thought for the day...birthdays

as i will be turning 39 in a few hours, i'm not exactly sure how i feel about that yet.  i suppose i should just be happy that i've survived this many years, knock on wood.  And maybe there are a few more still to come.  Oh well.  My birthday is on a Thursday this year, which is the day of the week that i was born on.  i was almost a month overdue.  Of course, these days they don't let mothers go that far over their due date.  i was supposed to be born the 2nd week of November, but waited until December 5th to pop out.  And it was a quick birth as well.  Mom's water broke before 10pm and i was born, breech mind you, just after 1am on the 5th.  Good times  hehe

Anyway, growing up, birthdays were always very important.  And they were always mainly family times.  Mom would cook the favorite meal of whoever's birthday it was and Grandmother would bake and decorate the cake.  My meal was almost always hamburgers....i loved them....still do.  But, it was always such a great time and we have so many pictures of those occasions that i cherish.  i only had two non family parties growing up (in addition to our family ones).  i had a joint birthday/skating party with Darcy in 1st or 2nd grade and a few years later a pizza party with the neighborhood kids.  Both of them were great but never quite took the place of being around the table with the family.

i miss that kind of thing so much.  it's hard not having any family here in Greensboro.  Dad and June are two hours away.  David and Margaret, Pam, Stephen and Henry are two hours in the other direction.  Bill, Heidi and the girls are way off in Indiana.  It makes things hard to try to get away for a birthday celebration.  i've missed almost everyone's this year.

and i realize that family is not always defined by blood.  My friends in the theatre dept at UNCG....we were a family.  It seems like everytime someone had a birthday, something fun was going on.  And that was so nice...but people graduate and move on to other things and those times come to an end.  Later on, as an adult, i, at one time, had a nice tight circle of friends here in town that counted as family.  We'd always do something for one of our birthdays, whether a party or just a dinner or something.  Alas, people move on to different things, different cities, different friends...it's the circle of life.  And now, of course, because i  have to work way too much, i've had to say no to so many invitations, that we don't even get asked anymore.  Oh well.

At one time in my life, birthdays were important events.

i miss that.

tomorrow's just another day

recipe of the week....marinated carrots

this is a recipe that Grandmother used to make.  Variations of it have been around for years...it's also called Copper Pennies.  I always serve it cold or room temp, but it's good hot as well.

2 lbs carrots - sliced
1 green pepper - chopped
1 onion - thinly sliced
1 can tomato soup - undiluted
1/2 Cup salad oil
3/4 Cup Vinegar
1 Cup sugar
1 tsp Worcestershire sauce
1 tsp prepared mustard
Salt and pepper to taste

Cook carrots until barely tender, then drain.

Combine all other ingredients in a bowl and mix thoroughly.  Pour over carrots while they're still warm.  Marinate up to 3 days before serving.

*If you're in a rush, using sliced canned carrots work as well.  And sometimes i use a jar of pearl onions instead of sliced to save on time!

Enjoy!

10 things you don't know about me...#4

i scratch my arms when i'm tired

This one isn't nearly as exciting or as in depth as others, but it's a truth.  Whenever i get really tired and sleepy, i will start to scratch my arms. i'm not sure if this is to stimulate myself back to a more awake state of being or to relax myself more into going to sleep.  But, either way, i do it all the time.  i never knew i did this until one day, years ago, Danielle and Joe pointed it out to me when we were hanging out in our apartment one night.  And now i'm totally aware of it when i start doing it.  i don't think about it when i start doing it, but when i realize i'm doing it i know i'm tired LOL

thanksgiving

as we head into the week of Thanksgiving, i'm very blessed to think back on all of the wonderful Thanksgivings my family had while i was growing up.  Every year, family and friends would descend upon Grandmother's house for an afternoon of food and fellowship.  i enjoyed helping Grandmother prepare the house for guests.  Once i was tall enough, i was allowed to set the tables, which i always enjoyed!  And the smells of Thanksgiving that permeated throughout the house were wonderful.  i don't know exactly how she made her dressing, but it was a favorite of mine and Mom's and ironically neither of us ever asked her to teach us to make it.  Oh well.  And on her back porch, the pumpkin pies would sit out there to cool and it smelled glorious!

My Mom never spent a Thanksgiving or Christmas away from her childhood home...never, so there was not ever a question of going some place else....people came to Grandmother's.  That's just how it was.  And we had so many wonderful people share this day with us.  Early on, Jim and Lucy Reich, he was our minister of music, were always present for turkey day.  And Gene Herrill and his family were frequent guests as well.  One Thanksgiving, i fell asleep after lunch and Mr. Herrill tied my shoe laces together while i napped.  He has always been a jokester.  Other people would sit at our table from year to year....The Spiegels, Doris Martino, Scott Walker and his family.

Then one year, we began a new tradition.  Mom decided that it would be nice to invite the Fornes family to Thanksgiving and that turned out to be a wonderful thing.  i think there are some of the Fornes clan Grandmother hadn't seen since Mom and Dad got married in 68.  Grandma Fornes, Uncle Tuck and Aunt Betty Jean, Uncle Bob and Aunt Faye, Uncle Raymond and Aunt Geraldine, Aunt Susan and Uncle Tom...and various cousins...Ray, Tim, Todd, Steve, Stephanie, Melanie, Amber.  They all came.  Such a nice time was always had by us.  Some of the relatives stayed a few days, some went back home or to other places after dinner.  But it was fun to see them, especially knowing i would see them and so many more at Christmas at Grandma Fornes's house.  They came back year after year, almost up til Mom's passing.  It was always something to look forward too.

i miss those family gatherings.  They are not nearly as frequent as they use to be.  Or, at least my being able to attend them isn't as frequent as it use to be.  But family comes in all shapes and forms....blood relative or not.  And it's nice to have one's family seated around the table, or card table where i always sat lol  i need more of that.  i want more of that.  Time to make it happen.

thought for the day

growing up as a child of the mid/late 70s and the 80s, Christmas seems very different than it is today.  It was not until after Thanksgiving that the Christmas season began...unlike today when it's everywhere after Halloween is over...barely LOL  there really was something sacred to the beginning of the Christmas season in those days that does not exist anymore.

Having said that i will admit that yes, i listen to Christmas music early.  i try not to do it within ear shot of anyone who it might offend, but it makes me happy so i do it.  But i have not touched my Christmas decorations.  i see all of these pictures on Facebook of people who already have their trees up and the houses are decorated.  If that works for them, that's totally great, but it's not for me.  Growing up, the decorations did not come out til December...something i've stuck to all of these years....just my tradition i guess.

Well, since Thanksgiving comes so late this year and the Christmas rush will begin almost as soon as i head back to work after turkey day, i've decided there really is no point in decorating our house.  Yes, that makes me sad, but oh well.  There is no point in stressing myself out over where to put each heirloom decoration when no one will enjoy it but me...it's just too much to deal with this year.

Like everything in my house, i can pretty much tell you the history of all of my Christmas decorations.  My favorites being my Jesse Tree ornaments and the collection of ceramic Santa Clauses that my Grandmother made me.  However there just isn't time for it this year.  i may regret the decision, but oh well, it's been made.  Now i just need to get a storage unit for all of it haha

Same goes for my birthday.  Sadly, it comes at the beginning of holiday hell at work and there really is no use in trying to celebrate.  Last year's festivities were last minute and kind of a bust for the most part, so again i do not want to stress myself out over it.  Yes, birthdays are important, but i have such a hard time remembering other people's birthdays that it's ridiculous.  And i've had to turn down so many birthday celebration invites that i don't feel it's right to ask people to celebrate mine.  And i'm so socially out of touch as a host, haven't had a group of my own friends over since NYE LOL

Oh well.  i will find a way to keep Christmas in my heart this year....decorated or not

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i4m0PpNshfc

10 things you don't know about me...#3

i love wills

i love reading them.  There's just something interesting to me about the disbursement of property and personal items that i find intriguing.  This all started when i was in the 6th grade and my Great Aunt Sara passed away.  She left something to everyone of her brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews, and great nieces and nephews...which i was one of.  At the time i was only 12 and didn't know anything about wills, but Mom, who was Aunt Sara's executor, showed it to me where my name was listed and what i was to receive.  i was thrilled and honored that Aunt Sara had remembered me in such a nice way.

After that, literally, i would search high and low for old family wills. i found them very interesting and for me, at a time when i was just learning to love antiques and heirlooms, it was fun for me to see what my relatives possessed.  i'd ask Grandmother, usually, about certain pieces and what happened to them because some wills of certain relatives changed multiple times...i found that interesting as well.

i'd get books from the libraries about wills....giving examples of them and teaching how to write a proper one.  i found, and still find it, absolutely fascinating....morbid though it might be to some people lol

i don't enjoy, however, wills where it is obvious someone is being punished out of temporary anger.  i don't think that is a moral thing to do, because there isn't always time to go back and change what you've done before you die.  Or wills when the person writing the will has obviously been taken advantage of.  i had a cousin who was used by her neighbor and several other people and it showed in her will as to the amounts of things she left them as opposed to her family who had taken care of her most of her life.  That was infuriating.  But, karma's a bitch sometimes and it did come back to bite those people in the behind....not that i wish ill things on anyone, but hey, it happens.

So, there ya go.  i love to read wills.  i should've been an estate attorney.  i'd seriously thought about it at one point in my life.  i use to have a will of my own, years ago.  i think i need to find it and have it re done.  i'm afraid, with all of my stuff, that it's definitely going to be a long one haha  So if you want anything...just speak up....i'm kidding...sort of  LOL

Black Thursday or Black Thanksgiving or whatever you want to call it....make something of it

 There's been a lot of uproar among my friends about stores opening up on Thanksgiving.  i have to admit, that in some ways, i'm very neutral about the whole situation.  i do believe, in a perfect world, that some days really should be sacred like Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc...and places should remain closed.  However, we do not live in a perfect world, so that is not really an option anymore.

i am not going to judge anyone who goes out shopping on turkey day.  i'm definitely not going to be among the throngs of people joining in, but that is my choice as much as it is theirs.  As for people having to work, i hope it is an option for them and not a requirement....to force someone to work retail on a day such as that would be wrong, but giving them the opportunity if they wanted to earn extra money i think is fine.  Of course, in the cold corporate world, i doubt this is true in many cases.

So, if you intend on going shopping on Thanksgiving, try to find some ways to make it count.  Actually the same is true for Black Friday and all other shopping days til Christmas.

If you have an elderly neighbor or relative that might not be able to get out as much, ask them if you can pick up some things for them while you're out hunting the bargains.

Find a church or some other organization that has an angel tree and buy some things to make a stranger's holiday special.

Contact a nursing home or an assisted living facility and see if you can help any of the residents with some holiday shopping.

With everything on sale, homeless shelters could use some supplies and clothing.

Animal shelters might need things to that you can find on sale.

We all have a few friends who are teachers...and since many things in their classrooms are paid for out of their own pockets...ask them if they need any more supplies.

i'm sure there are many more scenarios i could think of to add to this, but you get the general idea of it.  if you're going shopping, just remember that it's Thanksgiving and be thankful that you have the means to be out and about taking advantage of sales...not every one does...so take a few minutes and do something for someone else while you're out.

10 things you don't know about me...#2

i believe in reincarnation

i think that every spirit is on a journey and it is only when that journey is completed that the spirit can rest.  Until then, it keeps coming back until the journey is over.

my questioning of reincarnation began at an early age.  my Great Aunt Mary Lee, when i was born, took to me very quickly because she told people that i looked just like her brother, Henry, who had died at the age of two and she had helped take care of him.  And it made me wonder, as a child, what it would've been like to be Henry.  Ah, well.

Fast forward about 20 years or so.  i was a junior BFA acting major at UNCG and was doing a supporting role in a production of Tony Kushner's adaptation of "The Illusion"  This was the first show i did after Mom died, so i was pretty emotionally worn down, but yet open to many things.  For our first dress rehearsal for the show, i had a wonderful dresser, Danielle (who has ended up being one of my very best friends).  This was a period show, with gorgeous costumes custom made for each of us in the show.  One day i'll talk about the amazing leather boots that were custom made for my character...but that's another time.

Anyway, i digress.  One of the costume pieces i wore was, and i can't remember the proper name for it, but it kind of was like a male version of a corset, only it was worn outside of the shirt.  It was heavy brocade and laced up the back and of course, i had to have help with that.  The first time Danielle laced me into that thing, i had a major sense of deja vu.  We had done this before...in another life.

And then the dreams started.  i was seeing life through the eyes of a woman, somewhere around the turn of the century.  Some dreams were of daily life...she was a wife, but not a mother.  She was not wealthy, but more upper middle class.  Her widowed sister and her children lived with her.  The dream that i had the most was she was at a ball, dancing.  Her dancing partner was not her husband, but a friend....a good friend.  There was no romantic attachment between them, just a lot of love and a sense of great comfort.

i had that dream about every other night for several months.  i don't know the name of the person she was dancing with, but i've seen his eyes in one of my friends.  About the 3rd or 4th time i had the ballroom dream, something different happened.  The dream was extended to include this woman's preparations for the ball including, you guessed it, getting lace up in her corset....by her sister.  She danced a lot longer that night with many different men, but always came back to her confidant with the eyes.

when i woke up the next morning i woke up in some pain and discomfort.  i had some strange bruising on my abdomen, so i went to the campus infirmary.  They took some x rays and discovered that i had a few bruised rib bones.  Since i had no idea how it could have happened, they determined that i fell out of bed during the night and just didn't remember.

i knew better.  Those bruises were vertical.  They were boning bruises brought on by the corset in the dream the night before.

i see this woman every now and again in my dreams.  Her/our spirit's journey is not done yet.

recipe of the week - double layer chocolate pie

this is ridiculously easy to make....you know who i love my cool whip recipes!  But it's sinfully delicious...if you like chocolate that is!

2 cups cold milk
2 (3.9 oz) packages of instant chocolate pudding
1 9" prepared pie crust
1 (8 oz) container for frozen whipped topping, thawed

Cook pie crust according to directions.  Let cool completely

In a large bowl, mix milk and instant pudding.  Beat with a wire whisk about 1 min or until nice and thick.  Spoon half of this mixture into the pie crust.

Mix half of the whipped topping into the remaining pudding mixture.  Spread this on top of the pudding layer already in your pie crust.  Refrigerate until ready to serve.

*You can also top the pie with the other half of the whipped topping that's left over.

*Chocolate shavings make a nice garnish for the pie as well!

Enjoy!

just today's thought

well, trying to fill my week with people didn't exactly turn out as i'd hoped, but that's ok.  it was not a complete bust haha  several sets of plans fell through, but we did manage to have our friends Lois and Charles over one night for dinner and conversation and that was glorious.

This will take time and i'm ok with that.  i've gotten to an age in life where i do not expect overnight miracles.  That attitude accompanies a mid life crisis very well i think haha  And also, i've spent so much time declining invitations, that it's going to take some time to build up people wanting to ask me.

One of the reasons that i have such a hard time extending and accepting invitations is that i've developed a severe fear of rejection.  And the MLC has only amplified that.  i don't really think anything, other than my own insecurities, has caused me to have this fear.  it's something i can't just "get over" but i can work through it.  i'm not sure at what point i decided that i was not good enough or entertaining enough or pretty enough to think that other people would enjoy my company, but somewhere along the line i picked up those feelings.  It may not be immediate, but it will happen.

So, i may not have my dance card full right now, but i'm bound and determined to at least start asking people to dance!

10 things you don't know about me....#1

i collect music boxes

This began when i was in the 1st grade.  My 1st grade teacher, Mrs. Richmond, would bring in one of her music boxes to share with the class about once every two weeks.  It was what she shared with us during Show and Tell (do schools even do that anymore?  lol)  i immediately became fascinated with them, especially the ones that rotated or were animated in some form.  That year for Christmas, i got my first music box from my Aunt and Uncle.  It played "Send In The Clowns"  i was so excited.  For years after that, every Christmas or birthday or just as a surprise reward, i would receive another music box to add to my collection.  Sadly, it stopped when i got to college.  i had between 30 and 40 in my small collection.  Maybe one day i'll pick it back up again...when i have more room for more stuff lol

And yes, i have this one too....was another Christmas present :)

recipe of the week - broccoli casserole

This is a recipe Mom made a lot.  It's easy to make and i think it's delicious.  Growing up, i was not a fan of cheese (i'm working on that as an adult lol) so finding a good broccoli casserole that doesn't have cheese in it is not always easy.  Hope you enjoy!

Broccoli Casserole

2 10oz boxes of broccoli spears
1 can cream of chicken soup
1/3 Cup of mayo
3/4 stick of melted butter
2/3 pack of stuffing mix

Cook broccoli until just tender.  Place in casserole dish.  Mix soup and mayo and spread over broccoli.  Mix butter and stuffing mix and spread on top.  Bake at 350 for 35-45 min.

This can also be made using low fat and light soups and mayo and still tastes good!

Elon University's production of Ragtime, The Musical....just my opinion

Every time that I hear the opening notes to Ragtime, I get chills because I know what a wonderful score I'm about to be hearing.  When we sat in our seats last Saturday night in the McCrary Theatre at Elon University, the lights went down and the music started.  Once again, I got chills.  Little did I know at that moment what a wonderful journey I had just started.  By the end of the opening number, I was completely taken in by these characters and stayed that way for the next few hours.  Catherine McNeela assembled wonderful design team and an impeccable casts of students for this stellar production.

Let me start by saying that every actor in this cast had wonderful moments in the show.  Everyone, across the board, was excellent, including the chorus.  To me, there were two overall stand out performances.  Those would be Patrick Dinnsen as Mother's Younger Brother and John Barsoian as Tateh.  Both of their acting, singing and movement/dance was at a high level throught the entire show.  Strangely enough, when I listen to recordings of Ragtime, these are two characters that I really don't care about.  These two men made me care about them and I was totally invested in their journeys.  Patrick did a great job at portraying a young turn of the century man dealing with the conflicts of what his social class dictates and where his heart leads him.  I only wish Younger Brother had been given more material to sing.  John Barsoain's Tateh was charismatic, protective, loving, gentle and yet still a force to be reckoned with if anyone crossed his path.  His performance of "Gliding" was a highlight of the show...I know I was not the only one in tears during that.

Nasia Thomas, in the role of Sarah, gave a powerful performance.  I was so thrilled to see that her Sarah was not an emotional, weepy victim of her circumstances.  Thomas's Sarah had strength in her and that came through, especially in her number "Your Daddy's Son" which was spine tingling.  Coalhouse Walker, Jr., Sarah's love interest in the show, was portrayed by Patrick Clanton.  Clanton has an amazingly beautiful singing voice, which is necessary in the role of Coalhouse and his duet with Sarah, "Wheels of a Dream" was another highlight.  I did feel, however, that Clanton was more able to tap into the charming and seductive side of Coalhouse than in his anger.  That, in no way, takes away from the power his climatic scene in which Clanton delivered "Make Them Hear You" with great determination.

There were other outstanding moments among the cast.  Alex Stevenson sang the role of Father exquisitely and even though Father is not a comic role, Mr. Stevenson has nice comic timing that shone through in the "What a Game" number.  Katie Zanca had a commanding presence and voice as Emma Goldman.  Madison Johnson's Evelyn Nesbit was a burst of energy every time she appeared on stage.  Aliyana Stewart gave a soul stirring solo in "Til We Reach That Day" that had the audience roaring as Act One ended.  Bricen Bullis and McLaurin Hall as Little Boy and Little Girl were sweet, precocious and able to hold their own with their adult counterparts.

And now we come to the role of Mother.  I will say upfront that if I sound more critical of Savannah Sprinkle in the role of Mother, it is NOT because she gave a bad performance.  Quite the contrary.  Mother just happens to be my favorite role in Ragtime and so I paid attention to everything Ms. Sprinkle did.  Mother, to me is the emotional center of Ragtime and goes through the biggest transformation during the course of the show.  Ms. Sprinkle handled the material with great depth and an enchanting, and at times, powerful singing voice.  However, in the first act, her two solos were a little too stoic for me.  In "Goodbye My Love" I never got the sense that she was actually going to miss Father while he was away on expedition.  Now, this might have been a choice of Ms. Sprinkle's not to show much emotion because a woman in turn of the century America most likely would not have done that in public. I did appreciate the sense that Mother thinks life will go on as normal and she has nothing to worry about in Father's absence.  Which leads me to her 2nd solo, "What Kind of Woman" when her life turns upside down after finding a buried child in her garden.  I needed a little more urgency from her in this song.  It was bubbling under the surface, but I would've liked to have seen her take it a few steps further.  Having said that, her acting was wonderful throughout the entire production, especially in her scenes with Tateh.  I could see, little by little, as the evening went on, that Mother knew the world was changing and she needed to change with it.  By the time she got to her 2nd act solo, "Back To Before", Mother's transformation was going full steam.  Needless to say, that is a favorite number of mine from the score and Ms. Sprinkle delivered an emotional, gut wrenching performance of this song that brought the house down.  I found myself cheering, literally, when she finished....and I almost never vocally cheer during anything, least of all, theatre.  Overall, I could not have asked for a better interpretation of Mother.  Brava.

Catherine McNeela's direction is concise and well balanced.  She was able to lead these actors to a place to tell these emotional, heartbreaking stories without being maudlin or weepy about it.  Just when things seem to get too deep, something makes you laugh or smile.  Her staging is fluid and handled with such ease that there are times when you don't realize that the entire cast is on stage, and it's a large cast, because not once did it look crowded.  One of the highlights of the show is a number in the 2nd act, "Our Children", and I admit that I loved Ms. McNeela's interpretation of this song.  I've seen many couples perform this number, singing about their children, and I've always found it a sweet song.  But this was the first time, for me, that I really saw beneath the surface of this number.  I found myself watching two people falling in love during the course of this song.  Or, more precisely, watching two people trying to fight the feelings of falling in love with each other and yet, giving in to their hearts as much as the rules of society would allow them.  When they clasped hands, tears welled up in my eyes and I had a lump in my throat.  This was so much more satisfying than the clinical and polite renditions of the song I had encountered before.  I cannot wait to see Ms. McNeela's next show!

There were a few things in the show, very minor, that I wish had been different.  I wanted Henry Ford to have been aged some in his makeup.  Jack King sang the role beautifully, but looked far too young.  When Mother returns onstage for her part in "Journey On", she's carrying a picture frame that looked like it was recently purchased at Hobby Lobby and not something more turn of the century.  Booker T. Washington's suit could've been more upper class and dignified (and it didn't look like he was wearing a long

sleeve shirt underneath)  Lynne Formato's choreography was spot on brilliant the entire night, except for one distracting moment in the opening number.  When Younger Brother steps forward to tell his story, the choreography going on behind him was almost completely stealing his focus.  However these are all minute details that in no means take away from the evening.

This is a show not to be missed.  Any professional theatre company would be envious of the quality of work that is Elon's Ragtime, The Musical.  I highly recommend it.  If I had the money, I'd go back and see it several more times!

a ghost story

When I was little, before I entered elementary school, my Mom or my Grandmother or both would take me to Wingate, NC, to the family homestead to see my Aunt Sara and Aunt Mary Lee for the day.  I always enjoyed going and loved playing in that big old house.  My favorite thing was to go upstairs and play around the bedrooms by myself, as no one ever went up there anymore.  However, there was always something, or someone to be exact, standing in my way.

I would ask Aunt Sara's permission to go upstairs and, of course, was granted it.  But, everytime, as soon as I would hit the landing on the staircase and look up ahead, I would freeze in my tracks.  There was an old woman standing at the top of the stairs looking down at me.  In hindsight, she was probably more stern looking than mean, but to a three year old, she scared the crap out of me.  She wore a long, black plain Victorian era dress.  And her dark gray hair was pulled back into a very tight bun.  And we just stared at each other.  It always felt like an eternity, but it wouldn't have been more than a few moments at the most.

And I never made it up the stairs alone.  I would go back down into the kitchen, tell Grandmother what I had seen and ask her to take me up the stairs.  She would hold my hand and reassure me that there was no one there....but I knew differently.  And sure enough, we'd get to the stairs and no one would be there.  She took me upstairs and left me to play, which I did because once I was up there I wasn't afraid.  And I never saw the woman while I was playing, only when I tried to go up the stairs.

Fast forward about 12 years.  Both Aunt Sara and Mary Lee had passed away and the estate divided and the house sold.  Mom and I were driving somewhere, talking about all kinds of things, and the house in Wingate became the subject of conversation.  I told Mom about what I'd seen as a child in the house and it didn't phase her in the least.  She countered with her own story.

When she was 14 or 15, she would spend weeks of her summer vacation in Wingate especially when her cousin Margaret had come to visit.  Margaret was 30 years older than Mom but they were very close.  One particular visit, Margaret had brought Mom a St. Christopher's Medal to wear.  Mom loved it, but she would've loved anything Margaret gave her.  One night during this visit, Mom and Margaret were sleeping in one of the front bedrooms upstairs when Mom woke up to something strange.

There was a woman standing at the foot of her bed.  At first, she thought it was her Aunt Billie, who was also visiting, but the more she looked, she realized it wasn't her.  The woman didn't frighten her, she just didn't know what to think.  Same black dress, same gray hair in a bun.  Mom kept blinking her eyes and pinching herself to make sure she wasn't dreaming.  She eventually fell back asleep.

When she woke the next morning, something else strange had happened.  Her St. Christopher's Medal was no longer around her neck.  The chain was clutched in her hand, but the medal was gone.  She woke Margaret up in a panic and they turned that room upside down looking for the medal.  While they were searching, Mom relayed to Margaret about the woman she had seen during the night.

Margaret stopped searching for the medal and got one of the family photo albums.  She opened it up to a specific page, pointing to a picture and asking Mom if that was the woman she saw.  Mom told her it was and she was identified as their great grandmother, who had lived in the house and died there some 50 years prior.  Margaret told her that because they were a VERY Baptist family, she...the great grandmother...would never have allowed anything Catholic in her home so chances are she took the medal after Mom fell back asleep.

The medal was never seen again.  And just to be sure that Mom didn't swallow it in her sleep, because that thought had occured to them, they checked for a week to make sure Mom hadn't passed it lol

When we got home from wherever it was we had been going, Mom showed me a picture of my great great grandmother and sure enough, it was the woman I saw at the top of the stairs.

This isn't really a scary story, it's just interesting to me that the same woman appeared to both of us some 20 years apart.

Recipe of the week - grated apple pie

I just made this last Sunday, the first time i've made on of these pies in about 30 years!  Grandmother taught me how to make it and it's a great pie.  Hope you enjoy!

Grated Apple Pie

1 & 1/4 cups of sugar
3 Tbsp of all purpose flour
1/2 tsp of ground cinnamon
1/2 tsp of ground nutmeg
2 eggs, beaten
1/2 cup (1 stick) of melted butter
1 tsp of vanilla extract
3 cups of coarsely grated apples (i use Granny Smith)
1 9" deep dish pie crust

Preheat oven to 400
Combine sugar, flour, cinnamon and nutmeg.  Add eggs, butter and vanilla.  Fold in the grated apples.  Pour into the pie crust and bake for 10 min.
Reduce the temperature to 350 and bake for 60 min.
Cool and serve.

Mom's sunglasses

it's interesting to me how some things trigger memories, almost out of nowhere.  The other day, i was getting ready to leave work and i realized that i had some linens in the car that i needed to take into the building to restock for the next morning.  i turned off the car and got out and loaded up the linens in my arms.  After i put them away, i was walking back thru the kitchen at work and realized i still had my sunglasses on.  i thought to myself "That's odd.  Does anyone really wear sunglasses inside?  Oh well"

i got back into my car and started my drive home when i remembered i time when my Mom had her sunglasses on inside.  i was in the 5th grade and i had been selected to attend the SPEC camp the following summer.  In order to attend, i had to have a "junior" physical from my doctor.  Mom made the appointment and took me to see Dr. Perkins after school one day.  After Dr. Perkins did my physical and we were wrapping things up, Mom asked me to go and wait in the car as she needed to talk to Dr. Perkins.  i didn't really think anything of it, so went out and sat in the car til she came out.  We were parked right in front of the door to Dr. Perkins' office and when Mom came out, she already had her sunglasses on.  At the time it struck me as odd, because she normally waited til she was outside or in the car to put her glasses on.  Mom got in the car and i asked her what she needed to talk to Dr. Perkins about, and she told me she wasn't feeling well....it was probably a cold or something.  Little did i know at that moment that it wasn't a cold.  And little did i know that that night Mom would tell me and Bill the information that would forever change our family's life.

Anyway, it was just interesting to me that that memory came to me that day at work.  Of course, i cherish every memory i have of Mom....and she rocked some sunglasses!

a theatre memory - nailing an audition

Have you ever walked out of an audition and known you had just nailed it and landed that role?  That only happen to me one time in my college career.  That fall semester had a great season:  Candida, The Who's Tommy, Cat On a Hot Tin Roof, Fall Shorts and The Best Christmas Pageant Ever.  I would've been happy to have been in any of those shows.

I'd only gotten called back for two shows that semester, Cat and Fall Shorts.  The director of Christmas Pageant later told me she didn't call me back because, even though she would've liked to have worked with me, she knew I would bet getting a bigger, meatier role somewhere else.  I thought that was nice of her to tell me.  And I didn't sing that year at auditions because I didn't want to be in the chorus of Tommy, I really wanted to act.

Alan Cooke called me back to read for George in Necessities, one of the two one act plays in Fall Shorts.  A wonderful play written by Sally Holmes Meehan.  I really hope she writes another one!!  :)  Anyway, George is a great part, but I really thought it was out of my range because he was the leading man role, and I was always more supporting/character parts.

At the callbacks for the show, I read several times with different combinations of actresses.  There is a scene with George, Shelley (I hope I got that right, it's been awhile lol) and her mother.  I think I read it twice with different people.  I know I read with Donna Robinson at one point.  Well, after he'd read dozens of people on stage at Taylor Theater, he kept six of us back and paired us up to read the final scene of the play:  Me and Holly Parlatore, DH Johnson and Andrea Anthony, Josh Purvis and Amanda Spivey.  We were all COMPLETELY different types so there really was not much clue as to what Alan was looking for.

He gave us the sides for the scene and sent us off to read through a couple of times and then we each headed down to the studio theater to read.  Holly and I sat out in front of Taylor and read the scene several times.  We'd become fast friends the previous year but had never had the opportunity to work together.  The scene itself was pretty intense and I told Holly that I was going to go after her.  She said that wasn't a problem and to expect her to come right back at me.  We didn't really get into the scene that much when we were going over it because we knew we had the chemistry and needed to save that energy for our reading for Alan.

When we went down to read for Alan, it was magical.  Everything fell into place.  We barely had to look at the script, it was as if we already knew these people.  It was just such an incredible feeling to feel that safe with another actor that I could take myself where I needed to go with it.  I remember at one point throwing a chair across the stage, we got that riled up.  It's hard to explain why it worked, it just did.  And when it was over, Alan thanked us and we left.  Holly and I didn't speak much afterwards, but in my mind I knew we had just gotten ourselves cast in Necessities.

When the cast lists went up, lo and behold, there were our names.  Holly asked me if I was ok with getting George because she knew how much I wanted to play Gooper in Cat.  I told her hell yeah, I was ok with it.  It was one of the best acting experiences of my life and no regrets whatsoever.

Till the next theater memory :)

recipe of the week - stuffed squash

i made these the other week for Michael and myself.  Hadn't made them in years, but they turned out well, i think :)  My Grandmother use to make them all the time.  They were a staple at Sunday lunches and at many luncheon parties she hosted.  However, she didn't particularly care for them LOL  She would always put one on her plate and then not eat it.  Occasionally, she would take a bite, but not often.  Still, i loved them....still do!

4 whole squash
2 slices bread, crumbed
small onion, chopped
1-2 Tbsp margarine, melted
salt/pepper

Cook squash in water for 15-20 minutes.  When cool enough to handle, cut off neck of squash.  Slice off tops and scoop out squash, leaving a boat-like shell.

To scooped squash (and chopped squash necks) add bread crumbs, chopped onion, margarine, salt and pepper.  Fill squash shells with mixture.  Place in a baking dish.  Bake 15 to 20 minutes @ 350

Enjoy!

where i was 12 years ago

It seems like only yesterday that the images of 9/11 became permanently etched into my memory.  At the time, it really was more than i could emotionally handle, though i didn't realize it at the time.  When i was growing up, Mom would tell me stories of the Kennedy assassination and she remembered exactly where she was when she found out....in college, on the way to a history class.  In the back of my mind, i always feared that i would have one of those moments that was so nationally traumatic that i would remember every detail about it.  When i was in 5th grade, the Challenger blew up right after take off.  i was standing outside the cafeteria at Walter Bickett Elementary School when we found out.  i really thought that was going to be my moment that i'd always remember.  Little did i know what was to come.

Tuesday, September 11th, 2001 started out as another typical day at work.  i was in a particularly good mood that day, having just returned from the South Eastern Theatre Conference the weekend before.  i always enjoyed going to that and had actually talked to several companies in the northeast about potential jobs.  i was helping to get the day's deliveries ready....making tea in the wait station...the stereo in the kitchen at work was blasting 97.1, the Tom Joyner show.  Then the EBS alarm came across the radio.  Having heard it many times, i really didn't think much of it....it was only a test.  Then the news of the first plane hitting the tower came on.  At first, i thought it was a joke....like Welles's War Of The Worlds.  i didn't think anything like that could ever or would ever happen in my lifetime.  Soon after, i realized it was no joke and thought what a horrible accident that was.  Meredith came down from the office upstairs to see if we'd heard what had happened.  That's when the 2nd plane struck and we all knew this was no accident.  Then the reports from Washington and Pennsylvania started pouring in.

Needless to say, i just stood there...dazed...in shock.  i really could not believe what i was hearing.  This wasn't true.  Soon, i would wake up and this would not be true.  But, it was.  And i started to think about my college friends up in NYC, particularly Marcia and Jennifer.  Marcia worked near the towers.  Was she ok?  Who else did i know up there that might be affected by this?  My mind was racing.  And, of course, by that point trying to make a phone call to NYC was fruitless.  Almost no one could get through.

Work went on that day...what choice did we have.  Leslie went home and brought a small tv that she put up in the office so that we could watch what was going on.  Lunch deliveries came and went.  Everywhere i turned, there it was...the horrible reality of what was taking place.  Every tv channel, every radio station, every inch of my mind was consumed with it...i could not escape it.  After everything started to sink in for me, i pretty much put myself on autopilot...something that ended up lasting a lot longer than i expected it to.

i spent most of the next 14 months in a total haze.  my concept of reality had been thrown out the window.  i could hide it in social and family settings, but most of the time, i just was not focused, mentally or emotionally.  i truly thought this was the beginning of the end.  i no longer knew what to think.  My behavior spun out of control for awhile, simply because i did not know how to deal with what i was feeling.  Hell, i didn't really know what i was feeling to be honest....i had shut everything off and out.  i had no idea what i was doing half the time.

My snap back into reality came very suddenly and i'm glad it did, but that is a story for another time.  Now, years later, i can look back on myself and learn a lot from this tragic day.  i hope to God i never see anything like it again.

Other than the obvious things....all those innocent lives lost, the destruction, the fear....what makes me the saddest about that day is that it takes a national tragedy such as the 9/11 attacks for us to truly be the UNITED States of America.  And even that's short lived.

thought for the day

today, i'm going to try to switch things up.  Doing a few things to change my morning routine and my daily routine.  We shall see how it goes.  Already i feel a sense of relief to be sitting at the computer and not spend my entire pre work morning checking out all of my profiles.  i've done my crossword puzzle and that's going to be about the extent of my time on here....besides this.

Now, i just have to figure out the other things to fill my time before i go to work.  Maybe i'll pack my lunch haha  big fun.  Eventually, i'm going to start working out in the morning i think.  We shall see how it goes.

letting go of the cyber social world

i just cannot do it anymore.  it seems like every website i'm on with a profile is just one big disappointment after another.  Each site i'm on is for a different reason, which will not be discussed here as some are very personal and, frankly, none of anyone else's business.

Someone pissed me off tonight on Facebook, saying that my posts were too vague.  Well, ya know what?  They're fucking vague for a reason.  i have family on there that doesn't need to know every aspect of my life.  And i do not have the fucking time to go through hundreds of Facebook friends and pick and choose which ones can see what i write and which ones can't.  i ain't got time for that shit!!

So, i've just got to figure out what to do.  i've taken 90% of my profiles out of my bookmarks, hopefully that will help me cut down on visiting them.  i have deleted a few profiles, and more will follow once i can establish a real social life with real friends.  That's something i just don't have anymore because i've forgotten how to have one.....spending too much time on the computer pretending to be something i'm not.

here i've sat all Labor Day weekend with just the dog for company.  i'm afraid to reach out to anyone because of my huge fear of rejection.  Oh well.  At least i had to the dog.

And the phone apps are gone too.  Hopefully i can handle this self induced world of silence.  We shall see.

Thanks for reading, if you did, which no one does, so i can truly say whatever the fuck i want to on here.

Cheers!

i finally heard the people sing

Well, finally, 8 months after its theatrical release, i finally saw Les Miserables on dvd.  Let me start out by saying that i am a huge fan of the show.  i think the score is wonderful and i saw the original staging 5 times, both on Broadway and the national tours.  Having said that, i will try not to compare the two entities too much.  Trying not to compare them, though, is not going to happen.

First of all, i will say that i enjoyed this film adaptation.  i liked it.  i didn't love it like i hoped i would.  But, it had some compelling work going on and there were some genuine moments in the film that were wonderful but some moments that failed.

Hugh Jackman did a fairly good job as Jean Valjean.  i was not blown away by him, but he handled the material well and has a beautiful voice.  And, of course, he's never bad to look at.  Actually his physicality going from the convict to the mayor and into old age was handled quite well.  He has a beautiful voice and i think his best singing came in the beginning of the film, in his soliloquies as the convict.  i was very disappointed in his interpretation of Bring Him Home, which is one of my favorite songs from the show.  It's a prayer to God and i didn't find it very prayerful.  He started the song way too loud and when it reached its emotional climax, he had no where to go with it except sing louder.  Still, he did some great work throughout the film.

Anne Hathaway walked away with critical raves and an Oscar for her portrayal of Fantine.  i will say that i think she deserved the praise.  Her performance was grounded and achingly raw.  Her emotional connection to the material was very impressive especially in her solo, I Dreamed A Dream.  Sometimes, though, i did find her emotions overwhelming in that number, simply because it got in the way of the actual music.  Still, a wonderful job.

Russell Crowe did not bother me nearly as much as i expected him too, after hearing almost every one i know pan his singing.  No, his voice is not appropriate for the role of Javert, but at least he can carry a tune.  It was not nearly a painful a musical performance to watch as say Lucille Ball in Mame or Rosalind Russell trying to expand her 3 note vocal range in Gypsy.  He's never been one of my favorite actors, but he does make a good villain.

i was very disappointed in Helena Bonham Carter and Sacha Baron Cohen as the Thenardiers, but i blame this more on the script and direction.  They should be the comic relief in this movie and every opportunity missed its mark.  Samantha Barks was a very pleasant surprise with a very tiny waist!  Hers was one of the best versions of On My Own i have heard....and i've heard it a lot!  For once, it was not overdone.  Eddie Redmayne has a beautiful voice, but i will admit my personal preference that i cannot stand to watch a singer whose vibrato is so thick it shakes his entire head when he sings.  Amanda Seyfried's acting was better than her singing, a little too chirpy for me.  But then again, Cosette is a tough role, as are most ingenue roles if you want to make them believable, and i doubt any of Amanda's contemporaries would have fared better.  And what a delight to see Colm Wilkinson, the original JVJ, as the Bishop.

my biggest problem with the film is the moving around of songs.  That just irritated me.  I Dreamed A Dream and On My Own both were shuffled around and it undermined their emotional intensity, more so for the latter.  If you've not seen the stage version, IDAD comes directly after Fantine is fired from the factory and before she becomes a prostitute, not after.  And OMO comes in the 2nd act, after Eponine (not Gavroche like in the movie) delivers the letter for Marius, which makes her fatal return to the barricade that much more poignant.  As with most movie musicals, songs get shortened like Beggars At The Feast or cut completely like Dog Eats Dog, but it seems they were cutting songs the longer the movie went on.  Oh well.

All in all, Les Miserables was worth seeing and i would recommend it if you haven't seen it yet.  i won't be watching it with the frequency that i watch other movie musicals, but it will get another viewing in this household at some point!

just today's thought

i realize that i'm very Jekyll & Hyde.  It seems like i'm either very up or very down.  There does not seem to be much middle ground with me.  In some ways, that's good because when i feel something, i feel it completely.  In some ways it's bad, because it tends to drive me and everyone around me and online crazy.  As if i'm not crazy enough!!

Oh well, that's life and it goes on.  i know there are certain things i shouldn't do, as they just enhance things when i'm down.  i'm not going to say what those things are right now, but i do have a running list in my head that i sincerely intend to work on.  We shall see how it goes.

So far, this morning, i seem to be standing on the middle ground.  i think my direction is going to be positive.  Wish me luck!

10 reasons i enjoyed hearing about the new British heir

1. No one got shot.
2. No one leaked government information.
3.  No teacher got robbed of funding.
4. Nothing exploded or crashed.
5. There was no racism or profiling involved.
6.  No government official cut education funding and then gave his cabinet raises.
7.  No one's rights were swept under the rug.
8.  People were united in something happy for a change.
9.  No pro athlete, with the world at his fingertips, committed a felony in conjunction with this birth.
10.  No one was interpreting God's word for their own benefit.

i admit that i don't closely follow the royal family of Great Britain.  But, i also admit, that it was nice to have a headline news story that was something positive for a change.  How nice for people to come together and celebrate a birth for a change.  i've noticed, most particularly on Facebook, that many people this side of the Atlantic had many snide things to say about the birth of the newest member of the royal family.  To me, this shows a lack of manners (in America?  go figure).  If you don't like it, yes you have every right to express that, but it's still rude.  We don't have a royal family in America, so we don't understand, really, what it means when an heir to the throne is born.  The closest thing we probably have is when KK's baby emerged from her lumpy nether region...only to be named North...a direction the baby's mother's not use to going in.  Oh well.  Class, and i don't mean financial status, is not something we have here anymore on a regular basis.

i'm just not a good friend

i spent alot of time today dreading coming home from work.  Michael works late once a week and tonight is his night to work.  i hate coming home to no one but the dog.  Don't get me wrong, i love Squirt, but it's not the same as having another person in the house.  Not that Michael and i would do anything tonight.  It'd be the same thing every night.  We'd have dinner, i'd take the dog out, then i'd end up on the computer and he'd sit and play some game on his phone or read.  That's just what we do.

anyway, i kept thinking that i should find something to do tonight, someone to hang out with.  And that's when i came up empty.  i got no one LOL  i have lots and lots of social acquaintances but very few actual friends.  So, i end up spending alot of time alone with the dog.

i just don't know how to be a friend anymore and that makes me sad. i use to be a great friend.  No, i have never been the first person people would call when they wanted to do something, but i was usually on the list somewhere.  That doesn't happen anymore.  And i guess i'm too afraid anymore to make the first move because i truly don't think anyone would want to just hang out with me.  That's sad.  Oh well.  it's not like anyone will read this anyway haha so, like usual, i'm just talking to myself :)

Today's recipe - Creamy Lemon Pie

Creamy Lemon Pie

1 8"or9" baked pie shell or graham cracker crust
3 egg yolks
1 14oz can sweetened condensed milk
1/2 cup ReaLemon Juice from concentrate
Yellow food coloring (optional)
2 cups whipped topping

Preheat oven to 325.  Beat yolks, milk, lemon juice & food coloring.  Pour into pie shell and back 30 min.  Chill.  Top with whipped topping.

This is a great pie, very flavorful and not hard to make.  Separating the eggs is the most difficult part haha

Enjoy!

thought for the day...

If you stare too long at the door that's closed, you may not see the door that's opening up for you.

Live, learn and grow!

some drastic changes

my body is telling me that it is time i make some very vital changes to my every day life.  i'm not sure what all that is going to entail, but i know a few things it will.  All smoking must stop.  And i seriously will have to curb my coffee intake.  Both of these will be really difficult for me to do, but i know in the long run i will be grateful i've done it.

i'm going to have to take better care of my body.  With so many different ailments in my family's medical history, i feel like a walking time bomb.  i do realize that i cannot stop what will be, but i can do my utmost to put up a good fight!

i've been having some circulation problems.  This has been ongoing for a long time.  Cramps in my legs and feet have been extremely painful at times.  Stopping smoking will really help this.  But for the past few weeks, other things have been going on.  My limbs have been tingling on and off, just like they're "going to sleep" only it's been much more constant.  And it seems like they're either tingling, itching or burning.  It's kind of driving me nuts.  And as soon as i get my new insurance card, i'm going to have it looked at.  i choose not to go to places like WebMD because they'll just scare you with all their "diagnosis"  lol

So, starting tomorrow, things are going to change in my life and i fear i will definitely be a little more on the crazy side than normal.  i still have to figure out how to do this.  i'm almost thinking that i need to make out a daily schedule for awhile, hour by hour, what i need to be doing so that i don't stray off the path i'm taking.  We shall see!

Wish me luck!

using antiques

As many of you know, i do love my antiques.  Most of the ones i have are family pieces that i grew up with.  They hold many memories for me.  Mostly of my Mom and my Grandmother and her sisters.  i'd say that for almost 95 % of the pieces i have, i can tell you the family history behind it.  Many of the things i remember growing up are things that we used every day or at least every holiday.  But that wasn't the case with everything.  Some things we just weren't going to use, like the washboard.  It was a fun piece, but I wasn't about to take it down off the wall and scrub clothes when we had a washing machine.  Lazy of me, i know.

Anyway, as Michael and i are still very much enjoying our house right now, i'm trying to use as many things that i have as possible.  That truly is the fun of having them.  Several weeks ago, on Father's Day, in fact, we drove to West Virginia to meet my brother to pick up my Grandmother's buffet.  He received it when we divided my Grandmother's estate, but no longer had room for it.  It matches the china cabinet that i got and i wasn't about to let it go.  It took some effort as far as scheduling, but i'm glad we did it.  Well, already several times i've used the buffet for its intended purpose.  My grandmother never put food on it serve from. It was always a lovely dining room piece where her silver tea service sat, but she never used it for food.  It really does make things convenient when we have people over.  And it's less crowded than putting all of the food directly on the table.

i just think that it's important to use the things that i have.  If something breaks, so be it.  It's replaceable and the memories associated with it will never go away.  And, more importantly, i'm really enjoying using my things and look forward to creating many more memories because of that!

We're here

Whether you like us or not, we're here.
Whether you think we deserve equal rights or not, we're here.
Whether you choose to accept us or not, we're here.
We're here and we're not going away.

We are your sons and daughters, brothers and sisters, fathers and mothers.
We teach your children and inspire them to greater things.
We are the nurse that took your temperature.
We're here and we're not going away.

We are the doctor that cared for you.
Some of you are alive because we are that organ donor that you will never know.
We stand beside you in church, holding the same bible, singing the same hymn.
We're here and we're not going away.

We scanned your groceries at the supermarket.
That great meal you just ate, one of us prepared it for you.
Your wardrobe is largely due to our ideas and labor.
We're here and we're not going away.

We arranged the bouquet your daughter held walking down the aisle at the Baptist church.
That song you can't listen to enough, one of us wrote it.
We are the actors of stage and screen that you enjoy so much.
We're here and we're not going away.

We deliver your mail.
We groom your pet.
We increase your property value by renovating houses none of you will touch.
We're here and we're not going away.

Whether you think we're sinners or not, we're here.
Whether you understand we feel the same things you do, we're here.
Whether you acknowledge our existence or not, we're here.
We're here and we're NEVER going away.

my lists

i've had a few people ask me about the list that i keep posting about on Facebook.  In all reality, it's not really that exciting or any kind of big deal whatsoever, but it's being very helpful to me so far!

Basically, my list is just a standard to do list.  i keep it because i tend to do better when i have things written down in front of me.  And, also, it's easy to add to the list when something pops in my head so that i don't forget it later.  Typical to do list standards lol  My goal is not to get everything on my list done, but just to work towards getting things on the list done at all.  they can be things as simple as take out the trash, or more involved like clean out my closet (which would take days i'm afraid)

The reason i post about it on Facebook is simple.  Awhile back i talked about changing up my routines.  Well, one of my routines is to come home and sit at the computer for hours at a time and not get anything done, only the bare minimum.  So, i've simply challenged myself to work on getting things done on my list between the time i'm done with work and 9pm.  Then, after 9, i can sit at the computer for however long i like and do whatever i want.  So far, it's working for me!

Good times!

Camp Bear

i had a wonderful time last weekend at Camp Bear at Timberfell in TN.  It was our 4th time attending and we always enjoy it.  Already have our room booked again for next year!

One of the things i really love about CB is that in some ways it truly is attending camp.  Of course, obviously, Timberfell is a campground so there are tents everywhere and cabins and a lodge and such.  But, i'm referring to the people.  It's so nice to go back year after year and see familiar faces of staff and friends we've made over the years.  It makes a very relaxed atmosphere, which after a busy work year, i can always use.

i love the fact that, unlike other bear/gay events i've been to, this one is so open and friendly.  Of course, like anywhere else, there are certain groups that hang out together all the time.  i don't really think of them as cliques because they are all still welcoming whenever you walk by.  At least, to me they are.  And there are all types of guys there.  Not everyone's a bear....i'm not lol but am still made to feel part of the event.

i'll admit that i'm not aggressive socially.  i never really have been.  CB gives me a chance to work on that, and i did this year.  i met some great people and made a few friends.  Thanks to places like Facebook, i'll be able to keep up with them til next year!  Of course, i didn't get around to everyone on my list, but it gives me something to work towards next year!

If you've never been to CB before, you should definitely look into going next year.  It truly does have a reunion atmosphere and i, personally, cannot wait til next June!  Woofs!

recipe of the week - easy fruit pie

i love this recipe because it's easy and tasty.  i've been making it for years.  When i was young, one of my parents' friends, Pat Herrell, use to make this and bring it over for dinners with us.  i fell in love with this pie and she wrote out the recipe for me.  Sadly, i was still too young to read cursive handwriting so she got her son to type it out for me and i still use that recipe card to this day.

Fruit Fluff

1 can cherry pie filling
1 can fruit cocktail, drained
1 small can of crushed pineapple, drained
1 can sweetened condensed milk
1 carton (9 oz) cool whip

Mix all ingredients and pour into 2 graham cracker pie crusts

Enjoy!

memories and food

Memories and food seem to go hand in hand.  At least, for me they do.  So many great memories i have from growing up seem to revolve around food, the dinner table and the kitchen.  When i was growing up, we always ate dinner at the dinner table at the kitchen.  I really can't remember ever sitting in front of the tv for dinner, unless i was sick and then they'd let me do that.  But every night it was family time to sit around and eat dinner and converse about the day.

Washing dishes also holds alot of great memories for me.  i don't know why, but so many good conversations in my life were held at the sink.  My Grandmother would tell me wonderful stories from her past and childhood while we washed dishes together.  It was never a chore to me, just something to do as we talked.  Of course, the fact that i also loved the dishes i was washing didn't hurt either LOL

And food holds good memories as well.  As i'm really relearning to utilize our kitchen, i'm having the greatest time going thru old family recipe books and cards.  Many of the recipes i don't remember having, but have enjoyed making.  i especially enjoy the handwritten recipe cards.  There's just something about seeing Mom's or Grandmother's handwriting that is special to me.  And some of the recipes i make of theirs actually turn out like i remember them to be, which is also a perk.

But it's when they all come together in the present that it's the best for me.  Having a few friends over last night for hot dogs was great.  Nothing extraordinary in the kitchen, needless to say, but it was still a great time.  Mom's hot dog chili and baked beans, Aunt Jan's potato salad recipe, Bobbie Yandle's lemon ice cream pie.  Using Mom's china, my Great Grandmother Bivens' potato salad bowl, my Aunt Sara's cole slaw bowl.  Might as well use the things if i have them and create new memories.  And it's nice to include the past with friends who aren't even aware of it.

Ah, well....on to more dinners soon!

recipe of the week - Hershey Bar Cake

This is one of my favorite desserts!  I use to make for Jennifer back in our college days!  It's pretty easy, but tastes wonderful.

1 box of devil's food cake mix
1 small box of instant vanilla pudding
4 eggs (or 3 large eggs)
2 cups of milk
1 cup of oil

Beat eggs, add oil and milk.  Then add cake mix and pudding.  Pour into three 9-inch cake pans.  Bake at 325 for 25 minutes.  Cool cakes.

Icing:

8 ounces cream cheese, softened
1/2 cup sugar
1 cup powdered sugar

Mix ingredients above until thoroughly blended, then add:
8 ounces of Cool Whip
1/2 cup of Hershey's Chocolate candy bars, chopped (approx. 3 bars)
1/2 cup chopped pecans (optional)

Frost cake and keep refrigerated.

Money

Money seems to be the root of most problems these days.  Well, lack of money seems to be the root of most problems these days.  We are far from destitute, but spare cash still isn't something that we have excess of for sure.  In some ways we're doing better financially than we use to.  The rent we pay on our house is much more than what we paid for the apartment, but we're still managing to survive pretty well.  Maybe we're spending less on other things because that money isn't there like it use to be.  We love the house tho, and have no plans on leaving it any time soon!

I think I just need to come up with a better financial plan for myself.  I've never been good with money and I've got to learn how to be.  Sadly, I get my penchant for spending from my Mom and didn't get Dad's thriftiness!  Oh well.

Any ideas on how to go about this?  Suggestions would be most helpful. I have no intentions of getting a 2nd job, mind you.  We have precious little time of our own as it is.  I know I need to make a list of my debts, and Michael's plus our expenditures.  That will be a good start for sure.

A financial plan will also help me in not flaking out and making myself really follow through with things.  I tend to do that alot, not follow through.  We shall see.

a day off

Finally having a day off (at least i hope so) and i'm very glad of it.  I've had one other day off this month.  I don't count the day that i sat in the courthouse for jury duty.....that was not my choice LOL  So, i'm hoping today will be a blend of relaxation, laziness and productivity!

Furniture market went very well for me a for a change.  yes, it had its hectic moments but overall ran very smoothly. That hasn't quite happened yet in the 5+ years i've been doing my job.  I hope that is a growing trend :)  And honestly, it has motivated me to change up a few things at work and in life, so we'll see how it goes.

If i can stop putting things off til tomorrow, that will help.  I'm very bad about that and I know I do better when things have gotten done and everything is in order.  Or at least in more order than it previously was.  I'm bad about this both at home and at work.  That's gotta change.  We'll see how it goes.

Just a brief note here, but I need to make it a habit of writing more on here, no matter what the topic.  If i want to be good at things, I need to practice!  Happy Saturday!

hate being sick

i've been sick all week and it's driving me crazy.  i finally take time off of work to get things done before things get stupidly busy next month and I wake up Monday morning, sick and congested and I'm still congested today.  It's very frustrating.  i did manage to get a few things done around the house, but nothing near compared to what i wanted to do.  i guess it just wasn't meant to be.

And here i sit, alone on Easter.  Michael has to work today and i just feel like crap and don't want to get out and get anyone else sick, if i'm contagious.  i truly don't think i am, but still i don't have much energy. i did manage to make us lunch and change the sheets on the bed.  That was big fun. Oh well.

i'm just trying not to stress myself out over being sick.  Sometimes i've thought to myself this week, what if these sounds i'm hearing from my chest isn't congestion?  What if the damage i've done over the years is irreversable?  i just don't know.  it's hard not to think about it, but i really don't want to cause it scares the crap out of me.  But, i'll try not to think about it.  It just sucks that i'm here by myself today because i really don't wanna keep freaking myself out.  Oh well.  lol

structure

in an attempt to quit smoking, I've realized that my life is going to have to be alot more structured for awhile. I really can't afford to have and idle time on my hands.  When I do, I'm really going to want to have a smoke because that's what i've done in the past.  I think I can handle this, I just have to figure out exactly how I'm going to go about it.

I'm a list person and I think that is definitely going to help me with this.  I need to put myself on a schedule and fill up my time all day every day.  At least for awhile.  It's a catch 22 though.  If I get everything on the list done, I have a great sense of accomplishment.  If I don't get it done, I feel defeated.  Oh well. I'm just going to have to deal with it.  woohoo!

Short but sweet right now.  Any other suggestions will be most helpful.  Wish me luck!

social failures/successes

i posted something the other day on Facebook about how it was hard for me to be happy for friends' social successes because it makes me focus on my social failures.  i realize this confused alot of people as i was being fairly vague, which i'm very good at on Facebook  haha

When i talk about my social failures, i'm basically meaning that i rarely interact with anyone outside of work or the internet.  The internet has become a crutch for me as far as talking to people and such and it's definitely something i need to work on.  i get very anxious in social situations these days and i use to not be like that.  And the thing is, i really enjoy having people over and doing things, going out and such.  Or at least i use to.  It's just different for me these days as i'm very much out of practice with it.  i can get out there and hang with the best of them, but it takes alot of effort for me to keep it together when i do see people.

There are lots of reasons for this, which i don't really need to get into right now.  But i'm working on those reasons and things will improve.  It just takes time.  That's all.  More to come on this later :)

Good mail

Today, when i went through my stack of mail it was mostly bills.  And that was on the depressing side.  The bills themselves didn't depress me.  Those are just part of life and have to be dealt with.  It depressed me because that's really all that ever comes in the mail anymore.  Now wait, I did get my jury summons, so that's gonna be a fun filled day next month.  Whatever will I spend my $12 compensation check on?  Oh the dreams!

Anyway, it got me to thinking about how much fun it was getting a card or a letter in the mail when I was growing up.  It always made me feel so grown up to have something in the mailbox just for me.  These days, and I'm so guilty of this, we all rely on the internet to do this for us.  I'll get a birthday card from my families, but once upon a time birthday mail was a huge deal!  Possibly because there might be cash or a check inside, which is rich to a kid!  But, looking back on it, it was just nice that people remembered.

I use to love writing letters.  Even though my handwriting is almost completely unreadable and I end up printing everything (even then...not so good), I felt better once I'd sat down with pen and paper and communicated with someone.  During the summers between college years, my bfa class would write to each other.  And when I was in college, not a week went by that I didn't get a letter or care package from my mom and my grandmother.  And I still have every one of those letters.  Maybe it's being a packrat, but I prefer the term sentimental.

There's just something to the art of writing letters and putting packages together that's lost on most people today.  I miss that and need to get back into it.

Maybe one day I'll get something in the mail that doesn't have "payment due by" on it LOL  Even though I do pay 80% of my bills by check through snail mail, it isn't quite the same as putting something in the mail just for fun!

And, here's my many soapbox and that'll be it.  I feel like when I send a card or a letter or a bill off in the mail, I'm helping to keep people employed.  Someone has to deliver it, someone has to process the check, someone has to make the card and the envelope, etc.  I realize it's not eco friendly, but in this economy right now it's much easier to plant a new tree than to create a new job. :)

Their night

Growing up, my parents weren't the most touchy, feely sort of couple.  I don't mean that they were cold towards each other, by any means.  They just did not express themselves physically very often in front of us. Or at least in front of me.  They were tender when it counted and when it was needed.  I remember being five or six and going to the funeral of my cousin Margaret.  She and my mom were very close and mom took her death very hard.  As she stood  at the grave after the service, my dad held her close as she cried.  Someone took a photograph of that moment, from behind them.  Now that picture is imprinted on my mind and it's one of the first images I see whenever I think about my parents together.  Their intimate moments like that bound them together and, in a sense, bound us all together.

As Mom's illness progressed rapidly towards the end of her life, their physical interactions became more frequent.  Not necessarily in a romantic way, but much more powerfully.  It was in a way that came straight from their hearts and their devotion to each other.  Dad would have to help Mom in getting dressed and undressed.   Especially with her shoes as she could no longer comfortably bend down to get them on.  I don't think Mom would've let just anyone do that for her, but this was her soul mate.

Dad even had to help bathe Mom from time to time as sometimes it was too difficult for her to do alone.  I remember that one time Dad told me that he joked with Mom, telling her that he'd wanted to help bathe her when they first got married, but she wouldn't let him.  That always makes me smile.

That night, they sat in the den watching the video of Bill and Heidi's wedding.  This was something that they had done almost every night since they'd received the video.  Mom was very proud of that wedding.  One, it was a beautiful wedding.  And two, she was determined to be there and to be an active part in it, which she was.  That wedding, honestly, I believe prolonged her life.  After the video was over, she told Dad that she needed to use the bathroom.  He lifted her up and helped her onto the toilet.  She sat there for a long time, he told me.  Once she let him know that she was finished, he cleaned her up, got her dressed again and set her back down in her recliner.  If nothing else, that right there is what true love between two people is.  Mom  expressed her relief and told Dad that she really must have had to use the bathroom badly.  Upon returning to flush and clean the toilet, he realized that Mom had not actually done anything, she'd only thought she had.
Coming back to her, Mom asked Dad if he would scratch her back.  He leaned her forward a little in her recliner and scratched her back, which she always loved.  I don't know how long he did this, but I imagine it made both of them happy to be touching and connecting in some way.  When he was done, she sat back in the chair and thanked him.  And by the time it took Dad to walk only a few feet to his own recliner, not even 30 seconds, that was it.  She was gone.

She was ready to go.  And my Dad's love for her never wavered.  He made have had to let her go physically, but not from his soul.

The depth of my parents love for each other has always amazed me and set an extraordinary example for me.  It is one of those things that I didn't realize how strong it was at the time, but looking back on it I see it in so many memories.

antiques

i treated myself to a shopping trip to the Greensboro Antiques Mall yesterday.  Our weekend travel plans had to be cancelled because Michael has been sick.  That's really not a big deal in the long run as it's just something that happens in life.  So, i decided that i'd spend the money i was going to spend in Asheville on myself at the antiques mall.  Had a blast there by myself and found some things i'd been wanting.  i didn't find some of the things i'd hoped i'd find, but none the less it was a nice outing for me.

i've loved antiques for as long as i can remember.  i grew up around them.  i love them because they have a history to them.  Almost everything i own is an antique or vintage in one way or another.  And because many things i have are family pieces, i know the history behind them.  It just makes me happy.

my passion for them started when i was about 12.  My Great Aunt Sara passed away that year and we had to clean out the family home in Wingate.  i'd been in that house many times as a child, but that experience of dealing with all of those pieces with their family history really got me motivated and passionate about them.  There was an antiques store in Wingate.  It was actually located in another family home of ours, my Great Uncle Bruce's boyhood home, which is now the Jesse Helms Museum, but we'll save that for another time.  Anyway, the proprietor of that shop came and did an appraisal on the pieces at Aunt Sara's and that's how i got to know her.  Now, all i can remember is her first name is Bonnie  lol

Everytime we'd go to Wingate to work on the house, i'd beg to stop by the store.  Usually, Mom would relent and we'd kill an hour or so there.  i remember that the first time i went into the shop, i fell in love with a green and white checkered tea set.  i just thought it was beautiful but at $50, it was out of my price range as a 12 year old.  Everytime we went there i would go back and stare at the set.  i wanted it badly lol  i was saving every penny i could get my hands on, even though i knew it would take months for me to save enough.  This was a risk because someone could've bought it before i'd saved enough, but i was willing to take that chance.

Finally, in October, Bonnie relented and reduced the price to $20, just for me.  And i had saved more than that but gladly handed it over to her and packed up my tea set.  i was beyond thrilled.  We took it home and Mom found a silver tray that we put it on and set it out in the living room.  i was so proud of my purchase.  It stayed in our living room for years and years until Dad remarried.  i still have it, i don't ever plan on getting rid of it as it was the first purchase of my love for antiques.  i still display it from time to time.  Maybe i need to pull it back out and show it off.

mmmmm Tang

i'm not much of a breakfast eater.  Never have been.  Mostly it's because i'm lazy haha.  Now, if someone else was up to preparing breakfast everyday, i'd definitely be up for that.  So, it's something that i need to work on because, as it has been said, breakfast is the most important meal of the day :)  And the thing is that i love breakfast food.  Almost anything served for breakfast, with the exception of grits (which i know is unsouthern of me), i'll eat!

Anyway, in my goal to eat breakfast everyday, i was looking for easy breakfast items at the grocery store the other day.  And in the juice aisle, i came across some Tang.  i LOVE Tang.  Always have.  Everytime we went to visit my Grandma Fornes, she always had Tang for breakfast.  Honestly, i prefer it over real orange juice haha.  i'd forgotten that last year i went so far as to find a Tang pitcher on ebay that was just like hers because i had so many great memories of breakfast around her kitchen table.  She was a great country cook, btw.  So, remembering that i had the pitcher up in the cabinet and it was going unused, i treated myself to buying some Tang.

This morning i made myself a pitcher and enjoyed several glasses.  It goes quickly apparently lol  And it was good with my bagel and apple.  There really isn't a point to this blog, but i'm hoping that knowing that i have Tang in the fridge, it will help me to get each day off to a good start.  We shall see.

recipe of the week - hash brown casserole

Mom found this recipe in Southern living either in the early 80's or the late 70's.  Either way, it was a staple at our house, especially for family gatherings.  It's another quick, easy and delicious side dish that we now enjoy at our house.  Hope you do too!

1 stick melted butter
1 pt. sour cream
1/2 cup chopped onion
1 tsp salt
1 2lb bag of hashbrowns
1 can cream of chicken soup
2 cups cheddar cheese, grated
1/2 tsp pepper

Mix 8 ingredients and put into a buttered casserole.  Cover with a topping of 2 cups of cornflakes and 1 stick of melted butter.

Bake in a preheated oven at 350 for 40 - 45 minutes

The great thing about this is that you can use low fat dairy and soups in this recipe and it tastes the same!  I like to use as mild an onion as i can so that it doesn't overpower the flavor.  Also, if interested, chunks of ham tossed in work well too!

recipe of the week

Easy Heart Smart White Chili

2 chicken breasts, diced
1 large onion, chopped
2 Tbsp oil
1 can Northern beans
1 can Navy beans
1 can white corn
1 can green chiles
1 tsp cumin
1 tsp salt

Cook chicken and onions in oil until chicken is done.  Add remaining ingrediants.  Simmer for 30 minutes.  Serves 6

This is an easy recipe that we've enjoyed many times!

rambling

for me, trying to figure out who i am is  a tough one.  And sometimes, trying to figure out who i am in the settings of my relationship is even tougher.  Don't get me wrong, i love Michael and i love being in this relationship.  We're going on 6 years now...woohoo!  But sometimes i feel forced to examine aspects of my character because of us and that can be a difficult thing.  i just get jealous of him sometimes because he's the fun one and i'm not.  And by fun, since there are so many definitions of it, i mean he's the popular one.  People are drawn to him.  i don't blame them, i was and still am.

i just don't know if i need to change myself to fit into the mold of what i think a popular person is.  Like my dad, i can be very much a loner at times and usually you'll find me at home.  I use to think that this was ok, but now i'm not sure.  i'm just not the kind of person that people think of to call or get ahold of when they wanna do something fun.  Or if they're coming thru town, i'm last on the list.  And that's all ok because someone has to be last.  I've been last before and sure I will be again.  But all the time?  damn lol

i do have one friend that i see a few times a week, and several that check in with me via text everyday, but that's the extent of my social life LOL  Maybe i need to join a club, or go slumming somewhere.   Who knows!

Or do i just need to accept my role of not being the fun one and go with it? I guess someone's got to be dark horse, or gift with purchase, as i sometimes call myself lol  Michael hates that one.  I don't know.  I just don't know.  And it's not Michael's fault everyone's drawn to him and wants to see him.  Lucky LOL

Maybe i should just take up needlepoint again and suck it up.  Oh well.