then returns to assist in the main dining room.  When he got back from AL, he did pretty much nothing to help us.  Instead of running plates, which he is supposed to do, he spent his time joking, flirting and doing his side work which could have waited.  There's no need to wipe down things that we're still using.  Seriously? 

Last Friday, I worked breakfast and lunch at our assisted living.  This person worked there the night before's dinner.  Almost nothing was done as it was supposed to be.  The Thursday staff is supposed to stock......nope.  It was pathetic.  I spent most of my prep time before breakfast fixing what he did not do.  And when I asked my supervisor who had worked the night before, she told me it was him and how amazing it was that he was finished up by 6:15.  We close that dining room at 6.  It should take you at least 30-45 minutes to get everything done.  More so if you're stocking as you are supposed to be.  This did not happen and I told her that's why he got done so early.  And, to be honest, it pisses me off that nothing is ever done about this.

Ah, well.  I just have to last a few more weeks and things will change for me.  I am looking forward to a happy work experience again.

That is all.

Thought of the day

It's been a long week, that's for damn sure.  On top of a long work week, which is taxing on the body, my mind and spirit have been taxed.  I received a text from my brother earlier in the week regarding a former teacher of ours.  I did not know, at the time, why he was texting me about him because I really had not been online since the afternoon before.  My first thought was that Mr. Robinson had passed away and that made me sad.  Well, on my break, since we are not allowed to have our cell phones on us while we're working, I googled to find out what was going on.  Needless to say, I was shocked.

Mr. Robinson had been arrested the night before for having a prior improper sexual relationship with a student.  I really did not know what to think of it.  I remembered that Tanya, my best friend from school, had sent me a message the night before but I didn't check it.  I figured it probably had something to do with this.  When I checked it after work, I was correct...she was letting me know what was going on.  Anyway, as it seems to be the norm in these cases, there were very little details offered in the multitudes of articles on the arrest.  All of them basically said the same thing.  The student was not identified, so I do not know if they are male or female, not that it matters anyway. 

I don't know what to make of this.  I feel terrible for Mr. Robinson either way. If it's true, that makes me sad because it never should have happened.  If it's untrue, while I will be glad for Larry, I am sad that this is something he and his family may never be able to recover from.  It's a lose/lose situation.  So, right now i don't know what to believe.  The truth will come out in time I am sure.  Mr. Robinson was always a good friend, director and teacher to me.  That is something that will never be taken away. 

It is an awful situation, no matter what happens.  My heart goes out to all involved and will be keeping them in my thoughts and prayers until I know of anyway I can help in real time.

That is all.

Song of the day - Unlikely Lovers

This is a beautiful quartet from the revival recording of Falsettos.  The first time I heard the song was when I was a sophomore in college.  UNCG's Show Choir did several benefit performances for THP and this was one of the songs they did.  I had several friends in this show.  3 of my friends made up part of this quartet.  Needless to say, this song and the whole show had a profound impact on me.  But, that's a story for another time.  Anyway,  Live from Lincoln Center will be airing the revival of Falsettos this Friday at 8 p.m.  It's a beautiful show if you've never seen it.  I know I'll be watching.

Quote of the day

Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart.

                                                                            Winnie the Pooh

Thought for the day

Here we are, a rainy chilly fall night.  And tonight, I am sitting here thinking about playing cards.  Strange, I know, but that's what's on my mind.  I use to love playing cards.  It was such a part of my growing up.  These days, I hardly ever play, even though I have close to 50 decks of cards.

Growing up, there were many wonderful memories for me surrounding a game of cards.  My parents belonged to several bridge clubs when I was young.  I have been told that during one of those games, I must have been 2 or 3, that I wanted to say goodnight to everyone.  Mom would try to take me back to my room and I would stop and yell goodnight to someone...until everyone was covered.  Of course, i'm sure that Mom was feeding me the names, but it's still a fun story. 

There were also numerous games of bridge with the Goodsons...our neighbors across the street.  One or two times a month, they would come over on a Saturday night and play bridge with Mom and Dad.  Early on, my job was to empty the ashtrays on the table.  Only Mom and Mr. Goodson smoked, but for me it was an important responsibility. 

And Gin.  Not the alcohol but the game.  Many, many a night I spent playing Gin with Grandmother in her living room.  I would set up the card table and we would spend hours playing cards.  Keeping score in one of those wire ringed notebooks.  We played the version that involved having 10 cards per player.  I have since learned that there are many versions of Gin and Gin Rummy.   Still, those are precious memories.

And today, my decks of cards sit in my buffet, unused.  And they're vintage, too.  I need to find some people to have over and set up the card table to play some cards.  I am adaptable to learning new games and reliving old ones.  We played Spades, Hearts, Spite & Malice, Go Fish.  I'm open.  I just remember how wonderful it was to sit around the table and play cards.  People often told the best stories around that table.  Ah, well.

Until I can find someone to play cards with, I will have to settle for playing Solitaire.  If you're interested to playing a few hands, just let me know.  Until then, it'll just be me and the 52.

Cheers.

Recipe of the day - easy baked apples

We had ham steaks for dinner the other evening and I wanted to make some baked apples to go along with them.  I had never made them before, but remember them fondly from growing up.  So, I searched for an easy recipe online and found this one.  It really is so easy and turned out really nicely.  I will definitely be making this again!

5 Gala apples, peeled and chopped
1/2 stick of butter, melted
1 tablespoon of cinnamon

Preheat oven to 350.  Peel and chop apples.  Melt the butter and mix with the cinnamon.  Place apples in a baking dish.  Cover with the cinnamon mixture.  Bake at 350 for 30 minutes until the apples are soft, stirring once during baking to make sure the apples are coated.

Enjoy!

Thought for the day

This morning, I got to sleep in.  I have not had a day off since October 8th, so this was a real treat for me.  Granted, I woke up at 7 a.m., but still, I slept in.  Normally I get up around 5 a.m.  There's just something refreshing about waking up when my body is ready to wake up as opposed to waking up to an alarm.  That's why I don't really mind getting up relatively early on the days that I am sleeping in.

After I woke up, I made my coffee, which is usually the first thing that I do in the morning.  I took a cup out onto the porch to enjoy the beautiful fall morning.  In the neighborhood where we live, early morning is one of the few quiet times, so I really enjoy it.  And it made me realize that I enjoy my weekends.  Like I said, I don't get them very often, but I do enjoy them.  I hope that one day having weekends off will be a regular occurrence and not something that's very rare as it is today.

Of course, we have plans for the day off.  We are heading to the wedding celebration of some friends of ours.  So, we have to pack bags and get Squirt ready for the day trip.  Even though I would personally love to just stay at home and act the sloth, I am looking forward to seeing people.  And one of the nicest parts of it is that I will get to sleep in again tomorrow.  Two days in a row.  Hooray for me!!

I imagine that most of you are asleep as I right this.  And by most of you, I mean the few people who read the blog haha.  I hope you all enjoy your Saturday and that you, too, got to sleep in.  As for me, it's time to refill my coffee cup and head back to the porch for awhile.

Cheers

Quote of the day

If you have the power to make someone happy, do it.  The world needs more of that.

                                                                            Unknown

Thought for the day - breast cancer awareness month

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month.  October, for me, is so full of emotion already that adding this on top of all of that in some ways is overwhelming but in the long run, it is a blessing.  We already have fall weather...finally, Halloween, homecoming, Coming Out Day...etc.  So there is a lot going on this month, needless to say.

I really started thinking about BCA month last night.  I was watching the DVD of Season 1 of Designing Women.  Can't help it...one of my favorites.  Anyway, there is an episode in Season 1 where Charlene finds a lump in her breast.  Her doctor tells her not to worry about it yet she seeks a 2nd opinion anyhow.  The lump turns out to be benign, thank goodness. 

Well, I distinctly remember watching this episode when it premiered.  I was in the 6th grade.  Designing Women was one of our Monday nigh staples.  We all loved it.  Mom got very emotional watching this episode.  I can understand that.   She had just had a mastectomy the previous year so, to me, this was a natural reaction.  Btw, it's a very good episode if you've never seen it.

It was not until years later, after Mom passed away, that Dad told me about something that truly connected Mom to this episode.  When she found the lump in her breast, her OB-GYN told her not to worry about it.  It was probably nothing and to come back in 6 months.  Obviously, it definitely was something.  Something that eventually took her life.  But, she listened to her doctor and did not seek a 2nd opinion.  The rest, shall we say, is history. 

When Dad first told me this, I was very angry.  Why would a doctor tell a patient not to worry about a potentially fatal disease?  I did eventually cool off and could sit back and reflect in a more open manner.  I realized that in the mid 80's, there was still a lot to be learned about cancer and many doctors gave this kind of response.  And, Mom's OB-GYN was a family friend.  Our families went to church together and had known each other for years.  There was no reason for her not to trust him and there was no reason for him not to give the best possible advice her could at the time.  Once I realized all of this, the malice was gone from my heart over the issue.

Needless to say, after 6 months, Mom was diagnosed with cancer and it eventually killed her.  She fought an extremely long, tough and heroic battle.  She is one of my heroes.  And, at least to me, she never spoke negatively about how she got into this situation.  She confided in me a lot, so if she had bad feelings, she never let on.  And that just shows her endurance...to me, anyway.

Bottom line, my friends, male or female...if you find a lump, get it biopsied.  And do not be afraid to go for that 2nd opinion.  Any doctor who has any compassion will not argue against your seeking that out.  Life is to short to do otherwise.

That is all.

Thought for the day

I need to cut back on social media.  I am not going to give it up completely, because, after all, it is a good way to keep up with people and chat with people that share similar interests.  I just use it too much...like most people, I believe.  While that may work for some people, I have an addictive personality and need to get it under control.  I spend way too much time on it and I waste hours, days, on it.  I want to get back into the reality of life and not let is pass me by.  If I am hunched over my computer for hours on end, I don't get the things done that I want to.

I keep a daily list of things that I need to get done every day.  I think I am going to try using social media as a reward for getting things checked off my list.  That may work, that may not, but I won't know until I try.  So far, today, I have gotten a good number of things done this morning without staring at Facebook and other places all morning long. 

Bottom line, I don't want the internet to control my daily life, which is a very real possibility if I let that occur.  It's time to start getting back into life.

That is all.

10 Favorite 80's sitcom theme songs

Ah, the 80's.  Like today, a lot of television was crap, but we didn't know it back then haha.  Still there were some great theme songs along the way.  The only criteria I set for these is that the sitcom had to premiere some time in the 80's and the theme song had to remain the same throughout the entire run of the show.  If I get one wrong, just let me know!

1.  Gimme a Break

2.  Who's the Boss?

3.  The Golden Girls

4.  Night Court

5.  Growing Pains

6.  Family Ties

7.  Mama's Family

8.  Silver Spoons

9.  Greatest American Hero

10. Cheers

Song of the day - Jupiter

I listened to Holst's "The Planets" yesterday after I got home from work.  It's one of my favorite classical pieces.  Jupiter, in particular, is one of my favorites.  I thank Daniel Sturdivant for introducing it to me in high school band.  We played a version of this at one of our concerts.  It's a fun piece and I always enjoy listening to it!

Thought of the day

Here it is Tuesday morning.  Sometimes it's hard to believe that another week has gone by and I'm already starting a new one.  This morning, I woke up with a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.  I have no idea why, but I feel nervous and anxious today.  I do hope that is will not be a trend for the rest of my day and these feelings will subside.  We shall see.

It is finally starting to feel like autumn here.  I think that's part of the reason for my feelings this morning.  I normally love fall.  Well, I think I love what it once meant to me growing up.  Fall was the beginning of the holiday season with Halloween and Thanksgiving.  Fall was Friday night football games in high school.  Fall was dreading Dad asking me to help rake leaves.  Fall was being able to wear sweaters.  It use to be one of my favorite times of year. 

Now it is, as each season seems to be becoming, simply a reminder of what I haven't done.  I had so many plans for the summer months which never happened.  I wanted to clean out the garage.  I wanted to exercise more.  I wanted to conquer some personal demons.  I wanted to be more of a social person in real time.  Yes, I know that all of these things can still occur, but the ending of one season and the beginning of another is just a reminder that I didn't do it yet.  I begin to feel defeated and depressed.  I will get over it because I always do, I just hate going through it each time.  And, in some ways, with the state of the world being what it is, I wonder if improvements are even worth attempting.

I begin to question myself on things like have I been a good enough son?  Have I been a good enough husband?  Have I been a good enough friend.  Of course, the answer is always "no" but that's human nature and something we all feel whether or not we admit it openly.  I'm just admitting it this morning.  I just simply cannot allow the feelings to over power me or else I will be of no use to anyone, including myself.

Well, autumn is truly under way and I must deal with how I feel.  I will keep trying to do the things I need and want to do and see how that goes.  After all, all I can do is try.  Right?

Time to refresh my coffee.

Cheers

Thought for the day

Well, here it is Wednesday already and time seems to be flying by!  I'm ready for another day off, which will be sometime next week...grrrrrrrrrr. Ah, well, that's life at the moment.  Anyway, I met with a coworker at HG yesterday to discuss this new position.  I'm 95% sure that I will accept it, for several reasons.

This position is Housekeeping Supervisor.  They have never had one at HG before.  So, when the big boss decided that this would be a good idea to have this position, for some reason I was the one he thought of.  That really is flattering considering the short amount of time I have been there.  And my coworker did say yesterday something to the effect of they want to keep me at HG, which may have something to do with it.  Anyway, even though I love my job in dining services, I have to look at the big picture and this position would teach me many things I do not know yet.  One of my goals is to obtain my long term care administrator's license and the more I know about how these facilities operate, the better off I will be.

And, to be honest, the money and schedule will be better.  More money is always a good thing and it'd be nice not to have to work 2 jobs.  And having most weekends off would allow me to do some of the things that I want to do.  That'd also be true during the week, as I would be done around 4 each day.  So, there it is...again.  I will probably go talk to the big boss before all of this happens because I want to be 100% sure that he's for this.  I mean, this was all his idea in the first place, but I need to make it understood that I am coming from a hospitality/dining service background and not housekeeping.  I can clean my own house....when the mood strikes me....but still have a lot to learn.  And I also don't want to create any drama/bad blood among any of the ladies in housekeeping that have been there for awhile.  We shall see.

That is all.

Quote of the day

Life only comes around once, so do whatever makes you happy and be with whoever makes you smile.

                                                                            Unknown

Thought for the day

Some days, it is just hard to know what to think about things anymore.  I hate the fact that I am becoming numb and desensitized to tragedy.  Yes, what happened yesterday in Las Vegas was beyond horrible.  I pray, for my own benefit, to make sense of it all and send as much good energy to those people as possible because it is all I know to do right at this moment.  These kinds of occurrences have become commonplace in our country.  While not on the scale as this past shooting, but still commonplace.  And I am not reacting as I would have 5, 10, or 20 years ago.  I would have been a lot more emotionally devastated at this tragedy. 

Many of us have those defining moments of national tragedy.  We know where we were, what we were doing, etc.  And those tragedies were not all acts of terrorism, domestic or foreign.  The Challenger blowing up after take off was my first one.  The Columbine shootings, September 11th...they all have definite places in my history.  But know, it is almost like I get up in the morning and turn on media and see someone's been shot, something horrible has happened in our country, and sadly, it's just another day.  Lawmakers are no help because they are in it for themselves and profit.  If the killing of 20 children two weeks before Christmas at Sandy Hook could not motivate compassion and common sense in our country, then we are a lost cause.

I don't want to live my life afraid of going places out of fear of tragedy.  That is no way to live.  I do not want to be a prisoner to myself, my society or my country.  I just don't know how to fix it.  Or even if I should try to fix it.  Some days, I feel like getting out of bed is not even worth it.  But, alas, life, as we know it now, goes on.  Only time will tell.

Quote of the day

Don't worry about failures.  Worry about the chances you miss when you don't even try.

                                                                            Jack Canfield

Thought for the day - Tuesdays at work

For the past few weeks, Tuesdays have been really rough at work for me.  And, frankly, it's starting to get on my nerves.  I know that I will eventually be able to work through it, I just have to find the paths that will allow me to do that.

The first reason that Tuesdays are frustrating for me is the second half of my work day.  On Tuesdays, I work in the dining room down at Verra Springs - our assisted living community.  Now, when you work down there, you are pretty much by yourself except for the chef.  If we have enough staff, someone from HG will come down for awhile and run food....that's if we have enough people, which is not always the case right now.  That's just how it is, fine.  I love the residents down there, I just have not found my rhythm yet and it frustrates me.  We get hit hard as soon as we open....as in everyone who's going to be eating is waiting at the door.  So, trying to wait on 30 people at the same time can be daunting.  Most of them are quite patient but some are not....that's just how they are.

Anyway, once dinner ends, there is a lot of work to get done to reset everything for the next morning.  It is basically all of the same things that we do in the main dining room at HG, only it's just one person doing it.  I don't mind the extra responsibilities, but, at least for me, it takes longer than if I was back in HG.  I am scheduled to end my shift at a certain time and that has not happened yet.  I am always there almost a half hour beyond schedule and it frustrates me.  Other people who work VS don't seem to have this issue.  Granted, they have been doing it a lot longer than I have, but still I just can't seem to make it work yet in the time allotted.  So, I end up leaving work with a lot of pent up frustration and I hate that.  It makes me doubt myself in a big way!

The other reason I get so frustrated is a coworker.  Mondays are peaceful for me because it is her day off.  Tuesdays are a whole nother ball game.  Now, I do like this person but not as a coworker lately.  She is no longer a team player.  Shortly after I began working at HG, she got a second job.  I understand that...many of us have to do that in order to survive, which sucks right there.  But, now she's always tired and complaining.  She whines a lot.  She is always asking people to help her out yet she does not lift a finger to help anyone else out.  That really gets under my skin.  I hate the fact that I do not want to help her now because I know she won't return the favor.  I don't like being that way, but frankly she makes me tired.

Oh well.  Today's a new day, so hopefully things will go better.

That is all.

Song of the day

For some reason, I woke up with this song in my head. No clue why but it's been stuck there for awhile, so I felt like sharing.  We tried to do this show in high school....it didn't work and we literally almost killed our director.  He had a heart episode...no doubt brought on by frustration.  Anyway, it's still a wonderful show and the film version is a lot of fun to watch.

Enjoy!

Song of the day - It Was A Very Good Year

This is my all time favorite Sinatra song.  I have this on vinyl and listened to the entire record several times this week.  I find this song both beautiful and haunting.  It makes me look back at earlier years and wonderful memories.  Enjoy!

Thought of the day - the week at work

What an interesting week this has been at work.  I have had an opportunity made available to me at HG, so I have had to do a lot of thinking.  I still have not made up my mind yet.  It's as though there is a tennis match going on in my brain.  The game changes quickly in my mind and just can't seem to make a decision.  Tomorrow, Monday, I will go and talk to a few people and get some more needed clarification and hopefully things will work out.  I did get pretty emotional about it on FB, but now  I realize that this can be a win/win situation.  It's just all in how I look at things.  That being said, I love where I am working.  I am in constant contact with my residents.  I love them and they love me.  If I had to make a decision, I would stay where I am for awhile just because of that.  Well, not just because of that, but it does play a big part.

I have never really been one of those people who sits down and makes a pros and cons list, but I think this may be an exception to the rule.  You see, I have only been with HG for 6 weeks, so this promotion is really out of the blue for me.  It is nice, however, to be noticed.  To me, that means that people are pleased with the job that I am doing.  And, I have since found out that this move was put into place by the big boss who I didn't know even knew who I was.  That is pretty flattering.  On the other hand, though, I love my job right now.  It's been a long, long time since I could say that I love my job.  I'm not perfect at it, but I do think I have more than met my supervisors' expectations of me and I go above and beyond the call of duty to give my residents a good experience.

Also, and this is one of the most important struggles I have right now, loyalty is important.  I realize that taking this other position would not be disloyal to the company but I do feel loyal to those that hired me.  After my graduation in May, I applied for over 40 jobs.  Social work, customer service, hospitality, retail, etc...you name it, I applied for it.  I just wanted to work.  I needed to get out of the house and do something.  Of course, bringing in some income was a priority as well.  Anyway, out of all of those jobs, I got only 1 interview.  Only 1!!!  And that was from Dining Services at HG.  Now, I come from a catering background but had not really waited tables before.  I have done plated dinner service, but this is a different animal all together.  My point being, these people took a chance on me when they didn't have to.  I am very grateful for that and a big part of me wants to fulfill my obligation to them for their risk taking actions.

So, after work tomorrow, I am hoping to make an informed position about my work situation.  The new position would come with an increase in money, so that's a positive as well.  Just lots of thinking to do, which is not necessarily a bad thing.

That is all.

Recipe of the day - Lo-carb Shepherd's Pie

Michael has been trying to do a lo-carb diet lately.  He's been pretty successful at it, but my only problem is finding recipes that work for his diet that aren't either A) boring or B) have strange ingredients that I don't keep in the pantry.  So, I decided to adapt one of our favorite dishes to lo-carb.  Granted it was a risk.  I didn't know how it would turn out.  Fortunately, it ended up being pretty good and we will do it again definitely.

2 lbs ground turkey
2 bags of frozen cauliflower
1/2 cup milk
1/2 bag of frozen peas
1 cup chopped mushrooms
1/2 cup chopped red onion
salt
pepper
Grated Parmesan cheese
Shredded Parmesan cheese

Brown ground turkey in a saute' pan until cooked through.  Drain on a papertowel lined plate, reserving a small amount of oil in the pan.  Saute the onions and mushrooms until the onions start to soften.  Combine turkey, onions, mushrooms, salt and pepper to taste in a bowl and mix thoroughly.

Cook cauliflower according to package directions.  Don't worry about over cooking them because you want them nice and soft.  Drain and then mash them in a bowl, adding milk as needed.  You want these to be as close to the consistency of mashed potatoes.  They will not look like mashed potatoes, but will come close.

Spread the turkey mixture on the bottom of your pyrex.  Use a large spoon to even the mixture out.  Then spread all of the mashed cauliflower on top of that.  There should be enough to cover the entire pan.  Sprinkle that with the grated Parmesan and finally top with shredded Parmesan.

Bake at 350 for 30-40 minutes, uncovered.

Enjoy!

Quote of the day

Great things never came from comfort zones.

                                                                           Unknown (to me lol)

song of the day

I have loved this soundtrack for years.  Brilliant music and lyrics.  I have had this song going through my head almost daily for the past few weeks.  Something about it cries out to me.  I'm tired of being afraid and this has helped me tremendously.  Enjoy!

Thought of the day

In settling in to the routine of my new job, I am now seeking to find more balance in life.  I know, i know, it's something everyone seeks, so this is really nothing new.  The challenge for me is actively seeking it instead of just talking/writing about it.  I tend to have the best of intentions, but do not exactly always follow through with everything.  This time, I will at least try.

I have my vices.  We all do, let's be honest.  I have to be careful with mine because I tend to rely on my vices to decompress.  And, admittedly, my vices are not the most healthy things in the world.  Nothing illegal or anything, just unhealthy when over done.  So, I need to change things up, switch my daily routine, find new things to vary life.  I really need to start working out daily.  That would be a wonderful way to burn off energy after work.  I feel like I have been doing that "exercise imagery" where I just imagine myself working out instead of actually doing it.

I tend to get set in my ways because it is comfortable.  And, although there is something wonderful in comfortability, it can be detrimental as well.  At least, that is my opinion.  If I make small changes here and there, they will add up to something larger and better for me.  Like today, I normally make my coffee first thing, then sit down at the computer.  This morning, I did make my coffee per usual, but I sat down and read the paper instead.  I made myself do that for half an hour before checking my email.  It may sound like something small to you all, but to me it was a nice step in the direction I want to go in.

Anyway, that's my thought for the day today.  We shall see how I progress!

Cheers

Quote of the day

A good half of the art of living is resilience.

                                                                            Alain de Botton

Quote of the day

In life it takes personal courage and inner strength to ask for help.

                                                                            Donavan Nelson Butler

Thought for the day - letter writing

And here it is, the Tuesday after Labor Day.  Since I worked all weekend, this is pretty much like any other Tuesday and that is fine.  Right now, I work most every day at one job or the other, so days off are few and far between.  But that keeps me busy and brings in some money, which is always a good thing.  Anyway, I am back on my letter writing kick.  I know that it's old fashioned but, then again, so I am so this seems like a natural fit for me.

I enjoy doing it for several reasons.  Even though technology is very convenient, to me it cannot replace the thrill of getting a letter in the mail.  How nice it is to go to the mailbox and find something that is neither a bill nor junk mail.  Someone took the time to sit down and put pen to paper, all the while thinking of me.  That's a nice feeling.  I am trying to write several letters each week.  Most go unanswered, but that is ok.  That is not why I do it, as I have already stated.  I am not always successful in my letter writing quota, but some weeks I am.  And I have actually gotten a few responses, which is awesome!

I like to write letters early in the morning.  I get up several hours before Michael and Squirt do, so it's the perfect time to get it accomplished.  I put on some classical music, pour myself a cup of coffee (in a cup and saucer no doubt) and sit back at the chair by the living room window to write my correspondence.  I have a mahogany lap desk that John Ramsey gave me years ago which I still use.  I keep my stationary and address labels in there.  It's the perfect writing surface and I always use it.  I keep my stamps in a small brass turtle box on my desk, so they're pretty near by.

I just enjoy taking the time to sit down and write.  Granted, my handwriting is horrible.  I tend to print more than anything so that people might actually be able to read what I write LOL.  And sometimes I pick people at random to write to.  I find that to be fun as well because no one really expects letters anymore.  And, thanks to technology, addresses are pretty easy to find on the internet.  And I keep them all in a big address book I got one year for Christmas from Melanie Ashley who, by the way, did write me back.  Woohoo!

I have already written my letter for today and it is out in the mailbox ready to be sent.  But, who knows, you might just come home one day and find a letter from me in your mailbox!  And there's never any expectation of a response, I just enjoy doing it.

That is all for this morning...so far.

Cheers

Quote of the day

What hurt me in the past has actually made me better equipped to face the present.

                                                                            Steve Goodier

Thought for the day

Well, I'm in my 4th week at the new job and am loving it.  Taking what I used to do before college with what I studied in college has been a good idea to get my foot in the door.  I enjoy working in hospitality and dining services.  It's hard work though, which people who have never done it don't always realize.  Anyway, I'm loving it so far even though my back and feet are killing me when I get home LOL

I have already fallen in love with the residents.  I knew that would happen, thought, so it's not a shock.  I am learning names very quickly.  I don't always get them right, but everyone is so nice about it.  And, honestly, they really like me.  Some of them say that I spoil them, which of course, I do.  I believe that everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect, especially when you reach the status of senior citizen.  You made it this far, now it's time to relax and enjoy your years.  Even though I pride myself on doing a good job, I know that this is more about them than me.  This is their home and it is my job to make them feel as comfortable and as welcome as possible.  And I believe I am succeeding at that.

And, to top it all off, it's nice to have a paycheck again.  It will take me a little while to get back on track, but at least the bills are paid for the moment.  Michael's being great about helping out with that, but I'm ready to be able to hold my own.  It will come in time, I just have to be patient.  I am also still looking for other things because you never know what's around the corner.  But, for the moment, I am completely happy with where I am.  I enjoy the routine of a regular schedule.  Now i just have to learn how to balance things more.  It will get there and time will be my friend.

That is all.

Quote of the day

No matter how much falls on us, we keep plowing ahead.  That's the only way to keep the roads clear.

                                                                            Greg Kincaid

Song of the Day

It's message is still something we need to work towards in this world

Quote of the day

Balance is the key to everything.  What we do, think, say, eat, feel, they all require awareness, and through this awareness we can grow.

                                                                            Koi Fresco

Thought for the day - teachers

Today, when I logged onto Facebook, the first thing that I see is a memory for me to share of a picture that I shared 4 years ago.  It was my class picture from 3rd grade.  Hard for me to believe that was 34 years ago!!  Some days I really do wish I could go back and do it all over again, but oh well.  Until time travel is created, I'll have to sit that one out.

Anyway, it got me to thinking about my teachers.  I used to be able to name all of them through high school.  Now, not so much.  I could pull out the yearbooks, wherever they are and look them up.  If only I could remember where my yearbooks are....out in a box in the garage somewhere no doubt.  Still, it is nice to try and make myself remember them.  Faces I've no doubt about, but names slip by me.  I never really had a teacher I didn't like, honestly.  I wasn't always the best student, but that's another story lol  Let's see whose names I can remember.

Mrs. Shell was my kindergarten teacher.  Sue Richmond was 1st grade.  I remember when show and tell was a weekly thing back in those days.  One day she brought in a music box from her collection to show the class and I was hooked.  We bonded over music boxes and I loved being in her class.  Mrs. McLarty (McClarty) was 2nd grade.  Mrs. Whitley was 3rd.  I knew her from church as well.  Adored her as a teacher.  She and Mom actually grew up together.  Mrs. Thaxton was 4th grade.  She was homeroom and reading.  I had Mrs. Strickland for math - our first year changing classes.  In 5th grade, Mrs. Carson was homeroom and reading.  This was the year that Mom got sick and Mrs. Carson was extremely good to me.  I had Theresa Painter for math.  Loved that class and she inspired a love of graphs and logic for me.  And, of course, there was Mrs. Goebel, our "Academically Gifted" teacher.  She was a huge influence on me, although I did not realize it at the time.  She was finally able to tap into my creative side and let me loose.  Mrs. Trexlar taught music, Mrs. Glenn taught art.  Mrs. Hargett was the gym teacher.

Once I hit middle school, teachers start to blur because now we were changes classes all day long.  6th grade was Mrs. Harrington for homeroom.  In the "AG" classes, I would have the same teachers all 3 years.  Mrs. Frick for reading, Mrs. Hargett for math and Mrs. Liles for science.  How I dreaded those sometimes daily 10 point quizzes in Mrs. Liles' class.  How I passed, I'll never know.  I had Mrs. Purcell for social studies one year and Mrs Fisk for English in 8th grade.  Mr. Nanny was the band director 6th and 7th grade, Mr. Sturdivant was the director 8th grade through high school.  Mr. Robinson taught art, which we went to once a month or so.  I did drama with him in high school, but this was my only time as his student really.

High school gets fuzzy as well because having different teachers for each subject it can be hard to remember them.  I remember Mrs. Surrett for 9th grade English. I was nervous about having her because she did not care too much for teaching my brother, but we got along just fine lol  Mrs. McGovern for 10th grade English and Mrs. Baker for 12th grade English.  Mr. Tyner taught Spanish.  He passed away over Christmas break and we had a different teacher.  He was probably one of the best teachers MHS ever had.  I remember Mrs. Dunlap taught chemistry.  She was a lot of fun but also very no nonsense.

I know that there are many others I am forgetting.  But each one brings back fun memories.  I suppose I'll have to dig out the yearbooks and look them up.  At the time, I did not realize how much these people would influence and shape my life.  I feel lucky because I think that I am one of the last generations whose education was about quality and not quantity.  We were taught to think and not how to take a test.  I feel blessed having had that.

Cheers

Thought for the day - I hate being sick

It's true...shocking I know, but I hate it.  And I hate being sick for several reasons.  One is, and this never fails, being sick makes me really miss Mom.  I mean, who doesn't want their mother when they don't feel good?  Luckily, some people still have that option if for nothing more than a phone call.  Me....not so much.  I try not to let it depress me, but sometimes it does.  Other times, I try to rise above it, using Mom as an example.  Whenever she was sick, she seemed to push through it and continue with her daily life.  It was rare, except after chemo treatments, to see her just laying around not feeling well.  I always thought that pretty amazing.

Another reason I hate being sick is my work ethic.  I really have to be bad off not to go to work.  I hate calling in sick because for one, I need the money, and also I just don't do it.  It's not how i operate.  I didn't feel great when I got up this morning, but I went to work anyway.  I could've called in and the other two people could have easily handled a Saturday at the bakery, but Bob needs a paycheck.  As the morning progressed, I felt worse and worse, but managed to greet each customer as I always do and make them feel welcomed.  Also, now that I have graduated and am only working part time, I don't have insurance right now and that really bites.  If this turns into anything more than a cold or sinus trouble, I'm in for a major problem.  That will get fixed eventually, but for now it's a scary place to be in.

So, I will do what I can to get over this as quickly as possible.  And of course, I had plans for tonight that I was looking forward to for weeks.  Oh well.....that's how it goes sometimes.  Can't have it all!

Cheers

An Old Family Photo - A Bivens Family Christmas

I love this picture.  I need to make a better scan of it, though, but still I love it.  It is from the early 1950's at the family home in Wingate, NC.  There are actually many other pictures from this day.  They hired a photographer to come and take family portraits.  I have some of the pictures somewhere and I need to find them.
Front Row:  Uncle Jessie, Mary B (Mom), Grandmother Bivens, Mrs. Price (Aunt Evelyn's mother)
Back Row:  Margaret Carroll, Jane B. Carroll, Grover Carroll, Evelyn P. Bivens, John A. Bivens, B.Y. Tyner, Mary Lee Tyner, Johnny Bivens, Billie Snipes, Quincy Snipes, Bill Laney, Q.B. Snipes, Dorothy B. Laney (Grandmother), Sara B. Orr, Jim Orr

Antique of the day - the collar box

I posted pictures of this on Facebook awhile back.  I found it in a box while I was cleaning in the garage one day.  It really is amazing all of the things I find out there.  Some I keep, some I let go of.  Either way, it's fun to look at these things and remember.  Anyway, this is a collar box.  At least, that is what I have been told and I have no reason to doubt it.  If anyone knows differently, just let me know!

This piece came from Isabel Wolfe, my cousin.  She was my Grandfather Laney's first cousin.  My Grandmother and Isabel were very close up until the end of Isabel's life.  In the mid 1980's, Isabel's next door neighbors convinced her to clean out her attic and have a yard sale.  Why Isabel listened to them, I do not know.  Anyway, she had her yard sale on a Saturday.  On the Friday night before, she called Mom and Grandmother and told her what she was doing.  She said that if they wanted to come and look through the things that night they were more than welcome to.  Of course, it was all for sale and she didn't just let them have anything because they were family.

This belonged to Isabel's father.  It is orange velvet with a sterling clasp on the top.  Inside, there is beautiful apple green satin.  Mom and Grandmother got several fun pieces that night, all of which they paid for.  I know that Grandmother also bought a brass lamp.  Mom got Aunt Nell's parasol and a butter churn.  The sale was a success and life goes on.  Still, I'm glad to have it.  I just don't have any collars to put in there LOL

Quote of the day

Kindness in words creates confidence.
Kindness in thinking creates profoundness.
Kindness in giving creates love.

                                                                           Lao-Tzu

Song of the day - Dream of the Forgotten Child

I was introduced to David Lanz's music by my best friend in high school, Tanya.  I'm a sucker for flowing piano pieces and this is a beautiful one.  I haven't yet mastered it on the piano, but I'm still trying.  I love to play his music and find it very relaxing.  Hope you enjoy!

Thought for the day

And here it is...a new week is beginning.  I am feeling the need to change my morning routine, but I just do not exactly know how yet.  I had thought about exercising first thing when I wake up.  It's ideal to hop out of bed and go for a walk or ride the exercise bike or hit the heavy bag out in the garage.  Well, at least I thought about it....that's something, right?  Then I thought why not get up and cook breakfast each day for us?  I love breakfast food and can eat it any time of the day, so why not actually eat it when breakfast is supposed to be served?  It's a possibility, definitely, but I didn't do that today either.  This is one of those days when the weather does indeed affect my motivation.  It's gray and overcast this morning.  We're expecting thunderstorms as well.  I actually do love days like this, but they do little for making me want to actually do anything productive.  Oh well.

Once I begin getting myself on a normal work schedule...or at least a consistent work schedule...I can incorporate some new things into my daily life.  Now, there's nothing wrong with my morning routine...coffee, crossword, email, internet, feed the cat....I just want to switch that up a bit.  Maybe not every day, but at least one day a week do things differently.  I also want to put some creativity back into my daily life.  I am finding myself truly missing creative arts in my life.  Yes, I watch stuff on YouTube...theatre stuff mostly...but it's not the same as doing something creative in real time.  And I'm not talking about anything major, I just need to take time each day to be creatively engaged in one way or another.  That could be anything from playing the piano (I'm so out of practice) to sitting down with a coloring book for 20 minutes.  Somewhere out in the garage, I have blank coloring books from my childhood that I need to fill in!! I just want something to make me feel connected to creativity again.  I can do that.

Anyway, that's my thought this morning.  I will ponder the things that I want to do in order to switch life up occasionally.  Until then, it's time for more coffee and another crossword.

Cheers

Recipe of the day - Crab Casserole

I found this recipe in my 1990 Wingate Baptist Church cookbook.  My cousin Edith gave it to Mom for Christmas that year.  I have found several really tasty recipes from this book and when I was looking to try something new, I started looking in the book and found this recipe.  Hope you enjoy!

Crab Casserole
1 lb. crabmeat
3 beaten eggs
1 tsp. prepared mustard
1/2 tsp. salt
1 tsp. pepper
1/2 cup mayonnaise
1 cup evaporated milk
1/2 cup chopped celery
1 chopped onion
1 can cream of mushroom soup
Dash of hot sauce
1 cup bread crumbs
1/3 cup melted butter

Preheat oven to 350.  Chop crabmeat.  Add all other ingredients except for butter and bread crumbs.  Mix well.  Place in 2 quart casserole.  Mix butter with bread crumbs.  Sprinkle on top.  Bake 45 minutes.  Cheese may be sprinkled on top as well if desired.  Serves 6.  (Freezes well)

*I used canned crabmeat because that's what I had on hand.  It worked well but canned crab gives it more of a dip consistency, so I served it over rice.
*I used stuffing mix instead of bread crumbs and that worked well.

Enjoy!

Song of the day - Sacrifice

This is one of my all time favorite covers of any song.  O'Connor, despite her extreme politics at times, brings a very raw, human edge to the song.  And, it showcases her beautiful voice.  I first heard this when Courtney Wright put it on a mixed tape for me in college.  I later found the album it was from, which has other great covers on it as well.  Enjoy!

Quote of the day

When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace.

                                                                           Jimi Hendrix

Thought for the day - Game of Thrones fan letter

Dear Game of Thrones,

Admittedly, I do not watch you.  I never have.  It's not that I do not want to, I just haven't yet.  Don't worry, you're on my list to watch.  Honestly, I can say that your genre is not something I am initially drawn to, but once I start watching I almost always enjoy.  That is why I have not seen you yet.  Plus, when something is so hyped like you are, I would rather wait until the hysteria has died down before taking that viewing plunge.

Back to my initial reason for writing this letter, though.  I wanted to thank you for having your premiere last night on HBO.  I missed it.  I saw no reason to start watching yet since I have not seen any previous season.  I would have been confused and Michael would have had to explain everything to me.  And I know that you know how annoying that is when you're watching a show you enjoy and having to constantly tell people what is going on.  Yeah, it's frustrating.

I sat at my computer last night while Michael watched your premiere.  Mostly, I viewed videos on Youtube.  It's what I like to do.  I tend to watch mostly animal rescues, mystery videos and POV Disney rides.  What can I say?  It is what I enjoy watching.  To each his own, I suppose.  Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you.  Why, you may ask, since I do not watch you.  It is simply because for almost 4 straight hours last night, my Facebook feed was filled with you.  The majority of my friends on FB posted that they were watching you.  No doubt you had a huge audience.

I realize that there are lots of bad things going on in our world today.  However, it seems that has become almost all one sees online these days.  But for those almost 4 hours, it was all about you.  I did not have to get inundated with pro and anti Trump rhetoric.  I did not see stories about injustice and man's inhumanity to his fellow man.  I did not have to see how America compares to the rest of the world that provides health care to their citizens.   And I did not have to cut and paste anything to show that i care.  It was quite refreshing.

So, you now have a new fan in me.  Not because you are a great show, which I cannot say yet until I begin watching you, but because for a brief period of time there was some peace and quiet online and for once most people were focused on something that was not a tragedy.  And I really appreciated that.  I look forward to this season because I know now that there will be one time during the week that I can actually enjoy FB for what it originally intended to be....something fun.  Most days it is about as relevant as a high school slam book.  So, thanks for that!

Once you have finished your run, I will begin watching.  Late to the party, I know, but that's how I roll with popular trends.  Until then, thanks for a few hours of enjoyment at the expense of no one for a change.  It is much needed in our society.

Sincerely,

Bob

Thought for the day

I haven't written any this past week.  There really is no excuse for it.  But, I have not been in the best frame of mind this week.  Not depressed, per say. Just blah.  There were some good points, definitely.  I met with a friend of mine who works in a senior community and got some very useful information which I will put to use.  Then, on the other hand, one of my mentors is in the hospital for heart problems.  So, it's been a typical seesaw of a week.

This morning I did my usual routine.  Having my coffee, checking email, doing a crossword puzzle.  It's my daily routine.  Squirt is sleeping on the sofa, soaking in the morning sun.  Michael's still in bed, so I am enjoying listening to the radio and just chilling.  Sadly, I still have to change the station after With Heart and Voice is over because then it becomes all political talk and I need something else on a Sunday morning.  Luckily, one of the local college stations has some good gospel going on!

Anyway, as I sit here, I am pondering what is going to make this week different from last?  As I said, I was blah and got almost nothing accomplished.  I am still looking for jobs, but every day I see the same jobs posted online and there are only so many times I can apply for the same thing LOL  And I had the best of intentions to clean the house, but that fell by the wayside after vacuuming the living room.  At least I did that.

So, this week I plan on being different.  I am going to change a few things (taking small steps) and also make my attitude different.  I am capable of great positivity, I know that.  I just don't do it and then I sink into this black hole of life.  Some days, even just entering our house sucks the energy right out of me.  That all stops now.  I love my house and it needs to be a place of growth for me.  It is our home, after all.

This week will be about building myself up.  I am going to continue looking for work.  After meeting with my friend, I have a clearer vision of the path I want to take and that is most helpful.  I will get our house into the shape it needs to be.  I want to have one of those houses where people feel comfortable just dropping by and that when we decide to have folks over spur of the moment, we are not scrambling to fix the messy disaster.

I will incorporate more music and literature into life this week.  I will try a new recipe just for the heck of it.  I will not spend money unnecessarily.  I will take more pride in my appearance.  I will connect with people in real time and/or letter writing, which I've recently gotten back into.  I will make sure to get outdoors at least once a day, weather permitting.

I am just ready for something different so we'll see how this goes.

At least, that is the plan.

Thought for the day

I have a lot of negative energy in me right now.  I just need to find ways to hone that into something positive.  I'm going to conquer the obstacles in my life, one at a time.

That is all.  Brief, I know.

Cheers

Song of the Day - I Ain't Afraid

I heard this song at a chorus concert several years back and it's stuck with me ever since.  It's melody is haunting and the words are certainly accurate.  Originally written by solo artist Holly Near, I think it works better as a choral piece.  Very powerful words.

Quote of the day

Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life

                                                                            J.K. Rowling

Quote of the day

Flattery is like chewing gum...enjoy it briefly, but don't swallow it.

                                                                           Unknown

Thought for the day

I'm thinking that I need to do some packing.  Not the kind of packing that you might be thinking of.  This goes back to my acting training at UNCG.  John Gulley's classes, to be specific.  Every character we portrayed for him, whether it in scene work, monologue work or in realized productions had to be packed.  In other words, we had to create the character from the ground up.  Yes, we would use the obvious characteristics given to us by the author of whatever play it was, but we would build upon that with our own choices.  Many times, he made us do the packing for a character, we'd spend hours and weeks on it, then he'd tell us to throw it all away and go from there.  Well, I want to do a variation of that on myself.

I keep thinking about the things I want from life, both external and internal.  I have things I want to do and things I want to be.  There are parts of me that need desperate work and I usually just ignore them.  So, basically, I am looking at creating a character of myself.  I want to create the best version of myself that I can and bring that into my world.  Playing oneself as a character might sound like something I am already doing.  To a degree, yes I am.  But I'm not playing a whole person right now.  I am picking and choosing the things I know are easy and not challenging myself.  I just want to bring out the best in myself and if I look at it like I would any other character I might play one day, then it will give me a different perspective on how I perceive myself.

I may not do it today, but I will definitely start on this idea soon.  Who knows what I might discover about myself that I had forgotten.  I haven't done any theatre in years and I think of this as kind of a therapeutic venture for myself.  After all, I don't want to waste all of those years of training.  I might as well put some of it to use.  We shall see.

Cheers

Quote of the day

Encourage all sincere attempts at achievement, no matter how modest;  for sometimes great achievements start from modest beginnings.

                                                                            Unknown

Quote of the day

Sometimes there is no next time, no time-outs, no second chances.  Sometimes it's now or never.

                                                                            Alan Bennett

Thought for the day - why the post graduation frustratioin

This weekend I am taking a break from the job search.  I know I probably shouldn't, but frankly I'm exhausted with it.  Yes, it is good for me to get myself out there.  Yes, it is good for me to have to write cover letters.  Yes, it is good for me to submit applications and resumes.  But, yes, it is also good for me to have some down time and self care (which is one of the consistent concepts from all 3 years of my education!)

As most of you know, I have been very frustrated in my job search.  I know that almost nothing is immediate and it will take time, but my frustration builds from several points.  First of all, and foremost right now, I have bills to pay.  My student loans covered my expenses while I was in school, but now that's gone.  I have had some help from Dad, but I cannot and will not go to him every time I am in this situation.  So, I have been looking for part time work as well to help me get by until some kind of SW job comes along.

It's also frustrating in that pretty much every thing is online.  In this day and age of technology, I get that.  But after awhile, I really do get tired of sitting here at the computer typing almost the exact same information over and over again. Even with sites like Indeed.com, only partial information is uploaded to applications when your resume is on there.  And, let's be honest, I have a lot to learn about computers.  I do ok, but I can be better I think.  I created a LinkedIn profile and just can't figure out how the hell to navigate that website.  And now that I have put my current part time job on  my profile (I work the counter at a bakery and coffeeshop) ALL of the job postings I get through LinkedIn are for sales.  That's frustrating.

And the not knowing is really crushing.  I never know if anyone is actually looking at my resume or if it's just going to someone's junk file somewhere. I have applied for 20 jobs since graduation.  I got one rejection from DSS of Guilford County.  That's fine.  At least I heard back from them, which I greatly appreciated.  I got one bite of interest from an employer for a part time job doing inventory in grocery stores.  At least I heard back from them too!

I am so appreciative of the friends who give me names of people out in the field to get in touch with.  However, I am so apprehensive about doing so because I have no clue what to say to them.  With almost no experience and having just graduated with a generalist social work degree, I do feel quite clueless and clumsy about the whole thing.  And the ironic thing is, I am very good at selling things except when it comes to selling myself.  I could sell gay porn to Helen Keller and make her happy about her purchase, but trying to sell myself...not so much.

Yes, all of this will improve as time goes on.  Until then, I still get frustrated.

That is all.

Quote of the day

Love will cost you dearly.  And it will break your heart.  But in the end, it will save the world.

                                                                            Sarah Thebarge

Quote of the day

Don't beg another person to keep you.  If he or she isn't sure you are the right one, make the decision for yourself.  You deserve better than maybe.

                                                                            Paula Heller Garland

Quote of the day

A single change can sometimes change your entire life.

                                                                            Rahul Rampal

Thought for the day

Today I will not be afraid, plain and simple.

That is all.

Quote of the day

It's the questions we can't answer that teach us the most.  They teach us how to think.  If you give a man an answer, all he gains is a little fact.  But give him a question and he'll look for his own answers.

                                                                           Patrick Rothfuss, The Wise Man's Fear

Quote of the day

It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.

                                                                            William Blake

Quote of the day

The wind is my favorite color.  It reminds me of the love she painted on my life as she blew past me.

                                                                            Jarod Kintz

Quote of the day

It's hard to tell who has your back, from who has it long enough just to stab you in it...

                                                                           Nicole Richie

Quote of the day

You need to spend time crawling alone through shadows to truly appreciate what it is to stand in the sun.

                                                                            Shaun Hick

Quote of the day

Stab the body and it heals, but injure the heart and the wound lasts a lifetime.

                                                                            Mineko Iwasaki

Thought for the day - asking for help

Asking for help is not an easy thing, especially for people who are "givers".  I have always considered myself to be a giver.  It's how I was raised.  You only have to look at my parents and Grandmother to see where that trait comes from.  So, for me, asking for help is one of the hardest things to do.  One reason is that I think I should be able to take care of it all myself.  Yes, that's an unrealistic goal, but one that has been part of my make up for as long as I can remember.  Another reason is the fact that I'm 42 and should be self sufficient.  One would think it might be easier to take care of oneself the older one gets, but alas that is not always the case.

It's hard for me to ask for help when it comes to money.  I will admit that in the past, I have not been good with money.  There's a LONG explanation for that, maybe I'll explain it in another blog but not today.  I am much better, much better than I use to be.  The simple truth is that I just don't make that much right now with my part time job.  Sometimes you need help to tide you over until things begin to turn around and that is where I am.  It's ok to be here, but it's also frustrating.  I do not have any kind of credit card, nor do I want one again.  Been down that road before and it sucked, thoroughly.  Two words:  retail therapy.  Enough said.  I know my credit is better because I have started, in the past year, getting applications for cards.  Up until then, it'd been over 10 years since I had a card and since I received any kind of application.  I just don't make enough money to qualify for one.

Today, I had to ask for some financial help from Dad.  Whether or not he can help is not what truly matters.  I asked.  And that's what is important to me.  I sat here staring at my computer for a good while as I composed the email.  Even though we talked on the phone yesterday, I couldn't bring myself to do it in conversation. (once again, my history plays a role there.)  Anyway, I had my panic attack at the computer and my few minutes of self induced shame and finally sent the email.  That's all I could do, but I survived it so there is at least some sense of accomplishment with that.

And isn't it ironic that by the time I come up with a financial plan for myself, I have no money with which to enact it?  Where's that winning lottery ticket?  hmmmmmmm

There are, of course, other areas in which I need help and I am slowly getting my foundation set about asking for it.  The job search arena is one.  It's so frustrating getting rejections and no one seems to want to give you a chance.  But, I do have a friend/life coach, that is helping me with all of that when he can.  Again, I don't want to burden him with my constant barrage of questions, but this is all new to me.  I've never had to really look for a job or write a resume before.  All of the jobs I have had up to this point I got through friends.  That's kind of amazing, when I stop to think about it.  That's not always going to work in the professional world though.  Yes, I believe that it will play a big part of it, but it won't be 100% security.

Also, asking for help as a person can sometimes be hard.  After graduation, the people that I had the most in common with are the ones I do not see weekly anymore.  We catch up with each other on Facebook, but that's not the same thing.  I miss that emotional support and guidance I got from my fellow classmates.  Some days I just need someone to listen to me.  Thankfully, I do have several outlets for that with Michael and Lois and Doug.  I can always use more, it's just uncomfortable sometimes asking someone for advice or to simply lend me their ear.  The ironic thing about that is my forte is being that person who lends the ear.  I love being the guy people turn to when they need someone to help them out.  Being on the other side of the fence can be scary at times.

Bottom line, for me, is that the ability to stand on one's own two feet is a community effort.  No one does it alone and those who say they do are either lying or have forgotten some key people in their lives.  Sometimes in order to give you have to receive.  Asking for help is not a bad thing.  We may not get the answer that we want, but at least we will have asked.

That is all.

Quote of the day

Everyone suffers at least one bad betrayal in their lifetime.  It's what unites us.  The trick is not to let it destroy your trust in others when that happens.  Don't let them take that from you.

                                                                           Sherrilyn Kenyon, Invincible

Quote of the day

The lord's mercy often rides to the door of our heart upon the black horse of affliction.

                                                                            Charles Haddon Spurgeon

Quote of the day

The only real battle in life is between hanging on and letting go.

                                                                            Shannon L. Alder

Recipe of the day - Shrimp Creole

This is a very easy recipe that I found on Allrecipes.com  I have made this several times and we always enjoy it!

Shrimp Creole

3 Tbsp rendered bacon fat
3 Tbsp all purpose flour
2 cups chopped stewed tomatoes
1/8 cup tomato sauce
6 Tbsp minced onion
6 Tbsp chopped pepper (I use yellow peppers)
1 1/2 tsps chopped parsley
1 clove garlic
1 1/2 cups hot water
2 tsps salt
1/4 tsp black pepper
7 oz peeled, deveined shrimp

Melt bacon fat in a skillet over med heat.  Add flour, stirring constantly to make a roux.  Add all other ingredients, except for the shrimp.  Bring to a boil then reduce heat to medium low and simmer for 20 minutes.  Add shrimp and cook until they turn pink and are opaque in the center.  Serve over rice.

Enjoy!

Thought for the day - Don't wait until it's too late

Today has been one of those days...rough, reflective days that no one particularly likes but everyone benefits from.  We don't always see that in the moment that it happens, but after the fact, we know it's true.  When I logged onto Facebook this morning, one of the first things I see is a post from my best friend saying that another friend of ours suffered a massive heart attack yesterday.  This is someone who is very loving and giving.  He's so much fun to be around and is the perfect son to his mother.  He actually just came back from a vacation earlier this week.  Needless to say, prayers are going out to him.  Then, not even an hour later, I clicked on one of my friends lists that I had created only to find out that someone I know has passed away.  He left this earth on Monday.  He had been very ill over the years.  I do not know exactly what he suffered from but I know it wasn't good.  I never had the pleasure of meeting him in person, we only had an online friendship.  That is something that will haunt me for the rest of my life.  We did chat a lot though online and he had the most amazing attitude.  He was always patient, listening to me and my "problems".  And he always was able to put a positive perspective on what was going on in my life, no matter what was going on in his.  That is something that can never be taken away.

That's what it's all about, people.  Taking the time for the people in your life that you care about.  I know that it's easier said than done many times, but it's oh so worth it.  I have spent most of my adult life living with so many "what ifs" when it comes to my loved ones.  People that I care deeply about and when they needed me, I was not there.  Mom and Grandmother are "what ifs" that I do not if I can ever forgive myself for.  There were times when that almost killed me.  Seriously.  I can work through it, but not sure if I can ever forgive and that is hard to live with sometimes.  And, honestly, I'm tired of the "what ifs".

I know my friends and family.  We all have a great many people in our lives that we care about.  Sadly, though, many of us are too busy with whatever.  Many times we hide behind things like Facebook so that we don't have to make the effort.  Yes, we're busy with work and life and whatever.  But, in the end, is that what really matters?  No.  It is the people we cherish.  That's what matters.  They are in our lives for a reason and there is no excuse for not maintaining in real time.  I am guilty of this for sure and it makes me so tired.  I'm tired of being tired.  Aren't you?

So, whoever actually reads this...take time tomorrow to connect.  Write someone a letter.  Call someone.  Return someone's call.  Go to lunch with a friend.  Spend some time together. Let someone know the difference they have made in your life.  Chances are, the feeling is mutual.

We've all heard, and probably said, that tomorrow is not a guarantee...or something to that effect.  As cliche' as that is, it is the God's honest truth.  Let's not let the ones we care about become a "what if".  Believe me, it's not worth that in the end.  We're here now, so we should make the most of the opportunities with the people in our lives.  Life is too short not to make the most of it.

Be good to yourself and to others. Be blessed.  I know I am because of you.

That is all.