I really don't understand why Sundays have become so difficult for me. But the past few weekends have been the same for me. By Sunday night, I am an emotional mess. Even when my weekend has been productive, which this weekend was. Is it because I have been by myself most of the weekend? I have a standing date with my neighbor every Sunday afternoon, which I love, but that is my almost always my only human contact on the weekend. Maybe it is because the things that I have accomplished are insignificant in the overall scheme of things. And by insignificant, I really mean that these things are mostly chores around the house that no one else, but myself, benefits from. I just don't know but I want to find out because I cannot keep doing this every single weekend. I will drive myself crazy.
This morning, I did realize that I am living in a combination of fear for myself and grieving for our country and what it has become. And that is exhausting. I cannot keep doing that either because the toll it is taking on my mental health is just ridiculous. I need to find better ways to cope, or at least different ways of coping. I need to not allow the hatred permeating this nation to infiltrate my soul. It is making my feelings snowball around every mistake I have made in my life. And that is definitely not good! I will get it figured out with the help of others. It will just take time.
That is all.
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