Thought for the day

Today has just been one of those days.  i told myself when i got up this morning that i was not going to put pressure on myself to accomplish anything.  So, i suppose in that way i succeeded.  But that's not necessarily a good thing either.  What i meant by that is that today i did not want to work from my lists and put pressure on myself to get everything done on that list.  Some days, that can get intimidating.  Especially on my days off because i do not want to feel like i have wasted my day.

i started off ok.  i decided that i was going to clean the office...go through things, organize, sort, get rid of, ect.  After about 2 hours, i had cleaned out my desk, set up the card table and made piles of different kinds of things to sort.  So far so good.  But, then it was time for lunch. i took about a half hour break to stop and fix lunch and eat.  After that, all went to hell. i came back to the office from eating lunch and just about broke down.  It was so overwhelming to see all of this stuff everywhere.  i tried to keep my composure and i started going through the bottom drawer of my desk...where i had left off.  This drawer is full of things from Grandmother's.  Actually, most of the desk drawers are full of her stuff.  But these were things like Mom's 2nd grade report card.  Her baby book.  There were 2 envelopes of strands of hair, i think from Mom when she was a baby.  Pictures, letters, Grandmother's college sketch book.  Just all sorts of family history things.  And as much as i enjoyed looking at them, it did feel somewhat burdening as well.  i will not get rid of these in my lifetime, but i have to stop and wonder who will want them some day if anyone?  And of course, this opens up a flood gate of thoughts and feelings and regrets and i just didn't have time for that today, nor the energy.

i slowly got every put back in place not feeling much a sense of accomplishment other than i remembered where everything went.  One day, i'll do better with my time and until then, i'll just hope for the best.

Cheers