Christmas thought of the day - Santa Claus

i don't ever remember anyone telling me that Santa Claus did not exist.  i suppose if they did tell me, i must not have believed them because there was no traumatic memory from childhood when i was told the "truth" about Santa Claus.  i do remember, specifically, though when one of my childhood friends in the neighborhood told another friend that Santa didn't exist.  She got so upset that my friend was forced, by her parents, to recant her story.

Honestly, i never stopped believing in him as a child and i still believe today.  Yes, i know how the presents get under the tree on Christmas morning.  i know where my parents hid most of Santa's gifts...in a trunk that i know use as a coffee table lol.  But there is just something about the magic of Santa Claus that makes me want to keep believing in him and so i do.

i distinctly remember one Christmas when i was 4 and being so excited for Santa Claus to come down the chimney.  When we were little, Grandmother would stay the night with us on Christmas Eve.  When i look back on it, it was probably to help keep my brother and i in bed while Santa's gifts were pulled out of the trunk.  Anyway, she would sleep in my bed when she stayed over.  i remember her holding me tight and telling me stories while i tried desperately to fall asleep.  Being that excited at 4 years old did not go hand in hand with sleep.  And at one point, i know i heard Santa's sleighbells overhead.  i got so excited that sleep was not an option then.  She did allow me to get out of bed and look out the window to see if i could see Santa.  i looked and looked but never did see him but i knew he was there.  Still, it was fun to try and find him and wonder whether or not he was on our roof and that's why i couldn't see him!

That's a memory that i cherish and carry with me all through the year.  Believing in Santa Claus is not just about presents.  It is about hope.  It is about peace.  It is about giving.  It is about sharing.  It is about knowing that there is good in the world and there are people who exist who want nothing more than to make others lives better.  It is those beliefs that i cling to and that is why i still believe in Santa Claus.

Merry Christmas

My Before and After for College Park Baptist

This fall at College Park, the series of sermons were based on short stories by Jesus.  We, the congregation, were invited to write our own "before and after" stories about our faith.  I have been attending church there since this summer and I decided to write my own story.  And, I had the privilege to share my story with the congregation during worship service a few weeks ago.  Here is my story:


I am a creature of habit.  Every morning after I wake up, I make my coffee, check my

email, check my Facebook and do a crossword puzzle.  The art of the routine is never lost on me

and I take comfort in it.  And I can say without doubt that my being a creature of habit began at

church. 

 I grew up in Monroe, NC and attended the First Baptist Church of Monroe.  I was at

church, barring illness or tragedy, every Sunday for the first 18 years of my life.  My Mom had

been a member of First Baptist her entire life and my Grandmother had been attending since

1933.  Going there was tradition.  More importantly, though, I knew the tradition of

Grandmother’s pew.  If I was not singing in the choir or playing handbells, I was sitting on the

5^th pew on the right side of the congregation.  That was my Grandmother’s pew and we sat there

every Sunday.  I don’t know why she had chosen that particular pew but I never questioned it. 

And neither did anyone else.  If she found anyone seated in her spot on the pew, she never made

a fuss or asked them to move.  She just sat further down the pew in a polite, albeit sometimes

begrudgingly manner, with a smile on her face, that unreadable southern belle smile that either

says “You’re welcome here” or “I just let all the air out of your tires.”   We all know that smile. 

Usually, it was a newcomer to the church that did not know that was Mrs. Laney’s pew.  But

word would get around and they never sat there a second time, unless invited by Grandmother

herself.

After I left for college, my attendance at church began to dwindle.  Being away from

home for the first time in my life, I was out to have the college experience and church just did

not seem to fit into that.  Of course, I would attend when I went back home for the occasional

weekend visit. I even came here to College Park a few times my freshman year.   It didn’t stick

though.  I had a lot on my mind during those years but church and God were not high on my list

of priorities.  Then, during the February of my junior year, I got the phone call.  The late night

phone call that everyone fears because you know it’s either a wrong number or bad news.  You

hope for the former but most always it is the latter.  Only my case was worse.  I was out having

the college experience and I missed that phone call.  It was around 1:30 am when I returned to

my dorm room and my roommate told me to call home no matter what time I got in.  I stopped in

my tracks because I knew what had happened.  I called home to have my Dad tell me that Mom

passed away a few hours earlier.  I was beyond devastated.  The woman who had given me life

no longer had hers.

I can honestly say that was the hardest week of my life.  Neither before nor since have I

wept so much.  And I became angry at God because I felt that He had abandoned her.  She spent

her entire life devoted to the church and when she needed Him the most, He let her down.  I felt

that He had abandoned me as well.  I did not feel as though I could turn to Him to seek comfort

and guidance during that time.  Even with all of the family and friends around, I was extremely

lonely.  The one that I had counted on did not come through and I did not know where to turn. 

My anger eventually subsided and became more of a kind of indifference.  My attendance at

church became sparser and after Grandmother died, I stopped going altogether.  I started to view

the church as a facility for weddings and funerals and not much more than a country club for

Jesus.  I prayed only when I needed something from God.  The years went on and the distance

between me and God, in my mind, grew wider with each year.  I didn’t realize at the time that I

was on my own journey, unknowingly being guided by His hands.

Sunday, July 5^th, 2015, would have been my Grandmother’s 106^th birthday.  I decided that

this year I wanted and needed to do something to honor her and for some reason I thought about

our pew at First Baptist.  After all of my ups and downs in life, I still took great comfort in the

memories of sitting with her in her pew.  So, I decided that, just this once, I would go to church

on her birthday.  I’ve had many friends who have attended College Park throughout the years and

after having my coffee and doing a crossword puzzle, I checked CP’s Facebook page and

decided that was where I was going.  My Grandmother would be thrilled I picked another Baptist

church!

That entire first Sunday here was mind blowing to me.  Everyone was so welcoming. 

Everything about the service touched me in some way.  I wasn’t use to that kind of church

experience.  It was all so genuine.  The music.  The children’s sermon.  The prayers.  I found

myself actually listening and paying attention to the sermon, something I didn’t do much

growing up.  And the longer I sat there, I started to feel a change.  It was as if a weight was being

lifted off of my shoulders.  I was relaxed yet so energized inside.  I was hopeful

again.  I felt something in my soul I had never felt before.  There was a light inside that hadn’t

been there before.  I felt like the Grinch Who Stole Christmas.  And it wasn’t a fluke.  I came

back the next Sunday and the next and each time was the same, only better.  I finally realized that

God had sent me on a journey.  He knew what I needed to do and gave me the tools to bring me

here today.

 A few weeks back, as we sang “Great Is Thy Faithfulness” I used every fiber of my being

not to break down in tears because that was the first time I had sung that hymn since my Mom’s

funeral almost 20 years ago.  As I listened to the music, I looked around at the congregation and I

knew God had led me home.  And, even though I’m new here, in the tradition of my

Grandmother, I have my pew here at College Park:  the 3^rd row of the back right section of the

congregation.   It’s the first pew I sat in here and I’ve been there ever since.  Phyllis sits in front

of me.  Titus, Leanne and Lewis sit behind me.  I’m happy to share the pew with anyone, but

that’s where you’ll find me on Sunday mornings because I am, after all, a creature of habit.

thought for the day - being selfish

Today, i am being selfish.  Big surprise, right?  It has been a long week of ups and downs and today i just need a "me" day.  i need one day this week where i don't have to be anywhere at any certain time.  i do not know exactly what this day will hold in store for me, but in the long run do we ever really know what life has in store daily?  So, we shall see what happens.

As for plans today, i have things i need and want to get done.  We were suppose to have people over tonight to celebrate my birthday which was last Saturday.  But, Michael is sick and we both felt it best not to risk getting anyone sick.  And, honestly, that does ease things up a bit as far as getting the house ready for the holidays.  So, one of the things i intend on doing today is betting more of our holiday decorations out and up.  That always makes me feel better.  And, i will do some cleaning because that is needed to.  And i also need to get in touch with some people.  Time goes by so quickly these days that sometimes weeks will go by and i don't realize it, so some communication is in order today.

Either way, i am going to make myself relax and see what comes of it.

Cheers

thought of the day

Ah, December...you're finally here yet it still seems too soon!  Ah, well.  As the semester draws to an end shortly, i cannot help but feel that my academic life, which bleeds over into every day life, is like a Chinese menu.  Too many possibilities right now.  i have no idea what is going to happen with my schooling over the next month but whatever it is, i will keep moving forward.  Good times!

A.  Get accepted into the BSW program and everything goes smoothly with financial aid
B.  Get accepted into the BSW program and financial aid falls through
C.  Get accepted and sell my car to pay for school
D.  Get accepted and become a part time student and find a 2nd job
E.  Get accepted and have to take a semester off so I can find jobs 2 and 3 to pay for school in the fall
F.  Get accepted and someone writes to Ellen Degeneres about me lol
G.  Get accepted and win the lottery
H.  I don't get accepted and go back and rethink my strategy while working multiple jobs
I.  I don't get accepted but keep my student ID to use for discounts at places lol
J.  I don't get accepted and life goes on

Whatever happens, i think i'm prepared for it!

Cheers

Thought for the day

Today, i am struggling with my path.  Not the direction of my path, but the shape of my path.  i am loving being back in school, for the most part.....that whole homework thing is a bit overrated though LOL  But, now that i am experiencing road blocks as far as my financial aid goes, i am not quite sure what to do next.

If, and that's a big if, i get accepted into the BSW program, i am going to have some serious thinking to do.  i really want this, but financially i have to wonder how feasible it is.  College is expensive and when you live below the poverty line, that's a huge task.

So, i have been contemplating just finishing my BFA because i think that i have a lot less hours required to get that degree.  My problem is, is it better to get a degree that i will never use just for the sake of having a degree?  As much as i love theater, a BFA in acting will not do much for me other than prove i have the piece of paper in my hand.  i could go on to graduate school in something more productive then, but i just don't know.

Either way, i got some thinking to do.  More coffee is required.

Cheers

thought for the day

Once again, the month is almost half over and i have not written much.  i had every intention to, but i got preoccupied with school and work, both of which keep me busy.  Oh well.  The next 2 weeks are going to be extremely busy and jam packed, so here's to hoping that i survive.

i have hit some definite roadblocks with school, administratively.  And the thing that really sucks is that i need to focus on my classwork right now and am going to have to put them off until class is over.  Once exam time comes, i will be a regular sight at both the financial aid office and the registrar's office.

What it boils down to is, because of my first feeble attempt at college, i now have too many hours and no degree.  Because of the amount of hours, i may lose my financial aid eligibility.  And also because of the number of hours, i am target for a tuition surcharge....a ridiculous one at that, at least in my opinion.  It will soon cost me 1.5 the amount of money to attend school as the regular student would.  grrrrrrrrrr

So, i must come up with a game plan, both academically and financially.  i really am not sure what all this is going to entail, how it's going to work or whether it is going to work.  But, there you have it.  Who knows, i may literally end up selling the car in order to pay for at least one semester.  Good times.

Ah, well.  Time to get ready for work.  Hope you all have a wonderful day!

Cheers!

Thought for the day - October

Ah, November is here already and October came and went very quickly.  On one hand i am relieved that it is gone already, but on the other hand i feel like i need to rewind and do it all over again.  October was a tough, tough month for me...too much going on, too much happening and not enough time to get it done, per usual.

At the beginning of the month, i had all of that IRS crap to deal with.  i think i have it all settled in that i have worked out a payment plan with them.  But still, it's just another way for what little money i have to go back out the window before i even get it.  Ah, well.  Then, after doing research for one of my social work assignments, i discovered that, according to the US Government that i live in poverty.  i do not know why this shocked me as much as it did, but i was really taken aback by it.  i know that life changes often and i must roll with the punches, but i was not prepared to see that in black and white.  It really does make me feel like a failure at 40 years old but there isn't a whole lot i can do about it at the moment.  Being in school and working 30 hours a week are enough for me to handle right now and a 2nd job would probably do me in. It just sucks because i get so tired of not being able to do things i want to because i do not have the luxury of extra money.  It was hard to have to tell my family that i cannot participate in Thanksgiving this year simply because i cannot afford to be off of work for more than 2 days, if even that.  i have to admit that they all took it a lot better than i did!  And this past week, i get an email from financial aid saying that i am approaching my hours quota to qualify for financial aid.  That really sucks.  Because i fucked up my first time around in college, i am being punished for it now.  i have a lot of paperwork to do to see if i can rectify the situation, so hopefully i can.  If not, i will have to figure out another way to do this.  It's just one thing after another.  i know i will get through it all and survive, but geeeeezz can i have a break?  Ah, well.

That's my rant for the day.  Time to move on to better things.

Cheers

Thought for the day

i got up this morning and almost bypassed my every day morning routine.  i'm getting so tired of turning on my computer and all i see is violence.  Yesterday, i got home from a full day and logged onto Facebook only to hear about the shootings in Oregon.  It is such a tragedy, but as many people pointed out, it is also such a normal occurrence in this country that that is just as tragic.  i was riding high after a spirited discussion in my English class and this news totally popped my balloon of good feelings.  i do not understand why these things happen, but i'm getting so tired of it being the norm.

i realize that i am an adult in the age of technology and that there is almost no way to survive these days without it.  But sometimes i just feel like letting go of it and living in my own bubble for awhile.  Obviously, i won't do that, but i need to find something good to focus on in order to keep my sanity in check.  That is all.

Do something good today.  For yourself or someone else.

Thought for the day - getting it done

Some days, i really do wonder how some people manage to get it all done.  Or, at least, appear to others to be able to get it all done!  i wish i was one of those people.  i have my definite morning routine....coffee, NPR, crossword puzzle and emails.  Today, i sit here thinking of everything i have to do today and everything i need to accomplish this week and i am trying very hard not to overwhelm myself.

i'm not sure what system of getting things done works best for me.  i am definitely a list person and that can be both good and bad.  When i make a list, it's good for me to have everything that i know i need to do right in front of me.  On the other hand, the longer the list gets the more disheartened i can become...especially when i do not cross as many things off of the list as i would like to.

And it's also a question of time management.  In between work and school, trying to make time to get everything else done seems near impossible.  So far behind on housework it's ridiculous.  And i have to get time in for my volunteering.  Honestly, i'm just not good at it.  i think that i need to just sit down with my schedule and plan out each day down to the second.  i realize that does not leave room for spontaneity but that has never been my forte to begin with!

So, as another busy full week lies ahead of me, i suppose i will try a few different methods of making the best possible use of my time and see how it goes.  i know i function better when i have things to do, it is just a matter of prioritizing and actually making myself do them!  Wish me luck :)

Say thank you

Are we ever truly thankful?

Yes, I know we are.

What i want from this blog is for you to thank someone anonymously for a kindness that they have shown you.  Don't name names.  Whoever you are thanking will, most likely, know that you are talking about them.  In that way, it still gives life to the connection you have with the other person.  Interested to see if this works :)  My goal is to add to this every day for at least a month.

Here's my first

1. Thank you for taking me in when i was homeless and living in my car.  It meant more than you will ever know and opened up several years of wonderful frivolity and genuine friendship that i will cherish forever.

9-27-15
2.  Thank you for buying Christmas presents for me that probably embarrassed you.
9-28-15
3.  Thank you both for driving me whom when i was too emotional.  That was an amazing road trip!
9-29-15
4.  Thank you for being my best friend in 1st grade and letting that friendship continue to this day!
9-30-15
5.  Thank you taking me to IHOP after your show and helping me open up for the first time.
10-1-15
6.  Thank you for my love of music boxes.
10-2-15
7.  Thank you for doing that scene with me and letting me take it somewhere totally different!
10-3-15
8.  Thank you for the blue glass and what it means.
10-4-15
9.  Thank you for letting me come over that night.
10-5-15
10.  Thank you for teaching me how to write in cursive...sorry it didn't take too well lol.

Thought for the day - a day at the zoo

Today, we went to the North Carolina Zoo in Asheboro with some friends.  We'd been planning this outing for awhile now, getting together with friends of Michael's, and now mine, that had worked at Lutheridge together.  It was a blast.  At first, we were afraid that the weather might cause us to find something else to do.  It has been raining constantly in the area since Thursday night.  But, since the rains weren't too heavy today, we opted to keep our original plan.

The weather, actually, could not have been more perfect.  It was cool and all of the trees at the zoo really did help keep things dry while it rained.  And, because of the weather, I think that kept the crowds away.  There were probably only 150 cars in the parking lot by the time we left this afternoon and not nearly that many when we first got there.  The weather also did not keep the animals away.  They were all out in full force.

And it was great to be among friends, in real time.  Just to be around people and have actual conversations and listening to people tell stories.  Just divine.  I purposely left my phone in the car while we were there and I'm glad I did.  It was nice to spend 4 hours just being with people and not looking down at my phone every few seconds.  I do wish I had taken some pictures, but oh well...next time.  But it was nice that even those who had their phones really only used them to take pictures.  We were just being together and that was nice.

Every now and then it's just nice to get out and be among people.  Enjoying our friends and their kids.  Just being together.  We don't do too much these days, socially, so this was a nice change. And I, personally, really like the fact that I have people in my life that want to take time out of their schedules to get together.  That was nice and I look forward to more times like that!

Thought for the day - frustration lol

i haven't written on my blog in awhile, but that's ok.  School is keeping me pretty busy with lots of reading, writing and homework.  If you follow me on Facebook, you also know that i am working part time at the Spring Garden Bakery and coffee house, which is really fun so far and i can definitely use the income in addition to financial aid.  And i have started going to church, which i am also loving.  So, my plate has been pretty full lately.  And, hopefully, next week i will begin my service learning/volunteering (a requirement for one of my social work classes) but i will post more about that once i know it is definite.

Anyway, it seems like just when things are coming together, some to throw a kink in the system is bound to happen.  This morning, i got a letter from the IRS in the mail.  Big fun!!  i had made a fairly big mistake on my 2013 taxes and, two years later, they are pointing it out to me.  i totally understand the mistake and take full responsibility for it.  As a result, i owe them money.  A good chunk of money.  Money that i do not have readily available right now...one of the fun parts of being a student lol  So, i will get in touch with them next week and start making payments, which will take me awhile to pay down but that's better than just ignoring them LOL

My problem comes from the fact that if i pay it in full and on time, the due date they gave me is October 8th.  Seriously?  Less than a month away?  You're going to send me a bill on something it took you 2 years to figure out that the mistake happened and then give me approximately three weeks to pay you?  That's good business!  i guarantee that if the shoe was on the other foot and the IRS owed me, it would be years before i found out....if i ever would find out.  GRRRRRRRRR

It reminds me of the time that Time Warner turned off my internet (not for non payment but because of an accidental file share) and then sent me an email 20 minutes later explaining why they'd turned off the internet.  How was i suppose to read the email without the internet?  That was actually the last straw for me with Time Warner and now we have another provider.  Sometimes company policies just do not make sense to me.  Oh well.  i will get this taken care of eventually because that is all i can do right now.  i will not stress myself out over it, but it is frustrating.

Thought for the day

Well, i am almost done with my first week back to school.  i am definitely enjoying being back in the academic setting again.  Honestly, i do not have quiet the excitement that i had last year, but none the less, i am still excited about it.  i believe that my schedule, this semester, is going to allow me to do all of the things that i need to do.  Yesterday, i did my "shop and drop" of my classes.  i always register for one class more than i intend to take so that i can get a feel of the class, what it needs from me and how much of my time will be invested.  Having to take some of the general education classes again, this is a good strategy because i still have plenty of time to fill those voids.  And, at some point during the semester, i will be arguing with the registrar's office about my credits but that's for another day.  Since, in one of my social work classes, i need to get in 40 hours of volunteer work by the end of November, taking 5 classes and working a part time job will be too much.  So, dropping one of my gen ed classes works well for me and frees up my schedule so that i will be able to get it all done.  It will be an extremely busy semester for me, but i look forward to the challenge!

This Old Thing

My Mom's chair.  i call it that because it was the chair that she would always sit in the living room in this chair and talk on the phone.  It has lots of nicks in it along the arms and the ladder back.  The seat is well worn and the upholstery is faded.  But, for a "formal" chair, it is still fairly comfortable and i love that i have it.

Originally, it belonged to my Great Aunt Sara, which is whom we got it from.  It sat in the front hall of the family home in Wingate, NC.  After Sara's death, and the household was divided up among the family, this chair came to live in our home in our living room.  And that, as said before, is where my memories of this chair come alive.  With the invention of the cordless phone, Mom no longer had to sit in the kitchen or the bedroom to talk on the phone.  And, she did love to talk on the phone...a gene i did not entirely inherit.  She would take the phone into the living room and sit in this chair and talk...sometimes for hours.  It makes me remember that she talked to Grandmother every day, which is kind of amazing as so few of us talk to anyone on the phone every day anymore.  Towards the end of her life, with all of the chemo and medications that wore her body out, sometimes Mom would fall asleep while talking on the phone in the living room.  Most of the people she talked to understood this and would simply hang up when they realized she had fallen asleep in the chair with the phone in her hand.  And one of us would just go in and check on her, asleep in this chair.

i have had this chair for about 12 years now.  Sometimes it sits in my living room. Sometimes at my desk.  Wherever it is, i do love sitting in it.  It brings back so many good memories for me.  i cherish it.

Thought for the day

i don't know if my perspective on things are changing because i am getting older, or if i am reevaluating my priorities, or if i am simply just missing propriety and manners.  i think there is a time and place for everything and given all of the freedoms allowed people these days, that has gone by the wayside.

Most of my life, Sundays have been days of peace and reflection.  Now that i am getting into a Sunday routine that is working for me, i really do enjoy the peace of it all.  Having said that, there are just some things that, for me, do not go along with what i want my Sunday to be.  Things that work for other people do not necessarily work for me.  And i am meaning what i find to be appropriate.  We all have different tastes and boundaries.  And that is fine.  But, for me, i must stick by the ones i have because it will help me reach my goals of inner peace.

This morning, i got up, started brewing coffee, walked Squirt and fed the kitties out back.  Then i got my cup of coffee and sat down at the computer to do my crossword puzzle, check Facebook and listen to "With Heart and Voice" on NPR.  So far so good.  When i logged onto Facebook, the first thing i saw was not one, but two, pictures of hairy asses.  They were from a group that i thought would be fun to be a part of in order to make some new friends and get to know people.   But, honestly, that was not what i wanted to start my Sunday off with.  If guys want to post those pics on Facebook, more power to them.  It's just not something i really wanted to see before i had my first cup of coffee.  i do not go to Facebook to look at people's private parts.  There are plenty, and i mean plenty, of places on the internet for that sort of thing.  For me, Facebook, even with all it's problems and drama, is someplace i go to get away from that.  Oh well.  And when i logged into my Yahoo messenger, i received a message from a friend and the conversation immediately was turning towards an adult nature.  Sometimes it can be fun to just chat back and forth like that, but it's 8am on a Sunday morning...a bit early for me so i politely ended the conversation and had some more coffee.

There is nothing wrong with these kinds of things and i am not condemning anyone for it.  It is simply just not what i want on my Sundays...especially Sunday mornings.  Some things still need to be sacred...literally and figuratively.

Ah, well.  Time for more coffee.

Cheers

Recipe of the week - easy baked curry chicken

This is a great recipe that only takes a few things that one usually has in the pantry.  We've had it several times and really like it.  And it's so easy to do after a day of class or work.  Enjoy!

Easy Baked Curry Chicken

4-6 Skinned Chicken Breasts
1 Cup Mayo
Curry Powder
Crumbled Cornflakes

Mix the Mayo and curry powder (how much curry you use just depends on your personal taste).  Set aside.  Pat dry chicken breasts.  Spread curried mayo over chicken.  Top with Cornflakes.  Cover with foil and bake at 325 for 1 hour.

I like to take the foil off 20-30 minutes before it's done so that the cornflakes can crisp in the oven.

Enjoy!

Note to self

Don't let a bad day ruin your goals.  So, today you did not feel like you could leave your safety zone.  Tomorrow will be different.  Just find things to do within your zone today to make it worthwhile so that you do not feel like things are a complete loss.  That is all.

thought for the day - photos

i am far from a computer savvy person, but this week i have finally figured out how to scan pictures onto the computer.  Finally LOL  If you have seen me on Facebook, you already know that i have been posting pictures.  i really am enjoying it and it is truly fun to share these pictures and memories with people.  But, in some ways, it has made me sad.  i look at myself in these pictures and i wonder what happened to that person, to that life.  Things that were once important to me are not as much anymore and i miss that.  So many of the pictures, so far, are of family gatherings.  i really do miss having that connection with my family, both immediate and distant relatives.  Getting together to share a meal or celebrate a birthday.  Those were wonderful occasions and Mom was so good about coordinating them.  And i never really realized exactly how many of those kinds of things we did.  So far, most of the pictures i have scanned have been from 1988 and it seems like almost every month there was some kind of get together.  Today, i am lucky to get together with the family once, maybe twice a year.  i want to figure out a way to recapture that.  There are so many people that i just do not see anymore.  And, of course, as one grows older, family and friends change.  The definition of family changes.  It's not simply blood relations anymore.  i long for that sense of family again.  As i continue to scan and post pictures, i will also start finding a way to make those things happen again in my life.  i am my mother's child, after all.  It is possible.  Now, just have to find some other willing participants.

Cheers

thought for the day - a short reflection on life's lessons

Whenever i take Squirt out for a walk, which is 4 or 5 times a day, i have noticed that is one time when my brain seems to go into memory overdrive.  i don't know what it is about the act of walking outside that just takes me down memory lane, but it does...every time.  Sometimes good memories, sometimes bad...but you can't always pick and choose which memories pop into your head!  That would be way too convenient.

Today on our morning walk, as my mind was invaded with thoughts of days past, i stopped to think about when people say "if i had it to all over again, i wouldn't change a thing"  i know sometimes i have said that, because of the things in my life today....Michael, college, Squirt.  i am suppose to be where i am today and saying that makes me feel better about the poor choices i have made along the way.  And then i started wondering that if i am where i am destined to be today, who is to say that i would not have ended up here had i chosen a different path?

i am a full believer that things happen for a reason....mainly to teach us lessons in life.  Whether or not we learn from them is our own individual problem.  i can honestly say that i have learned from some of mine more than others.  But, if i am where i am destined to be at this point in my life and nothing would change that, then hell yes i would definitely do some things differently!  i am not about to go into a long laundry list of all of the things i would do differently because that would take way too long LOL  But i would certainly take more care not to make the same mistakes, at least not all of them.

So, i know i need to go back and look at what has gotten me here, the good and the bad, and take a good long look at them.  Keep track of the things i took away from each situation and keep them constant in my life today so that i am the person i want to be.  That is the only way i will learn from them.  Can i change the past?  no.  Would i change the past?  yes!

why i need a job...beside the obvious reason

Money is always a good reason to have a job.  We all spend it.  We all need it.  Lord knows, I can use as much as I can get!  This whole being an adult thing and paying bills is so over rated!  But, I cannot exactly turn back the clock and be a kid again, so sometimes one must just suck it up and deal with the demands of life.

But, one of the things I really do miss about working is the people.  Having that contact daily with a group of coworkers is such a good thing to me.  Despite whatever headaches my job brought me, it was always nice to see the same group of people on a daily basis.  They do become like family.  And like any other family, they have there ups and downs.  Not everyone gets along all of the time.  But, there is always someone who has your back.  And I miss that.  Having that sense of family and community day to day.  It was nice and I think I could definitely use that again in my life.

Another thing that I miss is that sense of accomplishment once a job is completed.  There is just something satisfying about doing your job well and having it appreciated by others.  And, for me, even if my accomplishments were not always recognized verbally or financially, I still took away a sense of pride from it.  Even lately, when I have been filling in at the bakery around the corner doing deliveries, I enjoy that feeling of knowing I did everything that was asked of me in the time frame that I was given.  I just love feeling that way.

I have tried to transfer these qualities into my every day life and it doesn't always work.  During the semester, it was easier because I got to know people in class and had homework and such to do.  Now that the summer is here, it's a lot more difficult.  Since I don't have work yet, getting out of the house and around people has been hard for me to do.  And I have tried to get things done around here, sometimes being successful, sometimes not.  I do enjoy my lists, as most of you know.  Crossing things off of my list because I have gotten them done makes me feel good.  However, I'm realizing that sometimes my lists are too vague and when that happens, I tend to not get things done like I'd like to.  So, I'm making my lists a lot more specific these days.  It's working, slowly but surely.

Anyway, back to my original point, I need a job because I want to be around new people and I want to accomplish things, no matter how menial.  It will be good for me.  So far, I have not had much luck, but I am still plugging away.

"No job is beneath you."  Maria Shriver

thought for the day

Today, i have decided to start with a blank canvas.  i am not putting any expectations on myself today.  i am just going to go with the flow and see what happens.  When i woke up this morning, my first thought was not "Time to get up" or "i need coffee".  It was "i feel depressed again."  i decided right there that i was not going to let that feeling dominate me today.  i am going to fight it with all of my being.  That will be tough, but i am determined to work through it and beat it.

There are certain things i know i need to try and get done today, if for no other reason than they will make me feel better.  i have to do some cleaning....it's amazing how things build up quickly, especially in an older home.  i have to list more items on Ebay and different places.  i need to do something to enjoy this beautiful, albeit hot, Sunday.

i keep looking back at my parents and my Grandmother and i try to figure out how they were all able to make it work.  Every life seems to have its ups and downs, but i do not remember them ever suffereing from any kind of depression.  Sadness, yes, but depression, no.  If they did, they managed to hide it from us very well.  Even when Mom was sick, i cannot recall her getting depressed.  Maybe that's because she still had the job of being a mom to do and that helped to get her through.  When it comes down to it, that is what i need right now.  Not to be a mom lol, but to have a purpose.  i do not feel like i have one really.

Earlier this week, i filled in for the delivery driver at the bakery early one morning.  i was so happy to do it because it got me out of the house and around people.  Sure, my check will be incredibly small, but money is money.  And it was just good to have something to do and feel like i was being productive.  Same with my volunteer work this week.  It was nice to be needed, and to do a good job.  That's always such a great sense of accomplishment for me.

So, needless to say, my job search continues.  i have actually gotten one response back and i hope that it comes through, even though that is also a temporary position.  It will be nice to get that experience.  i will keep applying to places and see what happens.  Sometimes it gets very frustrating to think that i spent 16 years with a company that, while the experience and the people were wonderful, it left me with almost no marketable skills.  So, i need to build that back up.

Anyway, today i am starting with a blank canvas.  i will see what happens.

Blessings to you all

note to self

What upset you yesterday does not matter today.  It is fine to get upset at something trivial.  That happens, it is called being human.  Even better is the ability to get upset, let it go and move on.  Today you have achieved that, so enjoy the rest of your day, Bob :)

thought for the day - social media drama

We all do things wrong sometimes.  We all fuck up situations or friendships unintentionally, and sometimes subconsciously.  Sometimes i do speak without thinking.  Sometimes plans don't work out as they should.  That is life.  You learn from it and you move on.  But, if no one tells you the problem, how can you know there is one?  i, personally, do a lot better when someone confronts me with something.  That way, i can learn from my mistakes.  Yes, i make mistakes and i repeat mistakes.  Many times i do not realize that i do it.  The reasons behind that kind of behavior, depending on the circumstances, can go very deep with me. Oh well.

So, on that note, it really was bizarre to log onto Facebook this morning and read a message from a longtime online friend.  Several weeks ago, we had a conversation about one of my Youtube pages.  i have several for different kinds of interests.  This one was about boxing, as there are many great vids on Youtube.  He had told me he enjoyed and had subscribed to it.  Great!  This morning, his message to me was "I take back what I said about your Youtube.  I don't like some of the vids you have on there so I unsubscribed."  My response was "whatever" because, honestly, i don't care who subscribes or not, it's vids that i enjoy watching.  And then, realizing how out of the blue this message was, i checked his Facebook page to see that he had unfriended me.  I apologized for whatever I had done to offend him and wished him luck.  He told me what I could do with that.  Oh well.  I'm more upset over it because I don't know why this happened.  We have been online friends on various sites for at least 15 years.  If he had needed to call my attention to something I had done, I would have listened.  Whether or not the end result would have been different.  And i have kept my feelings to myself about some of the things he does, because it is not my place. But, I suppose I will never know.  It's sad to lose an online presence that i have enjoyed for so long, but i can do, and will do, no more about it.

Which also leads me to something else about my online life.  It is time for me to let go of most of it.  The different profile websites, etc.  It is a fantasy world that is becoming too much of my social reality.  Having said that, there's nothing wrong with fantasy, i just need to step away from it for awhile.  So far, i have deleted almost half of those pages out there and will hopefully get most of them done later today.  It has given me quite the sense of relief not to be a slave to them.  This is all in an attempt to get myself back into the real world and be an actual human being again.  We shall see.

Note to self

You've had two pretty good days of working towards your goals.  Keep going in that direction.  It is ok to look back and learn, just don't turn around and start walking back that way.  You got this!  That is all :)

Note to self

The only way you can begin to conquer your addictions is to change your environment.  Stop giving yourself access to that which you do not need.  In your mind and heart, you know it isn't healthy.  You are in control of this and you are the only one who can change it.  That does not mean you have to do it alone as there is nothing wrong in asking for help.  Now, finding someone you feel comfortable enough to ask for help is a different story.  If someone has never been addicted to anything, and addiction comes in all kinds of forms, they will not understand.  That's ok too.  Sometimes just lending an ear is a help.  You got this.

My top 10 favorite moments from Disney animation

It seems like ever since our trip to Disney World, not a day goes by that Disney is not on my brain in one way or another.  i need to live there LOL  Here are my top 10 favorite moments from Disney animated movies.  Of course, there are many wonderful moments, so it was hard to pick.  Enjoy!

10.  Lady and the Tramp - Bella Notte

Just a sweet scene from this movie.  And a beautiful song, culminating in one of the most romantic moments in film history.

9.  The Little Mermaid - Under The Sea

This number is so fun for me.  Catchy, Oscar winning tune, and great animation.

8.  Prince Ali - Aladdin

Honestly, the 2 lines by the parade commentators make me laugh out loud every time!

7.  Sleeping Beauty - The Curse

Ah, the first real entrance of Maleficent.  She's stunningly beautiful and evil at the same time.  Captivating!

6.  The Sword In The Stone - Wizard's Duel

I think this is such an underrated movie that didn't really get its due.  This is some Disney animation at its finest!

5.  Cinderella - Transformation

Of course, this was my favorite fairy tale growing up, and in many ways, still is.  My favorite moment from this classic.

4.  Fantasia - Dance of the Hours, Hippos

I love the entire Dance of the Hours portion of Fantasia, but the dancing hippos are by far my favorites!

3.  Lion King - Circle of Life

As a whole, i did not care for The Lion King.  But, i do think that the opening sequence is one of the best pieces of Disney animation ever!

2.  Be Our Guest - Beauty and the Beast

i remember seeing this on the big screen and being floored by this number.  So much fun!

1.  Baby Mine - Dumbo 1941

This one kills me every time.  Kleenex, anyone?

Thought for the day

Today, when i woke up, i knew i was not going to have much ability to function.  i don't know why or how i knew, i just did.  It is taking every ounce of energy i have just to be.  Period.  i hate these days.  i have so many things i need to be doing and i cannot make myself do any of them right now.  No motivation at all.  i get tired so easily.  i wish there were people in my life.  Not just acquaintances or online friends or true friends that i only keep up with online because they're not around anymore.  It is hard to explain.  i feel isolated and depressed today, which sucks because it is a beautiful day and i really do not want to waste it. Oh well.  This too shall pass....i hope.

Recipe of the week - King Ranch Chicken

This is a recipe that i copied from Mom years ago.  i am not sure, but i honestly think my brother gave it to her.  i don't remember her making, which doesn't mean that she didn't, i just don't remember.  Anyway, i made it for Michael and me about a month ago and we both really enjoyed it!  Hope you do as well!

1 (3.5-4 lb) boiler/fryer, cut up
1 10 oz pkg corn tortillas, cut into quarters
1 large onion, thinly sliced or chopped
1 large green pepper, chopped
2 cups shredded cheddar cheese
1 & 1/2 tsp chili powder
1/2 tsp garlic salt
1 10.75 oz can condensed cream of chicken soup, undiluted
1 10.75 oz can cream of mushroom soup, undiluted
1 10 oz can diced tomatoes and green chiles, undrained

Cook chicken in boiling water for cover 45 minutes or until tender.
Remove chicken, reserving 3 cups of broth in dutch oven.  Let chicken cool.  Skin, bone and cut into bitesize pieces.  Set aside.
Bring reserved broth to a boil.  Dip tortillas in broth 5 seconds to soften.  Set aside.
Place half of tortillas in a lightly greased 13x9x2" baking dish.  Layer with half each of chicken, onion and green pepper.  Repeat layers.
Sprinkle top with cheese, chili powder and garlic salt.
Combine soups and spread over cheese.  Top with tomatoes. (Mixture will be wet on top)
Bake at 350 for 45 minutes or until thoroughly heated.  Serves 6 to 8.

Instead of a fryer, i just used 4 lbs of boneless breasts and they worked out great!

Note to self

Try not to be too sensitive about after thought invitations.  i know, it's like saying try not to be yourself, but there you have it.  Even though most likely you cannot accept the invitation, because you are in fact poor and going out is not a viable option, at least you were invited at some point this time.  Most times, you get over looked, which is even worse.  So, just be happy someone got around to inviting you and be gracious. 

Note to self

The things that have power over you only have that power because you have given it to them.  They can only rule your life if you let them.  Being affected by them is one thing but allowing them to take control is quite another.  Do what you have to do to get that control back.  It will be hard, but you can do it.

records

The other night, Michael saw my records stacked in the living room and asked me about it.  Why?  Because they are stacked in a definite pattern.  There is a method to my madness.  As i was explaining it to him, i realized that i am very OCD in my music listening habits at home.  i will attempt to explain :)

Years ago, Michael got me a record player.  Yay!  It also has a radio and a cd player in it.  Once we moved into our house, i put it in the living room to enjoy throughout the house.  It's nice to be in the office or the kitchen or the living room and having my music playing.

When i listen to music, i like to listen to different mediums.  i have lots of cds and records and do not limit myself to only listening to one kind or the other.  And radio.  If i can find a halfway decent radio station that does not play two songs then ten minutes of bad commercials, i will listen to that.  It is normally a college station, or something genre specific i find on itunes!  So, the way i spread the music out is one hour of radio, two cds and three records...then repeat.  And now, here's where it gets tricky so pay attention.  The kind of medium i begin with on a particular day depends on the numerical date.  1=radio, 2=cds, 3=records.  So, if it is the first of the month, i start out with radio...same on the 4th, 7th, 10th, etc.  Crazy, i know, but it works for me.  i am not really sure how i got this way with my music, but there you have it.  i like things organized in a particular way.  i may not always be neat with things, but when i have some sort of pattern, i tend to do better with whatever is going on at the moment.

So, back to the record stacking.  The table i have the record player on has a small footstool underneath it.  That is where i stack my records after i listen to them.  i stack them 3 at a time, so i can remember how many i have listened to.  Then, when i have listened to the next set of 3 records, i stack them on top of the previous records, but turn them a quarter.  And once the stack reaches close to the top of the underside of the table, that means it is time to shelve them alphabetically according to genre (but that's a whole nother blog lol)

There you have it.  My odd OCD music listening system.  Hey, it works for me!

Note to self

Even as young as you feel on the inside, going back to school helped with that, keep in mind that your body is 40 not 20.  You do not recover nearly as fast as you use to.  Give yourself time to heal.  Moving a refrigerator by yourself was probably not the smartest move in the long run, even if it did make you feel better to have the kitchen back in a somewhat organized manner.  Ouch!

Oh, Tony Awards....you were great!....oh sorry that was a typo

i sat through the entire show last night and parts of it were....what is the word.....painful.  i have watched this awards show every year since 1987 and last night's telecast was probably the worst one i have seen.  And, judging from Facebook, i am not the only one who feels this way.  There were some very nice moments throughout the show, just not enough.  i did think, though, that it was great how most of the winners got to give decent speeches without being cut off.  i just wish the production had used the rest of the time more wisely.

1.  2 hosts are better than one....NOT
        Multiple hosts rarely work on any awards show.  The only time i have seen it be successful was when Glenn Close, Nathan Lane and Gregory Hines cohosted the awards years ago. Alan Cummings and Kristen Chenowith did not work.  They appeared to have chemistry, but their routines were very forced and the repartee had absolutely no spontaneity.  And if Alan Cummings is going to spend 3 hours speaking in that soft, creepy "i've been playing the Emcee in Cabaret for the last 25 years" please turn up his microphone!

2.  Do a single number, not a medley
        While i do enjoy a good medley, trying to squeeze too much into the 4 or so minutes you have to perform on the Tonys does not give me much of a sense about your show other than there is a lot going on.  i found Fun Home and Something Rotten! more interesting to watch because they focused on one number and i got a taste of what their shows were like.

3.  Is it about the community members who've passed or about Josh Groban
        As much as i like Josh Groban, i think that vocals in any "in memoriam takes away from recognizing those who have passed.  And slow down!  You sped through those people so fast that it was hard to keep up.  If i blinked i would've missed like 10 names.

4.  Don't keep telling us who's coming up next
        Please stop this.  We don't really care.  Those of us who watch this show are NOT watching to see Jennifer Lopez or Nick Jonas.  We're watching because we love theater.  And if you're going to do this, at least tell us who actually is coming up next and not 2 hours later.

5.  Without the composer, lyricist and book writer there would be no musicals...give them their moment in the sun.
        Last night, history was made when the first female songwriting team won the Tony award for Best Score.  It would've been nice to see that being awarded.

6.  Put the awards in a better order
        Best Actress in a Play is the first award?  Best Play comes halfway through the telecast?  Really, people, get with it!

7.  Lifetime Achievement Award...Let us watch that
        When someone is given the Lifetime Achievement Award at the Tonys, chances are it is a theater icon that we all are familiar with.  We want to watch them get acknowledged.   The brief clip of Tommy Tune's speech was FAR more entertaining than that wretched medley salute they glued together.  And, with the icons, how often do we see them anymore...all the more reason to broadcast their award.  How sad it would have been had, when the first Lifetime Achievement Tony was given to Jessica Tandy and Hume Cronyn, it had not been aired.

8.  Give the plays more time
        There were some great plays on Broadway this year.  Would an extra 5 minutes have killed you?  Yes, it is hard to get a sense of a play from only a small scene, but a little more than 3 lines from each show would have been nice.

9.  Use actual theater people as presenters
         Again, those of us who actually watch have a vested interest in theater.  Hollywood has the Oscars.  Let theater have the Tonys.

10.  Do not gloss over potentially moving things.
         A lot of actors get their start in regional theaters and their inspiration from their teachers.  When Corey Mitchell was awarded the first award for Excellence in Theatre Education, how great would it have been to let him give an actual acceptance speech.  This is a once in a lifetime moment....let them bask in the glow.

Like i said, there were good things last night.  Just not enough.  The Tonys have always been one of the classiest shows on television.  It's time to return to that standard. i will watch again next year and hopefully see some improvements!

thought for the day - Sunday lunch

Growing up, our family Sunday activities almost never varied.  Church, lunch, rest and for me, add homework and church youth activities in the evening.  But, admittedly, Sunday lunch was my favorite.  It was a time to sit around the table with the family and sometimes some friends and reflect on the church service that morning, the week that preceded and the week to follow.  It almost never changed, except the venue.  We either had Sunday lunch at our house or at Grandmother's.

Lunch was normally between 1 and 2pm.  Church let out at noon, so then it was time to get things ready.  Cooking, setting the table, socializing.  When lunch was at our house, the time between getting home and lunch usually included playing the piano.  The food was always good, Mom and Grandmother were both excellent cooks.  Sometimes i'll make Grandmother's 3 hour chicken, which she made a lot, just for old time's sake.  Bill can't even stomach that dish now because we ate it so much.  Honestly, it did tend to be on the dry side...she put it in the oven before church and took it out 3 hours later after church.  i now know you do not have to cook it that long and it's still pretty good LOL

When lunch was at Grandmother's, that is when friends would come mostly.  Sometimes it would be one of the ministers and their family.  Sometimes people from the choir.  The Herrells came a lot.  It was always a good time.  Just to sit around and share a meal and fellowship.

Anyway, sometimes i really miss having that tradition in my life.  i don't call it a routine, because it was never routine.  It never felt that way.  To have that circle of people close to you that you know you will see at least once a week is something to cherish.  i think i would love to start getting together with people every Sunday to simply share a meal and be together.  Of course, i cannot afford to cook for a crowd every Sunday, but maybe potluck would work hahaha!

It is not the food that is on the table, but the people seated around it that make life wonderful.

Musical Theatre Thought - My top ten list of musicals that lost the Best Musical Tony Award

In honor of the annual Tony Awards Ceremony coming up this Sunday, i decided to come up with my own list of the the top ten musicals that failed to nab the big prize.  i did read a similar list somewhere, probably on Playbill, and it inspired me to do my own version.  In most of these cases, i think that both the show that lost and the one that won are great and both deserving of the prize, but only one can win.  In other cases, i think that clearly the wrong choice was made.  See if you agree.  i would love to know some of your choices.

The winning show is in parentheses

In no particular order:

1.  1982 Dreamgirls (Nine)

This show was nominated for 13 Tonys, winning 6 including 3 acting awards.  It was a powerhouse production noted for Michael Bennett's staging and Jennifer Holliday's legendary Act One finale.  While Nine has some lovely music in it, i think that Dreamgirls, which ran much longer and its film adaptation was far more successful, was robbed of the Tony Award that season.

2.  1964 She Loves Me (Hello Dolly)

Bock and Harnick's jewel box of a musical was under appreciated in its original run. Nominated for 5 Tonys, winning one.  i have always felt that the book for this musical is about as perfect as one can get and that, along with its charming score, makes it one of the greats.  But, there was just no stopping the powerhouse that was Hello Dolly that season.

3.  1988 Into the Woods (The Phantom of the Opera)

One of the great debates when it has come to the Tonys is substance vs. spectacle.  Into the Woods won 3 Tonys including best score and book, so just because something is deemed the best written show does not translate into the Best Musical Tony.  Not that there is no substance in Phantom, just a lot more spectacle there...and ticket sales.  i like them both, but it's apples and oranges.  Woods has lived on in productions all over the world and any other year it would have taken the prize.

4.  1984 Sunday in the Park With George (La Cage Aux Folles)

Here is another good example of substance vs. spectacle.  Both of these shows were deserving of the top prize, but i truly think that it came down to people wanting to see something splashy and fun that had not been on Broadway in a few years...and there is nothing wrong with that.  i most likely would have voted for La Cage as well.  Even though i think Sunday in the Park suffers from a poorly written 2nd act and it sometimes, as Sondheim can do, likes to show you how smartly written it is, it is still a great show that could have one.  Guess it'll have to make do with its Pulitzer.

5.  1957 The Most Happy Fella (My Fair Lady)

No one was going to beat My Fair Lady that year, and deservedly so, so i will get that out of the way now.  The Most Happy Fella, to me, is Loesser's masterpiece.  It is, by far, his most honest and beautiful score.  Groundbreaking in its subject matter, an adaptation of They Knew What They Wanted, it is a stunning piece of theater in the same way that Carousel is.  Any other year, it definitely could have and should have walked away with the prize.

6.  1960 Gypsy (The Sound of Music & Fiorello)

Here is the mother of all Best Musical travesties. Literally.  2 musicals tied for the prize that year and neither one of them was Gypsy.  The Sound of Music and Fiorello!  Bleh!  Gypsy is one of the most beloved musicals of all time with the rarity of having a better 2nd act than 1st act.  In its original run, it was 0-8 at the Tonys.  Unbelievable.  While i love The Sound of Music film, the stage version leaves A LOT to be desired.  And Fiorello!?  Really?  That one did not leave much of a footprint on the history of musical theatre.  And what's more shocking is Jule Styne's score, one of his best, was not even nominated.  But, as Ms. Merman said after losing to Mary Martin for best actress, how can you buck a nun?

7.  1991 Once On This Island (The Will Rogers Follies)

In a season dominated by spectacle and flash, there was this small intimate musical that far surpassed its competitors.  While Will Rogers, Miss Saigon and Secret Garden are all fine shows, Once on This Island is a much tighter overall package.  Had Once On This Island come along in the next few decades, when smaller musicals started getting more recognition, it definitely would have claimed its victory.  But, in 1991, Tony voters got it wrong.

8.  1976 Chicago (A Chorus Line)

A Chorus Line, there was just no getting around that one and rightfully so.  It is one of my favorites.  But, Chicago could have taken the top prize in another season.  One of Kander & Ebb's better works, it has a great score and benefited from Bob Fosse's style.  i just think that it was more accessible to audiences in the 90's than the 70's.  With the rise of social media, people enjoyed the manipulation of the media more when the revival, that is still running, came along.

9.  1972 Follies (Two Gentleman of Verona)

This groundbreaking musical provided theater goers with some of the best music ever written for the theater.  Yes, it had problems with its book and many people just did not get the concept of the show.  People either loved it or hated it.  And no one has ever been able to afford to recreate the original production...it was that lavish.  But, seriously, Tony voters....Two Gentleman of Verona?  Think again!

10.  2004 Wicked (Avenue Q)

i could put this in the spectacle vs. substance category, but this spectacle has a lot of substance in it.  It is easier to relate to Wicked than to past spectacles on Broadway.  Both Wicked and Avenue Q are wonderful shows but again, apples and oranges.  i think, partially, that Wicked lost because people were throwing support to a small show that needed the boost more.  But, Wicked will go on for years and was definitely worthy of the top prize.

So, that's my list.  What would you add to it?

Honorable Mentions:  West Side Story 1958 (The Music Man), Ragtime 1998 (The Lion King), The Secret Garden 1991 (The Will Rogers Follies)

Honorable Mentions (were not even nominated):  Camelot, Aida (don't get me started...won the Tony for best score but was not nominated for best musical.  That went to Contact, which used pre recorded pop songs...bleh)

thought for the day

It's interesting how things have changed in many ways for me in the past year.  It was one year ago today that i was relieved of my duties at Peppermoon.  Let me say that it was a very good parting. No bitterness on either end and i believe we were all relieved that it went so well.  It was time for a change for both myself and the company.  And, even thought i have not seen many of my former coworkers in the past year, i still keep up with them as best as i can.

i never thought that i would be going back to school at my age, but last August, there i was back at UNCG.  And, admittedly, i was both excited and intimidated.  i had not been in a classroom for almost 20 years.  It was nice to see that there were many adults on campus...returning students, i mean, not the professors.  It was odd, though, that i was older than several of my professors lol  Anyway, it was definitely an adjustment in my life.  i had to relearn how to learn, how to study, how to keep up.  i was not always successful, but i did the best that i could.

Being back out in life without a safety net, so to speak, has also made me look at my surroundings.  i love my things, but they are not as important to me as they use to be.  And it's easier for me to let go of them.  In an effort not to waste time when i was not on campus, i have been trying to clean things out around the house and get rid of stuff.  i am not always successful at it, but i am a hell of a lot better than i used to be!

There have been ups and downs, definitely.  And i think they were more accentuated because my life has changed its path.  My 40th birthday was a bust, saved only by Michael and Bethann.  Other than spending time with our families, the Christmas season was a huge disappointment for me.  And i felt more isolated this year during the winter weather.  In the past, i enjoyed getting a day off of work because i was still getting paid. Now, that i'm forking over money to go to school, i did not particularly like missing my classes and playing catch up on account of Mother Nature.  On the plus side, Michael planned, with the help of his parents and some good friends, a trip to Disney World for us and it was amazing!  i felt just like a kid again.  We had a blast and i can't wait til we go again or get jobs their, whichever comes first!  the whole experience was so invigorating and i could not have asked for a better vacation.  And i also realized, thanks to school, that i actually enjoy learning.  Once again, i don't know if it is because i'm going into debt to get an education, but i'm paying more attention and actually enjoying reading, homework and figuring things out.

So, needless to say, it has been a good year for me, in the long run.  Let's hope the next one is even better!

Cheers

thought for the day - twist ties

This morning i was in the kitchen getting Michael's lunch ready for work.  i pulled open one of the small drawers and realized that it was full of twist ties...mostly from loaves of bread.  There really is no good reason for me to be stockpiling twist ties, but lo and behold, there they are.  i realized that i get this from my Grandmother.  In her kitchen, she had an antique washstand that she had acquired from a local estate.  The one drawer of the washstand was filled to the brim with twist ties.  i know that partly, having lived through the depression, Grandmother was very thrifty in many ways and if something was still useful, you held onto it until it was useful no more.  As a child, that drawer was just the right height for me to be able to open it up and peer into it.  To me, it was a world of color.  So many different colors of twist ties, many of them older than i was.  It was a drawer full of rainbows to me and i loved taking them out and playing with them.  Twisting them together to create new color blends.  Making chains with them.  It was so much fun to a four year old.
And so now, i have my own drawer full of rainbows.  i don't take them out and play with them, and we do not have any children to play with them. But, i take comfort in knowing that they're there.  Just another way Grandmother's in the kitchen with me!

Cheers

Memorial Day

Today is Memorial Day, a day that we, as a society, honor the memory of those who gave their lives in military service.  I, personally, do not know anyone that has lost his or her life while in service.  At least, not to my knowledge i do not.  But, i am very grateful for those who did give their lives for the freedoms i have today.

However, i am seeing many people on Facebook getting their panties in knots over people who are honoring living veterans and active service members today instead of just those who have died.  Posts like "Memorial Day.  Veteran's Day.  Know the difference."  Really, people?  Is this the biggest thing you have to worry about today?  i suppose i should be grateful that they aren't posting about politicians or Duggars or Kardashians.

Like i said earlier, i cannot think of anyone who i have known personally that was killed in action.  i will definitely honor the lives of all those killed.  But, if i want to honor the people i do know that are alive and have served or are currently serving, what is the problem with that?  The people i know that do serve in the military, i admire greatly.  And if i want to thank them for their service, i will do it.  Why would i want to wait until after they are killed to let them know how much their service in the name of freedom means to me?  That's ludicrous.  It's like waiting until the funeral of someone you know is terminally ill to let them know how much you care.

i totally understand where people are coming from pointing out the literal meaning of Memorial Day.  But let's face it, we rarely celebrate the true meaning of any holiday.  They are mostly only excuses for getting gifts and having time off of work.  So, i say let people celebrate however they like.  i think that telling a living soldier how much they mean on this day is a lot less offensive than the 50% off appliance sale at Sears.

And we should celebrate and honor these people every day.  Not only today.  But, that's life in the good old U.S.A.

Note to self

Try to figure out what you really want, Bob.  Things you want to try, goals you want to achieve.  Make a list.  You love lists.  But make it a true list.  Know that it's ok if you don't achieve everything on your list.  But you will never know if you don't try.  Most importantly, figure out what is standing in the way of what you want and eliminate it from your life, Bob.  You know what these things are.  It will be hard, but it is all totally doable.  You got this.

Now, back to your regularly scheduled program

Christmas shopping in May

Today, i purchased my first Christmas present of the 2015 holiday season.  Very excited about that!  i was searching through various things on ebay and ran across something that i think will be perfect for one of my friends.  So, i bid and i won.  Yippee!  Now, it may seem too early for most of you to think about Christmas shopping, but not me.  i begin thinking about it the day after Christmas.  But, today was the first time i have actually bought something this year. 

i take pride in my gift giving ability.  Anyone who knows me can attest to that.  i like finding those perfect, unique items that people will not be getting from anyone else.  That is one of the joys of starting my shopping so early.  i can take my time in finding things that are unique and can rest assured that i have accomplished that goal.  If you ask anyone who has received a gift from me, they will tell you that most likely is not something i picked up at Walmart.  Now, things like cds and dvds, yes i will get those at regular retail shops.  But really, what is the fun in that?  There's no creativity behind it.  But, i will use things like that to supplement the rare find that i also give them.

Another reason i like to start so early is that, in the long run, i save money for the types of gifts i like to give.  If i wait until the last minute, i end up spending way too much on things that i am not 100% certain of, just for the sake of giving something unusual.  That's not much fun either.  There is always that feeling in the pit of my stomach when i watch someone open a gift that i am on the fence about.  i don't like that feeling  lol!

One of the secrets to good gift giving is paying attention.  Listen to what they say.  If they show you something online, file that away.  Chances are, people will forget things and move on.  But, when i go to that file cabinet in my head, i will find so much information that all i have to do is type in a few descriptive words from the file and start shopping.  And it is much more fun to shop for things that you know will be different, yet meaningful to people.

So, yes, i have officially started my Christmas shopping.  It's early....but it's exciting....for me, at least!