Thought of the day: phones

Today, I have been thinking about phones.  I have one, Michael has one....I think all God's children have one these days and that's probably an understatement.  I'm sure many people have several phones....one for personal use, one for work, one "safe" for their small children, etc.  It seems we, as a society, can no longer function without having that contraption in our hands.  People walk with them, staring at them and not looking at where they are going.  They drive with them, staring at them and not looking where they are going (I'm starting to see a pattern here lol).  Everything in our lives seems to revolve around what that little piece of machinery is going to tell us next.  Interesting, but scary at the same time.

My neighbor Lois and I went to lunch today.  But, before that we stopped at the store she does her phone business so that she could get something taken off of her bill that she did not request.  Easy enough.  While we were waiting, the lady working the counter was telling a customer in front of us that the cheapest phone they had was $39.95.  Sounds reasonable to me.  She was, apparently, getting a phone for her daughter.  She went with the $350 version.  It just amazed me.  Granted, I know people that have paid thousands for their phone because they just have to have the latest version.  But, geez, I think of how many bills I could pay or groceries I could pay for what some people pay for that phone that they just have to own.

Anyway, Lois and I got to talking about phones yesterday when she showed me her new phone.  Not the $350 one, by the way.  Before cell phones, in my day, you either had a wall phone or a console.  And it was rotary dial...not even push button yet.  We had a wall phone.  It was in our kitchen.  I can't honestly remember if it was avocado green or yellow but either way it matched our kitchen.  Yes, one of those green, yellow and orange kitchens from the 70's.  And you could also only walk about 6 feet from the base of the phone....something these latest generations will never understand.

There was also a phone in my parents' bedroom.  It was a console for as long as I remember.  We did get a cordless phone in the mid 80's.  That was high tech in those days.  And I still know the phone number.  Sometimes I want to call it and see who picks up LOL  Grandmother had 2 phones as well....one in her hall and one in her den by her chair.  Somewhere I have a silver telephone receiver cover that belonged to her.  Sometimes I think it'd be worth it to find a console phone just so I can use the cover!

But what I was thinking of yesterday was when Aunt Sara moved in with my Grandmother.  Sara was hard of hearing.  She had 2 hearing aids but you still had to talk pretty loudly to her.  Not yelling, just loud.  She couldn't hear the phone though.  If she was talking on the phone, she could hear you just fine, but she couldn't hear it ringing.  Anyway, I remember that my cousin Peter came and rigged up a light to the phone for her.  It was one of those old plastic candles that we'd put in the windows at Christmas.  You know, the ones with the "wax" dripping down them and the one light bulb.  He hooked it up to the phone so that the candle would light up and Aunt Sara would know that it was ringing.  That was pretty ingenious of him, I think.

Sometimes I believe my phone is  a burden.  That's because it is at times.  I no longer keep it on me when I'm at home.  I keep it plugged into the charger, usually in a different room than I am in.  I just don't need another appendage that I have to maintain 24 hours a day.  It's nice but not that important to my existence.  Ah, well.  Phones are nice to have but I have no desire to submit to mine like I see so many people do nowadays.  I'd much rather look around me and take in life instead of googling it.

That is all.

Sunday reflection: What do you do when church doesn't fit your schedule?

It's a hard place to be in when you want to go to church, need to go to church, and it just does not fit in with your schedule.  Growing up in the 80's, our church life was our schedule pretty much.  There were very few things that interfered with our weekly rituals of church.  Looking back on that, I realize that neither of my parents worked weekends.  Occasionally there might be a weekend conference one attended or something like that, but that was a rarity.  Sunday was for church.  Period.

As an adult, I am finding that is not always the case, at least in my world.  My work schedule varies so much right now that it is hard make social plans, including church.  And the fact of the matter is I have to work any opportunity I am given because I have to support myself.  God is wonderful but He doesn't pay my bills....directly, that is.  And He hasn't given me the secret to winning the lottery either, so I can't rely on that plan of action to make it to church.  Ah, well.

So, I wonder what do I need to do when I can't get to church?  Yes, there are radio sermons and podcasts and such, but it's not the same as being in a pew and feeling like I am contributing something.  Mainly contributing something to myself, to be honest.  I don't go to church to be seen by others...to show people my spirituality.  It is a time for me to reflect and search and ask and seek within myself.  Trying to do that at home is not quite the same and I am not sure what path I need to go down to find that when life prevents me from being at the service.

There are some people that say "if you really want it, you will find a way to make it happen".  Well, that's all good in theory but it is an unrealistic expectation.  I wish it were that simple.  I do know that God is aware of my situation and He follows me where ever I am.  I get that.  Sometimes I just do not feel that where I am is right for my relationship with the Lord.  My spirituality is very personal and I am not one to put it on display....but I am actually that way with most aspects of my life...quite shy and introverted in many ways. 

Life will sort itself out and I will find a way to make this constant in my life part of my routine.  I probably shouldn't worry about it as much as I do but that is the way the ball bounces sometimes.  Until then, God, You're just going to have to go with me along this path.  As for now, it's time to get ready for work.

Be blessed.

Thought of the day

I think I'm going to have to give up watching regular tv for awhile.  I made a post on Facebook last week complaining of political ads.  I absolutely hate them.  They don't tell me anything true about the candidates.  It's just money spent on BS, in my opinion.  And they ruin any show I'm watching lately.  I could, and have, just hit the mute button during the commercial breaks, but that gets tedious.  Especially when I don't realize that the program is back on and I forget to unmute the tv.  It really is frustrating...at least to me.

And then, the other night, we were watching tv during dinner.  Michael cooked that night, so I was really looking forward to being able to just relax with my food in front of the tube.  The news was on...first mistake.  It had not even been on for one minute before I had a physical reaction to it.  I could feel all of the blood draining from my face.  The pit of my stomach began churning.  I looked down and realized that my plate was shaking.  I thought I was going to throw up...truly.  Having to watch the state of our country was ruining my appetite.  We had to change the channel because I just couldn't take it.  And, sadly, when you only have very basic cable there aren't many choices left so we ended up watching a bad sitcom rerun. 

So I will be watching our Roku only for awhile.  I do enjoy finding vintage shows, especially game shows.  And I have a Broadway channel where I can see some fun theater.  We have some good channels and I have my shows that I subscribe to, so I can get by for awhile with no problem.  That is, at least, until the Roku channels start playing politics.  Then it'll be time to hook up the VCR.

That is all.

Recipe of the day - Swedish Meatballs

I do love some Swedish meatballs!  I wanted to try a "new to me" recipe and found one I liked from Taste of Home.  I used premade meatballs due to issues of time, but here's the full recipe:

Swedish Meatballs
3/4 cup seasoned bread crumbs
2 large eggs, lightly beaten
1/3 cup minced fresh parsley
1 teaspoon coarsely ground pepper
3/4 tsp salt
2 pounds ground beef
Gravy:
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
1&1/2 cups 2% milk
2 cans (10.5 ounces each) condensed beef consomme, undiluted
1 Tbs Worcestershire sauce
1 tsp coarsely ground pepper
3/4 teaspoon salt

Combine first six ingredients.  Add beef; mix lightly but thoroughly.  Shape into 1.5 inch meatballs (about 36).  In a large skillet over medium heat, brown meatballs in batches.  Using a slotted spoon, remove to paper towels to drain, reserving drippings in pan.

For gravy, stir flour into drippings;  cook over medium-high heat until light brown (do not burn).  Gradually whisk in milk until smooth.  Stir in the consomme, Worcestershire sauce, pepper and salt.  Bring to a boil over medium-high heat;  cook and stir for 2 minutes until thickened. 

Reduce heat to medium-low;  return meatballs to pan.  Cook, uncovered, 15-20 minutes longer or until meatballs are cooked through, stirring occasionally.

Serve over noodles or rice.

*Now, when I used the premade meatballs, I obviously did not have any drippings left over to start the gravy.  I just used a half stick of butter and it worked out great.

Enjoy!

Thought for the day - the church music snob

I will be the first to admit that I am a church music snob.  I can't help it.  I like what I like.  When I actually make it to church service (which hasn't unfortunately happened in awhile, but that's an entirely different blog for another time) I will go the 11 a.m. service.  It is the traditional service, reminiscent of what I grew up with.  The early service is contemporary and not to my taste.  That's fine.  Those who go to the early service love it.  I am just not a fan of contemporary Christian music.  That's fine, too.

Anyway, if you knew me growing up, you will already know that our music program at church was a very vital part of my life.  I sang in the choir, played in 2 handbell choirs, performed piano duets and handbell solos in service.  I was pretty active and loved it all.  I felt, at the time, that it was the only way I could contribute to my church.  Again, that is also another blog for another day.  Music gave me an outlet to fit in to my church and that's what I needed at that time.  I still need that, even though I don't always admit it.

The church I attend now, College Park Baptist, has pretty good music.  We have a lot of musicians in our congregation and routinely contribute to the worship services.  The choirs are small, including the handbell choir, but they are consistent and put their all into the worship services.  Every now and then they will slip in something contemporary into the traditional service and I find myself biting my tongue.  Most of the time, it makes me giggle so I find myself stifling laughs.  Oh well.

This past Wednesday, a 3 part program about music in worship was started during the normal Bible Study hour.  I decided to attend because it seemed like obviously something I would enjoy and benefit from.  I could tell by looking over the material handed out before hand that there would be definite different styles of music than what I normally hear.  I am open to new and different styles of music being incorporated into worship.  But, for me, it has to be what I consider good music.  I don't think many contemporary songs are well written and, therefore, I tune them out when I can.  (I also feel this way about most contemporary pop music...it just sucks.  And don't even get me started on contemporary country music...grrrrrrrrrr)

Well, within the first 5 minutes of the program, I was pretty much done LOL  The speaker was very knowledgeable about music as she has served in music ministry for many, many years in several different denominations.  But one of the points she started with, at least what I took from her words, was "Baptist Hymnal" BAD.....tradition BAD.   People even started commenting on how they or others prefer going to the early service simply because the traditional music does nothing for them. I thought, well, I'm alienated.  I realize that our hymnal is almost 30 years old.  So?  It's not like the congregation can buy new ones every other year.  That stuff's expensive.  Anyway, that set the whole tone of the evening for me and I didn't enjoy it like I'd hoped. 

Music is an extremely important part of my spirituality.  And I won't back down from what I want in a music ministry.  It's what gets me through the doors and into the church.

Cheers.

Recipe of the day - Easy Corn Salad

I found this recipe online the other day and decided to try it.  I was just in the mood for corn salad :)  Michael's mom makes one that I love.  She had given me the recipe but I cannot find it...shocking, I know.  So, I googled and found this one.  It's so easy, especially if you don't have a whole lot of time.  It ended up being spicier than I thought, but I still enjoyed it!

2 cans of corn, drained
2 cans of diced tomatoes with green chilies, drained
4 green onions, diced
Mayo
2 Tbs vinegar
salt
pepper

Mix the first 3 ingredients together.  Add vinegar, salt and pepper.  Add enough mayo to bind the salad.  Chill for at least 30 minutes.

*The original recipe called for red wine vinegar, but I used apple cider vinegar and it was fine.
*Of course, you can substitute fresh corn and tomatoes for canned if you have the time!

Goals for September

As silly as it may seem, I find that I do better with things if I make a list.  So, I have made a list of things I want to achieve in September.  Some are easier than others.  And I have chosen not to really explain these as I think they speak for themselves.  But I do think that starting each one with "I will" makes it more personal for me and holds me more accountable.  So, here is my list.  I will update as I am working on them.  Thanks!

1.  I will take at least one day trip
2.  I will drink more water
3.  I will be more social
4.  I will not let addictions control my life
5.  I will try at least 2 new recipes
6.  I will purge and downsize my household
7.  I will read at least one book
8.  I will write more on my blog
9.  I will do something creative
10.  I will honor my commitments

That moment when I started...

hating myself.

I realize that sounds harsh, but it's the truth.  And it's time I started dealing with it.  It has been building up for over 30 years now and if I don't face my feelings, I will not survive.

March 23, 1987.  It was a Monday and I woke up, as usual, ready for another day in 6th grade.  When I walked down the hall into our den, Mom told us the news.  Aunt Sara, our great aunt, had passed away early that morning.  I was devastated.  I cried and cried and did not want to go to school that day.  I did tho, because I had no other choice.

The reason that I was so upset is because of the night before.  Mom picked me up from Sunday night youth handbell practice.  We drove to Union Memorial Hospital after.  As we pulled into the parking lot, Mom asked me if I wanted to come up and see Aunt Sara.  I told her no, that I'd wait in the car and I would see Aunt Sara the next day.  Obviously, that never happened.

Thus began my road to self hatred.  I have never forgiven myself for not going into the hospital that night.  I don't know why I didn't go...probably something selfish as just being lazy.  Never the less, I was over come with guilt when Mom told me she died.  I have never been able to forgive myself for that.  I know that I was only 12 years old, but still...I could have been a better person.  And this one event set my life on a course, that I didn't know then, that would include many regretful experiences.

Of course, I don't blame Sara.  It was all me.  It became a situation that has snowballed over the past 30 years.  I will write more about the other experiences, I just needed to get this first one out on paper...saying it out loud for the first time really, so to speak.

If you need to go see someone, do it.  Don't let something else get in the way.

That is all.

Thought for the day

This whole being an adult thing can be frustrating at times.  I finally have a weekend off after a couple of weeks and have done almost nothing productive.  Ah, well.  In some ways, I am just fine being lazy but there's that nagging voice in the back of my head saying "You're an adult, don't waste your time away....pay those bills, clean that living room, give the dog a bath, etc."  Obviously, I have not really been listening to that voice this weekend.

How does one be an adult when one still feels like a child in many ways?  I don't know, but I need to find out.  I have some changes I want/need to make and recognizing that I am, in fact, an adult, is the only way I will be able to accomplish them.  It is hard to explain when I say that I feel like a child.  I am, and always will be, someone's child, but that's not it.  And I don't necessarily mean being childish either, though that ugly trait will pop its head up from time to time.  I know that a lot of it comes from memories of my younger self.  I am at a place in my life where I long for the freedom of being a child. Can I have that kind of freedom as an adult?  I don't know yet.

My job was eliminated at Heritage Greens and I was transferred back to the dining room.  I don't mind because I love my time in there and I really get to connect with the residents that way.  But I am realizing that I am not in a place where I can really advance and is this something I want to do for the rest of my life?  Hardly.  I can't afford it.  But the child in me that was so close to his Grandmother and wanted to please her comes out every day that I am there.  It is a part of my spirit and even though I do cherish it, can I translate that into my adulthood.  Being surrounded by coworkers who are 20+ years younger than myself doesn't help that either.  It was the same way when I went back to school.  You are surrounded by kids, basically, and you tend to forget that you are not their age.  At least I did, until I would pass a mirror LOL

Anyway, I think it is time to explore this being an adult thing.  I need to take more responsibility for the changes and goals in my life that I want.  I can say them out loud and I can write them here or somewhere else all day long, but the bottom line is that unless I act upon them they won't happen.  It's not too late to make this transition, but it is scary territory for me.  But I have to remember that this does not mean getting rid of those childhood feelings, just incorporating them into the adult I want to be.  It's time for Peter Pan to grow up.

That is all

Recipe of the day - Easy Blackberry Chicken

I made this today for Sunday lunch and was quite pleased with how it turned out!

1 bottle of Russian dressing
1 jar of seedless blackberry jam
1 envelope of onion soup mix
4-8 boneless chicken breasts

Preheat oven to 350.  Mix first 3 ingredients.  Place chicken breasts in a 9x13 pyrex or baking dish.  Pour sauce over chicken.  Bake 45 min to an hour till chicken is cooked through, internal temp 165.  Serve over rice.

If you can't find Russian dressing, Catalina dressing works well too!

Thought of the day - MHS Class of 1993

It truly is amazing how times flies and how, in some ways, it stands still.  Next month will be the 25th anniversary of the graduation of the Monroe High School Class of 1993.  I can't believe it has been that long.  It seems like only yesterday we were young kids filled with hopes and dreams.  The whole world was set before us to journey through life in.  The world was our oyster.  We could do anything we set our minds to.  Our journeys, so far, have taken us to such far, different places...but in my mind I still see those faces of friends frozen in time, as if I could close my eyes and I would be there again, getting ready to take on the world.

It's no secret that many of our lives have not turned out exactly as we had planned, mine included.  And it's not a question of "if I only knew then...." because that's a cop out, in my opinion.  Our journeys have made us into the people we are today.  That may not always be a shining example of perfection, but life's not suppose to be.  I know that not one of us, when filing into Austin Auditorium at Wingate College, was thinking "Gee, in 25 years, I'll be divorced or suffer from depression or drop out of college."  We didn't think that way then and I don't believe we think that way now.  We just happen to deal with what life has thrown our way.  We are all successful because we have survived to tell our tales.

We've each gone on to find our niche in the world.  Some of us are teachers, some entrepreneurs, some are housekeepers.  Some of us are married, some of us are gay, some have large families.  Some are already grandparents while some of us are simply aunts and uncles.  Some travel the world, some never leave home.  Each of us is as unique today as we were 25 years ago.   And, thanks to the internet, many of us can keep up with each other easier than we'd ever dreamed.  Still, I find it amazing that we made all of these plans to keep in touch and there are so many people that I have not seen since that day in June 1993.  I suppose that if I'm meant to see them, then it will be so one day. 

25 years is a long time.  Many of us have lost loved ones during those years.  Some of our favorite teachers have passed on as well.  The school doesn't really even look the same.  I drove around it the last time I was home and couldn't figure out where I was going LOL  But you can still see the foundations of the buildings that we spent 4 years in....kind of like us.  Our high school years really set the foundations for our lives.  Some things may have been unexpected, but our foundations never faltered. 

I can still see our younger selves in each one of us.  Yes, life has changed us.  But we are strong, stronger than some us give ourselves credit for.  We all have known both immense sorrow and intense joy.  We roll with the punches.  We wake up knowing that whatever life throws at us, there are people we have known for over 30 years who will have our backs if we need it.  Even if we haven't seen those people in a long, long time.  It's who we were, who we are and who we will always be.  We are the Monroe High School Class of 1993.

Thought for the day

I haven't written on my blog in a long, long time.  I don't really know why.  I could blame work, which is, definitely a factor but not entirely.  I could blame the fact that I want to spend less time on my computer, but we all know that hasn't really happened.  I guess I will just have to blame the fact that I have been lazy and neglectful....sadly, 2 things I tend to excel at.  Ah, well.

I believe I have finally started my midlife crisis.  In all honesty, I believe my actual mid life was probably 10 to 20 years ago at the rate I am going, but none the less, it has hit and hit hard.  My pot started boiling over this week when I saw a picture of myself as a child.  It's a great picture, a picture I love.  A picture that I remember hanging in a small brass colored oval frame in our house in Monroe.  But when I look at that picture now, I see a child filled with hope and potential.  A child who was, thanks to the most incredible family, happy in almost every way.  And I wonder what happened to that child?  Was there one distinct moment when everything went south for him?  Or was it a culmination of things?  I don't really know the answer to that and will probably drive myself crazy if i try to find that answer.

There are so many things right now that I need to turn around in my life.  It's overwhelming and I cannot seem to find a starting point to it.  I could make a list because, you know, I love lists, but then the list would just sit there unfulfilled.  And I don't want to say all of the things that are missing/lacking because I don't want people to contradict me.  This isn't about fishing for compliments.  This is about figuring out how to handle how I feel about my life and how to change it. 

I have a job and a degree, even though one has nothing to do with the other.  I am happy to have both but it doesn't feel like it's enough right now.  I have a wonderful partner of 11 years.  But, if you've ever been in a long term relationship, you know there are ups and downs, good times and bad times.  And it's very frustrating when you're both going through similar things and cannot really help each other.  I have a roof over my head and a house full of stuff.  I love my stuff.  I always have.  But at times it does not give me the joy that it once did.  It suffocates me at times.  I would love to share it with friends and family, but I don't feel like I have an outlet for that.

I blew up at Michael last night because I could not deal with the state of our world.  And by our world I mean the actual planet and our country's role in it.  My hatred for many things associated with our political climate and the people, both people I know and don't, who put us in this situation, has gotten me to a point where I cannot function in reality.  Plain and simple.

I will figure something out, I know.  Either with professional help or on my own, I will figure it out.  I just know that I don't want to go on with myself as is. 

If I want to keep my head above water, I guess I finally need to learn how to swim.

That is all.

Thought of the day - shopping

Yesterday, I had to do some shopping.  I hadn't been shopping, except for groceries, in a long time.  Having a steadier income does make a difference, sometimes.  It was nice to know that I could go out shopping to get something I needed for a change.  And I needed some new clothes. Not a lot, but a few things.  This morning, the handbell choir I am in at church is performing (that'll be a whole different blog I imagine) and they decided at our last rehearsal that we'd wear black and white with purple accents.  Well, I don't own much black or white besides tee shirts and I don't think that's what they meant.  And you can throw purple accents out the window....wasn't spending my hard earned money on something I'll wear once.  But, I figured I could use some new pants anyway....I'm getting tired of only wearing khaki lately. I decided to go to Hamrick's to shop.  They have great prices and sales there.  Sure, it's not high end stuff and some of it is cheaply made, but when I end up paying $2.40 for a long sleeve button down white dress shirt, I don't really care about that.  It'll serve its purpose until it falls apart. 

I left my cozy little neighborhood and headed out the pseudo back way to Hamrick's.  I opted not to take Wendover on a Saturday morning as traffic going to Walmart, Sam's and Costco's can be tremendous.  Anyway, as I was driving down Gate City Blvd...aka High Point Road, which it will ALWAYS be to me...I felt like I was in a different city.  I left the tree lined streets with cozy houses and drove through miles of shops and strip malls, both full and empty ones.  The atmosphere was totally different from where I'd been only a few minutes prior.  Not bad, just different.  Instead of trees, there are signs lining the roads.  Instead of distinctive houses, there are cold, angular buildings free of personality.  And lots of traffic.  I guess lots of people like to do their shopping on Saturday mornings...go figure. 

This reminded me of going shopping for clothes with Mom when I was growing up.  We would leave the lazy, quiet town of Monroe and head towards the big city of Charlotte to shop.  It was just about the same feeling leaving the streets of houses and small town shops for miles of box stores and stop lights.  Of course, those were the days when there was still land and trees between Monroe and Charlotte...not so much anymore.  We would go to someplace such as Hamrick's.....usually TJ Maxx and fill up the cart with clothes.  I didn't know at the time that this was a discount store, but that didn't matter.  Stores like Belk's, in our illustrious Monroe Mall, were only for special purchases because let's face it, they were expensive...and still are. 

It was always a fun trip for us and I miss that, obviously.  But yesterday was fun for me as well, even though I was by myself.  Finding bargains is a good thing.  Styles may have changed in the last 30 years, but the stores are pretty much the same.  Towns and cities may have changed in the last 30 years but the feeling I got from driving from place to place was the same.  I enjoyed that feeling and I plan on making that drive again if for no other reason than to experience that feeling again.

That is all.

Quote of the day

The greatest power you have on earth, whether you are an angel, a spirit, a man or woman or child is to help others.

                                                                            Anne Rice

Thought of the day - working at HG

There are times when life puts us exactly where we're supposed to be.  When I graduated with my BSW, I never really imagined that I would be working in housekeeping a year later.  That has brought several things to light for me.  My interest, while getting my degree, was always to be working with our senior community, which is what I am doing now.  Also, I went through a period of mourning after graduation because I was not able to do anything with my degree.  Most jobs didn't want someone with little to no experience or didn't have a Master's, so when working at Heritage Greens became an option, I jumped at it.  I started out working in the dining room, which I honestly loved.  I had never waited tables before but I was pretty good at it.  I don't know if I'd be good at waiting tables other places but in a senior community, I was great and spoiled my residents.  Just ask them yourself if you don't believe me!  That made me realize that social work can be done in any setting.  Social work is a broad term that covers a lot of areas.  Social work does not discriminate.  I have learned that just because I am not working at a non profit agency or for the government does not mean I am not a social worker every day of my life.  That realization made my degree a little more attractive.

I am now the Housekeeping Supervisor at Heritage Greens.  I have learned a lot in the four weeks I have been on the job.  I still have a lot to learn, but am loving every minute of it.  Honestly!  I still get my daily interactions with the residents plus paperwork and fun things like that.  I have a staff of seven women who work in housekeeping.  They are pretty amazing.  All very different personalities and I am learning their strengths and their weaknesses, as well as my own.  I am finding myself very protective of these women because they are good people and work hard.  With the way they each care about their residents, I am seeing that my staff embodies what HG strives for.  We care and we're here to make their lives as comfortable as possible.  This is their home, after all.

Yesterday, I met a resident that I had not met before.  We had seen each other in passing and once she thought she recognized me as someone else, but that has been the only interactions that we have had with each other.  I wasn't even sure if she was a resident or just someone visiting a resident.  She didn't eat in the main dining room when I worked there, so we had not had much contact.  Anyway, as I was leaving for the day, she stopped me in the hall to ask who I was and what I did at HG.  I told her my name and that I was working in housekeeping.  She told me that she had been waiting to meet me and was excited for the opportunity.  We talked for about 10, 15 minutes and got better acquainted.  As our conversation was coming to a close, she told me that she has been impressed with how quickly things get handled lately.  She said that she could tell such a difference since I started my new job and what a great job I was doing.  She was even going to go to the big boss and tell him how great things were now because of me.  Whether or not that's really true, it felt great to hear.  Our mission statement at HG is "Making a difference everyday".  And yesterday, I felt like I was.

That is all.

Thought of the day - my morning routine

With a new job comes a new routine.  Sort of.  My schedule at work is more regular in this new position than when I was in the dining room, which is great.  It's so nice to have my weekends back!  During the week, I still get up at my normal time around 5:30.  But now, instead of having to be at work at 6:30, I go in at 7:30.  I need to figure out what to do with that extra hour of my time!

I enjoy my mornings before work.  Michael and Squirt are still in bed.  I have my coffee.  I listen to the radio and surf the internet.  It's quiet and peaceful.  This particular morning, it's raining, so that provides some nice relaxing background music.  This time of day is just for me and I like it.  I wonder sometimes, though, should I be doing more with this time?

There are other options, I suppose.  I could sleep an extra hour.  hmmmmmm?  I could fix breakfast every day.  That would probably give me a good boost of energy for my morning.  As much as I actually enjoy domesticity, that's not an unlikely option for me.  I could exercise, too.  We have so much exercise equipment that we don't use, this would be the perfect time to use some of it.  I could also use this time to work on some projects that I have been ignoring.  That would be productive, right?  Of course, I'd have to do it quietly as to not wake the boys haha. 

As I am typically a creature of habit, I have to ask myself do I really need a daily routine?  Does it have to be the same thing every morning?  I guess it could go either way.  Early mornings are the hardest time for me not to have a cigarette still.  There was something about standing on the porch alone in the still of morning and having my coffee and a smoke.  Ah, the memories.  That's really what I am looking to replace.  If you ask an ex smoker, they'll tell you that those key times of smoking that were daily occurrences are when they want one the most.  Mom always said it was after dinner when here craving was the worst. 

But, I digress.  I have many options to add to my mornings.  When I really think about it, I don't need a set routine, but I would like to change things up once in a while.  But until I decide what to integrate into my mornings, I'm going to turn up my NPR and have another cup of coffee.

Quote of the day

I believe that I am not responsible for the meaningfulness or meaninglessness of life, but that I am responsible for what I do with the life I've got.

                                                                             Hermann Hesse

It's nice to have a decent paycheck again, I have to admit.  I'm not making huge amounts of money, but more so than I was before my promotion.  And I am enjoying my job and am learning a lot, which is great.  But the thought of not living paycheck to paycheck for awhile is immensely wonderful.  It will take me awhile to build up my savings, but that's an obtainable goal right now.  It'll be good to have some savings of my own for a change.  I have not been good with money as an adult and I am ready to be.  My lessons have been learned and it's time to put that knowledge to use.

It was just such a wonderful feeling to know that I will be able to pay my bills on time this month.  I always pay them, but not always on time.  And I'll still have money left to live on.  Yippee!  I went to the gas station this morning before going to work to put some gas in my car.  I filled it all the way up.  I have not filled up my tank completely since right after graduation.  What a great feeling that was, knowing I could do that and not spend my last dime. Of course, filling up an SUV costs a bit, but it was worth it.  I had a sense of accomplishment about it.  Odd, I know.  But I worked hard for this check and was happy to spend it this way.

It's just nice feeling like I'm getting back on track.  Sometimes I feel like I am where I am supposed to be, doing what I'm supposed to be doing.  I hope that feeling lasts for a long time.

That is all.

Well, I have completed week #3 in my new position at work.  This week went by quickly and that's fine by me.  There's so much for me to take in with this job and I'm happy to learn.  My ultimate career goal is to get my long term care administrator's license and run a nursing home or some place like Heritage Greens.  So the more I know about how different departments run, the more prepared I am going to be.

Of course, no job is without its frustrations and this one is no exception.  Any my frustrations don't come from anything I have faced being too difficult for me, it is in the paperwork arena where my frustration lies.  There is more paperwork with this job than any other I have had before.  I don't mind paperwork at all, I'm just not use to it in the work place.  I don't know if that's sad or not that I haven't had to do much paperwork in my different careers so far, but it's just a fact.  A good deal of my paperwork is for the benefit of corporate, which I totally get.  It is going to be beneficial to me as well, as I learn how to budget better and keep track of my inventory.  These are all things that I will need in my career tract.

However, I don't have a computer of my own at work yet.   I am supposed to get one at some point.  My boss told me that he is supposed to get a new computer and then I would get his.  That's fine by me.  Until then, I'm at the mercy of others.  My corporate network page is loaded onto my boss's computer.  That's where all of my files are stored that I need and all of the Microsoft programs I need as well.  I can check my email from any computer or device with the internet.  But, when I get my task lists from corporate in an email, I can't really get them done without being on my corporate page. 

And it's not like my boss does not use his computer constantly.  I have a lot of things to do each day and I will not spend my time going into his office every 15 minutes to see if I can use his computer.  I also don't have access to his office when he's not there (and I think that's as it should be...it's his office after all) so it's not like I can come in early or stay late to get this work done.  Of course, I could ask him for a key and see what he says.  Maybe if I did start putting in extra hours (some good OT) they'd realize it would be more cost effective to go ahead and get those computers LOL 

Part of it, too, is bringing back memories of my past managerial position at the catering company.  I spent almost 6 years in charge of a huge inventory...a warehouse full of linens, props, equipment, etc.  I had to hand write my paperwork for each event, and that was a lot of events.  I was the only one in our main office without a computer, so no one else knew my frustration.  I burned out a lot faster that way.  I know that my replacement has a computer, thank goodness!! 

Seeing as this is my only true frustration right now, I'm in a pretty good place.  I have an excellent staff.  They are all very different, personality wise, but they balance each other out and make a good team.  My goal is to make our housekeeping team the envy of all other departments.  And I know that we can do that when we work together.  It will happen!

Quote of the day

I wonder if fears ever really go away, or if they just lose their power over us.

                                                                            Veronica Roth

Thought of the day

For several years now, I have let my feelings get hurt by people that really do not matter in my life.  They are a part of my life, not by my choice, but they don't enhance my life in any way.  So, why should I let them have this power over me anymore?  It is energy wasted on my part and it takes me away from what I really should be doing.  There is no pleasure or enjoyment in those feelings, so it's better to process it and let it go.  I feel like I did some of that yesterday.

I went to visit my Dad yesterday and knew, beforehand, that there was a good chance of running into my stepsister.  It was her birthday so she and June were going to be having lunch and spending some time together.  I call her my stepsister because, legally, that's what she is and it's easier than repeatedly writing Dad's wife's daughter.  Yes, I am taking the lazy way with this one LOL  During my hour and a half drive to Dad's I had time to think about how to handle seeing her.  I started to get worked up about it when I suddenly thought to myself "Why is this bothering me?"  I was on my way to see Dad, not her, and that is where my attention needed to be. 

As it turns out, their plans got cancelled because she was sick.  Still, June had us drop off her birthday cake and a card and needed us to pick up some things from her.  I wasn't about to make Dad carry all of that stuff, so I walked with him to the front door, carrying the birthday cake.  I wished her a happy birthday and told her I was sorry she did not feel well and then I picked up the things she had for June and took them back to Dad's car.  That was it.  Painless on all sides.  And for the first time in a long time, I felt my words sincere towards her.  I did find it funny that I still have never been introduced to her 2nd husband, even though he was standing 10 feet away from us this time.  Oh well, I decided it's not worth worrying about and so I didn't.

Being able to not care about it made all the difference to me.  I don't know why, it just did.  Dad and I were able to have a great lunch and visit, which was the whole point anyway. 

Quote of the Day

It is far better to do the right thing wrong that to do the wrong thing right.

                                                                           Russell L. Ackoff

And here it is, the end of another week.  I have not gotten the chance to write on my blog in awhile, so I figured that I would simply do a weekly summary instead this time.  If that makes me lazy, so be it LOL

My week started off with beginning my new position at work on Monday.  I am now the supervisor of housekeeping at Heritage Greens.  As I have said previously, this isn't exactly the job I was anticipating when I graduated last year, but life has a way of working itself out.  The positives outweigh the negatives right now.  I have a job that pays, so that's good.  I am working with the elderly, which is what I have wanted to use my degree for anyway.  I have been promoted within the company in less than six months of being there, so people are definitely taking notice of me.  These are all good things and I am proud of the work that I have done and will continue to do.  I will be training for awhile, so I am not sure what all I will be doing in this job.  Gotta love a challenge. 

Also this week, Dad had another heart procedure.  That's definitely stressful for all of us.  But, he came through very well.  Thanks to June's son, Mark, for keeping Bill and me posted on the surgery.  It was frustrating that I had just started my new job when all of this happened.  I have talked to Dad several times since then and he sounds pretty good.  He's had a stomach bug which has zapped his energy some, but all in all I think that things are looking up.  One of the nice things about my job is that I won't have to work many weekends, so I am planning on going to Angier next weekend to see Dad and June. 

I joined the handbell choir at church this week.  Having loved handbells ever since I could walk, I was very excited that they were starting up a new choir, needless to say.  It's been a while since I had rung bells, so I was looking forward to it.  Many of my favorite memories of church in Monroe are because of the handbell choir.  Well, there are definitely different skill levels among these ringers and the music is pretty simple so far.  But, it's a great starting place and I hope that this will help build enthusiasm for the group.  Our scheduled time is going to need some adjustment for me.  We are supposed to start at 6 and ended up not starting until around 6:30, which really frustrated me.  Oh well.  I will survive LOL

Speaking of church, my new job's schedule is freeing me up to get back into the swing of things with church, which I am glad of.  This morning, I decided to dress up for church.  Most people do not at College Park.  It's very relaxed and that's fine.  Growing up at FBC, though, one would never dare come to church in jeans or shorts haha  Truth be told, I do enjoy having something like that to dress up for time to time.  I may not do it every week, but it was fun today.  I go to the 11 a.m. service because it's the more traditional service and that's what I enjoy.  Every now and then, though, they sneak in some of that contemporary stuff and I don't always care for it.  I can appreciate it, but it doesn't mean I have to like it.  For example, today while we were singing "Joyful, Joyful We Adore Thee" they added some extra accompaniment.  We were singing straight from the hymnal, so some of it worked.  The trumpet followed the melody and I think people sang louder because of that.  However, I did not feel like the bongo drums enhanced the hymn at all.  I didn't like it.  Period.  Call me old fashioned.  It just didn't fit and I found it annoying.  Oh well.

That has essentially been my week.  I'm waiting on chicken to finish cooking right now, so that's always exciting.  I hope everyone had a great week and let's see what next week has in store.

Take care!

Quote of the Day

Nearly all people can stand adversity, but if you want to test a person's character, give them power.

                                                                           Abraham Lincoln

Sunday morning report :)

Here I am on a Sunday morning...sitting at the computer, having my coffee and enjoying some spiritual guidance on the radio while perusing the internet.  I actually slept in this morning til almost 8, which is so out of character for me these days.  I did wake up at 6, still later than my usual wake up time, and was determined to go back to sleep, which I did.

I am not sure what today holds for me, which is fine.  Yesterday, I was blah.  I was not good or bad, just blah.  Even though I spoke of my frustrations on my blog, I simply needed a place to vent.  And I would much rather write on here than on FB about such things.  I use to not be that way and would post anything of FB, but now I know it's not really worth it...but that's just me.  Anyway, it was a day and I got through it and now I feel better.

Hopefully I will get my behind to church today.  My new job schedule should allow me to get there on a more regular basis, which I really do miss.  I did stop by on Wednesday because there was suppose to be a handbell interest meeting at 6.  I went all over that church and found no one who knew anything about it.  Oh well.  Maybe I can solve the mystery this morning.  If not, I might have to call up Terri Vancil and join one of her choirs at FBC because I really do miss it and, to be honest, handbells need to be part of my church going experience.

Anyway, today I am going to sit back and reflect on the things I need to get accomplished this week and try not to worry about what is beyond my control.  I am truly excited for my new job to start on Monday.  Don't have a clue as to what I'll actually be doing, but looking forward to the challenge.  I have a desk, I know.  I just don't know where that desk is going to be LOL  So, I'll update you on that once I know.  Having a different schedule will force me to change how I get things done, which is fine.  I'm looking forward to having a regular weekly schedule so that Michael and I can actually make plans for a change.

Oh well, that's all for this morning.  I'm going to refill my coffee cup and relax with the hopes that I will be motivated to get dressed for church.  We'll see.

Cheers

Why is it hard for me to be a good person?

Karma's a bitch, plain and simple.  I know that I have done many rotten, selfish things in my life.  I recognize that.  I own it.  Why?  Because there's no need in denying things that happened.  They have made me who I am today.  Would I go back and change things?  Yes, I probably would in many cases.  Can I?  No because it's in the past.  So I must acknowledge these things in life and move forward.  Yet, it seems that almost every time I feel like I am moving forward, life likes to kick me in the balls. 

I really want to be a good person, but I'm no longer sure that characteristic is in the cards for me.  I grew up with great examples of people who were and still are basically good human beings.  I try, but I never succeed to their level.  Not that I have to be like someone else, it's just a goal to strive for.  I have lately been feeling good about things in my life...changes made to benefit my health, advancing at work, trying to be productive, etc.  Maybe I was more proud than feeling good.  And then all it takes is one thing to bring me back to the reality that I can be a lousy human being.  And that one little thing snowballs in memories and feelings of things past and I become pretty useless to the human race.

So, today I will be content in my own mediocrity because I don't feel like fighting it anymore.  This is a pretty opposite feeling of how I was a few days ago, but that's how it goes.  It just takes one thing for all of my work to be erased from my heart.  Ah, well.

That is all.

Just another day at home

Today was my day off during the week this week.  I have the weekend off, which I am looking forward to, but I always enjoy that one day when I can get stuff done around the house at my own pace.  Granted, I did not get as much done as I wanted to.  But, I had a good, relaxing day none the less.  We have gotten our washing machine replaced, thank goodness, and I spent a good deal of my time today doing loads of laundry.  I stopped after five loads because I did not want to wear this new (to us) machine out the first week we had it. 

Despite the temperatures getting cold again, as we were in the 60's last week, the sun was bright today and Squirt and I enjoyed several outings around the neighborhood.  They don't last too long on days such as this because, despite the sunshine, it's still cold....especially for a 7 pound dog.  He takes care of business and gives himself plenty of time to sniff a few things before we come back home for treats.  I say treats because I would give myself something as well to snack on each time we got back. 

I began an inventory of my record collection.  This may seem odd to some folks, but I want to have a complete list tucked away in case of something happening to the house (knock on wood).  But, I also love to inventory houses.  I learned about it when Aunt Sara passed away.  She inventoried the family homeplace, which was great because she gave what history she knew about certain pieces.  I was inspired by this and went on to inventory 3 other houses before I was 15.  Anyway, today I continued working on my home inventory, a project which will no doubt take a good deal of time.  I love reliving the history of things, as you know.   And who knows, maybe some day when I'm gone someone else will find this information interesting.  And if the don't, it's fine because I enjoy doing it. 

I also continued my letter writing today.  Yes, it's old fashioned and, no, I don't care if anyone writes back.  Of course, it's very nice when they do, but I don't write to receive.  I do it partly because I enjoy it.  I have written over 20 letters and cards so far this year and have loved every minute of it.  And the fact that I got stationary for Christmas means people take me seriously haha!  I discovered, though, when I was writing the other day, another reason that I enjoy the letters so much.

I talk a lot about wanting to be the person that I was raised to be.  As I sat with my writing desk (yes, I have one thanks to John Ramsey) on my lap, it dawned on me that I am doing something that I was taught to do by example.  Both Mom and Grandmother wrote letters and cards and thank you notes.  It just comes naturally to me to put pen to paper, seal it, stamp it and send it off.  I feel close to those ladies when I write letters.  I know they are always with me, but when I do things like that, I am particularly aware of their presence in my heart.  I get the same feeling when I'm washing dishes.  Ah, well.  Ironically, I found a box of stationary that was Grandmother's and have been using it to write some of these letters that bring me closer to her.

Anyway, that has been my day so far.  Dinner is in the oven.  Trying out a new casserole recipe I read in the Wingate Baptist Church Cookbook of 1991.  I do love a good casserole, so we shall see how this turns out.  If it's any good, I'll share it here.  And the timer has just gone off, so I must go check the oven.  Michael will be home soon and then it'll be time for dinner. 

Have a wonderful evening and a blessed tomorrow.😊😊😊😊

List of the day - film adaptations of musicals that need to be remade

With the slow resurgence of the movie musical, it would be nice if studios would revisit some musicals that have already been filmed but aren't very good.  That's not to say that they are not enjoyable and fun to watch, but there's a difference between fun and good.  Some are lacking in songs...which is important for musicals.  Some are lacking in musical abilities...yet another important factor in musicals.  Many of the originals were banking on star names and not star talents.  It would be great to see these films redone, honoring the original material with actors who can handle it.

1.  A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum

Great cast led by Zero Mostel.  It's a very funny movie, but remember it's also a musical.  Sondheim did write other songs for the show besides Comedy Tonight.  Hearing them would be nice.

2.  Mame

What should have been perfect casting was a dismal failure....Lucille Ball starring in the musical Mame.  She just did not have the vocal chops to sing these songs....and there are a lot of songs that Mame sings.  Even though her acting is fine and there are wonderful actors in supporting roles...Bea Arthur, Robert Preston...you can sense that everyone is working hard to pretend that this is a fun experience.  If Bette Midler did not think she could handle this role on stage 8 times a week, she should at least do a film version!

3.  A Chorus Line

Admittedly, I loved this movie when I saw it.  I taped it off of HBO and watched it repeatedly.  I listened to the soundtrack over and over.  And then, for my birthday, my Mom got me tickets to the touring company of the Broadway production.  It was then that I realized the hack job that had been done to this show in making the film.  It was like almost everything that the stage show wanted to achieve was thrown out in making the movie.  Cassie's "star" entrance in the movie had been thrown out very early in the stage version because they wanted her to be on an even playing field.  Oops.  Also, taking "What I Did For Love"  away from the company and giving it to Cassie as a solo was a horrible choice.  The song interpretation of following your dreams became just another noxious love song.  There are so many talented chorus people in the world, it would be awesome to film this again using those people....which was the whole point to begin with...the unknowns are the stars that keep musicals going.  And put Michael Bennett's original choreography down on film and maybe you won't have something that looks like a 2 hour 80's music video...which is what the ACL film is.

4.  Gypsy

Gypsy is heralded as one of the most perfect musicals ever written.  So, why make a film version and cast its leads with people who can't sing?  Karl Malden gives a fine performance and given the fact that the original Herbie, Jack Klugman, was no singer, you don't really notice his lack of voice.  Natalie Wood gives the best performance.  While her singing is definitely adequate, her transformation from Louise to Gypsy Rose Lee is exquisite.  Rosalind Russell, while ever the consummate actress, has about a 3 note range and that does not bode well for this score.  She has no problems embodying the spirit of Rose Havoc, but her singing leaves something to be desired.  While there are some musical theatre roles that an actor or actress can "speak sing" and get away with, calling it interpretation, Mama Rose is NOT one of those roles.

5.  Hello Dolly

If this had been Hello, Dolly! Jr, then the casing of Streisand would have worked.  I am a fan of Streisand's but she is clearly too young for this role here.  While she sings the score beautifully in true Barbra fashion and her comic abilities are allowed to exhibit, she simply lacks something in this role...a life experience that one does not have at 26.  The matchmaker's not 26 years old, but a woman who's been through a lot in her life and gained wisdom because of it.  Of course, Streisand could play it now...which isn't a bad idea really, but then she was too young.  But, on the heels of her successful film debut in Funny Girl, she could do pretty much whatever role she wanted.

6.  Gigi

Gigi is a visually stunning movie.  The top notch cast would have been stellar had this movie not been a musical.  Not one single person in this film can carry a tune in a bucket.  And Gigi walked away with the Best Picture Oscar as well as Best Song, among many others.  Maurice Chevalier has a character voice and is not a singer, but he fares better than the others.  The music is delightful and I can only imagine what it would sound like with people who could hit the notes.

7.  A Little Night Music

Sondheim does not always translate well to film and this one is no exception.  Being my absolute favorite of his musicals, I found this one to be lacking.  Surprisingly, it was not the musical aspects of it that I disliked.  The actors, Taylor included, I felt did well with their musical material.  If people argue that Elizabeth Taylor does not sing Send In The Clowns well, I disagree.  Her voice is not the greatest, but the role was not written for a great singing voice (Glynis Johns).  Anyway, what I would love to see in a remake of Night Music is the charm and romance that the story has.  This version is rather stiff and you don't get many of the fun nuances that are there for the taking.  It's like when people do Chekhov and don't ever find any of the sophisticated humor in it.  It could definitely do with a remake.

8.  Camelot

I remember being so excited to finally see the film adaptation of Camelot.  I absolutely loved the score, which I had on vinyl, and played it over and over.  King Arthur was/is a dream role of mine...oh well.  Anyway, when I finally saw the movie, I really did not care for it.  It was filmed beautifully and the design of it all was amazing.  I did not mind the fact that the movie is a darker than the stage version, but I don't like what they did to the score.  It seems as if all of the songs that were originally at a slow tempo were done fast and the fast ones slow.  That made no sense to me.  And while I find Vanessa Redgrave a consummate actress, I would love to see Guinevere played by someone who can sing her numbers as originally written.  I think this is definitely worthy of a remake!

9.  Rent

The long awaited film adaptation of the Pulitzer Prize winning musical Rent waited a little too long.  The original cast was, for me, simply too old to pull it off.  While I am a huge fan of the show and an advocate for cast members recreating stage roles on film, something was just amiss here.  The young adults of Greenwich Village had become bitter 30 somethings and I really didn't care about them.  I'm torn, though, because it really is nice to have the performances preserved on film, but it would have been so much nicer had the original cast still been age appropriate for their roles.  There are lots of interesting personalities out there today that could really make a film version of Rent shine!

10.  Guys and Dolls

Frank Loesser's most famous work is butchered on film.  First, let's cast a big star in the romantic lead.  Can he sing?  Doesn't matter.  Is he tone deaf? Doesn't matter.  Can we cast Jean Simmons opposite him?  Doesn't matter...know one will remember her in their scenes.  Second, let's cast a big star in the 2nd lead and make it twice as big as it's supposed to be.  Let's write him some mediocre songs that he can use as filler on his albums.  He doesn't sing the title song in the stage version, but let's give it to him here.  Third, let's use an original cast member and then cut her number.  I mean, let's take the most popular song from the score in its day and replace it with some vapid chorus number so we can dress Miss Blaine up like a cat.  Wouldn't that be fun?  No, what would be fun would be to see a film version of one of the most popular musicals ever that stuck to the material as it was meant to be done. 

Quitting Smoking Update

Well, it's been over 3 weeks now since my last cigarette.  25 days to be exact.  And according to my calculator, that's over 750 cigarettes not smoked and over $250 not spent buying cigarettes.  So far so good!  I'm actually pretty happy with my progress. 

Healthwise, I don't feel as good as I did the first 2 weeks of not smoking.  Our weather has been up and down and that has affected my sinuses.  I am having a lot of drainage, and our gas heat is not helping by drying my out constantly, so as a result my throat always seems to be sore when I'm home.  If it doesn't get any better, I will take myself to see a doctor soon.  I am also having an increase in acid reflux, which is adding to the irritation of my throat.  Still, I can deal with this and am positive this is not something I will deal with forever.

I am trying to reward myself for quitting smoking.  I am giving myself $50 out of each paycheck to spend on something for myself.  It's not like I need anything, but I do feel like I should be able to treat myself to something.  I bid on a few things on Ebay but have already been outbid on those items.  And while upping my bid would stay within my $50 limit, I have a hard rule to bid only once on something and then walk away.  I let fate take its course.  Otherwise, I will get competitive and start spending more money than I should LOL  Anyway, now I am looking at a few other things I might want for myself, specifically a few magazines that I would enjoy subscribing to.  We shall see.

Anyway, that's today's update.  Thanks for all of the support!!

Quote of the day

One of the deepest secrets of life is that all that is really worth doing is what we do for others.

                                                                           Lewis Carroll

Thought of the day - driving in the snow

When I went to work this morning, it had been snowing less than an hour.  The roads were fine and the snow was beginning to stick to the yards and houses along the way.  It continued to snow for the rest of the day, basically.  So, when I left work this afternoon, snow was every where.  Of course, that meant that the roads were not in good shape.  But what else could I do but drive in it.  So, with my blinkers on, I hit the road and started my trek homeward.  It was not all that bad really because, at most, I was driving 22 mph.  I drove down Wendover Ave., one of the main thoroughfares of Greensboro.  I knew this would be the most direct and safest route between work and home.  What is normally a 3 lane (in one direction) highway had become a snow covered single lane fairway with tracks barely visible in certain spots.

Snow is one of those happenings that I really enjoy from inside my house.  I do not really like getting out in it all that much, especially in a vehicle.  I cannot tell you the last time I drove in snow like today.  I honestly do not remember because I do whatever I can to avoid it.  I definitely white knuckled it all the way home.  There was actually very little traffic on the road this afternoon which I was glad of and amazingly I only got passed once.  I did slowly glide through a few stop signs once I got off of the main roads and into my neighborhood...oh well.  I did make sure that no one was coming and I was going slow enough I could have stopped if I needed to.  At least, that was my reasoning.  I really just wanted to get home and out of my car and into my warm house with Michael and Squirt.

It's funny that as a kid, I remember both of my parents having to drive in the snow.  Sometimes it was because they were at work when the snow began.  Sometimes it was because school let out early because it started snowing.  Sometimes it was because one of them would drive to get Grandmother so that she could spend the snow days with us.  But, I never remember either one of them being afraid of driving in the snow.  If they were, they sure did put on a good poker face about it.  I guess it's just something that they knew they had to do.  I bet they had more practice at it as teenagers and young adults than we did.  Still, they never complained.

So, I had to take some of that parental spirit with me today on the road.  My goal was to do a good day's work, then to get home to my family.  And that's exactly what I did.  I conquered today's fear by driving 20 mph for 35 minutes on a drive that normally takes only 10.  And without having a cigarette...which is big because my anxiety today made me really want one.  Once again, when my fear begins to overwhelm me, I find myself looking to my parents for guidance.  I never really thought that I would still be doing this at my age, but I am glad that I do.

Next year, my goal is to live in a warmer climate.  If that's not possible, then at least I know I can creep along on the snow covered streets without too much fear.  Thanks, Mom and Dad!

Quitting Smoking Update

Well, here I am...2 weeks and 3 days without a cigarette.  I've now passed the 500+ cigarettes that I haven't smoked and almost $175 I have not spent on cigarettes.  I have to admit, it is a great feeling of accomplishment so far and I am glad to be doing it.

This week is different though, as I'm feeling more of the physical effects than I have been.  Or, maybe it's this constantly changing weather we are having...who knows.  My breathing is a little heavier than it was last week.  I am sleeping mostly through the night, but am having very vivid, strange dreams thanks to the patches I wear.  I actually find the dreams fun because most of them are just a tad on the bizarre side.  I really need to write them down.  Anyway, I dream almost all night long and I tend to wake up after each dream, so needless to say I am not sleeping straight through but waking up 5 or 6 times each night.  Oh well, that's how it goes.  It won't last forever.

Anyway, I'm pretty happy with things so far.  I appreciate all of the encouragement that I have received from people...that's pretty amazing.  Tomorrow is going to be the really big test because we are expecting snow over night that will last until around noon.  I am pretty anxious about being out in the snow in my car and have not experience a winter storm without smoking in a few decades.  So, how I handle this tomorrow is of great importance to me.  I cannot/will not call in to work unless there is an extreme emergency.  I can do this.

It'll be an interesting 24 hours, that is all.

Thought of the day

It's always sad to me once all of my Christmas decor is put away.  I never do that the day after Christmas, like many people do, but instead I enjoy it into the beginning of January.  I figure that I should enjoy it until at least Epiphany, if not longer.  And honestly, it's usually longer but so what.  It takes a while to get all of the decorations up anyway, so why not enjoy the hard work for more than a few weeks?  Makes sense to me.

Today I finally put away the last of my decorations.  In some ways, I already miss them but in other ways, I see a clean slate with which to work from this year.  I know where the decorations are if I ever feel the immediate need to put them out again.  I will continue to enjoy my Christmas music though as that is one of my go to's when I am feeling down and want to be in a happy place.

Each year, with Christmas, comes the overwhelming nostalgia that I cherish, even more so than normal for me.  If you know me at all, you know that I cherish memories of the past and share them.  I love the sense of comfort that they bring to me and I want to incorporate that even more in my every day life.  I don't necessarily mean for me to dig deeper and find more memories, even though I would thoroughly enjoy that, but more of taking those feelings that the memories bring me and discovering what in my present life does or can make me feel the same way.

This year, I want to create more traditions and get back to my roots a little more.  I need to be a person who lives life in real time and not through the artificial means that have become society's norm.  I realize that this will totally put me in the minority, but so what?  Nothing wrong with being different...that I can truly attest to.

Anyway, decorations are put away and more cleaning and purging will take place later on today.  Even if I don't completely achieve the personal goals I am setting, at least I am making plans and dreams and trying. 

That is all.

Thought of the day

It's interesting to watch how different people handle different situations.  I am not saying that there is always a right way and a wrong way to do it, just different ways.  And, depending on the particular situation, everyone has a different journey to take and no one is expected to do things exactly the same way. 

I am almost 2 weeks into my quitting smoking.  I'm pretty proud of this and how I am handling it all.  Actually, it has been a great deal easier than I anticipated.  Yes, I do have times of quiet desperation and times when the urge really hits me, but I deal with it and move on.  And, honestly, those times haven't been all that hard to deal with either.  If I had known it would be like this, I would have done this years ago.  Oh, well, no sense in worrying about that.

One of the reasons I am dealing with this so well is my familial roots.  I come from good stock, from people who were and are the epitome of good.  They knew how to deal with life's trials both publicly and privately.  From this, I have learned a lot without even realizing it.  Part of it is the southern way of behavior....you can inform people of something bad going on, but there is no reason to put any of that on display for the world to see.  You smile as best you can and you keep going.  That is not to say become stoic and ignore all emotions...one just does not have to make a spectacle of oneself in order to deal with something. 

I have a friend who is also quitting smoking.  We quit around the same time and I probably smoked at least 4 to 5 times the amount that he did.  I have been amazed, though, to watch him deal with quitting.  He smacks the nicorette gum as if his life depends on it and is using a straw to replace having a cigarette in his hand.  Both of these are fine tools to aid in quitting smoking and they obviously work for him.  I just find it on the humorous side that if you saw the two of us sitting side by side, you would never guess that I was the chainsmoker.  He's letting you know that he's quitting before anyone ever says a word and I am just sitting there making conversation. 

Like I said, there's no right or wrong on how to deal with things most of the time.  I just think it's interesting to see how 2 different people handle the same situation so very differently.  Makes the world an interesting place, I suppose.

Cheers

Quote of the day

A heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others

                                                                           Wizard of Oz Screenplay

Recipe of the Day - Gooey Butter Cake

In my cooking adventures this year, I am going to try to make at least one dish each week that I have never made before.  I spent the other day going through one of Mom's recipe boxes and came across this cake recipe.  It is definitely in her handwriting even though I do not ever remember her making it.  But, as Ginny Brock pointed out to me, if she made it then it was good!  So true :)

I enjoyed trying this recipe out and I believe it turned out well.  I will definitely make it again! 

Gooey Butter Cake
In a small bowl, mix together:
     8 oz cream cheese, softened
     2 eggs
     1 teaspoon of vanilla
     1 box of confectioner's sugar

In a large bowl, mix together:
     1 box of white cake mix
     2 eggs
     1 stick of melted butter

The mixture in the large bowl will make a stiff batter.  Spread into a lightly greased 13x9 pan.  Spread the topping from the small bowl on top of batter.  Bake at 350 for 40 minutes.

Enjoy!

Quitting Smoking Update

Today marks the 5th day since I have had a cigarette.  I cut back a great deal the week of Christmas then began weening myself off of them.  On 12-30-2017, I had my last one.  I am on the patch which is helping, even though I often have bizarre dreams but that's a small price to pay. 

The longer I go without a cigarette, the easier it is.  It is almost like being in physical therapy.  Since I have smoked for 22 years, I am having to relearn how to do almost everything sans cigarettes.  Things like driving, going to the grocery store without buying any, walking Squirt, being home alone without stepping onto the porch for a smoke.  The more I do these things without smokes, the easier they get so I suppose, in a way, this is like physical therapy.  I have also been sick for the last little while with a cold, so I figured this would be a good time to stop.

According to my online calculator just now, I have not smoked 153 cigarettes or spent $51.54 on cigarettes and have added about half a day to my life.

Baby steps.

That is all

Thought for the day - how Christmas gifts change as you age...or do they?

Now that the Christmas season is almost over, I am reflecting upon the many wonderful gifts I received this year and how my attitude towards what I want for Christmas has changed, mostly, as I have gotten older.  While growing up in the late 70's and the 80's, for me the official beginning of the holiday season came with the arrival of the Sear's Wish Book.

I remember the Sears we had in Monroe at that time. It was mostly an appliance store.  You did not buy clothes and toys and such there, but we did get our bulk detergent from there I recall.  And every year, Mom would stop by Sears, which was at the end of the shopping center where Rose's was on Skyway Drive, and buy a Wish Book for us.  I would spend hours looking at all of the amazing toy layouts that they had in the book, furiously writing down my choices of what Santa was to bring me.  Ah, that was Christmas to me!

As I am now an adult, my tastes have changed somewhat.  I rarely ask for anything that isn't practical anymore.  Presents, such as clothes, which would have disappointed me as a child, now make me very happy.  Of course, there will always be silly gifts and fun gifts, especially with stockings because that's what they're for.  But now I crave things that can be part of my daily life. 

Michael always says that he doesn't pay attention and gets me gifts that he is unsure if I'll like or not.  Actually, he listens quite well as proof with the antique milk glass deviled egg plate he got me a few Christmases ago.  More importantly, he knows the things that I need and things I will use and out of that knowledge come wonderful gifts...so he does pay attention whether or not he realizes it.

This Christmas, I got things like socks and underwear, which I was thrilled about.  I got a kitchen funnel and a pair of salad tongs, both of which I will use.  Oddly enough, I have been wanting salad tongs for years and was going to put them on my list if I had ever gotten around to making one.  Anyone who works in hospitality will agree that the foot spa and foot massager I received are both extremely welcomed additions to our home!  These are all things that, as a child, I probably would have balked at.  As a young child, I might have even made a scene if I had opened up a beautifully wrapped package only to find underwear there.  These gifts aren't the shiny toys I longed for in my childhood.  These are the ones I long for in my adulthood!

But then, I open up something that brings a flood of memories back.  Once again, I am a child.  And Michael thinks he's not paying attention.  I disagree.

Happy Holidays!